Will You Still Call Me Superman?
by izzum
Summary: Sequel to Dez, Vigilante of the Capitol Wasteland
1. Chapter 1

In the dimness of Moriarty's, I couldn't see myself. I didn't have to see myself. As long as I had a clear view of the drink sitting in front of me, I had no complaints. Brushing my hair behind my ear, I sighed. The beer bottle reflected my face in it, and I covered it with my hand. I hadn't seen my own reflection in I don't know how long. I couldn't bear to look.

"Hey kid?"

I glanced up at Gob. A few weeks ago, I offed that cock Colin. Gob and Nova had taken over the saloon since then, and they were doing a lot better than before. More money, and friendlier people came in. Nova no longer offered her services as a whore, which was good. I had my suspicions as to why she chose this. She claimed it was because I killed Colin, but lately, she's been putting on some weight. It could be the lack of exercise, though.

"Yeah?"

Gob's kind eyes reflected mine. I wished I could hold onto that warm look forever.

"How long have you been in town now?"

"I dunno. Month or so, I guess. What's it matter to you, anyways?"

"You've just never stuck around here for very long."

"I don't pay you to pry, Gob. I pay you for booze."

I snarled at him, rubbing my eyes. I know Gob is only trying to be nice, but I'm sick of kindness. I always end up getting fucked over ten different ways. Sure, I didn't _want_ to be mean to Gob, but I kind of _had_ to be. I've been pretty vulnerable since…well…since Fort Bannister. I just didn't want to be letting the wrong person, or anyone really, in.

"Kid you've been moping around this bar for weeks. Why not stop your pity party and get back in the Wastes."

I took a long sip of my beer, and slammed it down on the counter in front of me.

"Give me one good reason, and maybe I'll listen."

"I can't. I don't know what's been eating you. I just know you had better fuckin' fix it or I'm kicking you out of _my_ bar."

He emphasized 'my' because he was trying to remind me that I had done something good for him. He was trying to remind me that somewhere deep down, there's still something good in me. Something that's been holding on for eons, begging to be fed and induced. I've been denying it that.

"How will you know if I really left? Hm?"

"I'm sure you won't lie to me, or Simms will love hearing the _truth_ about Colin."

Gob was playing a hard game. He was playing my game. I glared at him, eyes narrowed.

"Fine. Give me a day. I'll be gone then."  
"And clean your drunken ass up before you come back!"

"Whatever, Gobbers."

I tossed the last bit of my caps onto his countertop. I had nothing, now. I spent all my money at Moriarty's, erm, Gob's, and Moira's. I got some new guns, big ones, and some new ammo. I don't know why, but I wanted everyone in town to know I was heavily armored, and that I was _not_ to be messed with. Those who saw the death of Colin kept their traps shut, and their eyes to the ground. It had better fucking stay that way, too.

Opening the door to my house, I shoved my keys back into my pocket. I had adapted to wearing things that covered me. My hair had grown back some, a darker color this time for some reason. I felt it looked good with me Merc Grunt outfit, but I didn't know. I couldn't bring myself to look at my reflection. Sitting down in my pre-war chair, I sighed and lit up a smoke. The pile of dangerous ammunition sat at my feet, and I eyed it suspiciously. What am I supposed to do? I could just leave for a bit, I guess. Wander around and find something to shoot, then come home and pretend all is well and fine for a few days. That seemed pretty plausible, I guess.

I had smoked three cigarettes in a row when I heard the knocking on my door. No one ever came over my house, for good reason, too. I eyed it cautiously, calling out.

"Who is it?"

"Gob."

Gob? What the hell did he want? He hardly never left his saloon, or Nova for that. I'd caught them once or twice, in tender embrace since I'd been back. I never spoke of it with them, and for that they respected me.

"Door's open."

I called again, stabbing out my cigarette. I ran my fingers through my hair, yawning. I haven't had a good nights rest since I'd been home. Maybe my increasing drinking had something to do with that. Maybe I'd just lost my mind. Gob let himself in, closing the door behind him. He took a seat next to me, and looked at me. Curse him for caring. Curse him to hell.

"What do you need, Gob?"

I asked, trying to avert his eyes.

"I came to talk with you. I won't leave until you agree, either."

I groaned, kicking the Fat Boy that was at my feet. Gob jumped back, his eyes wide. I cracked a bit of a smile at this.

"Relax, it's not loaded. What do you want to talk about?"

"So you're going to open up?"

"Do I have a choice?"

He smiled, and shook his head. Reaching over, he patted my hand reassuringly. I pulled away, showing him I wasn't in the mood for his kindness.

"I've never pried you, you've always just opened up to me. But when you came back a few weeks ago…you were _very_ different. I tried to be patient, but I can't help but worry about you, kid. What happened out there? More importantly, where is Charon?"

The last word echoed in my brain. The neurons went crazy, connecting and recalling memories of the 'bad' time, as I call it. I have not thought about Charon since I came back. I pushed him, his words, and the feelings away and back with everything else. I never recalled them, I never wanted to. I tried to kill it all away, but once mention of his word made me remember everything.

"Charon…Charon isn't here anymore, Gob."

"So he is dead?"

"I don't know."

I fought back tears as I told my story to Gob. It came out in a flurry and blur of words and hand-gesturing. I have not cried since I escaped, and I will not cry now. But damn, I wanted to. Telling it all, I made it sound like this all happened just last night. Gob listened, not moving, not showing any emotions. He just listened to me, and thought about what I was telling him. If I could start my life all over again, I wouldn't be here right now. I'm not sure where I'd be, but it wouldn't be here, I promise you that.

"And then…I came back here, and now here I sit."

I told him, sighing. I swallowed hard, lighting up another cigarette. Gob swallowed too, and looked at the stock pile at my feet.

"I did not expect to hear all that. I…I am very sorry."

"Don't be. You didn't do it."

"Sometimes solutions aren't simple, Dez, but I feel that you know what you have to do."

"You should tell me, because I have no idea."

Gob motioned towards my guns.

"You have enough here to end Megaton as we know it. I don't know what you're planning with it all, but you need to put it to better use."

"That's not telling me much. That's just stating what I already know."

I blew smoke rings in the air, letting them dissipate and watching them vanish.

"Dez, I am asking you a personal question, so you do not have to answer."

"Yup."

"You know about Nova and I. What about you and Charon?"

I didn't let him see the tears in my eyes. I looked away from him, blinking them back into oblivion.

"There was nothing between us."

"I sense a 'but' coming on…"

"But…I wanted there to be. He was…he was special to me in a lot of different ways. Ways people would never understand. But it never happened. It never had time to happen. We were always fighting something or someone. I wanted it, though. I honestly did."

"If he means that much to you, you should go get him."

My neck almost broke I looked at Gob so fast. I hadn't thought about it, because I pretended it never happened. That entire portion of my life was cut out, and I was going to leave it that way.

"_Meant_, Gob. He _meant_ that much to me."

Gob stood up and headed for the door.

"My argument stands, Dez. You don't get out of here for a few days, then I tell Simms. You can lie to yourself about Charon all you want, but you're not fooling anyone."

He left. Just like that, he left. I hastily took another puff of my cigarette, inhaling and exhaling deeply. Gob was half-right. I am lying to myself. Without Charon, I would have been dead. I have gone crazy since I came back, I have become uncontrollably violent and edgy. I have become a worse persona of what I was before. But…how could I go back there? What would I say to him? Surely, he's dead by now. I shook my head. He could still be alive.

"I can go under the guise of closure…"

I said to no one. Yes. Yes that's it. I can go to get closure. If he is dead, then he's dead. If not…well, nice to see him but I'm not sticking around. I kicked the Fat Boy again. I have four Mini Nukes for that fucker, and I could use it wisely. I have not thought of Charon, or Fort Bannister, in a month. I have not left Megaton, nor have I done much of anything but smoke, drink, eat and sleep. I don't know how well I can still shoot, and I don't even know if I remember how to survive out there.

I touched the scar on my chest, and felt my heart beating under it. It stayed a purple-pink color, and looked angry. Memories played in my eyes like a movie. I remembered how Charon had gone through hell saving me, getting me to Rivet City, and sitting with me the entire night before. Even now, I wouldn't change that night we shared in that room underground. I don't even think I'd change the kisses we shared. Touching my lips, I closed my eyes and imagined him again. I imagined his face in front of me, and his lips against mine. I remembered his touch and feel, the way his lips moved with mine, and how he parted my mouth open the second time. I remembered how weak I felt in his arms, how there was nothing that could hurt me when he held me.

Opening my eyes, I looked at my ammunition again. I felt a sadistic smile creep over my cheeks, one that I hadn't felt in a while._ Tonight…tonight…you will go tonight_. Hello, voice in my head. I haven't heard that voice since I came home. It has stayed dormant, recessed, quiet. I didn't notice it's absence. _You have missed me, no? Well now Dezbe, get yourself together. Go play 'hero' and when you're done, you can come home crying again_. Somehow I felt that voice is what really drove me. That nasty, jabbing, picking voice. It made me want to scream, it made me want to cringe and cry and moan and groan. But, it made me strap the Fat Boy on my back, and grab my pack from the corner. It drove me out my front door, and made me leave it all behind once again.


	2. Chapter 2

Pulling some sunglasses out from my pocket, I put them on. They were a gift from Mr. Burke's house that I lock picked a week or so ago. I felt they looked cool on me, and kept them. _Glad to have you back, Dezbe. Let's go find Fort Bannister, and get yourself in some trouble_. I smiled to myself. I took my first step into the familiar dirt, and I felt like I belonged. Like this was a part of my life I'd been missing and didn't even realize it. I waved to the Protectron outside Megaton and took my leave. The wind blew, and the sun shone as if it was welcoming me back in the real world again. Everything looked the same, even through my tinted sunglasses. I could see the Washington Memorial in the very far distance, and I smiled.

"There ya go, Three Dog."

I whispered, remembering how I had helped him put a dish up there so his words could reach through the entire Capitol Wasteland. Curious, I turned on my Pip-Boy radio. I hadn't been hearing his broadcasts, and maybe there'd be something interesting on there.

"Awoooo! It's me, Three Dog! Here's some good and juicy news for all you Wastelanders! You remember that lass from Vault 101? Well I just now caught wind that she's ventured out back into the Capitol Wasteland! I know, amazing right? Some tip off from Megaton told me she's heading on a mission of what? A good mission? A bad mission? We don't know yet, but if you see her give her a cheer, or better yet, some medical supplies. We're glad to have you back, 101, keep fighting the good fight!"

I smiled, and turned off my radio. It warmed me inside, to hear that everyone was cheering for me. That everyone wanted me to keep going. Well, maybe not everyone, but a good portion. Adjusting my pack and Fat Boy, I stepped through a puddle of irradiated water. I didn't think much about my surroundings. Every now and again I'd see a Raider somewhere far off in the distance, but I ignored them. My mission right now is to get to Jury Street Metro Station. If it was dark by then, I'd camp there. I planned on doing a sneak attack at Fort Bannister, getting them fuckers all at once with my Fat Boy.

I don't want to admit it, but this isn't about revenge. It's about Charon. I have to see if he's okay. I know if he is, I will stop at nothing to get him back with me. I won't take 'no' for an answer. I am Dezbe, Vigilante of the Capitol Wasteland, and nothing is going to stand in my way. I always get what I want, if I want it bad enough. I can forgive Charon for turning his back to me…but…can I forgive myself for turning around and literally stabbing him in the back?

I shook my head, remembering the look in his eyes as he slid down the wall. I didn't check to see if he was okay. I didn't look to see if he was bleeding, if he was going to live, I just turned my back and ran, his knife in my hand. I have some pretty nice scars on my arms from being shot at that day. The pain reminded me that I was alive. It reminded me of my mission, my duty, to escape and survive. I closed myself off after that. I shut down to anything that would give me comfort or pleasure. I shut down, and didn't let anything near me. Sometimes, you have to do that. Sometimes it's better to say goodbye, even if it is to someone like Charon. But not anymore. Now, I am back, I am ready, I am prepared to do this once and for all. I have to see him, and when I do, I'm not sure if I'll be able to contain myself. I'm not sure if I'll be able to keep it together, and remain stable. I just might lose myself, break down and crawl into his arms. I just might cry.


	3. Chapter 3

It is dark. I don't have my Pip-Boy light on, but I can hear what is around me. I can hear the wind blowing against my face, and hear the noises of the desert. I can feel the dangers that are lurking. I know the Yao Guai in the area will keep me safe, they will fight off the Radscorpions for me, and keep them at bay. The only thing I have to worry about is my aim, and this risk I am taking.

I stood atop a tall hill, away from Fort Bannister. I look though the scope on my Sniper Rifle, trying to shake the memory of when I pretended I didn't know how to use it. I am lost without you, Charon. This month without you has proven that to me in more ways than I can count. I only found myself, because I am finding you. I can't go on alone, I see that now. I have proof. I am looking for you, and it might cost me everything I've strived for, but I am okay with that. When and if I see you, I will beg you to hold me. I will say I'm sorry a million times before I feel that you believe me. This Wasteland has taken from me everything I've ever come to love, but it will _not_ have you. Each night in Megaton, I left my bedroom door open. I left it open just for you, in case you found yourself back home with me. I'd wake up, thinking that I heard footsteps, but I would come to find it was nothing. Just my imagination.

I do not know if you are still here, but it is a starting point. I do not know if you are still alive, but as I look through my scope, I can see that there are more Talons than there ever have been before. I will not leave this place without proof or evidence of you. I have been lost for too long now, and I missed the feeling of a gun in my hands. It feels warm, familiar, and safe.

"He's not outside."

I mumbled under my breath. My scope proved the only people on the outside were just Talons, no Charon. Packing away my rifle, I smiled. Lighting a cigarette, I loaded a Mini Nuke into my Fat Boy. Patting it lovingly, I hoisted it onto my shoulder.

"Give me a show. Let me see what you can do."

I aimed it at the center of the bunker. I smiled, my cigarette between my teeth, my sunglasses atop my head. I squeezed the trigger, and fell from the recoil. I'd never used an instrument this large, and it got me by surprise. Quickly standing, I focused on the fort. I saw very faintly, the Mini Nuke falling. I saw some Talons stop and look at it, and then…and then the sun came up again. It exploded right in the center, creating a quake that I knew would notify everyone underground. I pumped my fist in the air, laughing.

"Yeah!"

I danced around the mushroom cloud, letting it rise up and fizz out. The tents were gone, there were no living bodies outside. I knew those who remained underground were aware that something was going on. They were going to shit a brick when they saw that something is me. Packing up my guns, I grabbed my Chinese Assault Rifle, and strapped it securely to my back. I put a Power Fist on my right hand, and a combat knife in my belt. You could never be too prepared.

Walking into Fort Bannister was like walking into a bad dream. Everything was demolished and on fire, and in the midst of the chaos, I felt at home. I knew just a few hundred yards away somewhere, Charon was waiting for me. He had to be alive, he just _had _to be. He promised me he would not die before I did. If he kept any of the promises he made to me, it would be that one. I kept glancing around, expecting people to come out and ambush me, but I know no one can survive the attack of a Mini Nuke. Was it not a Nuke that demolished America and made it the Capitol Wasteland? I smiled to myself, throwing the butt of my cigarette away from me. Memories of this place came at me like the sting of a bad cut. I had to push it back to keep myself from running. I am terrified right now.

_You sure you want to do this? I mean, he could very well be dead, and then what? At least now you have hope, you have something to believe in._ Yes, the voice is right. Right now, I have hope that Charon is still alive. If I find he's dead, then I will really have nothing. But I have faced nothingness before, it doesn't scare me anymore. I need to know. I need to find him, and repent for leaving him.

Moving the manhole aside, I climbed down the old ladder that just a month ago I had strived to escape from. Now, here I am striving to get back in. What an ironic twist of fate, don't you think? Laughing, I jumped down the rest of the way, and took the gun from my back. I kept both hands on it, holding it at my side, ready for anything that jumped out at me.

"Come out, come out, wherever you are…"

I called, signaling to Talons that I was here. It was best if I gave myself away, that way once I had someone wounded and down, I could scare them into giving me information. Of course, I would kill them in the end, but they didn't have to know that. As far as I was concerned, all the Talons were evil bastards who deserved to die.

"Well, well, it's been a while hasn't it Dezbe?"

In the darkness, I heard a very familiar voice call out to me. I turned around, furiously aiming my gun. It was then I realized there is such a thing called an 'intercom'.

"Where are you Jabby? Come out and fight me like a real man!"

"Now now…if you want me bad enough, you will find me."

"Fuck you! Get out here and _fight _me!"

I turned on my Pip-Boy light, and sighed. No one was even near me. I was alone in a dark, narrow hallway. Pulling up the local map on my Pip-Boy, I saw a highlighted room. It has to be Jabsco's office. It just _has_ to be.

"When the time comes."

I heard static as he clicked off the intercom. What he didn't know is that I knew exactly where he was. Well, kind of. I can only take a shot in the dark with my Pip-Boy map here, but at least it was a shot.

Navigating the halls, I only came upon three men who dared fight me. One of them lie at my feet, choking and gasping for air.

"Where is Jabsco?"

I shoved my boot into their throat.

"His…He…His office…"

The man choked out blood, sputtering it on my boot. I realized something, and blinked. Crouching down, I whispered. I didn't know if Jabsco was listening, and I didn't want him to know what I was doing.

"Where is the mercenary Charon?"

I whispered in his ear. If he told me, I would let him live. I swear. I felt his eyes burning into mine as he stared at me.

"Th…The…ghoul?"

I took my boot from his neck, but kept my gun to his head. He sucked in a fresh breath of air, and coughed.

"_Yes_."

I hissed, trying to rush him along.

"He…he stays with Jabsco at all times…they're…in his office."

I pressed my gun to his temple, harder, proving a point.

"If you come after me, I will kill you. I will tear you limb from limb, and hang you out to dry while you slowly die. Do you hear me?"

He nodded, trying to back away from me.

"If you tell anyone what I asked you, I will kill you. Understand?"

He nodded again, his eyes wide with fear. I kicked him as I stood, for good measure, and took off down the hall. My boots made a clank-clink against the steel floors. I wasn't trying to be stealthy. I was trying to find Jabsco. I wanted to kill him, rip him to shreds, and find Charon. Nothing else was in my mind, I have a mission, I'm sticking to it.

I came to a door. I could hear Jabsco's voice behind it. I didn't hear Charon. I felt an icy chill run down my spine as I hesitated. _Chickening out now are we? Well I should have thought so. Turn back now, you know he's alive. That's all you came here for._ No. I don't know if he's alive. For all I know, that Talon is lying to me. If he is I swear I'll go all the way back and kill him. Shaking, I opened the door, my gun aimed high.

"Well, look who found her way back home. Did you miss us?"

I put my finger on the trigger, ready.

"Where is Charon?"

Jabsco seemed shocked. The smile was wiped from his face, and he leaned back in his chair, unafraid. I stepped closer, quickly eyeing my surroundings. It was just him and I. There is no Charon.

"Charon is…well he's preoccupied at the moment. Sit down, we can talk business."

"I don't want to talk business with you."

"If you shoot me, Dezbe, Charon has direct orders to kill. And I've seen him kill, he won't go easy on you. In fact, I'm quite sure he has a special place in his heart, just for killing you. After that little stint you pulled getting out, he's been quite the mercenary."

"If I shoot you, you won't hold his contract. He won't listen."

"Trust me, I've taken _very_ good care of my men. They will carry out my final wishes, despite a piece of paper."

I smirked, stepping closer again but not lowering my weapon.

"Yeah, right. Tell me where he is, _now_."

"He's around, there's no need to rush."

Then it hit me. He was buying time. I felt my heart race, and I realized that Charon could very well be on his way up here, right now, to kill me. If I didn't get my hands on his contract, and fast, he would kill me. I just knew it. I had to get his contact. Repositioning my gun, I moved my lips, muttering under my breath.

"I am Alpha and Omega…the beginning and the end…I will give unto him that is athirst of the fountain of the waters of life freely."

I took careful aim, and squeezed the trigger. Bullets sprayed out of my automatic weapon, and Jabsco didn't have time to react. His lifeless body suspended in air, like my life was moving on slow motion. I watched him fall to the ground, hitting it with a heavy thud. Just like that, it was all over. Lowering my gun, I took a deep breath in. Charon is angry with me. I have to get his contract.

Running over to the desk, I furiously tore through it. I could hear footsteps down the hall, and I knew I was in trouble.

"Fuck!"

I yelled, trying to no avail to find the contract. I looked down at Jabsco's dead body, and sighed. It has been so long since I've scavenged a dead body, that I felt it was new. I dug in his pockets, wrapping my fingers around a small piece of paper.

"Yes!"

I knew just by looking at it, that it belonged to Charon. I wrapped my hand around it like it was a delicate, precious trophy.

"Master I—Master?"

I heard Charon's voice in the room. I was still kneeling behind the desk, he hadn't seen me. I felt my entire body stiffen. It has been one long month since I've heard him speak. A long, lonely month with out him. I couldn't move. I felt so scared. I have his contract, there should be no reason for my fright, but there is. I'm terrified of him still. He's capable of killing anyone, anything, with no mercy. He can still kill me.

I heard his footsteps around the office, nearing me, closing in. I had to stand up, I just had to. I found my footing, and stood up. My gun banged my thigh as my body shook. Slowly, I found his feet with my eyes. I scanned up his legs, examined his belt, his torso, then his face. He had survived, and I wanted to burst.

My excitement didn't last long, I heard him raise his gun and when I looked, I saw the barrel aimed directly at my chest.

"I have standing orders to kill whomever kill my employer."

I kept his contract in my hand. I couldn't find my voice, it must have taken a quick vacation. Prime time for that, dontcha think? Instead, I held my hand out, showing him the old piece of paper.

"You have retrieved my contract from Jabsco?"

I nodded, not even able to mutter a squeak. His gun was still pointed at me.

"Then that means you are now my employer…once again."

He spit it out like a bad taste. I swallowed hard, dropping my gun. I dropped my pack, my Power Fist, my combat knife, everything. I let it all fall to the ground, his contract on top of it all. I looked up at him, down the barrel of his gun, shaking and scared. I choked, finding my voice at long last.

"I…I…understand if…if you want….want me dead so…so do it and…and do it fast…"

I stammered and tripped over my words, biting my lip.

"Very well."

I closed my eyes as I heard him cock his gun. I heard him relax it against his arm, and mouthed the prayer that brought me so much comfort in the past. The blast from his gun ricocheted in my ear. It made my face sting, my head spin. I felt for myself, and found I was all still there, all in tact. I opened my eyes, and saw Charon lowering his weapon. He had aimed at Jabsco's corpse. I watched him as he put it back on his back, and straightened up. I fell to my knees in front of him, shaking. I couldn't hold back, and I dry heaved, coughing up nothing. I didn't even have the strength to throw up I was that scared.

This happened to fast, all of this. Just earlier today, I was sitting at Gob's and having a cold drink. When I woke up this morning, the last place I expected to be was here, at Fort Bannister, in front of Charon. I didn't expect myself to go through with this, I thought I was just kidding myself. But no. Now, here I am, on the floor, with Charon leering over me. I've never even _dreamed _of this day, and now here I am, here it is, in front of me. I couldn't hold it in. I coughed and shook on the floor, my knees aching from the pressure I was putting on them. My palms were pressing into the steel floor as if I was trying to push through them.

"Mistress are you alright?"

'Mistress'? What? I glanced up at Charon, trying with all my might to not begin coughing and dry-heaving again. Charon's eyes burned a hole in my head, and I felt my insides churn. Shakily, I grabbed the desk, and lifted myself up. I stood, hugging my own torso, averting his eyes.

"I…You…You know my name…Charon."

His name on my lips. It tasted sweet and sour. It tasted different, changed somehow.

"You have not instructed me what to call you."

I looked up at him. Somehow, I guess I expected him to be different. It has only been a month, but a lot can change. Look at me, for fuck's sake. But nothing about him changed. He was still tall, still overbearing…still…still Charon. His milky white and blue eyes focused on me, just me, and I felt my heart calm itself.

"You…you call me Dez, remember?"

His body stiffened.

"I have been instructed not to remember."

I cocked an eyebrow, calming myself. I felt there was some more brainwashing that had occurred, but as of right now, he hadn't killed me. I gathered my things, and sighed. I had to find out the truth.

"Follow me."

"If that is what you command, than I shall obey."

I nodded, not use to him yet. I forgot how robotic he can be. The time he spent with me…he wasn't like this. He was like a normal person. His monotone voice hadn't changed, but back then…back then he wasn't so stiff and closed off. Whatever those eyes have seen in these short months cannot compare to what I've been through. If I think they do, I am being selfish.

I led him through the halls of Fort Bannister until I came across a room with beds. My Pip-Boy told me it was rather early in the next morning, and I felt the fatigue setting in. I will not sleep, though. Setting my things down, I dragged two mattress on the floor, and set them side by side. I gathered old wood from a wardrobe, and used my lighter and some paper from an old scorched book to create a small fire. I sat down, pulling food from my pack. Over the month, I had taught myself how to cook, but hardly.

"Sit, Charon."

"Yes, Mistress."

He sat on the other mattress, his back straight. I opened a box of Iguana Bits, and held them over the fire.

"Are you hungry?"

"Yes."

I handed him one, and he ate is hastily. I handed him the other, and lit myself a cigarette. He chewed, not tasting his food as he swallowed. I offered my pack to him, still shaking a bit.

"Would you like a cigarette?"

"Yes."

He took one from me, and lit it with the fire. We smoked in uncomfortable silence. Two people, who had just a month ago shared a kiss that friends don't share, now sat not knowing the other. It felt surreal, it felt…I don't like it.

"Charon…you remember me, don't you?"

He looked carefully at me, scanning me up and down.

"Yes."

"Were you told not to remember me?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"If conversation is what you wish, than I shall provide it."

Code for 'I'm not talking about this with you'. Well, that's fine.

"No, it's fine. Listen very carefully to me, okay?"

"If it is an order, I shall obey."

"It's an order. You remember how you acted with me before? I want you to revert to that. I want you to act as how you feel comfortable and fit. Do you understand me?"

"Yes."

"What did they do to you, Charon?"

I watched as something shifted, moved. His entire body relaxed, and his face even seemed to calm down. He took a drag of his cigarette, exhaling slowly.

"They ordered me to forget anything previous to their capture of me…us. I obeyed. I have been a personal bodyguard for Commander Jabsco."

"Why…why did they make you?"

His eyes shifted, and he looked at me. I felt my heart rise, I know that look. I know it…I do.

"I do not wish to speak of it."

I smiled at him, dropping my cigarette on the steel floor. I crawled over to him, smiling, and wrapped my arms around him. He didn't return the gesture, but I didn't care. I pressed myself into him, holding him as close to me as I could.

"Charon…"

I murmured. Rubbing my face into his armor. I felt the tears flow freely, releasing a months worth of pain and anguish. I sobbed, clinging to him, smiling and laughing. Not once did he hug me back, but fuck I don't care. He was here, with me, right now, at this very moment. He's mine all over again, and that's more than I ever could have asked for. I brought my legs into me, curling myself into a ball on his lap.

"I've missed you so much, Charon…"

I said in between sobs. He didn't move, didn't speak. I pulled my face from his chest, and looked into his eyes.

"Charon?"

He looked at me, his jaw set.

"I cannot forgive you for what you did."

I frowned, looking at him by the glow of the fire. He stared at me, and I felt anger and rage inside of that look. I recoiled, pulling my arms off of him, and moving back to my own mattress.

"I…I understand."

I said, muttering. I shook my head, mumbling to myself. How could I be so stupid? Of course he wouldn't forgive me. The best plan now would be to fire him, send him on his own. But no. I have to try at least. I have to…I have to do something.

I laid on that stupid, dirty mattress, feeling sorry for myself. What a stupid fucking thing for me to do. I was perfectly content back in Megaton, alone. Well, maybe not. I mean, I was either drunk or sleeping half the time, so I guess I wasn't that well off. But I was better than I am right now. Now, now I'm with Charon, and the reunion was less than friendly. I don't know what they told him, what they did to him, and I probably won't ever know, but he's mad at me. For good reason, too, but…he shouldn't hold a grudge. I came back, didn't I? Isn't that a good deed, a point in the 'nice' column? No, I guess not.

Reaching over to my arm, I pinched myself really hard. I had to, because I couldn't believe what was going on. I couldn't believe I'd risked life and limb, for someone who was better off without me. I shouldn't be so surprised, though. Everyone I know goes away. In some ways, I always let people down. I make them hurt and then wonder why they don't like me. I must be pretty stupid, in my own right, to do that to people and still wonder. But I'm still here for you Charon, even if you hate me, and even if I don't know what I've become, I'm still here if you need me.

Sitting up, I turned and faced Charon. He was staring at the fire, rubbing his cheek. I wanted to say so much right then and there, but I didn't. I held my tongue, and held it tight.

"I have a proposition for you."

I said, my voice echoing out in the room. Charon looked at me.

"Yes? What is it?"

"How…I mean…would you feel better if I handed your contract over to someone else?"

Charon thought about it for a minute, and then focused his eyes on me.

"Yes."

The simple word made shudders go down my spine, and my throat tighten up. I shook my head, trying to get the feeling away, trying to focus on what I was going to say.

"Then…then we will look for someone to take it. Someone…someone kind and honest, someone you'd enjoy working for."

"If that is what you wish."

No, Charon. No, it's not what I 'wish'. Not one fucking bit. I want you to stay, to be here with me. To be who you were, who _we_ were. I don't want you to work for someone else, to leave me, to…to lose you again. But I guess if he's not happy, I can't force him to stay. I mean, I can, but…that wouldn't help anyone.

"Alright."

I told him, and flopped down on my old, rotten mattress. I stared at the fire, and didn't mind that it was burning my eyes. I just stared at it. I didn't feel anything again. I just felt all tingly, like I slept wrong on something. No one can ever see how I truly feel inside, because I won't let them. I'd change if I could, but, when you get hurt so many times you tend to just not care. You tend to just focus on survival and making it.

I rubbed my eyes, and pulled a cigarette out. Lighting it, I stared at the steel ceiling. I don't like my memories anymore. I don't like how in all of them, I've been hurt at some point or another. I think the only thing that _didn't_ hurt me was that fucking piano. I groaned, forgetting that Charon was in the room with me. After all, a month alone, you tend to get used to it again.

"Is something troubling you?"

I looked over, and wanted nothing more than to punch him in the face.

"No. It doesn't matter."

I rolled away from him, huffing on my cigarette.

"Very well."

He has no right to pretend to care. It made me so mad when people pretended to care. That was worse than actually caring. They _pretend_ they like you, _pretend_ they're concerned, when deep down, they want you dead. I hate people like that. Fuck, I hate people in general. Sitting up, I pointed my cigarette at him menacingly. I am not the same person I was when I left him, and I wanted to make that _very_ clear.

"Look, you listen to me, okay?"

"Yes."

"Until we find someone to take your contract, we're stuck together. So don't pretend to take an interest in me anymore, and don't pretend to be concerned. Just focus on the job at hand, and _don't_ fuck with me. I'll stay out of your way, you stay out of mine."

"That suits me just fine, Dez."

He seethed my name like he was mocking me. I didn't care. We glared at one another in the glow of the fire, like two Vicious Dogs waiting to fight. Charon and I had fought and made up countless times in the past, but…this isn't the past anymore. This is a whole new day, a new time, a new…everything.

As I laid down on the mattress again, I really wished I hadn't come find him. I wish I just stayed in Megaton, gotten banished, and wandered the Capitol Wasteland until I rotted. But, we all know, wishing gets no one nowhere.


	4. Chapter 4

I quietly woke the next morning, early, too. I didn't feel comfortable sleeping for every long with Charon just a few feet from me. Odd, because before I loved him close to me. I loved the feeling of having him around. Now, it just pissed me off. So I got up, gathered my things, and lightly kicked him in the side.

"Let's go. That's an order."

Charon snapped awake and stood in one fluid motion. He grabbed his shotgun, and strapped it to his back. I eyed him suspiciously. Shaking my head, I led the way to the door. On a table, I spied some Psycho, and the urge was too much for me to resist. I grabbed it, and put it in my pocket. Maybe, if anything, it could get me too high to feel this way. If I was lucky, it would make Charon think I'm still a drug addict of sorts, and he'd turn his attitude around. Maybes don't work, though. We all know that, too.

I led Charon to the ladder that held so many wonderful memories. I hope you can sense the sarcasm in my voice. He looked at it, and up at the manhole above.

"This is the way out?"

I began climbing the ladder, and glared at him.

"What? In all your time here you never found the exit?"

He looked at me. On the rungs of the ladder, I could see him eye-to-eye. I saw the anger flash in his eyes, and I smirked at it. If he was going to be this way, I could be ten times worse.

"No."

"Well then doesn't that suck? I mean, if you knew where it was, you could have escaped. Oh, no wait. You couldn't, you have a _contract_."

I patted my pocket and began climbing the rest of the ladder. I heard Charon hesitate following me, and I knew he wanted to hurt me right then and there, but he didn't. He can't. I have his contract. Unless I hurt him, he can't do jack shit. As I pushed the manhole aside, the sun shone down on me, and I felt like God.

Pulling myself out, I stretched, embracing the warm sun. Charon climbed out a few seconds later, and looked around.

"What happened?"

He looked around like he'd never seen destruction before. His eyes were wide and his mouth was slightly open. I checked my Pip-Boy, there were no nearby threats. I smiled, putting my hands on my hips and motioning to the Fat Boy.

"This baby packs a punch, let me tell you."

Charon climbed out and looked around again. He didn't seem to believe the ruins in front of him were once the infamous Fort Bannister.

"_You_ did this?"

I nodded, putting my sunglasses on.

"Sure did."

"Why?"

I was in mid-walk, but I stumbled. I looked back at him, shrugging. What could I say? That I had come all this way for him? That I had killed everyone I could in my way with a simple Mini Nuke just to see if…see if he was still alive? No, I couldn't tell him that. I just turned my back, and walked through the ruins. I didn't tell him that I spent a good hour looking through my Sniper Rifle scope to make sure he wasn't outside. I wanted to, but I didn't. I didn't feel he'd understand, or that it would change anything. All I did was silently lead him through the charred remains, stopping and scavenging anything I could carry. If I asked, he'd help me with the heavy load on my back, but I didn't ask. I didn't want his help. Fuck I don't need his help.

"Dez?"

"Yeah what?"

I was on my knees near the gate. I had found some ammo boxes and was trying to pick the lock. It worked, and I opened it to find some frag grenades.

"Did you ever make it to those satellites?"

I pulled up my Pip-Boy, a smirk on my face.

"Nope, but we're going to go there now. Then after, we can head back to Megaton and find someone to take over your contract, if we haven't already."

"Very well."

The satellite was a long haul from Fort Bannister. Due North for a while, and it should be somewhat East. I didn't care. Deep down, I knew why I was taking this trip. _No matter how long you're with him, he won't change his mind. Give him the contract, leave him to his death_. Silly voice, you underestimate me. It's funny how you come out only when I'm doing something. Why not take a vacation?

"We should be able to reach the Abandoned Car Fort by nightfall, if we hurry."

I said, getting up and dusting myself off. Charon nodded, and took the shotgun from his back. In the sunlight, looking at him like that through my sunglasses, I really wanted to smile. He stood tall and brave, like nothing could break him. I failed to remind myself he was already broken, and that he would never fully be normal.

Thoughts swam like Mirelurks in my head as we walked across the barren Wasteland. I wonder if even now, would Charon carry me to safety? Would he now still keep me warm and safe? No, no probably not. He'd just…leave me to my death and take hold of his own contract. He must have forgotten those two short kisses, and he never knew what they meant to me. I looked back at him, making sure he was still there. He was, and I began to remember.

The night I escaped Fort Bannister, I looked back for him hundreds of times. Each time I checked, I had a flutter of hope I'd see him running to catch up with me. Each time I didn't, I felt sad, weak and lonely. I felt hurt for what I'd done to him, but I kept going. I'll still follow him now, into the dark and in between all the heavens and hells, but I can't tell him that. Charon and I, together, we've seen everything. We've seen people, hurt, anger, sadness, love, and murder. We've laughed together, somewhat, and shared those intimate times. Now…now it seems like we're strangers, and that time never happened.

To me, in my head, they still happened. They still meant something to me, they still made me flutter and squishy on the inside. He may have been told not to remember, and I didn't let myself remember, but…I can see it all now. How he held me when I was sick, how he wrote those notes for me. I still have that paper. It stays in my locker, fading and aging with time. I don't pretend to play piano anymore, because when I do, it brings me sadness. I play the notes on those paper mindlessly, and it makes me hurt too much, so I never went back to it.

I'm not satisfied with my life right now. I haven't been for a month it seems. I've just been ignoring my instincts, and pushing them down inside where I can't reach them. When I was alone and drunk in my room during that time, I would wish I pulled that trigger. Sometimes, I came so close as to putting the gun to my head, and turning the safety off. But I never could. I never could bring myself to feel the sweet, sweet taste of death and end it all. Something told me not to, something inside begged me to keep going. So I did. I don't know why, but I did. Stepping over a Radscorpion corpse, I wondered how much easier my life would be if I didn't live it anymore.

"Dezbe, you've totally lost your mind."

I mumbled to myself, shaking my head with a disgruntled smirk on my face.

"Excuse me?"

I looked back at Charon. I waved my hand at him.

"Nothing, talking to myself."

"Okay."

When we get to the satellites, I will give Charon his contract. I will turn him over to himself, and not take 'no' for an answer. He can go off on his own, and find his own place. Sure, I know he'll just go back to Underworld, and the urge to chase him will be immeasurable, but I won't. I'll stay in the satellite, or go back home to Megaton. I'll give him one day to get as far away from me as he can, then I'll leave. Or maybe I'll just hangout and make a new home at the satellite. There's nothing I really need back home, and if I stay away long enough, people will think I've died. I won't have to do anything anymore. I can live out my life in silence, peace, solitude and alone. I think I'd still like that very much. My month alone, isolated from everyone, reminded me why I liked it so much. I am not one for personal comfort, and I don't need it anymore. But, looking back at the times Charon was there for comfort, made me want it really badly.

"How much father?"

Charon asked me, and I realized we'd been walking for hours, and I never even offered him a drink. We had passed Jalbert Brothers Waste Disposal, and I could see the Five Axels Rest Stop in the distance. Taking my sunglasses off, I blinked, realizing I didn't need them anymore. Where did the day go? Had I really been stuck in my mind this entire time?

"Not far."

I pulled the pack off my back, and sighed. It was a relief to get that off, let me tell you. It had to weigh an extra forty or fifty pounds, and with everything shifting and moving, it wasn't comfortable. I pulled out two bottles of Dirty Water, and handed one to Charon. He took it, and drank it all down like he was dying of thirst. I did the same to mine, letting the radiation tickle my throat and warm my stomach. A little bit wouldn't hurt me that much.

"Raiders."

Charon said, pointing. I looked, and saw there was a group of them, all girls, in the way of our walking path. Pulling out my trusty rifle, I cocked it.

"Well, you know what to do."

I barked, and walked forward. The feel of the recoil, the blasts and noises from the gun as it sprayed bullets, the sight of blood, it soothed me. I missed it, relished in it, loved it. I didn't ease up, I kept my sights high and well-places. I grinned like…like I was the happiest, most sadistic motherfucker in the world.

"You want some of this? Yeah! Yeah! Bastard!"

I flinched when I head Charon's voice so close to me. I blacked everything else out. I couldn't hear the guns, feel the recoil, anything. I could only hear Charon, his voice in my head. I glanced to my left, and saw him firing away, his shotgun raised. It reminded me of the time in Super Duper Mart. I looked back, towards the Raiders, but they were gone. I lowered my weapon, hazy and dazed.

"Good enough?"

He looked at me. It took me a while to realize it was a question. Since when did he seek my approval?

"Uh, yeah. They're dead so it doesn't matter."

I put my rifle back, and picked my pack up. Seeing Charon like that, by my side in combat, I remembered why I cared so much about him. He'd protect me, keep me safe, it's his job. But, no one's ever wanted to protect me before. I know it's part of his obligations but, even when he's angry with me, he'll fire at an enemy. I owe that ghoul my life and more. If not for him, I'd be dead. I walked, trying to ease my mind. I'm not sure where I go when I think, but I know nothing bothers me. I can't hear anything, see anything, I just drone out. I become a zombie. I've watched this world fall and crumble, seen good men do bad things, but…it hasn't triggered me. I still can't…I still can't understand why.

Lighting a smoke, I gave one to Charon. He walked beside me, a hand carrying his gun, another smoking the cigarette. The sun was setting somewhere behind us, and I felt like we were walking into a dark pit of hell. The rest stop was to our left, and we kept going. I saw the bridge where the car fort was, and felt we could camp there. Camp. It's been a while since I've had to do that. I glanced up at Charon, curious about something. I'm not sure what, but I am. He looked at me quickly, and then looked away.

"You're not going to tell me anything that happened at Fort Bannister, are you?"  
"Not unless you order me to."

"Frankly I don't care."

I let the smoke drift from my lips, and escape into the air.

"Then stop pestering me about it."

Touché. I'm glad to see his wit hasn't been fractured by all of this. He still knew how to argue with me. You know, deep down, I still want to run away with him. Sure, this is kind of running away, but it isn't what I had in mind initially. I wanted us to run away, and hold each other every night. I still do, somewhere inside. I don't think that part of me will ever go away, but I want it to. Eventually, it has to. Especially when he takes off. The world isn't small, it's broken, but still big. If he decided to take off and never come back, chances are we'd never see each other again.

Dashwood and Argyle were separated by a woman. She was a Slaver, but neither one of them knew it. They were separated, and never saw one another again. As far as I knew, Argyle was dead. Something about a place called Rockopolis, and a woman named Penelope. I know Dashwood is still alive. He's old, but he's alive somewhere out here. The point is, they never saw one another again, and now one of them is dead. I wonder if Dashwood knows, or if he'd even care. Argyle seemed to have saved him from a lot. If and when that happens…would Charon care that I'd died?

"We are at the Abandoned Car Fort."

Charon's voice shook me from my stupor. I looked up, and saw that we were, in fact, under the bridge to it. I smirked, and nodded.

"We are."

"Shall I…?"

I could tell memories of before were coming back to him. I nodded, heading over to one of the support beams.

"Yeah. Make a fire."

So he did. He gathered brush and bramble, and piled it together, eventually making a small fire. I sat in the dirt, digging through my pack for food. I pulled out some Sirloin Steaks, and opened them with my teeth. Charon sat across from me, and took them from my hands.

"I will cook."

He stuck the steaks on sticks, and held them over the fire. Hardly cooking. I smirked, resting my sore back on the concrete beam. We didn't look at one another while we waited for the food. Rather, we looked _past_ one another. I focused on something behind him, pretending I didn't care, and he looked at the dirt under my butt. When the steaks were done, he handed one to me, and wolfed his down.

"Hungry?"

I said sarcastically. Charon nodded, wiping his hands on his leather. I took a few bites from my steak, and handed him the rest.

"I don't eat much anymore."

He took it without arguing. I watched him as he ate it fast, not tasting it. Tomorrow, he'd be on his way. I cleared my throat, curious and scared.

"Take off your armor. That's an order."

"All of it?"

"Just the top."

Charon nodded, the robotic look taking over his face. He stood, unstrapping his armor and sliding it off his chest. I stared at him as he stood in front of me. His muscles showed, his tendons and veins. Most of his torso still had flesh clinging to it, but it was scarred. They were pink scars, showing they were fairly new.

"Come into the light. Sit down."

He did, and sat in front of me. I looked at him, lighting a cigarette. I pointed to one near his chest, under his breast.

"That one? These are all orders, by the way."

"Jabsco ordered me to do it after…we were taken hostage."

"Why?"

"To test my loyalty."

I nodded, and pointed to another one near his would-be belly button.

"And that?"

"When I took too long bringing you down to solitary."

"The first time?"

"Yes."

I sighed, choking back the pain I was feeling for him.

"All self-inflicted?"

"Yes."

I focused on a burn scar near his side. It was reminded me Charon wasn't invincible, and could hurt, die and bleed just like me.

"That? What's it from?"

"The same weapon that I used on you the first time. It is called an Alien Baton, I cannot quite remember. I was ordered to hold it there until further notice."

"Why?"

"I refused an order."

"What order?"

"The order to terminate you if you did not comply."

"When was this?"

"A day before…you escaped."

I wanted to touch it. I wanted to touch him, make him feel safe and…and make it all go away. Was this how he felt when he saw the wounds he had inflicted on me? This searing wave of sadness and anger? I wanted to go back and kill Jabsco all over again for what he put Charon through.

"Your neck?"

A deep scar ran down the muscle on the side of his neck. I remembered he had a piece of gauze there.

"My confession."

I cocked an eyebrow at him, and handed him a cigarette. He seemed relieved as he inhaled it, his eyes glassing over.

"Your confession?"

"Yes."

"I don't remember that."

"The day you escaped, before you were taken into Commander Jabsco's office. I had to tell him all the going-ons between you and I."

"And…you told him about…?"

I trailed off, but Charon nodded. He knew what I was talking about.

"Turn around."

He stood, turned, and sat back down. I wanted to laugh at this mindless movement, but I didn't. I looked his back over, seeing his spine through the thin layer of skin. A small scar, two or three inches, rested just near his left shoulder blade.

"And that…that's from…me."

"…Yes."

I touched it. I let myself lose control, and I ran my fingertips over the scar. There were more on his body, the newer ones, but I didn't want to hear it. I didn't want to hear of all the pain I could have saved him from. I examined his back, he didn't flinch from my touch. Patches of flesh clung on for dear life, and his red muscles shone like they were proud of it. Veins pulsed and pumped blood to all of his vital organs. Shaking my head, I pulled away from him, scooting back a few feet.

"Get dressed. I'm done."

He hastily stood and put his armor back on. I put m hand in my pocket, feeling the Psycho. I took it out, and toyed with it in my hand. _Go on, use it. It'll make the pain go away._ All that is good is gone. I bit the tip of the needle off, and flexed my arm. I could feel Charon's eyes looking at me, judging me, but fuck if I care. I stuck that Psycho in my arm, and squeezed. I could feel the liquid seeping in my veins, and travelling through my body. I let it fall from my hand, and rested my heavy head against the concrete.

Feelings of euphoria took over me. My body felt lighter than air. The soreness in my back dissipated, and I felt like I was on top of the world. I closed my eyes, smiling.

"Dez?"

I didn't look, I just smiled.

"Hm?"

I replied, not having the strength to talk.

"Why did you do that?"

"Shh…"

I hissed through my teeth, and let the Psycho work it's magic. I didn't feel anything but sweet, sweet bliss and utopia. I had found it, at long last, the feeling I wanted so badly. I felt my heart begin to race and slow all at once. My entire body tingled with anticipation, but I didn't know what it was anticipating. The dirt never felt so good, and the fire so warm. I felt my body sliding down, and I soon felt the soft earth beneath my head.

"Are you alright?"

"Shh."

Charon, don't make this go away. Don't make this wondrous feeling leave me. If for only a night I can feel it, than give me that night. I don't care if he disagrees with this drug thing, it's his last night with me. I want to enjoy this. I feel free, free like…like Molerats and other things I can't think of. I want to stay this free, for as long as I can. I don't have a worry or a care in the world. I wish I could feel this way everyday.


	5. Chapter 5

"Dez…Dez…"

I opened my eyes to a blurry Charon standing over me. It was still dark out, dim, chilly. I rubbed my head, my body felt stiff.

"What…what time is it?"

"It is almost five in the morning."

Charon's voice was stiff, monotone. I looked at him, pushing myself up from the dirt. My arm ached from where I injected the Psycho. Charon sat down, his arms crossed. _Good morning, Dezbe. This is your mind, and I will give you someone to speak to._ No, not this early. My body felt sore, tired and tight all over. Charon didn't open his eyes as I reached for my pack. I found some water, and drank it all down. My mouth felt so dry and parched.

I stood, balancing myself against the concrete stander thing. I looked at Charon as he stood with me, my eyes trailing down to the scar on his left arm. I was there with him, when that happened. I saw him do it, and looked at the scar on my own arm. In the dream I had…I was alone in a dark room. I was screaming for someone, anyone, but no one came. My voice changed, and I stopped screaming. I looked over, and saw Charon yelling, calling out. I tried to reach him, but my hands went through him. I couldn't help him, I couldn't save him. I cried and tried, but…it was useless. In the dark room, Charon stopped yelling, and I stood, alone, scared, and crying.

I shook the dream from my thoughts. I gathered my pack and gun, and looked at Charon. His eyes were focused on me, glaring.

"Come on."

I said, and started walking. The sun would be rising soon. It would rise high over the skyline and warm my chilled bones. Charon's feet made a soft 'pat' in the dirt, and I hung my head low. I can't go on forever numb and secluded. I felt tears in the back of my eyes, and I looked back at Charon.

"Do you still want to find someone for your contract?"

"Yes."

He didn't even have to think about it. I sighed, adjusting my pack. I had told him I was sorry, told him in advance back at Fort Bannister, but I don't think he listened. I don't think he could ever forgive me. He's my one true friend, I didn't mean for all this to happen. I would take it all back if I could. I'd go back there the next day and save him. I was stupid not to do that in the first place. Maybe then…maybe then he would have forgiven me. But…I wouldn't forgive anyone who stabbed me in the back with an eight-inch knife, either.

"Charon?"

"Yes? What is it?"

"Are you ever going to forgive me?"

"I do not know, Dez. It is difficult to explain."

I sucked in a big gush of air and let it out slowly.

"I'm not responsible for anything they did to you, you know. I'm only responsible for what I did."

"If that what brings you comfort, believe it."

We trudged on in the darkness. I shook my head, stifling a sarcastic laugh.

"You blame me for their actions?"

"Yes. You could have spared us both. You did not."

"You're so fucking immature."

I kicked dirt at him and stormed away.

"I am not the one kicking and taking drugs."

"No because I didn't order you to. You only act like what people tell you to act like."

I yelled, almost waking every enemy in earshot. I saw him narrow his eyes at me, advancing while I stood still. I crossed my arms, daring him to challenge me. He stood close to me, leering and overbearing.

"At least the people I've worked for have such a thing as 'honor' and 'respect'. You might need to look those up, by the way."

He walked past me. I picked up some dirt, and threw it at him. It didn't even faze him, that bastard. Kicking a nearby rock, I jogged over.

"I came back didn't I?"

I yelled at him, jogging to keep up with his pace. He looked at me, slowing down a bit. I stopped walking, my arms crossed.

"Yeah, you got nothing to say to that. I'm right. I came back."

"You could have gotten killed."

"But I didn't! I didn't and I came _back_! Come on, we have to get there so I can get rid of you…again."

Charon didn't follow me instantly. He lingered back a bit, thinking about what I'd just said. You know what? Good riddance to him. I don't need him around if he's going to blame me for what happened. I left, yes, I stabbed him, yes, but I didn't have any control over anything past that. I had to save my own skin. He…he doesn't have skin to save. He's just a ghoul with some fucked up way of speaking. Not my problem. I'll just sell him off to the highest bidder and _never_ look back.

I grit my teeth, trying my best not to pick another fight as I walked ahead of him. I pinched my arm again, trying to make sure this was real, and I wasn't in some crazy, fucked up dream. Just two days ago I was sitting in Gob's having a drink, I can't believe it. I can't believe this mess. I glared at Charon, biting my tongue and gritting my teeth. He is so…so….insatiable now.

"You did come back. Why?"

I heard his words, but I didn't feel the need to tell him. He didn't deserve to know. I shouldn't have ever even thought of going back there.

"None of your business."

He has become someone else. I've remained the same. But…what have I become? Have I really regressed back into that old mentality I had when I left Vault 101? Yes, I think I have. It's not that unbelievable, it's plausible, and I think it is so. All I'm going to do now is hurt him, let him down. I'd be more of a burden on him than he is on me. I'll keep to myself from now on. I'll find my own way in this mess of a world. It doesn't have to include him.

As we neared the satellite, I was amazed at the size of it. A giant steel disk, and an equally large tower loomed near. They _are_ real. I knew they were, they just had to be. Out here in the middle of nowhere, they seemed like the perfect place for someone like me to settle down and…and just relax. Just be normal, if that was possible. I could quit here, and be normal. Like I was back in the vault. I felt my heart flutter at the thought of it. I could…do anything I wanted.

I wanted to run, but Charon grabbed my arm, pulling me behind a boulder.

"Hey!"

I yelled, and he clasped his hand over my mouth.

"_Enclave_!"

He hissed, whispering. I nodded, and looked at my Pip-Boy. Yes. Three red tick marks were floating around. Getting out my Fat Boy, I smiled.

"I'll show you what this can do."

"If you use that, the entire satellite will crumble and we'll die."

I frowned. Looking at the Fat Boy, I realized he was right. I put it away, and instead took my gun out. Loading it with a new clip, I remembered the day my father died. How the Enclave had now taken over the place he put his life and soul into. The thing that he valued even more than me. I felt my hands shake, and I looked up at Charon.

"Well, there's three of them and two of us. Come on."

Charon nodded, and I heard him cock the shotgun he always fuckin' carried. Didn't he use anything else? Coming out from behind the boulder, I approached the dish building cautiously.

"I got your back."

Charon whispered, and I shuddered. _Don't let him get to you now. He's only doing this because he has to, remember that._ I felt the heat of a plasma blob just nearly miss my head, and I snapped back into reality. An Enclave Officer was firing, and I took aim. Easy kill, right in the torso.

"Ah! Fuck!"

I looked to my right to see Charon fighting with an Enclave in Power Armor. Turning, I helped him, squeezing the trigger of my own gun.

"Behind you!"

Charon yelled, and I jumped. He could take care of that one. I had another one, a Hellfire Trooper, tossing fireballs at me.

"You motherfucker!"

I grabbed a frag grenade and pulled the pin, ducking. I saw it explode, and the trooper fell to the ground, his legs crippled. His Heavy Incinerator fell from his grip, and I ran over, blocking out any and all other noises. I know with any armor, there's always a weak point. With Power Armor, it's the neck. They have a separate helmet, making the neck vulnerable. I stepped on the trooper's back, my gun aimed between the small slit that separated helmet from armor.

"Say five Hail Mary's."

I said, and squeezed. My gun sprayed a line of bullets, almost severing his neck. My face was splattered in blood, but I blinked it away. Sucking in air through my clenched teeth, I realized it was quiet. Too quiet.

"Charon?

I called out, looking over. I spied the now dead Enclave soldier on the ground, but no Charon. _Maybe he took off_. Yeah, maybe. Putting my gun on my back, I walked over to the dead soldier and scavenged him. Rustling from not too far away caught my attention, and I looked up. My jaw dropped, and the things I held in my hand fell to the ground. A pack of cigarettes and a bottle of Nuka-Cola smashed on a rock at my feet. I ignored the sticky sensation seeping through my boot, to my toes. Charon laid a few feet away, squirming on the ground, clutching his neck and chest. I dropped my pack and walked over to him. Bending down, I heard the hiss of burning leather.

"Charon?"

I didn't know what to do or what was wrong. I saw blood beginning to coat one of his hands, and I covered my mouth.

"Oh shit…oh shit…"

I looked behind me at the satellite. If I could just get him inside, I could safely see what's wrong with him.

"Can you walk?"

He coughed, shaking his head and spitting out blood. I knew it was serious.

"Okay…okay wait."

I went back over to the Enclave soldier. I know that Power Armor made you stronger. I know that, it has to be true. If it was, maybe then I could lift him, or at least drag him, inside the building.

Putting the helmet on, I felt powerful. I saw everything through a greenish tint, and when I moved, I felt lighter than air despite the metal around me. I took a step towards Charon, amazed by the sheer power I felt in the armor.

"I'll get you inside."

I told him, my voice coming out crackly and static. I got down on one knee, and tried to lift him. He screamed in pain, and I dropped him, realizing that was a bad idea.

"Just bear with me…"

I grumbled, and put my hands under his arms. He groaned, blood coming out of his mouth, but I didn't care. His entire body felt like paper as I dragged him gently but quickly to the door. I could see he was in pain, and that he was bleeding a lot, but fuck if I know from where or how. With one foot, I kicked open the door. I heard noises inside, but didn't think much of it.

"Almost there."

I said, cracking through the helmet. I let him drop in a narrow hall, closing and locking the door behind me. Stepping back over him, I dragged him into a circular room.

"Leave us alone!"

A woman screamed from somewhere. I glanced around quickly, and saw a bunch of Ghouls. What the hell? They looked at Charon, worry and concern in their eyes.

"Is anyone here a doctor?"

I yelled, my voice cracking. They didn't answer me, and I didn't know why. _The armor, dumbass_. Oh, yeah right. Taking off the helmet, I tossed it into the far corner.

"Is anyone here a _fucking doctor_?"

No one raised there hands. They just stared at me.

"Fine! Fuck you all!"

I tore off the armor, and dug into the pack that I had positioned on my back somehow. Brushing my hair back with my hand, I pulled out the old Lunchbox that contained all my medical supplies.

"Med-X don't work on ghouls…stronger….Stimpacks…"

I mumbled, digging. Finally, I found a Jet inhaler.

"Charon _take this_."

I shoved the inhaler in his mouth, and he didn't argue. I pressed down, and he inhaled. I watched his eyes roll back, his head drop, and fuck I hope it's from the Jet. I looked up around the ghouls staring at me.

"You can put yourself to good use and find me some water and supplies…_now_!"

They were standing there like fuckin' genetically mutated Deathclaws. Mouths open, practically drooling on themselves. They all scurried away, and I heard them looking and breaking things as I worked the straps on Charon's armor.

"Come on…come on…"

I said, fumbling with the straps. Finally, I got one undone, and then the others. He lifted his arms for me, and I was able to slide it off easy. Why? Blood was coating his chest. He covered his neck with his hand, his other arm clutching his chest.

"Either you let go or I swear I'll knock you out."

Charon let go. I didn't have time to be nice right now. It's been ages since I've had to treat a wound worse than a paper cut. I didn't know where all this knowledge of what to do was coming from, but I was thanking my father in the back of my mind for being a doctor. I bet it was from reading all those books and watching him treat patients at the vault.

"Here, I found some water."

A ghoul handed me a bottle of water.

"Thanks, go find other shit."

He scurried off. His voice sounded different, off a bit, but I didn't pay attention. Opening the bottle, I grabbed a rag from the floor and poured it on his chest and neck. Charon screamed louder than I'd ever heard, and I had to hold his arm down with my knee. Patting his skin, I was able to see the wound. It was oozing with blood, his muscles moist and sleek. Grabbing a Stimpack, I bit the tip off and stabbed him with it.

"Radiation! I need radiation!"

I screamed, but a voice called out to me from the far corner.

"There's nothing radiated here!"

"Shit!"

I grabbed another Stimpack, stabbing him again. Then it hit me. I had one more bottle of Dirty Water in my pack, and that contained radiation. Reaching behind me, I pulled my pack up. Finding the water, I poured it on him. He yelled out again, but I ignored it as I kept pouring. Steam rose up from his chest, and I knew it was working. I sighed a breath of relief, and grabbed a handful of gauze and medical tape.

"You're going to be fine, stop being a baby."

I mumbled, half relieved. Wrapping the gauze around his neck and chest, I taped it into place. Charon laid, his eyes closed, breathing normally. I smiled to myself, and looked around.

"I need an extra pair of whatever you are wearing."

His armor wouldn't help his healing, it was too tight. A girl ghoul bought me over a Wasteland Wanderer outfit.

"Come on, sit up."

I cooed, helping Charon sit up against the iron-cast stairwell. With gentle ease, I slipped the sweater over him. I would have helped him with the pants, but I figure he can keep those on. I handed him a bottle of Purified Water, and sat down, my legs outstretched. He looked at me through half-closed eyes as he drank.

Even though he's a cock, even though he's leaving me, I still couldn't let him die out here. I would never be able to live with myself if I had turned my back on him a second time. I could hardly live the first time. Smiling, I felt proud, like I had done a good deed. Sure, it took my last two Stimpacks and all my gauze, but that's okay. I don't use Stimpacks that much anyways. I don't get hurt, really. I mean, I do, but…not recently.

Glancing around, I realized all the ghouls were staring at me like I had gone totally bonkers. Standing, I lit a cigarette and sighed.

"So…what's up?"

They all looked at one another, confused and a little concerned. Finally a male ghoul looked at me, and spoke.

"Who are you?"

I was taken aback by his voice. It was normal, not rough and rigid like a ghoul's voice should be.

"I, uh, I'm Dez. This is Charon."

I motioned towards Charon. His eyes were closed and he was breathing normally against the stairs. Their gazes shifted from me, to him, and back to me again. I felt like they were all in unison or something. It creeped me out.

"Are you with…with the Enclave?"

A ghoul girl spoke up from the back of the group. Her voice wasn't rough, either. Are they new ghouls or something?

"No, no definitely not. I just kind of erm, borrowed their armor. Hey what's with you guys? You don't sound like ghouls…"

It was a bold question, but eh what do I care? I leaned against the stairs, smoking without a care in the world.

"We aren't. The Enclave used us for research. They dipped us in acidic chemicals an this is the end result."

I was a little shocked, but not surprised. After seeing how the Enclave treated fellow Wastelanders at the Jefferson Memorial, I figured anything was possible for them. I eyed each ghoul, or rather person, standing in front of me. There were about five of them, all staring at me, some smoking cigarettes. They had no noses, and looked identical to Gob or even Charon. No, not Charon. I've come to realize that no other ghoul looks like him. Ghouls are a grayish, green color, devoid of life it seems. Charon…Charon's different. He looks like he has blood in those exposed veins of his, and what flash he does have has fleshy color to it.

Glancing down at him quickly, I saw his eyes were still closed. I figured he'd need a good rest, and advised it. If I saw him up and about, I'd order him back to rest. After all, no one wants to buy a wounded mercenary.

"Are…Are the Enclave coming back?"

I looked over at a guy standing closest to me. His eyes were filled with worry.

"No, well, not that I know of. I took care of the ones outside and shit so if they do come back, it won't be for a while."

They looked at one another, nodding and smirking. One from the back spoke up.

"Are you going to…to help us with them?"

"If I'm here."

I didn't want to make a commitment. When I had heard of these satellites, I figured I'd be the only one here. The Enclave wasn't a problem, I could take care of them with a few well-aimed shots from my gun. But, a group of Wastelanders with horrible mutations? I can't kick them out, but I can't save them either. I can hardly save myself sometimes.

"So…how do you get to the top from here?"

I asked, flicking my cigarette to the floor and crushing it with my boot.

"There's a ladder upstairs."

I nodded at whomever spoke. They all looked exactly the same, it's hard to differentiate whose who. It didn't matter. I wasn't going to stick around long enough to find out who they were.

I wanted to be alone. I didn't want a hoard of people in here with me. I didn't want to socialize and get to know them, but I did. As the day wore on, I talked with them, learnt some of their stories, but I refused to know their names. The thing with names is, once you know it, you know them. It gets personal, more personal than I'd like to get. When they asked who I was, I told them I was simply Dez, no more, no less. They don't need my back-story, they don't need my tales of adventures. They just need to know my name, and that's all.

Charon rested and relaxed for the better part of the day. I ordered him to move to an old mattress that was in the corner, and like a good boy, he listened. It took him a bit to stand up, but once he did, he was all business. I watched him walk, carefully analyzing him. If he was good, and listened to me, we'd be able to start heading back to Megaton in a day or so. I would have preferred to stay at the satellite, but…there's people here. I can't kick them out with no resources or ability to survive, and I can't save them either. I am cruel, but not that cruel, and I am no one's savior.

Laying on my back, I stared at the darkening sky. Slowly, very slowly, the stars began appearing by the bunches. I could hear the wind whipping through the holes in the satellite dish as I took a sip of my beer, and a drag of my smoke. It's beautiful. Midnight blue with a touch of silver, and wispy clouds strewn here and there. I don't think anyone's really appreciated the sight of it all. If I turn my head just a bit, I can peer down through one of the holes, and see the Capitol Wasteland for miles and miles. I can see the Washington Memorial's fading silhouette, and I can see all the hills and mountains that entrap me in this place. I don't think there's anything more beautiful than that, really.

Taking another long sip of beer, I sighed. I hadn't stopped drinking entirely, just let up on it a bit. I yearned for Gob's saloon, and the ample amounts of liquor it provided me. But I didn't miss Megaton one bit. Honestly, Lucas pissed me off and Lucy West turned into a crybaby bitch. I liked my solitude, my alone time. I liked not thinking about anything, focusing only on what's around me and what I want to focus on. It's rare I find peace like this, and I wished that I was the only one here. Just me and my trusty Fat Boy. But as we know, wishing is just an empty pipe dream. I'm not lucky enough to still believe in such foolish things.

I heard the steel door in the center of the dish creak, and I looked down at it. I was laying on the curved part, my clothes preventing my from sliding down. I watched as it slowly lifted, and was a little wry. I wrapped my hand around my Sniper Rifle, and waited. Charon's head poked up, and I felt a sense of relief.

"I ordered you to rest until you were well."

Blunt, that's a good way to describe me lately. I laid back down, bringing my cigarette to my lips and inhaling.

"I am well, Dez. I no longer feel pain in my movement."

I listened to his voice closely. It wasn't as coarse as the other ghouls. I wondered why I never picked up on it before.

"What are you doing up here?"

I heard him climb up, and the door shut beside him.

"I would like to converse with you about something."

I sighed. Right now, I was too wrapped up in the beauty of the night sky. I didn't want to converse. I guess I have to, though.

"Whatever."

Charon unsteadily walked up to me. He sat down, and I handed him a cigarette.

"Thank you."

He lit it, pressing it between his ghoul lips. I looked at him as I laid and he sat, curiosity getting the best of me.

"You talk funny, Charon."

"What do you mean?"

I sat up, lifting my upper body with my arms. I don't think I could resist him if he wanted to kiss me again, but I shook my head, kicking that thought right out the window.

"I mean you don't talk like me or anyone else. It's different."

"It is called an accent."

"What?"

What the fuck is that?

"It is a form or way one speaks and annunciates words and sentences. There isn't a lot of it anymore, being that the Capitol Wasteland is closed off."

"So…what's yours?"

"I think that is something we can discuss at a later time."

I pulled my knees to my chin, resting my cheek on them. I felt like…like I was a little kid again and I didn't even know why.

"Well, we don't have time."

He looked at me, ashing his cigarette at his feet.

"What do you mean?"

"When you're able-bodied, we're going back to Megaton. I will sell your contract then."

"Yes. I see."

"What did you want to talk to me about? Contract stuff?"

He shook his head, inhaling, and letting the smoke drift from his not-there-nose. I smiled at this, it amused me.

"I came to thank you for you actions earlier. My former employers would have left me to die."

"Yeah well, I'm not _that_ mean. Give me some credit."

"Three Dog states you have become a true mortal."

"Three Dog is a shit bag."

Charon let out a small chuckle at that, and I sort of smiled. It had been so long since I heard that laugh. Well, little laugh. I felt my heart beat just a little bit faster, and my blood flow a little warmer.

"Yes, you have mentioned your dislike of him in the past."

The past. He acted like it was eons ago. I did too, though. It sure felt that way. Those long nights I would spend in my bedroom, staring at the spinning ceiling after a night of too much drinking seemed like they lasted forever. Looking up at the sky, I lifted my head, craning my neck, trying to see something that didn't exist or wasn't there.

"Charon? Do you think one day the earth will be as it was?"

"What do you mean?"

"In the vault, they told us that two-hundred and one years ago, before the war, the earth was green. Like with grass and shit. You think it will ever be that way again?"

Charon sighed, looking at his feet. I cracked my neck, curious about what he was going to say.

"It has been two-hundred years since the Chinese bombed us. If the earth was going to regenerate itself, it would have by now. So no, I do not think it will ever be as it was."

"I would have liked to see it like that. I hear grass is pretty nice to lay on. And the sky was actually blue. Like blue _blue_, not like the hazy dusty blue we have now."

"Yes, it was beautiful."

Squinting my eyes, I closely examined his face as he stared mercilessly at his feet. He was remembering something, I knew that much. I was curious.

"Did you…were you there when it was like that?"

"No."

His response was quick, and I cocked an eyebrow.

"I had seen in it books. It seemed quite peaceful."

"Oh."

We sat in comfortable silence. I felt he wanted to say more, and I wanted to say more, but neither of us did. I looked back up at the stars. They were twinkling, sparkling against the midnight blue background. When it wanted to be, the Capitol Wasteland could be quite peaceful. Sometimes, it made me feel like I was normal. Just sometimes, though.

I heard the circle door in the middle of the dish began to creak. Charon and I looked at it, my hand on my Sniper Rifle. You could never be too careful here, it could be the Enclave. I watched it as it slowly lifted, and felt relieved when a girl poked her ghoul-head through.

"Charon?"

Her voice was soft and shy. I glanced over at Charon, confused.

"Yes?"

"Are you going to come back down?"

"In a bit."

"Okay."

She gave him a look I knew all too well before disappearing beneath the door, closing it tightly. I stared at that door, jealously bubbling up. I suppressed it, relaxed myself best I could. Charon and I are parting ways soon, there's no need to let pesky emotions interfere with that now. I ran my fingers through my hair, turning my head from Charon. I know how well he can read people. I don't want him reading me, at all.

"I think she likes you."

I said in a forced playful tone. Charon sighed.

"Yes, it would seem she has taken a liking to me."

I smiled, forced of course, and looked at him.

"Gonna date her?"

"I am under employment."

"That doesn't stand in the way of _love_."

I wanted him to chuckle over my tone of voice. Charon just sighed, his breathing raspy as always. He'd be a creeper to anyone who didn't know him with that wheezy breath of his.

"My contract and training does not allow me to feel such emotions. I am a trained killer. That is all."

Charon stood up and walked back over to the door. I wanted to ask him to stay, but, why? There's no reason he should stay here with me. So instead of listening to my gut, I watched as he went down that manhole type door, and closed it behind him. I don't think he'll ever understand.

But then again, neither will I. Flopping back on my back, I lit another cigarette and finished off my beer. Tonight is our last night together, maybe I should call to him, ask him to come back.

"Charon!"

I screamed at the top of my lungs. I closed my eyes, holding my breath and listening. I heard the pit-pat of his feet against metal as he climbed back up, and I heard the handle of the door turning. I didn't open my eyes when I heard his voice.

"Yes?"

"I need you to stay up here with me."

"If that is what you command, I shall obey."

"It's not an order, it's a request. Take it or leave it."

Thankfully, he chose to take it. I heard him close that trapdoor and walk over to me. I felt his warm body heat as he sat beside me, and it was then I decided to open my eyes. He was looking at me, his white eyes standing out more than they ever have before.

"Why do you need me to stay?"

I grinned my maniacal grin, and motioned to the hole in the dish beside me.

"Because I might jump."  
Charon looked at me, then the hole, then back at me. He nodded, crossing his arms. He looked ridiculous in that Wastelander sweater, but I didn't care. I wonder if he'd ever forgive me for what I did to him. I don't think it's possible, but I'm sure eventually he'll get over it. Too bad I won't be there when he does though.

"You will not jump. You are sitting here, doing nothing."

I cocked an eyebrow, accepting his challenge.

"Then join me in my 'doing nothing'."

"Very well."

I smiled, looking up at him as I laid on the steel. Charon looked around, in front of him, above him, even behind him. Anywhere that didn't include looking at me.

"You're leaving me tomorrow. It's our last night together."

"It will not be the first of lasts."

It took me a while to figure out he was talking about Fort Bannister. I sat up, frowning. Maybe now would be a good time to condone for my sins. I don't think I'll ever know myself fully, but I know that Charon makes me feel better. I know that around him, I am not as cynical, maniacal, and closed off. Somehow, I feel normal and sane when he's near me. Almost like nothing could faze me.

"Charon?"

"Yes?"

"I am sorry. I'm sorry about what I did. But…I knew if I tried to save you too, they'd kill us both. Maybe that would have been better than you seeing what you saw, but I don't know. I tried my best, I couldn't think of another way because I didn't want that rat Jappy hurting you anymore. I thought it was for the better. It hurt, it hurt a lot leaving you. Believe me when I say that.

On my way back to Megaton that night…_fuck_ Charon you have no idea. It…it _killed_ me inside. That whole month you were there I didn't do _anything_. I didn't think or feel or…I just didn't work. I made a mistake, and I am sorry. I tried to fix it by going back there, but I guess it didn't help. I went back there because I couldn't stand now knowing if you were…if you were dead. I had to see. I had to try to save you, and I did. Charon…when I saw you…I thought you were a ghost. I forgot how you looked, I forgot everything. But I came back for you, I did. I tried, and I'm sorry."

I sucked in a deep breath, holding back tears. I still won't let myself cry. I don't care how much it kills me inside, but I refuse to let it out. I don't want to show weakness. Looking up at him, it was hard to keep my eyes dry. The moon was behind him, full and white like his eyes. In the moonlight, he looked normal. Then again, he always looked normal to me.

"I accept your apology."

"You do?"

"Yes. It is best we do not leave one another on bad terms."

My heart sank. He still wanted to go, that was fair enough. I had hoped my heartfelt 'I'm sorry' was enough to convince him otherwise, but I guess not. I guess…he's still hurt by it. I can understand. I can respect that.

I looked at my Pip-Boy, trying to find something to focus on other than the dead silence. Charon wasn't looking at me, he was looking somewhere off to his right, and I tried to ignore him. It hurt, though. Pulling up the 'Notes' section, I turned to the radio. Charon glanced at me, I caught him in my peripheral vision.

"I thought you hated Three Dog."

I smirked at his comment, looking at the available stations. One in particular caught my eye.

"I do…what's this?"

I shoved my Pip-Boy in his face, and he backed away from it. Staring at it, I saw his face shadow over with concern.

"It says it's a distress call."

"From who?"

"Listen to it."

I sighed, mad for not thinking of that first. I tuned to it, and listened. Someone was calling for help, and I heard the familiar 'ping' of a new location being added to my map. Charon and I exchanged confused looks as I pulled my map up, the signal still playing in the background.

"It's not far from here…what should I do?"

Charon sighed, and crossed his arms.

"Investigate."

I smiled, and stood up. Grabbing my pack of cigarettes from the ground, I put my hands on my hips.

"Charon? Care to join me on one more suicide mission before your departure?"

I hoped and prayed he would agree. In the time it would take, maybe he'd change his mind and stay. If he didn't, I wouldn't let on to anything. I would willingly sell his contract, and bid him goodbye…even if I know it's going to kill me inside.

"I think that would be in our best interest if I come with you."

I smiled, and offered my hand to help him up, but he declined it. He stood, taller than me by another foot as he stood on the slant. If I was on a slant, I'd pretend to fall so I could feel those arms around me again. But that's me, and I'm not, sadly.

"Great, come on. It should only take two hours to get there. I'm curious as to what this could be."

"As am I."

He couldn't see the wide smile plastered on my face as I led him down the manhole. He couldn't see the giddiness inside of me as we walked to the door, and climbed down the ladder. I am planning on how I can manipulate this, make this work for he and I. Charon makes me sane again, I want to be sane.

Back inside the tower, Charon and I made our way down the iron stairs. The people looked at us, some smiling, some giving nods of acknowledgement. I hid my happiness from them. I led Charon to the ground floor, and began gathering our things. Picking up his leather armor, I turned around.

"Let me help you."

He nodded, and removed the sweater. The girl who had checked on us earlier, who had given Charon that flirty smile, watched, green with envy. I made it a careful point to put my hands on his lower back as I eased him into the armor. It looked like I was embracing him like I was his lover, and that's exactly how I wanted it to come off as. I let my arm wrap around his waist as I walked behind him, fumbling with the straps as he slid the fingerless gloves on his hands.

"Tell me if it's too tight."

I told him, one hand on his side, the other working the straps.

"That is good."

He stepped away from me, and my hand was still tingling from the touch of his skin. Or muscle. It depended on where my hand was. I stole a look at the girl, and her face was _so_ jealous. Putting my pack on my back and checking the ammo in my gun, I looked up at him.

"Gonna say goodbye to your girlfriend?"

Charon pursed his lips, glaring. We stared one another down, and with a flip of my hair, I turned my back on him. I heard him follow me after a minute's hesitation. I turned quickly, waving goodbye to the Wastelanders who made a home inside the tower. As I turned back around, I noticed Charon was glaring at me, but I brushed it off. Oh Charon, you put me in such a bad situation.

I let my mind do the thinking as I led him out into the desert, and set the marker on my map. Charon was bad for me in every way possible. I am not as protective of myself when he's around. He's bad, because he makes me so weak. He makes me flutter inside, my thoughts cloud around him. He's a disease, like cancer or some shit. He grew on me until I became like him. Until I wanted him so bad it nearly kills me. I mess up my priorities when he's around. I stop thinking about my own health and safety, and put his first.

I am caught in something I can't get myself out of. When he leaves, _if_ he leaves, I will be free once again. But when he's around, I always feel like I'm begging him for something he can't give. In Fort Bannister, he stated he had feelings for me, but I bet that's dead and gone. I don't want to be friends with him, I stand by that statement in Rivet City. I want everything. I want him to write an adventure with me, a story that twists and turns, with love and endurance as the key parts. How two people somehow survive this world together, depending and living off one another.

Stockholm Syndrome. That's what Charon has done to me. In the time we spent together, I have felt freed of my cynicism. He is my captor, in a sense. Mainly because with him, I may be free of one set of emotions, but am trapped by another. He cares for me, and in turn, I grew to care and feel affection towards my captor. I know that I will do anything to protect him, and I know he will do the same for me. Contractual obligations or not, he will. Until he leaves me, I am at his beck and call, against my better wished and judgment.

"Dez be cautious."

I shook my head, and looked behind me. Charon was walking unusually slow, and I checked my Pip-Boy. No new threats appeared on the compass, and I nodded.

"Right. Of invisible threats."

He caught up to me as I stood, fumbling with my Pip-Boy light.

"Can you take that off?"

I looked up at him, confused. Then I saw he was looking at my Pip-Boy. I smirked, putting it back at my side.

"No. Unless you have a Bonesaw."

"It is a permanent appendage?"

"Yeah, pretty much. Taking them off was kind of against vault rules, so they made them non-take-off-able. Even if I _could_ take it off, I don't know how I'd feel without it. I've had it since I was ten. It's kind of grown on me."

"You receive them at a certain age?"

We continued walking, this time, side by side.

"Yea. At age ten you're an adult in the vault. You can be put to work and whatnot, and are basically treated like an adult from then on in. The passage into adulthood is a Vault-Tec Pip-Boy. Mine's the A Series. It's older, not as new as the B Series, but trust me, it's _way_ more durable."

"I do not recall seeing one on Butch."

I haven't thought of Butch in forever. I felt a ping of hurt in my gut, but I ignored it. One day this whole suppressing emotions thing is going to kill me.

"Butch wore his under his leather jacket. I don't know why."

"I see."

"But either way, everyone in the vault has them. It's kind of a dead-giveaway though. People who are smart know I'm not originally from here, and that's a vice sometimes."

"I suspect it would be. What are its primary functions?"

"Well, it shows my health, my map, compass, threat indicator, radiation level, stuff like that. I can store a lot of notes in it, take down what I'm doing, see the map of wherever I am, world and local, and…well keep track of my abilities and shit."

"How does it know all these things?"

"When you put it on, it ties into your DNA. It takes down your health, which is why you have to be in good health before you get one, and it programs itself."

"It seems like a very complicated piece of equipment."

"Believe me, it is, but it's _really_ helpful."

Charon nodded. He made me feel a bit more appreciative of my upbringing in the vault. I'm a rare person who has things mapped out for them, everyone else has to lucky guess what is where. I, on the other hand, have a built in map. Maybe I should try to help out more out here then. I mean, I have a great advantage over everyone else. Seems kind of selfish that I don't offer services. But I'm not a savior, and people need to stop thinking I am.


	6. Chapter 6

Walking in the dirt, I listened to the silence. Charon's raspy breathing soothed me, reminded me I wasn't alone in my travels. We had passed two other satellite towers. One destroyed, one overrun with Raiders. We circled around it, not feeling like confrontation. We're far from any traders or stock of supply, so it's best to preserve ammo best we can.

Pulling up my map, I smiled to myself.

"Not far, just a few more yards."

"I can see it in the distance."

The sky had begun to lighten, and I looked where Charon was looking. I could see a broadcast tower, the only possible area where the signal could be coming from. I took my gun in my hand, cautious that this whole thing might have been a set up. Charon took the shotgun from his back, and looked at me. I glanced down at my wrist, and saw two red tick marks.

"There's mean people up ahead."

He nodded, cocking his gun. Together, we advanced towards the tower, and I felt my body break into an unusually cold sweat. _You are afraid, Dezbe. You are terrified right now, of what, you don't know, but you are. _Why? Why am I scared? I looked over at Charon, trying to slow my quickening breath.

"You…you'll protect me right? You'll keep me safe and not let whatever is up there hurt me?"

Charon looked at me, confused at my sudden and never-happened-before fright.

"Yes, of course. It is my duty."

I nodded, trying to keep my body from shaking. Here I stand, Dezbe, who has just recently taken down an entire camp of trained mercenaries, scared of two little red dots up ahead. Why? _Because you know, Dezbe. You know you are going to lose him. The only think that has kept you alive this long is the sheer thought of him. Soon, he will be yours no longer. You're going to need me then._ Shut up. Shut up.

We made it over the hill. Two Raiders in armor I'd never seen before held a man captive. The man was cowering, his hands over his head.

"Hey!"

I yelled, and the Raiders turned their guns on me. I froze, choked up, and couldn't find my arms to raise my gun.

"I got your back!"

Charon screamed, firing two well-aimed shots, causing their heads to explode. I blinked, and looked at him as if nothing had ever happened. He put the shotgun on his back and pulled me away from the man.

"What happened?"

He hissed at me, just barely above a whisper.

"I…I don't know…I flinched."

"_Don't_ let it happen again."

"It…it won't."

He turned to face the man who now stood. In the rising sun I saw he had an eye patch. We walked towards him, and Charon closed the gap between us, showing the man that he is in charge.

"I'm here for the signal…"

The man smiled, relieved. He sighed, and looked at me.

"I am Wernher. I am from The Pitt and I came here seeking aide."

The whoseawhatsy? I glanced up at Charon, but he was focused on Wernher man.

"Whoa, slow down, what?"

I put my hands up, defensive and confused. Wernher took a breath of impatience and looked at me with his one eye.

"I am Wernher. I come from The Pitt. It is overrun with Raiders, and I am a Slaver. The Raiders take people like you and I and enslave them to do their dirty work. I have come to seek the aide of an outsider to help me free my people."

There was a president or something that Wernher reminded me of. Fuck if I can't remember his name, but he wanted freedom, too. Liberation of some sorts. I kind of slept through my history classes, they bored me.

"What's The Pitt?"

He seemed annoyed at all my questions, but I wanted to make sure he wasn't a crazed psychopath.

"The Pitt is North of here. It is a sheer envisioning of Hell. Will you help me or not?"

I looked at Charon. I thought the Capitol Wasteland was the only thing left of the world. I guess that's pretty arrogant of me to think, though. With some place called Point Lookout and now another called The Pitt, I was beginning to see the world was bigger than I initially thought.

"Yes."

I told him, nervous. Charon shifted away from me, uncomfortable with my decision. It's okay, I wanted to tell him, because he'd be aiding me with this one.

"You can't go to The Pitt like that, they will suspect something. West of here, there are Slavers ready to make a sale. Get the slaves clothing, and meet me there."

"Slavers? There's Slavers involved?"

I have this deep hatred and admiration for Slavers. We have a love/hate relationship that tides us over. It's complicated.

"Yes. They take people from here and sell them to the Raiders in The Pitt. Ever wonder why there's so many Slavers, but hardly any slaves? This is a big operation, and it needs to be shut down. I will meet you in the Train Yard."

He took off running West. Might as well have walked with us if he was going our way. I looked up at Charon, a bit nervous about what was going to happen.

"You didn't tell me there was more people here."

He glanced down at me, his lips tightly pursed together.

"You did not ask."

I sighed and began walking. Something in my gut told me to be _very _cautious about this mission. I rubbed my stomach comfortingly as we walked. The sun was rising in the sky behind us, and I sniffed my nose.

"Charon, have you ever been to this Pitt place?"

"It was once Pittsburg. No, I have never been."

"Pittsburg? Like the state?"

"Yes."

"What is it now?"

"According to your new friend, it is 'hell'."

I sighed and lit a smoke. Charon took one too, and I felt the rush of fresh nicotine. I'm tired, neither one of us have slept for an entire day. Well, Charon got to rest, I didn't. I just stayed up.

"We're going to The Pitt. Sounds pretty badass in retrospect."

"Your mind works in mysterious ways, Dez. I would not expect a places that enslaves people to be 'badass'."

"That's because I'm crazy, Charon. Crazier than Crazy Wolfgang."

"Who?"

"Never mind."

Charon shrugged, and I checked my gun once again. It was set, ammo loaded and ready. We were nearing this Train area thing Yard, and I kept slipping on the narrow pathways through the cliffs. Charon had to catch the back of my shirt more than once to keep me from falling on my ass.

"You are not very well adept to sneaking."

He whispered to me. I shuddered, his hot breath hitting my ear.

"We're almost there."

I peered over a boulder, and saw the Slavers and Raiders. There were four of them, and I saw people locked in pens. This angered me, and I forgot the whole 'stealth' approach. I ran out, brandishing my weapon like it was a melee.

"Hey you scum suckers!"

I screamed, and took aim.

"Dez!"

I heard Charon call as he ran up from behind me. I put my finger on the trigger, and found the courage I'd lost before. Together, Charon and I are unstoppable killing machines. I heard the bangs of his shotgun going off, almost like it paired up with the explosion of bullets that thrust from my rifle. We stood, back to back almost, picking them off until each of them were bloodied and dead on the ground.

"Fucking rats."

I popped a new clip into my gun, dropping my old one on the ground. Crouching, I examined their armor. It was more durable, different than what I'd seen here. Charon stood behind me.

"Should you free the slaves?"

Oh, right. I knew I was forgetting something. Standing up, I walked over to the pen, and easily picked the lock. I walked up to a man, avoiding a dead body on a mattress.

'Go, get out of here, you're free."

Sometimes, you have to _really_ tell people they're free, or they'll just stand there being stupid.

"You…you mean I can just go?"

See what I mean?

"Yes. Wait, I need your clothes."

"My clothes?"

"Yeah, I need them."

"Well, he died the other day. If you don't mind the smell, you can have his."

"Okay, go, get out of here."

Charon walked in the pen, and the men scurried out, running for their lives. They're going to die out there, I bet. It was pointless for them to leave this place. Glancing down, I saw the dead body and began to strip him of his rags. Charon kept watch, and I sighed heavily.

"This sucks."

'You've scavenged dead bodied before."

"Yeah, of people who _deserved_ to die. Not innocent people."

Lie. I have, but…that was before. Now I have Charon, now I have compassion. It blows.

"Hurry."

I quickly stripped the man of his clothes, and dropped my pack. Slipping out of my grunt outfit, I slipped it into my pack, and put on the slave's torn rags. I felt exposed, naked, and I turned to face Charon.

"I feel naked."

I told him, tugging at the thin piece of cloth that covered my lower half just hardly. He turned around, and looked me up and down, then looking away.

"You are. Come on, your friend awaits."

I followed him over to this old, red train. Wernher stood, and smiled at me.

"Good, you got the outfit."

"Yeah, now what?"

"Follow me."

I followed him, Charon walking suspiciously closer than usual. He led me through a door and into a train tunnel. Inside, there was a cart that he stood against.

"This will take us to The Pitt. But…about your erm…companion, he can't come."

What?

"Excuse me?"

"He will, erm, attract attention, whatever he is. They will know."

"You sure there's no way?"

"Yes."

I nervously glanced up at Charon. I am naked practically, and about to go with a complete stranger in a dark tunnel. Did anyone else see the suspicion in this?

"Give me a minute."

I told Wernher, and he nodded. I grabbed Charon's arm, and pulled him aside.

"What should I do?"

"If he is telling the truth, you should go. People need your help."

"But…what if something happens?"

"You are fully capable of coming back."

I shook out of nerves. I looked into Charon's eyes, trying to hide my emotions. I felt my eyes water over.

"And what about you?"

"I will do what you order me to."

I swallowed a lump in my throat. Dumping my pack on the ground, I dug around and pulled out his contract. Standing, I brushed the tears from the corners of my eyes, and shoved the piece of paper into his hands.

"You are your own man now. I won't take 'no' as an answer."

Charon looked at the crumpled paper in his hand. He examined it with his fingers, and gently folded it. It put it in his pants pocket, his back rigid and straight. He didn't say anything as he stood in front of me.

"Charon, I'm scared."

"You will do fine."

I sniffed my nose, a harsh side effect from being near-tears.

"Dez, we have witnessed many things together. Things most people would cringe and run from, but you have ran into, brave and courageous. I have upmost confidence in your abilities to help these people. Do not be frightened."

"What if…what if I die out there?"

"Then you will hopefully be at peace with yourself, and reunited with your family."

Charon was right. We have seen everything there possibly is to see. Except one another naked. No, now's not the time for my sarcasm. Against my will, I felt tears streaming from the corners of my eyes.

"This is not anything to cry over, Dez. Stop it."

"I know. You're right. Where…where are you going to go?"

"Underworld."

It's dark, and I'm scared. The light of a barrel fire and my Pip-Boy are the only things scaring away the real darkness. I felt myself shaking, my knees quivering.

"I…I don't want to leave you here…"

My voice shook with fear and anticipation.

"You are not. Once you depart, as will I."

But…Charon, you are so stupid. Without you, I don't think I'm strong enough for anything. It's only because of you I was able to penetrate Fort Bannister and win your contract back. The thought of you kept me going. I just didn't want to admit it until now.

"You…and…they're gonna…and…"

"You are speaking nonsense."

"I can't do this without you."

It came out too fast for me to stop it. I looked away from Charon, but I felt his stance towards me change. I glanced back up at him, but kept my head down.

"You must. You will do fine."

I swallowed another lump, and nodded.

"I have…I gotta go now. Will I see you again?"

"I will be in Underworld."

I nodded and began to move past him. I felt his arm at my torso, stopping me. I looked up at him, fresh tears clouding my vision. He looked at me, and wrapped me in a warm hug. I didn't want him to ever let me go.

"Thank you for coming to Fort Bannister, Dez."

"Thank you for being you, Charon."

I wrapped my arms around his neck, and felt him lift me in the air. I buried my face in the side of his neck, breathing heavy and letting the tears flow freely.

"I will be in Underworld."

"I know."

"You must go now."

"Then put me down."

He didn't. It felt like he wrapped his arms around me tighter. I didn't complain. I didn't want him to let me go. Him and that silly 'accent' of his. I picked my head up, putting my lips close to his 'ear'.

"You're always going to be my own personal hero."

I whispered, and kissed his cheek. I felt his body stiffen, then relax again. I don't want him to go, but I can't ask him to wait. He is a free man now, and I have no control over him. At the end of my life, I want Charon there. I want him there with me, even if he's just my friend. I need someone to hold me like this, to stand with me when I can't stand alone. _You're pitiful, Dezbe. You were better off without him._

"You must go now."

I felt Charon's body move as he lowered me to the ground. I clung to him until the very last minute, when I felt my feet touch the ground. Only then did I let my arms release him, and let him take a step away.

"Come."

He said, and placed his hand on my shoulder. He led me back to Wernher, and his stupid cart thing. It took me a while to find my feet to step away from Charon, and on the cart. I looked back at him, and Wernher stood, and began to activate the hand-crank. Charon and I stared at one another, silent. I felt the cart begin to move, and as I drifted away from him, I swear I saw tears in his eyes. I might die out here, in this place called The Pitt, and Charon would never know. I might live, and come back to find he has a new employer. Even as we drifted farther and father into the darkness, I didn't take my eyes off of Charon. I didn't let them leave the place where he stood.

"Charon!"

I called out, my voice echoing in the tunnel.

"What?"

I smirked at his echoed response, feeling warm inside that he was still there, even though I couldn't see him. He's still there, loyal as always, watching me, keeping me safe.

"I…Goodbye, Charon…I'm going to miss you!"

"I will be in Underworld!"

I felt a bump, and a gate closed behind the cart. I couldn't see it thanks to the darkness, but it didn't matter. Charon's message was loud and clear. He will be in Underworld, and he will be waiting.


	7. Chapter 7

(Charon)

I stand here at the edge of worn tracks that have seen better days, watching the darkness take the Handcart away. It creaks and groans, the rust an obvious sign of age as the mysterious Wernher takes Dez into the darkness. She stares at me until we are out of one another's sight, her eyes piercing me. She is trying to be strong, trying not to cry, and as am I. I listen to the sounds of the creaking, anticipating her to stop it and come running back. Half of me wants to chase her, but I know better. I am trained better.

My contract burns in my pocket. I can feel it against my leg like a cursed totem, brushing my thigh. I looked up from my daze at the wall, and see that the light of her wrist-computer is fading quickly. I hear her call my name, and my heart pounds, worried she might be hurt.

"Charon!"

"What?"

I bite my lips, waiting for her response.

"I…Goodbye, Charon…I'm going to miss you!"

"I will be in Underworld!"

I shout at her, one last time, before something closes her out forever. I hope that she understand the terminology of my message. I hope she can see and read what I cannot say. Dez is smart, she will pick up on it, but I cannot help but worry. I have never worried about an employer before encountering her. I am worrying myself into a frenzy already.

I have nothing but my contact and my shotgun. It did not occur to Dez to leave me with some of her supplies, but I would not use them. Mustering up my last strand of courage, I venture out into the rising sun. The bandage on my torso constricts me, reminds me of her care for me. I am aware of her emotions for me, but I cannot return them. I do not know how. I am trained to kill, that is my mission, my duty. It has been that way since as far back as my memory permits.

Slowly, I begin my journey back to Underworld. This time, our parting is not sour as it has been twice before. I have left her with the comfort of a loving embrace, and kind words. From here on in, it is up to her to decide which path to take, and how to survive. My only hope is she chooses the better, and comes back in one piece. Dutifully, I will wait for her in Underworld as said. My mind begins to churn, the inner workings of my training coming back. _If you find your contract in your own hands, your primary function is to find a replacement employer._

I understand clearly what my motives should be, but I am discovering they are not what I wish them to be. Dez, under her employment, had given me the freedom to be myself. I did not remember who that was until I felt my mind empty and my body relax. I am still constricted to it, obeying orders given by employers, protecting and saving those I must, binding my body and mind to a simple piece of paper. Yet I have become free of it in some ways. I have allowed myself to remember the tender, fonder things of being alive. I have permitted myself to directly address my employer, Dez, and speak freely. It has opened many new doors.

Closing my eyes as I walk down a beaten path in the dirt, I remember how she stumbled into Underworld, and our time since then. The look in her eyes when that man, Wernher, told her I was not permitted to come, broke whatever heart I may have still beating. I wanted to strangle him right then and there, but I am obedient, and I held my ground. Dez once told me that if someone hurts me, then she is also hurt, and it moved me. I have not had someone care for me before.

The last night we spent out in the Wastes, before the Fort Bannister kidnapping, she curled herself next to me. I could smell the aroma of her hair, feel her smooth skin against my own. I let my guard down, and let the dangerous sin of lust weave into my mind. Just nights after, she pressed her body into mine, and kissed me.

I had not counted the incident at Rivet City as something to take to heart. I am aware of her on-again-off-again chem addiction. The Buffout was clouding her mind. I took that as reason enough, and fell back to sleep. Yet the second time, she was sober. I had anticipated it, wanted it even. I did not allow myself to advance on her, I am trained not to. But when I felt her against me like that, I lost all mentality. Driven by pure instinct, I kissed her back once again, embracing the flush of pleasure and satisfaction. It would have been embarrassing to admit to her that she was the only kiss I have ever received.

Yet it was short lived. They day of her departure, I had to stand in front of Commander Jabsco, my then employer, and confess my deepest thoughts. I had no control over what was coming out of my mouth; I had been working purely on obeying the order given to me. I had told myself then I needed to detach myself from that contract. The words he heard come from my mouth were private, the emotions and memories tied with them, sacred. If she hadn't killed him, I surely would have given the chance. He divulged himself in my mind, uninvited, unwelcome. Making me confess and tell things I would not confess to even myself, but found my own voice admitting.

I had admitted the feelings of lust, the feelings of tender care and love I began to develop for the crazy sociopathic woman who had held my contract before him. He laughed at me, booming, degrading.

"The monster has fallen in love with a mistress. How priceless this is…priceless."

_Monster_. The word almost made me lose myself. I wish it had. I could have saved myself, and Dez, time and worry. Dez has called me many things in our fights, our arguments and disgruntles, but she has never called me a 'monster'. Everyone else has viewed me as one, seen me and treated me like nothing else, like a dog not worth eating from a dish, except her. I tried to defend her honor in that room as they tossed words like 'whore' and 'ghoul lover' around like a baseball game amongst themselves.

"Are you becoming defensive of this woman?"

"Yes, Master."

"Is it because you love her?"

"Yes."

"Tell me, Charon, has she ever told you she loves you?"

"No. She has stated she cares, but never love."

"You know she is nothing, right? A foolish girl who had a lot of power with that contract of yours, but didn't use it wisely."

"She treated me well, Master."

"_Too_ well, I presume."

My words were effortless to defend her. When I was ordered to bring her back to the office, I tried to tell her. I tried to tell her to let them harm me, because eventually he would have ordered those men out, and she would have had a shot with the Magnum in his desk. I saw her in that cell, curled up and hurting, but she was not broken. I envied her conviction. I envied her strength to keep going, whereas I could not even step out of bounds to a master whom I wanted dead more than Ahzrukhal. She frenzied when she saw the blood drawing from my arm. I had not expected that form of reaction.

Walking alone feels new and unknown. The sun is warm against my skin, but I know soon it will be hot and uncomfortable. I can feel the sand sifting beneath my boots as I walk, trying not to tread on uneven ground. The silent cries of Dez mirrored in my mind. I had given her that specific song so long ago, written the notes on that old piece of paper, as an early way of confessing to her. She did not get it, but she appreciated it. I could tell. In the moonlight, she looked beautiful to me. Her features stand out, her eyes glow it seems. Often, I enjoyed our late talks by the campfire, her beauty overthrowing me at times.

And in a sense, she broke my own throne, and drew 'hallelujah' from my lips during that final and fateful kiss. I have since imagined how beautifully she might be able to play the piano, and looked forward to when she would decide to venture back into Vault 101 to retrieve the small keyboard. She was calmed by just imagining the keys in front of her, meticulously moving her hands; I can only slightly foresee the peace that engulfed her had she been playing a real thing.

I have never felt this way before. I have never longed for something, or missed someone, as I do Dez. These emotions for me are new, unknown, complicated and somewhat unwanted. I wish that I had not witnessed all I had with her, and could have remained ignorant and in the abusive care of Ahzrukhal. Her kindness saved me from a hell I did not know I was occupying. It is a fresh reminder of what a normal life might be like for me. As of right now, I am normal. I have no purpose, I have no real destination. I am my own man now, and free to do as I please. It is all too much to take in at once, and will take getting use to, but I will not take on another employer.

On the chance Dez returns to Underworld, searching for me, I would not want to upset her by being employed. I know at that moment, she will never come for me like she has in the past, again. She has chased me twice, and I did not know the second time until she confessed it to me just a few short hours ago. It moved me, but I could not let her know that I forgive her. I understand where she is coming from, and the difficult choice she was forced to make. I must ensure that she can survive just fine without me, for times like now. If I get too close to this girl, the results can be perilous.

I have no map, yet I know where I am going. I know I am on the right path, even with the confusion that sets in every now and again. My mind is not fueled by anything. I have no objective. All I am doing is simply wandering back to Underworld, to wait. Simply wait. No more, no less. The sun is higher in the sky, and will be setting in due time. I know I am heading East, since the sun is behind me. The Washington Memorial mocks me, towering off in the distance and peeking through the clouds of dust. It reminds me of home, and how far it is. When I am not with Dez, I have no real 'home' except Underworld. I have nowhere to go to except there. At least with Dez, there is comfort of my own free bed, be that it is only a couch, and a town at my dispense. A town fearful of me, to the point where if Dez disappears for hours on end in it, I do not have to worry.

I find myself wondering about where she is now, and what she is doing. I can only hope she is safe, and no harm comes to her. The scars scattered across her body tell a story that we both share. She received many of them in my company, and each time I felt I failed her. I have never felt such a strong degree of failure before, and it sits inside me uncomfortably. If she returns for me, then I will force myself to get use to it. I must not cloud my mind with unnecessary things any longer.

The Raiders do not bother me here. I walk past them with an air of strong ignorance, knowing full well I can kill them with my bare hands. Instead of focusing in on them, I keep my eyes set straight, scanning quickly for a place to rest. Normally, I would keep going, but I must remove these bandages. I must also be extra careful no one who knows me sees me. I cannot risk my contract falling into someone else's hands. It would be too dangerous.

Spying a spot between two offset rocks, I head over. I have no food, I have no means of making a fire, but I am okay with that. I will reach Underworld tomorrow, and Carol will set me up with whatever it is I may need. My armor slides off like a well-fit glove. I am aware this form of armor is for 'poor men', but it has served me well in the past. I keep it for nostalgic value, and because sometimes I can still smell traces of Dez's aroma on it. Wrapping my hands around the bandages, I gently rip them off. The wound on my chest is healed, and surprisingly, new skin has grown in its place. There is no exposed muscle, just fresh, new skin. This shines a light in me, that maybe the radiation I have sustained is wearing off. Yet I know it is an empty pipe-dream.

Setting my gun against the opposite rock, I lean back. I close my eyes, the setting sun warming me for one last time before the chilled night air sets in. Ghouls have no natural enemies other than people, and most people stray away. The Brotherhood, although not liking me, will tolerate my presence due to Dez and her efforts with them. Many ghouls will say that Super Mutants will harm us, but they have not ventured far enough out alone. They have only wild fantasies of what the Wastes are. Super Mutants see us as 'kin' of some form, and will let us be so long as we let them be.

I take comfort in this, resting my body. I know no one will harm me here, Raiders are intimidated and scared, and I no longer have to anticipate the appearance of Talon Company. My time spent there spread fear in anyone I was forced to punish. Even if Dez did not obliterate the camp with her Fat Boy, I would feel safe. The lower mercenaries, the ones not in the presence of Commander Jabsco, feared us, quivered and cowered when we entered the room. As much as I hated my position there, I enjoyed the power it brought me. I felt a new sense of self-worth, like I was adapting slowly to the persona and beliefs they had. I did not like it, but I enjoyed it. I had no other choice.

For now, I choose not to think of my month spent with the Talons. This is one of the rare times in my life where I am able to do what I please and think what I please. I wish to enjoy it, so I erase Commander Jabsco's face from my mind, and I find myself imagining Dez. I can recall her first-impression, her actions, her tendencies to overdramatize things. When we walk together, and she looks up at me from hiding in her mind, I see in her eyes a cloud of despair. It soon vanishes within the seconds, but it wonders me what goes through her head when those long stretches of silence overtakes her. I can hardly fathom an idea of the person who would want to harm that girl. In my eyes, she can do no wrong, she has been kind to me.

I open my eyes, the image of her face fading. The sky is a rough shade of orange and blue, dark blue, showing signs of darkness soon approaching. Shuffling, I reach into my pocket and pull a pack of cigarettes out. My hand momentarily grazed my contract, and I had a quick thought of ridding it. I know better, though, and pull a bent cigarette out and bring it to my lips. I light it, using an old and broken lighter, the end flaming to life. Inhaling it brings me peace and comfort, the rush of nicotine calming my nerves. I cannot help but think of her, Dez, and worry of her safety.

I know of The Pitt. I am able to lie under her 'free speech' order. That is why I wanted her to go so badly. I urged her to leave, because if anyone can alleviate those people of their life of slavery, it is her. She has the strength, knowledge, and determination to overcome the evils that surround the city. If she falters, and fails her mission, I will know. I will read it on her, see the horrors she embraced. I know The Pitt is very dangerous. Any slightest notion she is from the outside will have her killed on the spot. I will give her a month, two at the most, before I venture there myself. I will not take 'not knowing' as an answer. She was brave enough to come and rescues me, I can only promise her the same.

I feel the sleepiness sneaking up on me as I huff my cigarette. The rock is warm, my armor resting at my feet. I trace the patches of skin I have left on my body, and wonder if there is ever a chance for me to become human again. To have a normal aging life, to look as everyone else, would suit me just fine. I miss my thick hair that was a vibrant red, the way my own hands were calloused from years of training and gun-wielding. I would not tell Dez any of this, even if she asked. Some memories men have are meant to be just that, memories.

I am from a state once called New York. I still carry the accent, and was surprised when Dez picked up on it. I was not ghoulified with everyone else, after the bombs dropped, no. That happened after. My employer of the time was a Vault-Tec employer, and high rank in the military. I served up in Anchorage with him, fighting the Reds. He was not a cruel man, he was strict, but kind. He treated me well, and treated me like I was one of his soldiers rather than his employer. He saw me as the son he never had, and we respected one another.

When we heard the sirens alerting us of the bombs, we ran. My employer had secured us a place inside Vault 101, the only vault without severe testing on humans. Pip-Boys were not issued then, they were just in testing. I was at the bar with him, when we heard of the demise of the West Coast. Anyone rich enough to have a place in a vault ran, taking nothing but their families. My employer drove with me, scared. I remember the look in his eyes as we reached the vault, scurrying inside. We felt the vibrations of the bombs, the shaking, and we were concerned that the structure of the vault would collapse, but it did not.

We spend a month or two there, living and organizing. My employer was changing, showing signs of deep insanity. I remember he came to me, and thrust my contract into my chest. He looked at me, and I saw terror in his eyes.

"Master?"

"Charon, I have one last order, and you _must_ obey."

"Yes, Master."

"Leave. Leave the vault _now_. Go and find a new employer, go to the outside, help the survivors out there."

"If that is what you command, I shall obey."

"_Go,_ Charon. _Now_!"

I did not ask questions, I was not permitted to. I took the order, and escaped from the vault. To this day, I do not know what struck fear in my employer's mind, but it must have been serious. I remember I ran out of the vault, and was taken aback at the destruction that surrounded me. Buildings still burned, the sky, although midday, was black with smoke. It was pure hell.

I ventured off into he city, there wasn't much there then. Just people screaming for help, reaching out to me. I had my shotgun, and only my shotgun, but I helped them. We found the Museum of History, and other survivors were there. We stayed there, scared, frightened. I was the only one trained with knowledge of what to do in these situations, so I helped them in any way I could. It was my standing order.

Slowly, we made what is now Underworld. A year had passed, and the ghoulification process was taking effect on the civilians. Most of them accepted it, but others went insane. We banished them from the safety of our home, making them Feral. It was around that time Ahzrukhal came. He wasn't a ghoul then, but on his way. For weeks I refused to give into his persuasion of wanting ownership of my contract. He only knew this because a few men I had served with in Anchorage were in Underworld, and they shared knowledge of me.

As I slept one night, I woke to Ahzrukhal over me, his gun to my head.

"You did not obey me. I wanted your contract, and now you will _have_ to obey."

I was reaching for my shotgun, but it was not beside me.

"Get up, Charon."

I followed his orders not because he had obtained my contract just yet, but because he had his gun placed to the back of my head. Even back then I stood taller than him, taller than anyone, but I knew my height and strength could not overcome a gun. He led me outside, to a puddle irradiated so bad it sizzled and bubbled.

"Get in."

I heard his gun click back, it would only take him a simple squeeze to end my life. I stood in that puddle, creating the ghoul I would soon become. He took my contract after that. The rest, is history. I served Ahzrukhal for almost two-hundred years. Ghouls don't age. I felt it was my contract, punishing me for not overturning it when I had the chance.

Tossing my cigarette off into the dirt, I shifted my weight and closed my eyes again. The night had come, and my body was exhausted. I crossed my arms in front of my bare chest, making sure my shotgun was close to me. I heard the sounds of far-off Raiders, laughing and drinking with one another. I wasn't concerned. They would bring me no harm. Sighing loudly, I heard my own raspy breathing. I wish I was not who I am. If I was normal, maybe I would have led a very different lifestyle. People would not treat me as…as a monster.


	8. Chapter 8

I could feel the sun warming my torso. Opening my eyes, I sat up. My back felt stiff from sleeping against the rock, but without a fire, it was the only thing keeping me warm at night. Reaching for my armor, I slid it back on, strapping it in place. Grabbing my shotgun, I began to walk as I simultaneously strapped my shotgun to my back. The sun was still climbing in the sky, and the wind blew dust clouds around me as I walked. I was passing a place called Scrapyard, and thought about going in. I decided against it, it is better to save ammo rather than waste it.

I ventured on in silence. There is no one here to talk to, and I find myself okay with that. I do miss the conversation traveling with Dez provided me, but I must learn how to readjust. I never let her know, but she and I have a lot in common. When she speaks after a drought of silence, her voice reminds me I'm not alone. The two of us have inner demons that people do not know about, that we will not speak of, but are always following us. I feel with her that my inner demons don't bother me. I am always too preoccupied with thoughts of her, protecting her, conversing with her that I do not have time to think about myself. I like it that way.

While I walked, I found something calming inside me. I no longer felt bound by my contract, as if the training I had gone through never existed. I felt no urge or desire to find a new employer, nor did I want to. For the fist time in my entire life, I could feel things. Emotions, real emotions. Glancing towards the sky, I rubbed my arms, disbelieving what was beginning to overcome me. I could see Dez's smiling face in front of my eyes as I thought of her. I always wanted to smile back, but I thought I knew better. I should not be so serious when in her company. Yet when one is conditioned to do something and act a certain way for so long, it tends to stick. For now, I am happy with my current inner situation. It marks a shift, a change for me.

Arriving at the Farragut West Metro Station, I prepared myself for the journey underground. The broken highway bridge loomed in the orange sky, telling me things I already knew. This city, once busy, populated, happy, now stands in ruins. In two-hundred years I still have not adjusted to it. I grumbled, making noise just to hear something in my ears once again. Sometimes I hate the silence, and miss Dez for that. She had better be safe and alive over there, or I'll kill all the slaves and Raiders that condemned her.

My boiling blood made it hard for me to unlock the chain gate, but I managed. Without the light of Dez's Pip-Boy, it would be slightly harder for me to navigate the confusing tunnels. Luckily, I remember how to read the maps of the stations, and will find my way. Feral ghouls hissed, but other than that paid me no mind. I am one of them, and it is hard for me to digest that they were once like me. Their minds have reverted to just the basic of human instincts. I would have joined them, had I not controlled myself so well. It is a peculiar thing, to be a ghoul. Inside, I feel human. I still feel and think I am that young and fit man I once was. Yet when I see myself, my hands or my reflection, I am shocked. It has never sunk in, even after so many years. My appearance scares me sometimes.

Ghouls are neither human nor beast. We, on the inside, are very human, but our appearance falters that. It is our appearance that separates us from humans, and our personalities and ability to reason that separates us from beast. It is not often we are treated with equality, and even more uncommon is when a human wants to mingle with us. We are the first and last generation of us, since we cannot reproduce. A dying species. One day, I know my time will come. Be it natural or forced causes, every ghoul, no matter how old, dies. It just takes us longer than humans.

I wonder if Dez will be around when my time comes. Will she mourn me? Yes. I believe she will. I hope if that day comes and she is with me, she will be old and near her time too. I have never witnessed a ghoul die of age, I do not know what to expect. My name is a euphemism for death, and I must wonder how that plays into my fate. Ancients would say 'charon' rather than say 'dead' or 'dying'. It must have been a dangerous thing, to mention death back then.

I kick a dead Molerat, and scavenge it for food. The raw, radiated meat tastes wonderful to me as I lick my lips. I feel as if I am a feral right now. My body is so hungry, I would eat anything. Ghouls have a strong immune system, so the raw meat will not sicken me. The radiation it contains with regenerate my body, warming me from the inside out. That may be the one perk I enjoy from being a ghoul, other than having no natural enemies. Standing, I leave the dead carcass to the feral ghouls who have been following me through the tunnels. It seems they follow us around, as if they can remember who we once were. Before the Great War, we were all humans.

I find I am thirsty, and make my way to an old water fountain. It works, and I drink the dirty water, letting more radiation seep in. Underworld is close, I can feel it inside, like a lost child who knows when they are nearing safety. It is a gut instinct, I have spent years there, I know how to find it. Upon my arrival there, I will speak with Dr. Barrows about his research on ghouls. He has been studying them since he began to ghoulify. He is searching for a cure, but has not been successful. I hope soon, he will find something to reverse this awful curse that has bestowed itself on us.

I enter Underworld to an array of ghouls whispering and looking at me. I am not with Dez, but they all witnessed her comeback. They all saw as she bled, and begged for me to return to her. I find a hollow space inside my chest as I take a seat in the lobby, resting my weary feet. I place my head in my hands, trying to figure out this strange and unknown feeling. Tulip walked by, waving slightly at me. I nodded, letting her know I was aware of her presence. To my disagreement, she sat beside me, smiling.

"It has been a long time since we've seen you, Charon."

"Yes."

"Are you staying for good this time?"

"I do not know."

"If you need anything, my shop is open. Come by one in a while…please?"

"If I need anything."

She left and I sighed. Picking my head up, I scanned the area. The statue in the middle was cracked, and broken. I am not sure what it was before the war, it was destroyed when we arrived here. Winthrop walked by, as did Patchwork. I gave them a nod, and they nodded in return. Getting up, I felt incomplete, walking towards the Ninth Circle. I fit in with these people, and that is what makes me so nervous. I am not a human, and bring here reminds me of that. I wish it did not. The doors to the Ninth Circle creaked and groaned as I pushed them open, entering the smoky environment. Ghouls looked at me, talking and glancing around as if I was a ghost, an unwanted commodity. It surprises me that with Ahzrukhal dead this place is still in business, but I chose to not ask questions. I sat down at the table Dez once sat at, and stared at the door.

I felt as if I was looking through it. I willed it to open, tried to make it shift and move with my mind, tried to make Dez appear on the other side. I know very well she could be dead by now, it has been a day, and I know The Pitt is merciless.

"Charon?"

I turned my head, my eyes seeking the source of the voice. Greta stood behind me, smiling. For me, there are no more feelings for her. It was the past, my life and my ways have changed since then.

"Yes?"

I observed her body as she took the seat adjacent from me. Her body language was flirtatious, my patience for this was thin. I will not take advances from other women. Dez is the only person I have tolerated those actions from, because she was my employer and because I wanted her to.

"You've come back. For good now I hope?"

"I do not know."

I reached in my pocket and pulled my cigarettes out. I did not let Greta leave my vision, because I am wry, cautious. I do not trust anyone, despite pasts or time spent with the individual. I lit my cigarette, and folded my arms on the table.

"Where is your friend? The crazy one?"

"Her name is Dez. She has accepted a mission that took her inside The Pitt. I am awaiting her return."

"Oh Charon, The Pitt is very dangerous…"

Her tone was condescending, and hopeful. People do not realize how observant I am of their actions and tones. It tells me more about the person than they ever will themselves. My jaw clenched, I did not want Greta, or anyone, being hopeful of Dez's demise.

"Yes. I am aware."

"Why did you let her go there, then?"

"She seemed well-suited for the job at hand. I trust she will return."

"Oh Charon…you may have just killed that smoothskin."

"I did not."

I felt anger rising up inside my body. I had tolerated enough in my time, and now I am free to do as I please.

"You don't know that? What if she never comes back?"

"I do not wish to discuss this any further."

Greta frowned, stood, and left without a goodbye. It did not affect me. I do not mind if the people here are unwelcoming, I am not here for a long period of time. Eventually, I know I will find myself walking back to the Train Yard, and into The Pitt if Dez does not return. One by one, I will kill whomever stands in my way, until I can get answers. There will be no strategic inside plans for me, like the ones Dez has followed.

I find that I am uncomfortable in the Ninth Circle. I have spent too much time here, and do not wish to spend any more. I walk out, leaving a trail of smoke from my cigarette. I notice the robot is still active and buzzing around the foyer. I have never trusted that robot, they have a tendency to short circuit. I walk out of Underworld, and into the large entrance room. I feel useless, and I do not know what to do with myself.

I am able to find a spot near a barrel of burning fire. I sit and close my eyes, my cigarette done. I can remember Dez so vividly, her movements, ways and voice. I have never thought of someone so much. It is strange, and I am not sure of how to react to it. I can reminisce about our relationship, and I imagine meeting her before the Great War, and how that might have played out. I must learn to disobey my training, to be normal and give her whatever it is she may need. Before the Great War, before the general obtained my contract, I was freer than I am today. I was in control of my own body and mind, the contract lost amongst employers to the point where I did not know whom to obey. I gave up, and ventured off into the world. I returned home, to where I was most comfortable.

I remember seeing the Statue of Liberty as I ventured back into New York. She was sad, old, with scaffoldings surrounding her once green body. I was aware she used to be copper, then turned green, but changed to a stingy brown. It saddened me, but I did not let it bring me down. My old home had changed. I tried to fit in with everyone else, but the gun permanently strapped to my back made it difficult. I can remember women partying, morals and values loosening with the passing years and generations. It bothered me, I became a recluse. I did not know what to do with the freedom bestowed upon myself, similar to now.

I have waited my entire life for a woman like Dez, but I have not realized it. Every now and again, I found myself wishing she could read my mind. I do not know how to vocalize such strong emotions, nor do I know if this is what people feel for one another. I could just be adjusting to her personality, taking in the Chameleon Affect. It is when two people who are in one another's presence for so long, adapt trains and mannerisms of each other. I have never met a woman so intangible as Dez is, nor have I ever wanted to, that I am aware of. It is confusing to me, I cannot analyze or interpret the meaning of it all, and this bothers me.

I press my palms against the worn marble floor of the Museum of History, and begin to walk back into Underworld. My body is tired, hungry. I press the doors open just enough for my body to slide through, leaving the thoughts and feelings I have for Dez behind me. Until I am sure of her return, I cannot let myself falter. The people of Underworld may need my protection, and I cannot let myself forget my training. Venturing up the foyer stairs, I led myself to Carol's Place. I ignored the glances the other ghouls gave me, I always did. I felt like all their eyes were on me, monitoring me, judging me.

Carol was smoking a cigarette behind the counter. I walked up to her, dropping caps on the counter. She glanced at me, smiling a bit.

"Charon, it is good to see you. Greta told me you returned."

"Yes. May I have a room? I am unsure of the length of my stay, so I will require a bed every night."

"Just pay me by the end of the week. I trust you not to take off. You can take the room that's sealed off, on the other side of the shop."

"Thank you."

"Greta is making some Noodles, would you like a bowl?"

"Please."

"She will bring it to your room when they are finished then."  
"Thank you."

I collected my caps from the counter, and walked away from her. She is still angry with me about the incident with Gob and Greta, I can sense it. If I wanted to, I could ask her to take my contract, employ me until Dez returned. Yet I cannot risk that. I cannot risk another ghoul wanting ownership of it so badly, they would sneak in at night and steal it, as Ahzrukhal had. He was a dirty, evil bastard, and it brought me comfort knowing he was dead, knowing he could never come back.

The bed was large, queen-sized. I yawned, dropping my shotgun in the middle of the bed. My fingers worked mechanically, unbuckling my straps and helping the armor slide itself off. I examined the leather piece in my hand, noticing a few minor scratches and holes. This could prove fatal, if I was not careful. Tulip can repair my armor for me tomorrow, I am sure she is closed right now. I put my armor beside the bed, and unbuckled my pants. Dez's bite marks were indented on my belt, from the surgery she had at Rivet City. I traced it with my fingers, knowing it was the closest thing to her I had with me. I set it beside my armor, and took my boots off. I would not sleep in my boxers as I had in Megaton. Greta would be in my room, I did not want to expose myself to a woman, ghoul or not.

The bed creaked under my weight. My left arm was mostly skin, as is my right, but still patches of muscle show, reminding me of what I am. My neck and face are the most decayed, it is bothersome. I would have preferred my face to have the most skin, and for my body to be red and raw instead. Yet I cannot pick and choose where and when my skin falls off, if I could, I would be an entirely different person.

"Charon?"

I looked over to see Greta in the makeshift doorway, holding my bowl of Noodles in her hand. I reached out for it, taking the warm bowl.

"Thank you, Greta."

She smiled sadly at me, and I began to eat. I have not had a decent meal in a few days, and my body is needing nourishment. Greta stood, looking at me with her eyes, brushing her limp hair from her face once in a while. I tried to take note of he motions, and the way she stood. Her shoulders and toes were pointed in my direction, her arms were crossed. I know what she wants, her body language tells me more than she knows. The dirty pre-war spring outfit she dawned moved and shifted every time she did. I noted she was rubbing her calves nervously. I looked away from her, putting more food into my mouth. I do not like people watching me.

"Charon?"

"Yes?"

"May I come in?"

"You are already 'in', Greta."

I am not mean by nature. I am only mean when my employer is in danger, or I must be on guard. I did not want Greta in this pathetic room with me, but I could not tell her no. She was kind enough to deliver food to me, even if it is her job. I watched her fluid motion of entering my room, letting the bathroom stall makeshift door gently close behind her. She sat beside me on my bed, her legs crossed and hands folded on her lap.

"You know Charon, you are a true gentleman."

"I am not aware of how you came to that conclusion."

"You are nice to us here, even though you've been traveling with that brash smoothskin. You haven't developed prejudice."

I feel as if Greta is not only insulting Dez, but confusing 'prejudice' with 'rude'. I swallowed what was left of my food, and placed the bowl on the floor beside my armor. I noticed the weight of the bed shifted as Greta moved closer towards me, trying to be sneaky. My perception is higher than hers, I can tell there is a lot more going on in her head than she wishes to let on.

"It would be hypocritical of me if I developed prejudice against my own kind."

"Well some ghouls are accepted by humans, and they begin to hate us. I think they forget where they came from."

"Gob has taken a smoothskin for his own."

I understand Greta is stuck in the past, which is why I brought up Gob. I am hoping the sour feelings she felt when he left will soon be returned, and she will leave me to my own accord. I am tired, and wish to sleep.

"Really?"

"Last I heard, yes. A girl named Nova. She is quite attractive."

Greta has always been self-conscious about her ghoulism. Many female ghouls are, yet some like Tulip, accept it and move on.

"I am happy for him then. I hope that he understands humans will die before us, and once again, he will be alone."

"He is happy for the time being."

"Like you are with that girl?"

I looked over from staring at the door. Greta was nervously biting her lip. She and I both know that this is something that will anger me, and she is nervous speaking about it.

"I do not wish to speak of Dez."

"Because she left you, right? You know Gob's lucky. I don't know how girls are, if some have a ghoul fetish, but you're stupid for letting yourself get close to that…that _woman_. I doubt she'll come back and you're wasting your time."

"You are making brash assumptions about a subject you have no knowledge of."

"I saw what happened the last time she flew in here. Quinn 'accidentally' shot her, and she had a freak out. I know you were holding her hand, Quinn was talking about it after you both left. How he'd never seen a smoothskin let a ghoul get so close."

"Greta, you are in dangerous territory. I suggest you leave well enough alone. I am tired and require rest."

"I don't _want_ to leave yet. I want to talk to you."

She advanced towards me, and I politely moved aside. Overturning the thick blankets of my rented bed, I gave Greta my usual emotionless look.

"I will speak with you tomorrow."

Kissing a fellow ghoul is similar to kissing leather armor with a hole in it. It is dry, and clammy. I find no pleasure in it, and would not suggest it. Greta's lips are not soft and soothing and moist as Dez's are. Her mouth is bone-dry, and I could feel her muscles flexing with and against my own. I did not want or welcome the kiss she gave me, but I accepted it. I do not know how to turn down advances of this sort, it has never happened to me. Yet I feel Greta's mouth against mine, and the stench of her breath intertwining with my own. Her tongue is dry, and I feel like I am kissing the dirt I walk upon. I imagine and remember Dez, her moist and tender lips and mouth, and how much internal pleasure it brought me. The thought of another person whilst kissing someone made me uncomfortable, and I shifted away, Greta's mouth leaving mine.

"See Charon…remember how you felt so long ago about me? Remember?"

I looked at her blankly, the same look I often gave Dez when she did something out of character. Greta's eyes yearned for a response, a signal that I enjoyed what she'd done, but I gave her none.

"I must rest now."

She smiled at me, misinterpreting my words somehow. It was like she danced out of the room, swaying her fleshless back and closing the door behind her. When I heard it click, I felt relieved she had left. I fit my body under the blankets, but I found thoughts and emotions were making me restless. I felt as if I betrayed Dez somehow. As if I had done something wrong. It made my insides churn uncomfortably, and I wondered about Dez's reaction if I told her this. Would she be angry? No, she would not be angry. She has no grounds to be, yet I feel angry. I feel angry with myself, my mind insulting me for my actions, punishing me. I felt I had done wrong, yet I do not know why. I feel nothing for Greta, and think the world of Dez. I just hope her return is swift, so I do not have to endure this much longer.


	9. Chapter 9

Greta came to me every night I spent in Underworld. I noticed her pattern, and tried to be asleep by the time she arrived, but it was useless. She would rouse me, and press her leathery face into mine. Each night, she pushed the kissing further and further, trying to obtain something I would not grant her. I slept with my belt on, fastened tightly around my waist. I did not want her pushing too far, because I do not know how to tell her what she is doing is not enjoyable to me. Each night she would say my name, but it didn't give me any pleasure. I would lie there, my hands by my side, and awkwardly let her fumble with herself and my own body. I would close my eyes, and remember how Dez said my name. It would drip and ooze with something, she would murmur 'Charon' as if it was her dying breath, filled with want and desire. I had picked up on it a few weeks into our travels, and shuddered each time she let it fall off of her lips.

I have been in Underworld for almost three weeks, with no sign or signal from Dez. Three Dog often plays in the Ninth Circle, and I venture there to hear his reports. He does not mention me, and that is good. I do not wish to be publicized. All he has said of Dez is that she is in The Pitt, saving the people, and whatnot. He has not mentioned her return, simply that she has been spotted in various areas. He does not specify where, but I hope he does soon, so then I may venture out with a starting point, and leave here. I can no longer stand or tolerate the advances and visits from Greta. Soon, I know, she will succeed in removing my belt, and I do not know of my reaction. I do not know if I will push her off of me, or lie back and let her continue as I have.

I feel guilty, sitting on my bed tonight. My guilt has grown each and every night Greta comes and goes. I think of Dez, and pray that she will forgive me if she finds out. I pray that I will forgive myself, because I feel as if what I am doing is a sin. I do not know how to end it, it has never happened. Night has come once again, and everyone is sleeping. I know tonight Greta will come, once Carol is sleeping soundly. I can't imagine what she will do to me now, and I do not want to. It makes me feel sick, and somehow, it makes me want to cry. I have not cried ever in my life, I have been brought close to tears by Dez's departure, and now this. I feel this way because it is not what I want, and I am still trying to figure out a way of informing Dez that I want her in more ways than she has given me.

In the silence of the Ninth Circle, I can hear Greta getting up from Carol's bed. I hear her softly walk over to my room, and I turn my back to the door, hoping that she will see I am sleeping and leave. Yet I know she will not. She will rouse me, turn me over and smile. She thinks this is something, and I do not know how to tell her otherwise.

"Charon?"

I do not respond to my name, her voice making it sound rough and rigid. It does not make me feel the way Dez did. It is simply my name being called. I do not move, and I feel her on the bed, shifting it as she crawls over.

"Wake up, Charon."

I open my eyes, and see her leering at me from the darkness. There is a hunger in her eyes that was not there before, a new hunger. I prepare myself, and hope I know what to do if she gets too far ahead. The bed shifts, her weight making it move. I wonder if she knows that I do not find pleasure, that I cannot continue this.

"Greta?"

"Yes?"

"Please, leave me alone."

I do not like hurting people, unless it is on the battlefield. Greta's face fell, but she did not argue or ask questions. I watched her as she pushed off of my rented bed, and began to slink out of the room, sad. I do not feel bad for kicking her out, I did not want this, I have not since she rejected me. Now, I find peace in my room. I can rest easy knowing that she will not come back. In the morning, I will be able to explain myself to her, and hopefully not get kicked out of Underworld or have the people turn hostile towards me.

I pull the thick blanket to my neck, and lie on my side. I have felt a growing sense of sadness with each passing day that Dez does not appear, or Three Dog does not report anything new. It has become bothersome, distracting me from things I should be paying attention to. I should be making sure the citizens here are safe, not sitting and wondering where my former employer is. I understand there is something between Dez and I, something I cannot explain or analyze, and that is what bothers me. My memories of her play in my mind, and I want to say something to her. I want to tell her that I may not be the right one for her, but I want to be. I cannot vocalize this, as if some barrier prevents it. I have come to discover I need her in my life, because that girl gives me a purpose. She drags me here and there through the Wastes, testing my limits, pushing my buttons. I find pleasure in her challenges. It never gets old, when I am following behind her.

Even with the covers over me, I feel cold and clammy. My body is rough where the muscles are exposed, and I cannot find a comfortable position to sleep in. Thoughts cloud my mind, and I realize sleep will not come to me tonight. I sit up, letting the blankets gather around my waist. My leather armor is beside my bed, and I reach for it, slipping it on my body. I have only been sleeping in my trousers, fearful of what Greta may do if I do not. I kick the covers from me, and slide my boots on my feet. I do not know where I am going, but I know I can not sit here like this. I strap my shotgun to my back, and light a cigarette. I sit, staring at the wall for some time before I stand, and leave my room. I can see Greta's face smothered in her pillow, and her body slightly shaking. I know she is crying, but I do not wish to comfort her. I do not know how to properly speak to a woman, it might turn out bad.

Exiting Carol's Place, I quietly walk down the foyer stairs, ignoring the giant Underworld banner that hangs low enough to brush my shoulder. There is only I and Cerberus in the foyer, and we ignore one another. That robot hates us, calling us zombies under his, erm, breath. I will shoot him, if I have the chance. The doors to Underworld echo loudly in the empty halls, and I stand near the burning barrel, gazing into the fire. I do not know what I intend to gain by standing here like this, I only know it is warming my body, and I enjoy the feeling of fire.

I have discovered in my three weeks alone, that no former employer has cared for me in the way Dez has. I dreamt last night, that I went missing. I was viewing it all in third person, and I was able to see Dez collapse to the ground in misery. I could not reach out and comfort her, although I wanted to. I woke after that, in a cold sweat, wondering what it could mean. I know if something like that should occur, she would be upset. I put my full trust and faith in that. I feel with Dez, we balance one another out. I am able to stabilize her insanity, and she is able to show me the better part of life. It is something I miss being around.

It puzzles me as to how this barrel is always burning, always warm. I do not notice anyone coming out to feed it. Dez would tell me it's a 'magic barrel', but I know better. Winthrop probably comes out once in a while and puts things in it. It lights up the entrance to Underworld, signifying to lost ghouls that safety and salvation is near. I tossed my cigarette into it, and the flames swallowed it up. Crossing my arms, I let it warm my body. I closed my eyes, standing still and focusing on the comfort and warmth being by the fire brought me.

"Die you fuckers! Ha! I'll show you! Stupid fuckin' Radroaches…"

I opened my eyes, disbelieving my own ears. I stared towards the entrance hall, curious. I know only of one woman who would act that way when killing Radroaches, or anything for that matter. I peered over the desk, and saw the familiar glow of green lighting the area.

"That _that_!"

There is no mistaking it. It is Dez. I force myself to stand where I am, and not run towards her. It takes all of my self control and self restraint to not run. I have never felt this way towards anyone, I have never been so relieved to see someone. She is not dead. In fact, she is very much alive. If it was possible, I would be smiling right now. I keep my eyes on the fire, trying to not let on that I hear her. I do not want her to know that I have missed her so greatly. It would boost her already engorged ego.

"Stupid Super Mutants…fuck my leg. Go figure…Stupid. That doctor better be open."

I hear her complaints, and I should be concerned, but I am just so happy she is alive. Over the fire, I can make out her faint outline. I notice she is limping, and the drive to help her is almost irresistible. She is almost within eyesight of me, I know she will see me, and she will run over best she can. I just have to be patient, and pretend I do not notice her. I cannot let myself slip up now, she may need protection. I cannot protect someone when I am distracted by such strong emotions.

Yet I cannot hold myself back. I find myself almost jogging over to her. She is looking down at her leg, biting her lip. The light of her Pip-Boy shows me new scars on her body, and I feel rage building up. I want to kill whomever created those scars.

"Shit this looks deep…"

"Do you need help?"

She looks up at me, shock crossing her face, then something I've never seen before. She seems happy, truly happy, I've never seen her like this. We stare t one another, and after a few silent moments, she dramatically flops herself to the floor and points to her leg.

"I can't walk. You have to carry me to help."

I hide a smirk as I nod. I know she is being dramatic. Just minutes ago, I saw her crush the head of a Radroach with that leg. As I always have, I pretend to fall for her pity act. It brings us close, and I enjoy that. She feels light under my arms, lighter than I remember. Her skin is cold, clammy to the touch as mine was. I have missed how her body feels in my arms, how it just fits, and feels right. I do not know where these emotions come from, or what they mean, but it feels instinctual to me. As if my mind and body just _know_ something I do not.

I carry her body over to the barrel of fire. I know Dr. Barrows is still awake, he often works late into the night, but Dez does not know that, and I want to care for her myself. Gently, I set her on the marble floor, looking at her leg. Blood is seeping from it, but it is not serious. I take the pack from her bag, and search for the old familiar Lunchbox.

"You're the same."

I glance up from her pack, and peer into her eyes.

"Yes. Am I not supposed to be?"

"No…I just…I forgot what you looked like. I mean…I just…I missed you a lot is all."

She forces a smile at me, hiding those tears that I can see in her eyes. I do not push the issue, I never do. I simply let her deal with her own emotions, and answer as truthfully as I can.

"I have missed you too."

I find the Lunchbox and pull it out. Dez looks at me with a smile wider than I've ever seen, and I avert my eyes so I do not smile back. I focus on her leg, and wipe away extra blood with a rag that was stuffed inside her pack. It is a minor bullet graze, nothing a Stimpack can't fix in an instant.

"Do you really mean that, Charon?"

The call of my name sends a shudder down my spine. I glance up at her quickly, and I see a distant yearning in her eyes. She's begging for my approval, my acceptance.

"Yes."

She squeals with excitement, and I take a Stimpack, trying to subdue my own happiness.

"Do you work for anyone now?"

"No."

"So…you're free then."

"No. I am still bound to my contract. I have just not sought out a new employer."

I finish with her leg and she pulls it back into her body. She sits up, and I try to distract her by putting her supplies away. I feel her move closer to me, I know when I turn back around she will be right there, and I find I don't mind. I turn, and she is there, staring at me intently, right into my eyes. Her face is set and serious, and I know she is trying hard to not cry.

I feel her body press into my own, her arms around my backside, her face in my chest. My hands find the mess on her head that she calls hair, and I return her embrace. She is dawning new armor, and I have to be careful to avoid the spikes she wears on her shoulders. I press her face into my chest, and rest my chin atop her head. For the first time in my life, I feel I have found peace.

"Charon…I…I saw hell out there. I don't care what anyone says, it exists…it's real…"

Her body quivers and begins to shake. I hold her tighter, trying to comfort her without words. It is then I realize this girl is completely dependent on me. She is relying on me to keep her safe, protect her, steady her mind and cook her meals. She needs me for everything, and I am willing to do that and more. This girl shares her pain and happiness with me, and it is contagious. I cannot believe she is real sometimes, but I know I have to. I just don't know how yet.

"There was fire, Charon. And there was…it was terrible…and…and…"

"You need rest, Dez."

She lifts her head from my chest, and looks at me. Her eyes are wet, and her cheeks are stained with small rivers. I notice there are lesions around her neck and shoulder. She smiles sadly at me, and I let my hand touch them. Her skin flakes off, almost showing muscle. For a moment, I am worried she has been exposed to too much radiation.

"It's Troglodyte Degeneration Contagion. They say it's from being around extreme amounts of radiation and toxins in the air, and that it'll go away after a month so long as I'm not around it but…you never know."

She smiles, but I can sense she is worried. I do not know what Troglodyte Degeneration Contagion is, but I know she should seek medical attention.

"You should see Dr. Barrows."

She shakes her head at me, shifting her body weight. Her face is so close to mine, we could kiss, but I do not try.

"No, he wouldn't know what it is. If it gets worse, they're working on a cure over there. I can go get some of that. It's kind of like…feral ghouls, only they do this."

She got up and started prancing around on all fours and swiping at things. She looked simply foolish, but it was endearing.

"They got no skin, and really pointy ears, and no sex. When I killed a few…they said 'thank you'. It was…it was creepy. Like they could _remember_ they were people. It was scary, Charon."

She sat herself down in the middle of the room, her legs crossed. I noticed more lesions around her body, it looked as if she was suffering from severely dry skin. There was a coating of red around her skin, like she had been sun burnt. I have not changed, but she has. I do not know if it is for the better.

"You need rest."

The silence was driving me crazy, I felt I needed to say something to break it.

"I wanted to talk about your contract."

"Yes?"

"I…I want you to come with me again. But…only if you want to. It's your choice now, so…I figure we can get this over with now, so then if you don't want to I can go camp somewhere and head home. Ya know?"

"If you wish for me to accompany you, then I will."

"No Charon, god. Do you _want_ to?"

"Yes."

I did not hesitate in my response. I am happy she has returned, and I wish to remain by her side. I am relieved she wants me back in her life, and I hastily reach for my contract in my pocket. Pulling it out, I hear her crawling over to me. She takes it from my hand, smiling, and puts it in her pack. I notice a deep, pink scar on her back that is not finished healing. I touch it, and she jumps away from me, her face alarmed.

"Sorry."

She murmurs, and begins to unzip her top. I look away, and wait for her to tell me when.

"It's…it's from The Hole. I…I had to fight other slaves to get to the guy I needed to get to…one got me good with this cutting thing…"

I glance over. The scar zigzags from her lower back, over her ribs, and back up to her neck. It was once a deep cut, and I flinch just by viewing at it. She lets me touch it this time, and my fingers trace it. In some places, it is still red, and I notice Dez closes her eyes to my touch. I remove my hand and sit back down. I have to contain the rage at whatever caused the scar. I cannot imagine how she endured that pain.

"It hurt. That's why it took me so long. They made me rest and shit."

"That is good then."

"No…no its not. I hated it there, Charon. I cried every night, I was so scared. People…people got killed for no reason. And did you know those Raiders hate our Raiders?"

I shook my head slowly at her.

"Well they do. They say they're druggies giving the profession a bad name. And I met an android too, I killed her and found fission batteries all over her body. And some guy named O-Dog tried to screw me one night and man…that was bad. I was in deep shit over there…I cried a lot."

"Why did you cry?"

"Because…because I missed you. And I was scared you weren't going to be here when I got back…that's why."

"I understand."

She fixed her top and smiled sadly at me. She crawled over, and rested her head on my shoulder. I wrapped my arm around her, comforting her and pulling her close. I felt her arms around my waist, and heard her sigh.

"I'm just happy to be back here. I like it better here."

"You should rest."

She looked up at me with those eyes. Sometimes I could see her and know her in and out, but other times, I didn't know who it was I was looking at.

"I know."

I stood, letting her body slide off of me. She looked up at me, sad and scared.

"I have a bed in Carol's Place. You may rest there."

"What about you?"

It comforted me to know that even when she was worn and exhausted, it was me she worried about.

"I will sleep elsewhere."

"No. We can share. We share everything else. I don't want you on the floor like you were at Rivet City."

I nod, and help her to her feet. She smiles at me, her face stretching wide. I nod, and open the doors to Underworld for her. I am just happy she is safe again, with me.


	10. Chapter 10

Goddamn motherfucking Super Mutants got my leg really bad. But it's okay now, because Charon fixed me right up. You know, I didn't think he'd be here. I didn't expect him to wait this long, but I'm so fucking glad he did. _You got lucky this time, but don't expect him to wait forever_. Shut up, no. He waited, that's the point. He didn't give up on me, he stood by me, he…he really believed I would pull through it. And I did. I just got my ass handed to me in the process.

He leads me through Carol's Place, and I try to be really quiet. I don't want to wake everyone who's sleeping. I haven't had a good night's rest in three weeks, I'm looking forward to feeling a soft bed beneath me.

"This is my room."

Charon pushes open a bathroom stall door, and I look inside. A queen-sized bed is in the middle of a small, closed off room. Without thinking, I jump on it, dropping my guns and pack.

"It's so soft!"

I moaned, pressing my face into the sheets. It felt so soft and comfortable, I couldn't help myself. I rolled around on the bed, smiling to myself. In The Pitt, no one had comforts like this. That…that was a bad time for me. I was alone, with new enemies and things called Trogs. I didn't know what to do, I felt so scared. But somehow, eventually, I found myself walking back through to the Capitol Wasteland. I couldn't believe it I damn near kissed the ground I was walking on. The memories picked at me like an old scab trying to heal. I opened my eyes, Charon was looking at me with that expressionless face of his. I smiled, sitting up.

"You're still the same, Charon."

He nodded. I had changed, I knew that much. After seeing what I saw in The Pitt, it's hard to stay the same. I failed to mention my recent Jet addiction to him. In due time. For now, I want us to have a happy reunion. But between you and me, you need chems to get by over there. You'd go insane without them.

"Help me?"

I motioned to my shoulder spikes, and Charon nodded. I got myself some Raider Throwdown Armor, and was loving how it looked and felt on me. But I can't sleep worth a shit in it, trust me, I've tried. The spiked part on my shoulders digs in and grinds against my skin, making small cuts and hurting my face. I felt Charon's hands behind me, fumbling with the straps. I smiled, his torso in my face.

"You going to sleep in your armor, too?"

"No."

He took the spikes off of me, and I rubbed my shoulders, flexing my arm. He tossed them to the floor, and I noticed he locked the bathroom door. I cocked an eyebrow, but didn't ask why. I didn't let on to Charon that I felt different inside. I felt as if my life was on a timer. Like…I can't describe it. Since I got back, I've just felt as if I'm biding my time, and living off of borrowed time. It's bothering me, and making me worry, but I told myself I'd forget it if I could just get to Charon. Now I have, and it seems to be the only thing on my mind.

I looked up as Charon backed away from me. I unzipped my top, letting it come off my body all seductive and whatnot. Sure, I haven't the slightest idea what being seductive is, but hell why not give it a shot? I let my top armor fall off to the floor, and I was sitting in just my bra and pants. Charon remained still and emotionless, and I realized how stupid I was being.

"You are the most unreadable person, Charon."

I stood, and fumbled with the metal belt around my waist. I had two of them, which was really a pain, but I would not be discouraged by them. Somehow, I got them both unbuckled and off. I smiled, proud and triumphant.

"I did it Charon!"

"People are sleeping, Dez."

I frowned and bit my lip. I forgot we aren't alone in here. Ah well, they'd be getting up soon anyways. Sliding off my pants, I slid my body into the soft, warm bed. I felt so cold since leaving The Pitt. My body hasn't adjusted to the climate changes yet, and I was feeling the effects. I glanced up at Charon as I scooted over to the opposite side of the bed. He was taking off his top armor, and I watched as he slid it off.

Usually, before, he had a black tee underneath. Now I saw he had taken that off along with his chest piece. He sat with his back to me, working the straps on his boots. I stared at him. Charon, I need you more than anything else in my life. I wish I could tell you how much you mean to me, but I am a coward, and I bet you a million caps you don't feel the same. Sighing, I pulled the covers over my lap. I am in my underwear, and I feel like an idiot. Charon probably thinks I am, too, for doing all of this. I shouldn't have come back, but he did say he missed me.

I shook my head, staring at the blankets. I shouldn't beat myself up. I owe Charon my life, and maybe he has developed a soft spot for me. I mean, he changed his mind and decided to stay. I played with the blanket in my hands, feeling the onset of a quick withdrawal. Nervously, I scanned the walls of the small room we were in. Nothing but bathroom stall doors separated us from the other ghouls, but that didn't bother me.

"Would you like a cigarette, Dez?"

I glanced up at Charon. He stood in his pants, a pack of cigarettes in his hand. In the darkness, I couldn't differentiate between skin and muscle. I just saw a man in front of me, staring at me with white eyes.

"Yeah…please."

He lit two and handed me one. I watched him slide under the covers beside me, and smoke his cigarette in the silence. I did the same, staring off ahead at the wall in front of me. I never thought I'd survive The Pitt to be honest with you. I thought I was going to die out there, I was so scared, so nervous. No one knew me. I felt like a whole new person. My Pip-Boy didn't give me away, and no one knew that strange girl from Vault 101 was me. It was strange, and…scary. I never thought this would come to mind, but…I feel safe in the Capitol Wasteland. I know it, I know what to expect from it. I didn't know The Pitt.

"Is there something on your mind?"

I glanced over at Charon while I exhaled a bunch of smoke.

"Just…thinking about The Pitt…"

I wasn't ready to talk about it with him yet.

"I see."

I nodded at him, sighing and taking another long drag of my cigarette. The Pitt was…it was terrible. I was shocked at everything I saw. Hell, I didn't think anything could shock me anymore, but that place really put the fear in me.

Shaking my head, I stole a look at Charon. He was just sitting, smoking. I didn't smile, but I wanted to. I wanted to enjoy the time we were spending together now, enjoy being his company again. It just felt like something was preventing me from that. I just…feel like something is going to happen. I don't know what, though. I wonder if Charon will be there, when the end for me comes. I wonder if he'll still be there, watching me and trying to keep me safe. This time I smiled, and tossed my cigarette to the floor.

"I think I should go help the Brotherhood."

He looked at me, shocked almost.

"Yes?"

"Yeah. I think I should. It was my father's dying wish for that to happen, you know? But…at the same time, I don't want to be…a hero. I don't want to go down in history as some goodie two-shoes savior. That's not me."

"Then what is you?"

The question caught me off guard. I shook my head, tracing lines on the blanket.

"I haven't quite figured that out yet."

"I see."

I sighed, and laid down. I can't shake this feeling that something is…different. Something is going to happen. I can just foresee myself putting flowers on my own grave or some fucked up shit like that. I feel like I'm on a time limit. I can't describe it. It is bugging the holy piss out of me though.

"Charon?"

"Yes?"

"You have to promise me something."

"What is it?"

"If something happens to me…promise me you'll be free. That you'll live your life the way you want to, and not by that stupid fuckin' contract."

"I will do the best I can."

"Good."

Pulling the blankets to my chin, I laid on my side, my back facing Charon. At least now if something _did_ actually happen to me, Charon would be safe. He wouldn't be under the employment of someone who would be cruel to him, someone who might hurt him or something.

"Dez?"

I turned my neck, feeling Charon moving and making the bed creak and shake.

"Yeah?"

"I am glad you have returned safe."

"Me too, Charon. Me too."

Out of nowhere, I felt his hand on my side. I froze up, stiff. It shocked me, I hadn't expected him to touch me. I felt his fingertips tracing new scars along my side, stopping every now and again on a patch of dried and scale-like skin.

"Trog?"

He asked, and I let out a deep gush of air.

"Yes."

He moved his hand off the dried spot. I felt my heard racing, jumping up in my throat. I could hear Three Dog playing somewhere in the distance, in another room, and I blocked it from my head. Charon's hand found another scar, and he stopped on it.

"That's from a Raider. Knife cut."

He moved his hand to my upper shoulder. I had a deep scar on the side of my neck. When I got it, it was almost as deep as the one on my back, just nearly missing my jugular.

"When I fought in The Hole."

"You have gotten very wounded."

"No armor. Foolish mistakes."

He wrapped his hand around my neck, and lightly touched the scar I had receive so long ago at Fort Bannister…the one from him.

"I still have not forgiven myself for that."

I rolled over, looking at him. I think that's when I realized I love Charon more than anyone else in my life. More than I have ever loved or cared for anyone before. I wished there was a song I had played on piano that could describe this moment, but there was none. If I ever got that keyboard, I would make one up. I'd call it…'Mine and Charon's Song of Songness', and it would be beautiful.

His hand was still on my neck when I reached up to his back. I placed my hand on the scar he had from me, his arm resting on my chest.

"This, is from me. And I haven't forgiven myself for it, either."

I felt my eyes welling up with water, but I pushed it back. I didn't want to cry. I refused to cry in front of him. Charon's body stiffened like mine had. He leered at me, and I saw his jaw clench. I smirked at him, kind of in a sad way. I felt his arm over my chest, and it felt so heavy, like it weighed a ton.

"I'm sorry, you know."

I told him, running my fingers over the scar.

"I know."

I took my hand from his back, and put it on his chest. If anyone saw this, us, they'd think they caught us in the middle of some sort of sex thing.

"You got all healed up."

"Yes."

I missed his rough, uneven voice, and the unnatural 'accent' he had. His chest had healed, completely, and new skin had formed over the old.

"I'm glad."

"I am too."

He slid his hand off of my neck, and let it rest on the scar that wound up my back. I felt his hands touching it, almost tickling it, and I flinched.

"I am most concerned about this one."

"It's nothing now. It was something mean a few weeks ago, it's fine now, though."

"This could have easily killed you."

"But it didn't."

He took that as an acceptable answer, and let the subject go. I felt his hand slide off of my neck, and he pushed back from me. I heard him sigh, and I frowned to myself. Maybe this isn't the right time for Charon and I to happen. There's something I've got to do though. Something I can maybe do. I don't know any of his likes or dislikes, so I don't know what direction to go in. Hell I don't even know if the rotten fucker likes me.

Sighing loudly, I fell back onto the pillow, my arms behind my head, elbows high in the air. I felt the lesions of the Trog disease stretch and rip open, the skin lifting up. With my left hand, I ripped the piece off. It didn't hurt, it just felt like I had a bad sunburn and was taking off the peeled skin. I didn't feel tired, but I know I need sleep. I looked over at Charon, his back was to me, and I could see his spine in some areas.

You know, I think I'm scared of him in another way. I think once I admit fully that I'm so close to him, he'll leave. I don't know why I think this, but I just do. I only ever told him I loved him once, and I don't think he remembers that. Maybe he does, and just doesn't think about it. Maybe I just lost my mind and don't know how to get it back.

I turned back on my side, my hands tucked under my head. I closed my eyes, and memories played without permission. I remember how dim and dark the vault was, compared to the burning sun. I remembered how I came out of there, and I was so stupid. So ignorant, so…_free_. I'd never felt freedom before, than when I left the vault. I thought I was free, I mean, I never really broke the rules. But out here, it's total freedom. There is no law, no guards, its do or die, and I fuckin' love it. I can shoot up a town and go back to Megaton and no one would know any better. I could do anything, and no one would think it's out of the ordinary.

I felt my blood race, remembering all of the firsts I've had in the desert, in the Capitol Wasteland. Somehow, Charon snuck himself into a list of those firsts. He's the first bodyguard I've ever had, the first person to give a shit, and the first…well, you know. I sighed. I can't even get him out of my head when I'm trying to sleep. What the fuck man. I did enough thinking about him in The Pitt. Why does it have to keep going?

"Are you asleep?"

Charon voice made my eyes snap wide open, jerking me from whatever thoughts I was thinking.

"No. I can't."

"Neither can I."

I rolled on my back, and he did too. The bed was warm, soft and inviting. I wanted to sleep forever in it, but I couldn't get to sleep. I wanted to stay here forever, but I couldn't stop my legs from moving.

"Why can't you sleep?"

I asked him, motioning for a cigarette. He reached over and handed me one, and lit it for me. I inhaled it, and looked at him, waiting for his answer.

"I am not tired."

"Me neither."

"You look tired. You should rest."

I shook my head, staring at the ceiling.

"No. I can't. I gotta _do_ something. Want to head back to Megaton?"

"Now?"

"Ya why not?"

Charon sighed, rubbing his eyes. I turned on my Pip-Boy light, blinding myself with it for a minute.

"I think you should rest, or you will become exhausted."

"But…I _can't_."

He was beginning to piss me off with his stupid suggestions. I didn't bother to listen to his argument, I kicked the blankets off of myself. Getting up, I did a stretch, and walked over to my armor.

"You are going to Megaton?"

I pulled on my pants, trying to keep my cigarette in my mouth and buckle my two belts.

"Yeah."

"Very well."

He got up, and grabbed his boots. I heard him playing with the laces, and grumbling to himself. I got my shoulder spikes on, and finished zipping up my shirt. Grabbing my pack and gun, I moved the weight around until it felt comfortable.

"You ready?"

Charon fit his arms through his armor, and nodded.

"Yes."

"Let's go."

Here we go. Dez and Charon on another wild adventure back to Megaton, just like old times. So why now does it feel so different? Not a good kind of different, but an uncomfortable different. It feels like between Fort Bannister and The Pitt, too much time has elapsed, and we're not familiar with one another anymore. It kind of annoyed me. I kept thinking we were still venturing back from Rivet City, but I knew we weren't. I kept thinking it was two months and a day ago, but it wasn't. _You're different and he's the same, this isn't going to work and you're going to be sorry, Dezbe_.

We walked out of Underworld, and left it all behind. Charon didn't seem to mind leaving so early in the morning, or so late at night. Then again, he never really minded much of anything, at least, not that I knew of. I shook my head, letting my feet walk me to the Metro tunnel ahead. Charon's rhythmic feet focused me, made me move my own weary feet.

Every now and again, I'd glance behind me to make sure he was there. Any little noise scared me, caused me to jump. I think that's from being in The Pitt. Shit man…I guess I don't know just how much I've changed. But with every noise that made me jump, Charon was at the ready with his shotgun. Before, this would make me feel safe, and I'd like it. Now…now it just made me sigh and shake my head. I have no reason to feel this way, but I do.


	11. Chapter 11

In The Pitt, I felt so alone. I was scared, by myself, with no one to help me. It made me remember and relive the first few months I was alone in the Capitol Wasteland. The cruel person inside was awoken, and I did things I knew I shouldn't. I killed innocent slaves while I was recovering from my time in The Hole, on the sole basis that they pissed me off. I disguised it as trying to prove to the Raiders I was one of them, but I knew better. I knew I was doing it because I _wanted_ to do it.

No one's happy with a three-foot slice on their back, but man, I was a royal bitch. I slept with my finger on my gun trigger, and one eye opened. Each night I dreamt of Charon, and dreamt of horrible things happening. I'd wake in pain from my wound, and scared of my own thoughts. I thought I'd die out there. I'm shocked I didn't. I have an entire array of new scars, and I can't help but look at them in shame, knowing how I obtained them.

I can't be the hero of the Capitol Wasteland. Heroes are supposed to be do-gooders, with big muscles and smiles and handsome faces. Heroes are supposed to always do the right thing, and always put others first. Me? I'm a selfish bitch whose just trying to survive. The only person I ever put before me is Charon, and I think that's how it'll stay, really. I don't go out of my way to save people, and really I don't care who dies out here. It's not the kind of world where you're supposed to look out for anyone but yourself.

"Charon?"

We navigated the tunnels together, he knew exactly where to go.

"Yes?"

I had been quiet for such a long time, I was worried that I'd lost my voice.

"I'm not a hero. I don't want to save anybody."

"Then don't."

"But…I feel I have to. I don't like having to do things."

"It is your choice."

I ran my fingers through my hair, and picked off some more dead skin from my collarbone.

"I don't know."

"Give yourself time to think it over."

I gritted my teeth, angry.

"Charon, I've had _two months_! I can't decide now, what will another few months do? It's been too long, I bet. I promise the Brotherhood is going to find me and kill me."

"I do not believe that. They need you."

I kicked the wall in anger, but kept walking behind Charon. He knew these tunnels better than me.

"Why does everyone need me? Why _me_? I know that's a fucked up statement, but can't _they_ do it? They are soldiers and shit. I'm a nineteen year old kid from Vault 101 who can't shoot a pistol…"

"You cannot shoot a pistol?"

I hung my head shamefully. I had terrible aim with small guns, even Hunting Rifles.

"No. I don't know why, either."

"I will show you after you have rested."

I sighed, and nodded. Even though he couldn't see it, I did it anyways.

"As for your question earlier, the Brotherhood and everyone else needs you because you are the only one stupid or determined enough to do it. You have the means and ways they do not."

"I guess. But…someone else has to be capable of this…"

"Apparently not."

"…I have to tie up all my loose ends then."

Charon glanced back at me, but kept walking.

"What do you mean?"

I was happy he couldn't see the sad smile of realization on my face.

"Who knows if I'll come back. Vault 87 is dangerous. Once I get the G.E.C.K…who knows, ya know?"

Charon grumbled something, but I couldn't hear him. I flicked a tear from the corner of my face, and I cursed my father for damning me to this life.

"You will be safe upon arrival and exit of Vault 87, Dez."

"Yeah? How do you know?"

"Because it would be a violation of my contract should anything happen where you lose your life."

"True, I guess."

We didn't talk after that. I was too busy being angry about all of this fucking bullshit. Out of the entire population of the world, it's hard to believe I'm the only bastard capable of this mission. Sure, the Brotherhood would be all gung ho and happy, but, what about me? I don't even _know_ what _I_ want to do. I just know of what I _have_ to do.

I rubbed my eyes, sleepiness taking it's toll on me. I should have stayed in Underworld and rested, but I didn't listen. I don't think I ever listen.

"I am going to find a place for us to rest."

I glared at the back of Charon's head, trying to burn holes in it, but it didn't work.

"Just get me some Jet and I'll be fine."

"No."

"Fuck you then."

I waved my hand at the back of his head, and pretended to punch him. He stopped walking, and looked around. I accidentally bumped into him, and he looked at me.

"Sorry."

I grumbled, holding back picking a fight. I crossed my arms, letting him scan the area.

"There is a place, come on."

I followed him to a set of escalators. He travelled up, and there was an old Raider camp. I smirked, Raiders have some good stash.

"There is a bed."

He pointed to an old mattress on the floor. On the table behind him, I spied some Jet, and had to stop myself from shaking.

"Yeah, I see that."

There was no way I could reach around him without him noticing, and I think he did that on purpose. He crossed his arms, telling me he wasn't going to move, and motioned towards the mattress.

"I can't sleep."

"Then lie there."

Persistent motherfucker. I groaned, and dropped my pack and gun at his feet. I feel like a kid when I'm with him sometimes, and I hate that shit. Flopping on the old mattress, Charon dragged a chair over, blocking the only way in or out of the makeshift room. He sat down, his shotgun in his lap.

"If I'm going to sleep, I need a bedtime story."

I demanded, lighting a cigarette while I sat with my legs crossed on the mattress.

"Once upon a time there was an annoying little girl who couldn't keep her mouth closed."

"And?"

"And she suffered a swift kick in the ass."

I stuck my tongue out at Charon, shaking my hair.

"You suck at stories."

"Hm."

"Why not tell me more about yourself? What are you likes, dislikes?"

"Are you kidding me?"

He gave me a dumbfounded expression, and I smirked, taking a drag of my cigarette.

"Why don't you just play the game, Charon."

"I cannot play any game without knowing the rules."

"Nothing is out of bounds. The game is…Questions of Dez and Charon. We will play it until I fall asleep."

"How do we play?"

"We ask questions and tell the truth only. No lying."

"How will I know you're telling the truth?"

I raised my right hand in front of him, placing my left over my heart.

"If I may lie during the game may Molerats slowly eat me alive from the feet up."

Charon sighed, and nodded.

"Very well."

I rocked back and forth on my butt, looking at him.

"You go first."

I'm curious to see what it is Charon wants to know about me. I know he won't lie, or I'll order him to tell the truth. Sure I hate giving him orders, but hey, this is the game. You're not allowed to lie.

"Alright…what did you do that month we spent apart?"

"Drank and slept in Megaton. My turn."

He nodded, and I tossed my pack of cigarettes to him.

"What was your mother's name?"

"I do not know."

"Huh…okay. Your turn."

His next question came without mercy or hesitation.

"Did you love Butch?"

I bit my lip, averting his eyes.

"I…I think it was more of a dependency rather than love. I'm not quite sure how to explain it."

"Very well."

"My turn! What about you? You ever love anybody?"

Charon stiffened up at this question, and I knew it made him uncomfortable.

"Greta. You are aware of this already."

"I forgot."

"Yes, now I am tired, let me sleep."

"No way! You can't just quit the game!"

"Very well. Tell me what you intend to gain by our companionship. Then I quit the game."

I should have let him quit while he was ahead. Damn me to hell.

"I don't know."

Liar, liar, pants on fire.

"Okay. I will keep an eye out for Molerats then. Goodnight, Dez."

He closed his eyes, resting his head on his shoulder. I glared at him, half wanting to throw my cigarette at him, but I didn't. I put it out on the floor, and laid down on my mattress.

Without Charon, I am sad. With him, I am confused, angry, bitter, and happy. I am not crazy when I am with him, but he _makes_ me some kind of crazy. I closed my eyes, letting the sleep take me over and engulf me.

In my dreams…I don't like what goes on. I don't like what I see, and I don't like how they make me feel. When I'm awake, I can pick and choose what I think about, but it's different when I sleep. I can't run from anything. Everything is just thrown in my face, mocking me, making me want to puke and vomit. It's so much easier to just stay awake, rather than face all of this by myself. I have to find a way to distract myself, I just _have_ to. Even if it's for a minute.

"Charon?"

"What?"

"You saw Greta in Underworld, right?"

"Yes."

"Do…do you still love her now?"

"No."

"Not even a little."

"No. Go to sleep."

I sighed, and let something fall out of my mouth that I know I'm going to regret.

"If you could feel that way for her, why not me? Why do you just always see me as a job?"

My entire body tensed, waiting for his answer.

"Go to sleep, Dez. We will continue on to Megaton after you've woken."


	12. Chapter 12

I woke up the next day. I slept an entire fucking day, and when I sat up, I was kicking myself in the ass for losing more time. Rubbing the sand from my eyes, I groaned, sitting up. Charon was stretching in the chair, and he groaned too.

"Sleep well?"

I asked, sarcastically, still hurt from his words.

"No."

I scoffed at him, smirking. Pushing myself up, I moved past him and grabbed my pack and gun. Charon stood up, slinging his shotgun over his shoulder. I am tired, crabby, and damn near hurt over what he said to me. All it did was enforce that…that I don't know what goes on in his stupid zombie head.

"Lead the way to the outside world now."

I crossed my arms, grumbling to Charon. Emotionless and wordless, Charon walked by me and began to do just that: lead me. I followed him, not uncrossing my arms or even looking at him. I looked at the ground next to him. I thought the point of sleep was to wake up in a better mood, feeling refreshed and new. _You just can't do anything. Go on, keep it up, I'm getting a sick amusement of watching you chase things that don't exist._ Even if Charon is a big, fat, stupid fucking rotten zombie, I'd still miss him more than anything if he left.

"We will be exiting from the Farragut West Metro Station. You can navigate the rest with your Pip-Boy."

I snarled at him, and his stupid voice. Pulling up my map, I saw that we were surprisingly close to Megaton, and felt bad for giving Charon a hard time in my head. Ah, well, he'd never know. He's not a mind reader. I let him open the gate for me, and I stepped out. The sun was blinding, and I hissed at it.

"What the fuck man!"

I yelled, covering my eyes.

"What?"

He looked at me, oblivious.

"I forgot how bright the sun is."

He was quiet, giving me a look that told me how stupid that statement was. Once my eyes were adjusted, I scowled at him, and grabbed my gun.

"There's red tick marks on my Pip-Boy. So let's go fuck 'em up."

Charon nodded, and took his shotgun from his shoulder. I kept my finger on the trigger, my gun at my waist, and looked around.

"Super Mutants."

I pointed across the river, and Charon nodded. I never thought I'd say this, but fuck am I happy to see Super Mutants. They reminded me I'm at home, in the comforts of my own land. Not The fucking Pitt.

"Come."

Charon began wading in the river. Sure, it made him feel good, but I have Trog. I can't go near radiation. Well, I'm not sure if I can or can't, but I don't want to take chances and make it worse.

"Charon…Trog."

I pointed to a lesion on my neck, and he nodded.

"Stay."

I noticed he had one-worded sentences when he was thinking of something, or on a personal 'mission'. I watched him as he swam across the river, first approaching the mutants like nothing was up, then blasting them to hell. The sight of their bodies falling made my arms quiver and shake. I have missed the thrill of a good fight in the Capitol Wasteland. Maybe I'll make it a point to fight more often, feeding my sick addiction.

Charon walked in the water, coming closer than stepping back. I followed him down the riverbank on the opposite side. He was searching for a shallow part, I guessed, and smirked.

"Dez."

He called, and I looked over. He was walking across the water, it going up only to his knees. I walked to the edge of the water, looking at the ripples his motions made.

"I will carry you across."

He didn't wait for my response. He scooped me up on his back, piggy style. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, my thighs squeezing his waist.

"You've never carried me like this."

"You have always been wounded when I have carried you. This is easier."

He shifted my weight, and waded through the murky water. I wanted to rest my head on his neck and just close my eyes, but I didn't, and held my breath until we were safely across. When we were, he set me down on the dirt, and crossed his arms.

"I think you should see a doctor about that Trog."

I ran my fingers over my collarbone and neck.

"There's really nothing that can be done. Just have to wait it out."

Charon nodded, and looked at his shotgun. I kept feeling the dried, chapped skin on my collarbone, trying to see if underneath there was dry skin. There was nothing but drier skin, and possibly muscle. The Trogs have no skin at all, and I'm kind of worried that being away from radiation might not make it go away. I'm never going back to The Pitt again, so if this shit gets worse, I'll be the first Trog that the Capitol Wasteland has ever seen. Comical, I think.

"We should get to Megaton. The sooner we get there, the faster Dr. Church can have a look at you."

Charon completely dismissed my 'leave it alone' idea, and trudged ahead. I followed him, knowing Megaton isn't very far off at all. Maybe I'd even let the good doctor take a look at my Jet issue. I've been feeling kind of nervous since I haven't gotten any. I glanced at Charon's backside, watching him walk. I noticed a small tear in his armor on his back, and I reached out to touch it.

"Moira will repair this."

He turned to look at me, and nodded.

"Yes. I had wanted to speak with Tulip about it, but I never got around to it."

I nodded at Charon, and drifted back to walking behind him. I slung my gun across my shoulders, and rested my arms on it. I have been wondering and thinking about everyone else in the Wasteland. About how I seem to be the only one able to do what everyone needs me to do, and how I can either make or break this world. It's a lot of power, and maybe I'm not responsible enough to handle it, but I know I'm crazy enough to have it. I'm crazy enough to throw myself in the middle of a gun battle, and fearlessly take on anyone. Maybe that's why I'm the only one able to do it all.

I look out at the Capitol Wasteland. Behind me is the city, and I'm walking away from it. Ahead of me will be Megaton, soon enough, and to either side of me is barren waste. I feel like this is my sanctum, my own place of peace. There's nothing I can't kill or shoot at, and I can go both ways on the karma scale, it doesn't matter to me. Dust swirls around, the hot sun beats down on my back, and I rest my neck against the smooth barrel of my gun. I keep an eye on Charon, my personal bodyguard, doomed to stand by me through the worst of all events. I smirk at him, cockily.

Sliding my rifle off of my shoulders, I saunter over to his side, a sick twisted smile fixated on my face. In my head I play a tune that I just made up, hoping one day I can go back and get the keyboard from the vault.

"Hey Charon?"

"Yes?"

I let my rifle slide down to my thigh and my finger instinctively finds the trigger. _You are losing it now, Dezbe._ I looked up at him, keeping pace and smirking insanely.

"Nothing."

Charon gave me a confused look, and I shook my ass, walking in front of him. I could feel his eyes burning in my back, but that's what I wanted. I feel after seeing what was going down in The Pitt, I should appreciate the freedom I was given in the Capitol Wasteland. Putting my gun back across my shoulders, I looked back at Charon.

"Bet you a hundred caps I can drink you under the table."

"I do not drink, and you do not have a hundred caps."

I stuck my tongue out at him, and raised my rifle. Charon froze in his tracks, staring at the barrel. I smirked, and squeezed the trigger.

"Dez!"

Charon yelled, and ducked, covering his head. I kept my finger down, taking the recoil as it came. Blood sprayed in the air, and the wind took it away. I couldn't wipe the smile off of my face as the bullet casings shot out of my rifle, and landed beside my feet. Finally, though, I had to stop shooting.

"Dez have you lost your mind?"

Charon got up from the ground, charging at me. He ripped my gun from my hands, seething with anger. Calmly, I took a cigarette out and lit it.

"I just saved your life."

I pointed to the now dead Raider that had been sneaking up behind him. Charon felt stupid, and I laughed as he gave me my gun back.

"A warning would have been more suitable."

I shrugged, strapping my gun to my back.

"Ya well, there was no time. Come on, I can see Megaton."

The faster I got to Megaton, the faster I could start my drinking and call it a night. Sure, I'm going back to the vault, but the thing is I don't know when. It's not on my list of things to do that are vitally important. I figure the Brotherhood can understand my distaste for risking my life for them, even if they are the 'good guys'. I'd rather be scrounging it out with the Raiders of the Capitol Wasteland, and maybe soon I'll be able to do that. Who knows? I can probably claim insanity and run off with them.

"I don't like those people living in the satellite."

I told Charon as I kicked a tin can.

"Excuse me?"

"I just don't."

"Well you can't kick them out, they have nowhere else to go."

"Whatever."

I kicked the can again. Charon looked at it, and picked it up as we neared it once again.

"We are going to need these today."

I cocked an eyebrow at him.

"Why?"

"You will learn how to shoot a pistol. I will show you."

I sighed, annoyed for some reason.

"I know how to shoot and aim everything else. Why do I need a pistol?"

"In case you have nothing else. You never know out here, Dez."

He had a point, and maybe it would be fun to learn. Last time he showed me how to shoot a weapon, he wasn't half bad at it. But then again I already knew how to shoot that stupid Sniper Rifle, I was just faking it the whole time. I smirked at Charon, toying with my gun and feeling something I don't think I've felt in a long time.

"Do you play music, Charon?"

He blinked, his eyes glazing over. I knew he was thinking, remembering maybe. I bit my lip, nervous.

"Yes. I used to play some instruments."

"That's how you knew how to write notes, isn't it?"

"Yes."

Vault 101 has a full stock of instruments. I'm not sure what Charon can play, but we'll grab it, and the keyboard. Maybe one day Charon and I could play in sync with one another.

"Megaton."

He said, pointing ahead. I looked, and saw it looming up ahead. Home. I don't think I've ever been so satisfied to see it. I felt I accomplished something.

"Why can't you shoot a pistol?"

I glanced over at Charon. I had left the vault with just a pistol, but my aim was horrible with it. The second I got my hand on my sawed-off shotgun, my aim increased. I have no idea why.

"Probably because it's a one handed weapon."

"It is not."

"Then I've been shooting it wrong."

"I will teach you."

Yeah, yeah. I glanced in his hand. He was still carrying that tin can. I'm sure I have a bunch scattered around my bedroom, he didn't need to carry one. Charon could teach me a lot about weapons and combat that I probably didn't know. He's taught me a lot since he's been around, I just won't admit it to him. Tossing my cigarette into the dirt, I smirked up at him.

"Last one to Megaton is a pile of rotten Molerat meat!"

I didn't wait for his response, I bolted ahead of him, running and kicking up dirt. Glancing back, I saw him running after me, and gaining fast. I laughed, and tried to run faster, but couldn't. Charon sped ahead of me, and his hands grabbed the edge of Megaton. I stuck my tongue out, running, smiling, laughing. I don't think I've felt like this since I was a kid.

I lifted my foot, but it hit a rock, and I was about to fall face first into the sand, but I stumbled forward, and right into Charon's open arm. He was prepared to catch me like he knew I was going to fall. I stared at the dirt, catching my breath, my heart pumping, with a big smile on my face.

"You lose."

I laughed at him, and felt him helping me stand up, his arm pressing against my side. Once I got my bearings and stood, Charon's arm was still around my waist, and he was still holding on to the edge of Megaton.

"You just got lucky."

I told him, wiping some sweat from my forehead.

"Or you cannot run."

I smiled at him. Usually I would have a snide comeback, but I can't think of anything witty enough to say. Charon looked at me, his hand lightly grazing the scar on my back. I didn't bother to move, and neither did he.

"You think in a week e can head to Vault 87?"

I asked him, subtly stepping closer.

"If that is what you wish. We must gain entrance through Little Lamplight, first."

"Right. Should I bring a radiation suit?"

"Just some Rad-X and Rad-Away. You should be careful with your Trog, too."

"Yeah, I know."

I felt his grip on my back tighten, and I felt my cheeks growing hot.

"You won't let anything happen to me, right?"

"Yes."

"Good."

Charon didn't take his eyes off my face, but I felt his hand across my back, almost like he was inspecting it.

"You were in my dream last night, you know."

I told him, a little embarrassed.

"What was it about?"

"I don't remember."

I didn't, but I remember he was in it. Charon's hand slipped form my back, and he took his hand off of Megaton. I smirked, stepping back from him.

"We should get you inside to see the doctor."

I nodded, agreeing, but not wanting to go. Opening the gates, I stepped inside and took in a big breath of air. Sure, only thin metal walls separated everyone from the dangers of the desert, but it just felt so new and fresh. Like a real place. Against my better wishes, I found myself happy to be in Megaton.

"Here."

Charon took my gun and my pack. He strapped it on his back, and looked at me.

"I will bring this up to the house. You go down and see Dr. Church."

"If you insist."

"Yes. Go."

I nodded, walking away from him. I felt like a child, being told what to do and everything. I know he's only looking out for my best interest, but I hate it. I saw Lucas on my way down, and he tipped his hat to me.

"Good to have you back. We've been hearin' about you on Three Dog's station. Seems you've been doing some good since you've left."

"I guess."

"What's this here on you?"

Lucas pointed to my neck, and I rubbed it, looking at the ground.

"I'm goin' to see Dr. Church about it now. Caught it while I was in The Pitt. It's Trog."

"It contagious?"

"I don't know."

"Right well, hurry and get yourself checked. I have something I need to speak to you about when you're finished. Come on up to my house, we'll have a chat."

"Sure thing."

Lucas walked off, keeping an eye on everything. _I wonder what it is he has to talk with the great Dezbe about. I bet you're being evicted._ Yeah, shut up. Lucas was definitely on some fuckin' power trip, and if he was going to kick me out I was going to blast his head off. Damned bastard has no right to judge me, he never leaves the town and I risk my life every time I leave.

Opening Dr. Church's door, I figured I was jumping to conclusions. Maybe Lucas just wants to talk to me about…I don't know…good things.

"You better be dying."

I heard the doctor call, and he came out of a back room.

"You don't look like you're dying."

I crossed my arms, rolling my eyes.

"I'm not. But I'm sick and I need you to fix my Jet addiction."

"Ya, I figured you'd be the type to get stuck on chems."

I glared at him.

"If you saw the shit I've seen, you'd do it too."

He was backed into a corner on that one.

"Alright, alright. What are you sick with?"

"Trog."

"Trog?"

"Yup. Caught it in The Pitt, and I need you to basically look me over and tell me if I'm gonna live through it."

Dr. Church nodded, and led me to his back room. He grabbed a clipboard and a syringe from his desk.

"First, let me take care of this Jet issue. Give me your arm, this is going to hurt."

And hurt it did. The liquid, whatever it was, burned through my veins, and into my heart. I started coughing, choking on it almost. It was like my heart caught fire and wasn't going out.

"You'll be fine come on."

He handed me some water, and I tried my best to swallow it down. Even though my body burned from the inside out, I felt my head clear. I haven't been able to think so clearly in a long time. Was the Jet really making me so hazy and blurred? I shook my head, looking up at Dr. Church.

"Tell me what is Trog?"

I pointed to the exposed parts of my skin that were dried and flaking, scratching him to show the severity of it.

"It's like ghoulification, only different. Is it clearing up?"

Dr. Church grabbed some tweezers and pulled up a chair. He sat down in front of me, and began taking samples of my skin.

"This is like nothing I've ever seen before…"

"I figured. Well they don't have Super Mutants over there, so I guess certain diseases stay in certain areas."

"It does not look like it's spreading."

"That's good."

If I had it in me, I'd probably be more enthusiastic. Right now, though, I just wanted to get this shit over with. I hate doctors, my father was a doctor.

"If you don't mind I'd like to see you on a weekly basis to keep track of this."

"I do mind. I'm leaving again in a week."

"Then check in with me before you go and when you come back."

He was about to tell me I could leave, I could feel it, but I saw his eyes rest on the scar on my back.

"What is that?"

I groaned, not wanting to retell my story. I've had enough of that with Charon. Except, when Charon did it, it was kind of sexy.

"I got it in The Pitt. It's a scar."

"I see it is a scar. I am curious, that is all."

"Can I go now?"

He stuck out his hand.

"Fifty caps."

Shit. I hadn't thought of that. I have no money whatsoever. I sighed, looking up at Dr. Church.

"I'm broke. Can I run up to my house real fast?"

"You best come right back or else Simms will be on your ass."

"I know, I know."

I lifted myself off the medical bed I was sitting on, and walked out of the clinic. I can't believe I have to ask Charon for money. I never thought this day would come. I should have my own money, I shouldn't have wasted it at Gob's on stupid beer. At the time I thought it was a good investment, too bad I couldn't see into the future. Nothing in the Capitol Wasteland is free, though, so I should have known. Coulda, woulda, shoulda.

I let myself in the house, and found Wadsworth in the corner, a gaping hole in his body.

"What the fuck?"

Charon came down the stairs, his shotgun in his hand.

"It attacked me."

I forgot I had told Wadsworth to shoot anyone except me who tried to enter the house. Damnit, now he's dead. Kind of. Can robots technically die? I don't know, either way it doesn't matter. Wadsworth isn't working anymore and I have to get money from Charon. Today was taking a quick turn for the worse.

"Charon can I borrow fifty caps? I'll pay you back as soon as I get some."

"Why?"

"The doctor isn't free."

"Was he of any help?"

"No, can I just have the money? Please?"

I was itching to get back to the clinic then get over to Lucas' and see what it was he wanted to talk to me about. Charon dug into his pocket and handed me the caps. I motioned my head towards the door.

"Come on let's go. I have to go up to Lucas' house and you're coming with me."

"Why do you need to go up there?"

"I don't know. He just said he wanted to talk to me about something."

"I see."

Charon followed me down the hill behind my house. I caught myself clenching my teeth together and I stopped. I figured coming back would make everyone happy to see me, they'd be all happy and want to welcome me home. Nope. Lucas didn't even ask why I left or if I arrived home safe. He just told me to go up to his house for a nice little 'chat'. But maybe this chat would be him being nice to me, congratulating me on something or some shit. I have no idea, and it's beginning to really annoy me.

I pressed the door open to the clinic, Charon in tow. Dr. Church was looking at some clipboard, and he raised his eyebrow to me.

"You came back."

I snarled at him, and dumped the caps on his desk.

"I did."

"I didn't expect you to. I was just about to go speak with Simms."

"Yeah well, I came back and there's your fifty caps. Thanks for nothin', doc."

I didn't wait for him to say anything else. I pushed past Charon and led myself outside. Crossing my arms, I kicked up some dirt and scowled at some of the Megaton settlers.

"We have to go see Lucas now."

I said to Charon when I heard him walk up behind me.

"Okay."

I kept my arms crossed, leading Charon up the hill to Lucas' house. Some of the townsfolk pointed at me as I walked by them. I caught wind of one of their conversations, saying I looked different. Well gee of course I do. I have patches of dried, peeling skin everywhere and an entire new array of scars. I must look something harsh, huh? They were probably wondering what new ghoul adventures I'd gotten into. Won't they be shocked to hear that I just liberated an entire city. They probably wouldn't believe me, though. Fuckin' bastards.

I knocked on Lucas' door, and stood back. Charon was looking up at the plane that made up the roof of the house.

"Glad to see you've come."

I heard Lucas and looked at the door. He and his son Harden were standing there, Harden behind his leg.

"Yeah. I came to see what you wanted to talk to me about."

My attitude could have been better, but I'm just not feeling the 'nice' routine right now.

"Harden, go pay with Maggie for a bit. I need to speak with our guest alone."

"Alright dad."

Harden pushed past his father, and ran down the slope. Damn kid hated me just as much as everyone else in this town. I think Gob's the only one who actually likes me. Lord knows what I did to ruffle everyone's feathers, though. I kind of saved their asses with the bomb thing, and all they can do is frown and trash talk me.

"Now why don't you come in. I'll get us some drinks."

Finally, a sentence that makes sense.

"Alright."

I followed Lucas inside, and Charon closed the door behind him. There were only two chairs at the table, and Charon motioned for me to sit, so I did. Lucas came back with two bottles of beer, and slid one over to me, sitting down and eyeing Charon.

"I see you've brought your…friend."

"Yea."

"Well, he's kind of what I would like to speak to you about."

Charon and I exchanged looks, and I cracked my beer open. Taking a sip, I pulled out a pack of cigarettes.

"Mind?"

I asked, shaking them. Lucas shook his head rubbing his beard. Putting a cigarette between my lips, I lit it an let out a breath of smoke.

"So, what about Charon do you want to talk about?"

"Charon is it? I don't think you've ever introduced him to anyone."

"No, I haven't."

"What I'm curious about is…the strange relationship you seem to have."

Oh great. He's checking the gossip line.

"What do you mean?"

I said dangerously.

"I mean, I notice he is a mercenary. The way he walks and his armor proved this to me. He seems to not let you out of his sight, and makes the other residents uncomfortable with his shotgun."

"Yea, Charon is a mercenary, what of it?"

"Why do you need a mercenary following you around? Does someone have a hit on you?"

I glanced back at Charon. He was standing with his arms crossed, carefully examining the house.

"It's not like that. I bought his contract."

"His contract?"

"Yeah. I have his contract that states he is in my employment. The Capitol Wasteland is a dangerous thing, Mr. Simms. You of all people should know this."

I took note for the first time of what Simms was looking like. He reminded me of those people, the Regulators. The do-gooders of the Capitol Wasteland and all that happy Yao Guai shit.

"He can leave at any given time he chooses to, correct?"

"No."

"Well then he's considered a slave, and I don't condone slavery in my town."

I blew angry streams of smoke out from my nose, and narrowed my eyes.

"Charon is _not_ my slave."

"Well that seems to be the case. He cannot leave you, unless you rid yourself of his contract, correct?"

"Yes."

"Slavery."

"Did you give this same speech to Colin or did you just let that go?"

Lucas glared at me, narrowing his dark eyes.  
"Gob was Colin's barkeep."

"But we all know about the abuse he put Gob through. You didn't seem to do anything about that. I had to end it myself."

"Little girl, you are stepping out of line…"

I noticed the cautious tone in Lucas' voice. I can be scary too, Lucas. Just watch.

"No, I'm not. I am explaining my observations and calling you out on your false accusations. Charon is not my slave, and he can sit here and tell you that himself. Right Charon?"

I looked up at Charon. He nodded his head slowly.

"Yes."

"See, I told you."

"But Charon an say anything you tell him to. I have heard of this form of mercenary. They were only recruited to people who needed protection. People in very high places and in very dangerous situations."

"I am neither. Charon is my companion. I can't always defend myself against ten Raiders, that's why I have Charon."

"Either way Miss Dezbe, it is slavery, brainwashing. There is a select town for people like you in the Wastes, and it is Paradise Falls. If you wish to keep Charon under your employment, you can move there."

"Are you kicking me out of Megaton?"

"Understand it is not because I want to, but many people have complained to me that they feel quite uncomfortable having a man of his strength and stature in this town."

"This is bullshit!"

I stood up, slamming my hands on the table. Lucas reached for his Chinese Assault Rifle, but Charon was faster with his shotgun.

"If you pull your gun on my employer, I will shoot you."

Charon said, now in front of me, his gun raised and aimed. Lucas looked at me, and I crossed my arms.

"I told you, he's here to _protect_ me."

It had been forever since I've seen Charon so quick with is weapon. Usually he'd wait until the battle was beginning to pull a gun, not just when he saw one. Maybe he felt Lucas was in the wrong, too, and was trying to prove a point.

"Be that as it may, I cannot allow you to stay here. Turn your deed into me today, and take your leave. If you choose not to, then I will have to waste bullets."

Charon cocked his shotgun.

"You will not threaten my employer."

Simms seemed intimidated by him. Charon stands a good head and shoulders above everyone else, besides Super Mutants. Now he has a loaded gun to his face.

"I'll leave, Lucas. Give me some time to wrap up what I need to do. You'll have your deed before the sun starts to set. Come on, Charon."

I walked past Charon, my hand grazing his back. Charon nodded, and strapped his gun to his back. I pushed open the door, letting the sun flow in from the outside. So, this is it. I'm homeless once again. _If you fire Charon, you can still live here, but you won't. You're too weak._ Yup, that's exactly it, head voice. I am 'weak'. But you know, I'd do anything so Charon and I didn't get separated again. Even if it means being homeless in the desert.

"I have to say goodbye to Gob."

I told Charon as we walked up to my house.

"I will gather your things for you."

I nodded, and we split up. I heard Charon open the door to my house, and I led myself down the rickety ramps of Megaton. I'd never come back here after this, and it hurts me to say goodbye to Gob. Hell, half of me wished I'd taken Mr. Burke up on his offer to blow this place to holy hell. I passed the old woman, Manya, and we shared a snotty glace. These people…they have no idea. They would break at what I've seen, at what I've done. They offer me nothing, and I'm not that sad to leave, actually.

Pushing open the door to Gob's, I noticed it was empty, and Gob and Nova were kissing. I smiled at this, happy someone in this world could look past everything and find someone to be happy with.

"Sorry to intrude."

Gob and Nova instantly separated. I noticed that Nova had gained more weight since the last time I saw her. Gob looked at me, shocked, then he smiled and came over to hug me.

"It's good to see you're safe, kid."

I felt like I was hugging a bag of yeast, but I enjoyed it. Gob isn't like Charon. Charon is engulfed in well-toned muscles. Gob, isn't.

"Yeah, it's good to see you too. I came to say goodbye, for good."

Gob pulled away from me, and stared at me, concerned.

"What?"

"I got kicked out. Apparently Simms is against slavery, and thinks Charon is my slave, so we have to leave. We're leaving now."

"Charon is…he's alive and back?"

"Yeah. But we have to leave."

"I am…sorry to hear this."

Gob looked like he was sorry, too. It wasn't like he was just saying it for good manners, I felt he was actually sad to see me leave. I lightly punched his arm.

"Look it's alright. If you and Nova ever need help with anything, anything at all, just put it on Three Dog's station. I'll tune in to hear him, and if you need anything, he'll broadcast it."

"I still wish you didn't have to leave."

"Yeah, I know. But listen, thanks for you know, being nice and putting up with my bullshit."

"Anytime kid. And tell Charon Greta wishes to speak with him."

I cocked an eyebrow, but didn't ask questions.

"I will. Bye, Gob."

"See you again soon, I hope."

I smiled and waved as I left the saloon. Gob's a good man, I hope he and Nova are happy together. They're lucky that they have each other. I didn't have someone like that in my life, and I envied them for it. But when Charon came into view, standing outside my home with the deed to it in one hand, and my pack at his feet, I kind of felt that I did.

"Gob says Greta wants to talk to you."

Charon nodded, but didn't seem to care much. He helped me put the pack on my back, and gave me my gun. I took the deed from his hand, and led him out. Maybe Charon and I don't share what Gob and Nova do, but it's something. I'm not alone in this world. I have someone to talk to late at night, someone to confide in and keep me safe. I guess that counts for something.

"Do you know where you are going to live?"

Charon asked me after I handed Simms the deed to my home. Together, we were pressing open the gates to Megaton, and I felt like I did when I left the vault for the first time.

"No. I have no idea where _we_ are going to live, but I'm sure we can find something."

"Until then, I'm sure we will manage."

"There's this place called Tenpenny Tower. It's south of here, maybe they have a room for rent."

"You would not be allowed there with me in your company. They do not take kindly to ghouls."

"Well then we'll figure it out. Underworld?"

We began walking aimlessly into the desert. I know I have to go to Vault 87 and get the stupid G.E.C.K but I think my lack of place to live is slightly more important.

"No, it will cost money to live there. We cannot afford that."

"So we're basically two poor Wastelanders with nowhere to live."

"It seems that way, Dez."

"Great."

I kicked a small rock, and sighed. I guess the day of him teaching me how to shoot a pistol was out of the question.

"I guess we can find a place in the city. There's gotta be some place that's safe to live."

"The city is not safe, Dez."

I racked my mind with possible locations that I could tolerate living in. I didn't want to be in a town or city, I don't want to deal with everyone, and I want Charon to be happy where we are. Maybe this could be my chance to do the whole lonely peaceful thing. Like I wanted before, just me and him in the satellite dishes. Only there isn't a dish available. Then it hit me, and I smacked my forehead, feeling quite stupid. Pulling up my Pip-Boy map, I put a tick mark where it was I think I want to go. I looked at Smith Casey's Garage, and decided to head west from there. I'm sure I'd find it.

"Charon, I think I know where we can go."

"Where?"

"This place I heard about, it's called 'Rockopolis'. It used to be this underground city until Daring Dashwood led a Slaver there and it got fucked up. It's abandoned now, but I bet we could live there, and its covered in rocks, so it's safe."

"How would we gain entrance?"

"I have no idea, but it's worth a shot."

"Where is it located?"

"Near Smith Casey's. Come on we can get there superfast if we hurry."

Charon nodded at me. I pointed West and marched onward. I was trying to hide the fact that getting kicked out of Megaton actually bothered me. I mean, I saved all their lives. Sure, they were doing just fine with that bomb and all, but it could have gone off, and I deactivated it for them. Not to mention before I took off from there, I helped Lucy West _and_ kept the Raiders away. Megaton in a sense actually taught me how to shoot. I was able to sit up on the plane of Lucas' house and snipe off those Raiders if they got too close. I made my first friend there, Gob, and saw my first ghoul at the same time. It held memories for me, and now I can't go back. I mean, sure, Simms might have me back if I get rid of Charon but…I can't do that. _Of course you can't, Dezbe. Of course you can't._

I shook my head, pushing back tears of anger and frustration. I hate this fucking place. I risk my neck for these people and all they do is bitch. Sure, Three Dog is on my side, but what can he help me with? Speaking of whom, me getting kicked out of my home might have made it on the news. Looking at my Pip-Boy, I tuned it to GNR and listened.

"Aroooo hey all you lovely Wastelanders its Three Dog here! I got an important update on that bitch from Vault 101. Apparently she's been kicked out of her home settlement of Megaton. For what you ask? Enslavement! Can you believe it? Our little Lone Wanderer seems to have a ghoul mercenary with her against his will! So if you see her, make sure you run the other way! That's all for now!"

He clicked off and a song about setting the world on fire played. I stared at my Pip-Boy in utter dibelief.

"Since when have you become 'that bitch from Vault 101'?"

Charon asked me, and I blinked, looking up at him. He walked with me, not ahead, and in my head I thanked him for that.

"I…I have no idea…did I do something terrible?"

"Enslavement is something terrible, Dez."

"But…I just _liberated_ slaves! You…I…do you feel like a slave, Charon?"

"No. I voluntarily gave you my contract. I do not feel as if I am here against my will. I also am aware that you will release me if I asked."

"Okay…good."

I'm pissed. Now Three Dog hates me, and I bet anyone who listens to him will, too. I let the song play, leaving my Pip-Boy on in case he said something else. I bet a million caps everyone is going to be after me now. I can't believe this at all. I didn't do anything wrong, even Charon told Simms he was fine with the arrangement, kind of. More stupid pre-war music played, and it was beginning to piss me off. I switched it off, aggravated and annoyed.

"I can't believe this shit."

I mumbled, finding a cigarette and lighting it.

"It is not that bad, Dez. I am sure once you retrieve the G.E.C.K things will return to normal, and Three Dog will go back to your side."

"Why should I even get the fucking thing? Everyone's going to hate me."

Charon reached over and took the pack of cigarettes from me. He took one out, lighting it for himself.

"Because you can redeem yourself."

"What if I don't want to? What if I just want to stay in Rockopolis and never come out?"

"Then I would tell you that is unwise and you would be putting your father's memory to shame."

Why did Charon always have to be right? He spoke the truth, but I…I haven't thought a lot about my dad since the incident happened. It hurt to think about it, so I tried to forget it. Now it's back, and I felt the old hurt opening like a scab. I remembered his limp body, how he fell, how I blacked out and went through everything in such a daze. I had been so strong, going back to Megaton that night. I hadn't cried but then…then I let it all out. I think that's when I faltered. When my father died and I cried the entire night on Charon. I think that's when I started to lose my mind all over again.

I picked my head up from looking at the dirt. Dead trees and bushes surrounded the area, and I held back a cough as I took one last drag of my smoke before tossing it into the dirt. Charon had already finished his and was walking ahead of me, his shotgun in his hand. I wonder if he'd still be around if I ever lost my mind completely. If I ever went berserk and decided to never do any good deeds for anyone. I can't help but try to look into the future, and think about when Charon will ask to leave. He has to tire of me one of these days. I'd get tired of me, too, if I knew me.

"Charon?"

He glanced back, telling me he heard me, but didn't speak.

"I…I don't like the people enough to want to save them."

"I know. But I feel you should."

"What if I told you I wanted to live at Paradise Falls?"

"I would know you'd have a hard time keeping your gun on your back if you did that."

He's right. I hate those fucking Slavers, but I couldn't shake what Lucas had said. I felt like having Charon was wrong, and that I couldn't do anything about it. _You're no better than them, so give up Charon and go off on a killing spree. Don't you remember how fun that was?_ Who did this to the people? I've heard it was the Chinese, but that's not what I mean. I mean who turned everyone against me all of a sudden? Since when did everyone decide I'm a bad person? Is there some higher being who decides all of this? I don't know. But it's not fair to me. I've changed, a lot, and that's because of Charon. I wouldn't have gone looking for my dad if he hadn't been here, and I bet my father would still be in Tranquility Lane. I bet he'd still be alive.

Looking to my left, I thought I saw things in the distance, but they vanished. I blamed the heat, blamed my mind and cursed it for playing tricks on me. On my right arm, I spotted a piece of dry skin that was ready to peel off, and I couldn't help but peel it off. It came off in a long strip, exposing red underneath.

"Charon?"

I said, scared, staring at my arm while we walked and still holding the piece of skin in my other hand.

"What?"

"I'm going to become a Trog."

Charon stopped and turned around.

"Excuse me?"

I held up the disgusting piece of skin, showing it to him. Panic rose inside me, and I dropped the flesh to the ground, my heart racing.

"Oh my fucking god look! Look!"

I shoved my arm in his face, showing him the red. He grabbed my arm, holding me still as I shook, looking at the red.

"It is muscle."

Oh shit. I tore my arm away from him, panicking.

"Charon I'm going to become a fucking _Trog_! Do you know what they look like?"

"You've described them."

"I'm going to…holy shit."

I dropped my pack and gun. I tore off my shirt and shoulder spikes and began scratching at the dry patches of skin. Some of the patches just flaked off, showing more skin under, while other patches proved to show red muscle underneath. It didn't hurt, which is what drove me even crazier.

"Charon!"

I yelled, picking at my face as I felt the dry patches below my right eye. He came over to me, grabbing my hands and forcing them to my sides. I stood in my bra, staring at him with crazy eyes.

"Stop it. You are not becoming a Trog. Put your shirt back on. I will take a look when we reach safety."

"Charon _look at me_! I'm a _monster_!"

He stepped back, letting my wrists go. Charon looked at me, examining the few spots where I had torn down to muscle.

"You are not a monster, Dez. Please put your shirt on and let's continue on. I will take a closer look when we reach safety."

I shook, but listened to him. I guess I shouldn't be so scared. Charon is a full on muscle-bearing ghoul, and I'm reacting to a few small patches. But I spent a long time in The Pitt, three weeks, really, breathing in the fumes and eating the food. I could have caught it to the point of no return. Trogs aren't like ghouls, they don't have a choice to remain sane or not. Slipping my shirt on, I grabbed my pack and looked at my arm. The muscle didn't hurt, it didn't do anything. It looked like a red patch of skin, and moved when I opened and closed my hand.

"Were you scared when you…turned into a ghoul?"

"Yes. But I knew it was going to happen, so I did not fret. I accepted it, and moved on."

"Did it hurt?"

"No."

"How…how did it happen?"

Charon walked ahead of me, talking.

"My skin peeled off in strips over a series of months. It took almost a year for me to look like I am now."

"You weren't…you just _accepted _it?"

"Yes. There was nothing I could do, and nothing I can do now. There are good aspects of being a ghoul."

"Like what?"

"No one bothers me. I have no enemies and radiation is a source of healing. I am stronger now than I was then, and I have more endurance. I feel that it is because of the radiation."

"Oh."

I'm still scared. I can't become a Trog. I won't look like a girl ghoul, I'll be sexless and run on all fours.

"If…if I start becoming a Trog…I'm going to try to be a ghoul instead."

Charon stopped walking and let me catch up to him.

"Why?"

He asked me, and I felt my voice shake.

"Because…maybe then I won't lose my mind. But I have an order for you."

"What is it?"

"You have to promise to kill me if I start to lose my mind, and go feral or whatever it is ghouls and Trogs do."

Charon shifted, like he was uncomfortable with my request.

"If that is what you command, then I will obey."

I swallowed hard, realizing that I just made my own fate. Charon didn't seem to enjoy agreeing to it, but I didn't care. If I become a Trog, and he doesn't kill me, I would just kill him. Shaking my head, I tried not to think about that. I tried to push all the bad memories away, leave them for another time. But it just made me sad. Sad like I had been before. I felt my mind was slipping away from me, and it wasn't from the stupid Trog, it was because of me. I can't grasp onto my own mind, I can't…I can't keep myself in line.

"Is something troubling you?"

Charon asked me, and I jumped. The sun beat down hard on me, and I felt my stomach grumble.

"No…I mean…no I'm fine."

"Very well."

I like that Charon doesn't pry, because sometimes I don't' want to share anything with him. But sometimes, I wish he did. I wish he did pry and push for me to open up to him. Maybe then I'd be able to fix my head.

"Charon…if I order you to kill me now, would you do it?"

"No."

"But you can't disobey an order."

"I am not allowed to cause harm to my employer."

I sighed. I wasn't going to ask, not now anyways, but I was just curious. Looking behind me, I saw Megaton had vanished into the distance. Good riddance, then. I don't need anyone in that stupid town. I looked up at Charon, trying to start conversation so I didn't lose myself in my head and get all…crazy.

"Nova's pregnant."

It just spilled out. I didn't know it for sure, but it's what I speculated. She had a lot of weight gain, and her stomach seemed more rounded. If I know anything about Nova, it's that she doesn't let anything interfere with her looks. Whore or not, she was always looking her best. I kind of envied her for that. I'd always look like I came from a big fight, which I usually had. Plus I got scars covering my body everywhere. That's not fun.

"Excuse me?"

Charon seemed shocked, and I looked up at him.

"Yup. Her and Gob are all suck-facing and shit, and she's gotten a lot fatter. She's pregnant."

"It is not Gob's."

"How do you know?"

Charon looked away from me, kind of embarrassed.

"Ghouls are sterile. We cannot reproduce."

"Maybe Gob's got super sperm or something."

Charon was uncomfortable with discussing things like 'sperm' and 'sex' and 'boobs'. I caught wind of that after a few weeks of keeping him around. I don't know why, though. He's a guy, so he's got to think about it.

"I highly doubt it, Dez."

"Can't you just agree with me?"

"You're argument is not logical. Ghouls are sterile, we cannot reproduce."

"But maybe there's this one shot that Gob or some of you _can_."

"Why are you so stuck on these two?"

"Because _someone_ has to have hope for humanity out here."

My bottom lip quivered, and I looked away from Charon, ashamed. I had to hope. I hadn't let anyone know that I thought about it, but…I hoped that some people out here could find someone. Someone to endure things with, share, cry and laugh. People who just fell for each other because they truly depended and needed and loved one another. I don't see that a lot. I don't see anyone with a kind heart. The settlement of Megaton is full of mean people, turning up their noses and treating Gob like shit. Nova didn't, and for that she earns my respect. She looked past his ghoul-ness, and he looked past her prostitution. I bet they'd sneak out of their rooms at night and see one another, so Colin wouldn't catch on.

Someone had to hope there were more people like them. Raiders will fuck anything, Wastelanders don't live long enough, slaves never get the chance, so where does that leave everyone else? When you have nothing, the best thing to make it all better is someone. If I had someone to love like that, maybe I wouldn't be as crazy. Yes, I have Charon, and yes I love him, but those are unrequited feelings. I don't have what Gob and Nova have, but believe me I want it. I want to be able to walk with Charon and kiss him. Only, I wouldn't keep it secret. I would show that shit off. Make everyone squeamish. Yeah.

"Hope for humanity has nothing to do with Nova and Gob."

Oh stupid Charon. He didn't get what I meant. I didn't feel like explaining it, either. That would show too much vulnerability, and I'm not willing to bare my entire soul to him. Not just yet.

"Just forget it, Charon."

"What do you think will happen when Nova has the child?"

I shrugged, jamming my hands in my pockets.

"I don't know. Gob and her will probably live happily ever after, or some shit."

"Ghouls are not favored by humans. She is going to face a lot of shame if they come out into the open about it."

"I guess."

"Humans do not love monsters, Dez."

I don't catch on to much. In fact, most stuff blows over my head, making me seem pretty stupid. But I caught onto this. I caught onto Charon's tone, his wording, the way he said the word 'monster'. I don't think I've ever heard that tenor before with him.

"You think you're a monster?"

I asked him, trying to feel him out without seeming _too_ obvious.

"Sometimes. Ghouls have no other choice."

"Well…I don't think you're a monster."

Charon was quiet for a few long moments. He kept his jaw set, his lips pursed, and his eyes looking ahead. We kept walking, staying slightly South but due West.

"Thank you, Dez."

I smiled kind of at him. He didn't smile back. I don't think Charon can smile, even if he ever wanted to.

"I kind of envy Nova."

In the distance I could see Smith Casey's. The sun was sinking in front of us, and I smiled. Even if Rockopolis didn't exist, or was gone forever, we could crash in the garage for the night. Charon could look at my Trog, and keep me sane for one more night.

"Why?"

I looked up at him, trying to hide a smile.

"Because she has balls. She…she somehow loves Gob despite his ghoul-ness and had no problem telling him."

"What if Gob initiated it?"

"Then I envy him, too."

Charon nodded.

"I did not realize you were so pro-ghoul."

I shrugged, trying to avert my eyes from the bare muscle on my arm.

"I'm not pro anything. I just figure what the fuck, if you want it go get if and everyone else can fuck off."

Charon didn't respond. I wanted him to. Right now, in my head, with all this newfound stress, I needed someone. I needed him to say he'd be there, he'd keep by me and always be with me, but he didn't. I lost my home, I lost Gob, I have Trog, and I don't know if saving the Capitol Wasteland is important anymore. It never has been to me, but now I was questioning if it was even a matter of debate. After how all the people out here treated me, I began to see that there is no point in their existence. At least the people in The Pitt liked me. They respected me, thanked me. They never scowled, in fact, some were sad to see me leave. My last night in The Pitt was actually the most moving experience I'd ever had in my life.

I was with the slave girl Midea. She offered her quarters to me while I was there and I took total advantage of that. I was laying on my stomach after I'd let the Trogs into Haven, and all hell broke loose. I killed a bunch or Raiders, and the top part of my scar on my back re-opened. She was tending to it for me, happy that I'd pulled through. She reminded me of my mom, or what my mom could have been. She was fighting for something she truly believed in, something for the greater good. I like her, she was always nice.

But anyways, I'm laying there in next to nothing, letting her put some weird medicine on my back and we just struck up conversation. She's older than me, probably in her late thirties, I don't know. Talking to her made me feel like I had a real mother-daughter connection with someone for the first time.

"Must you leave us so soon? You could make a life here, helping the people learn how to use weapons."

"I can't stay. I'm not really adjusting to the air, and I have to get home."

"Tying up loose ends?"

"No, just…well kind of. I have something I need to take care of back home."

"Is it a boy?"

I remember I didn't like answering it, but I did anyways. Now, I'm happy I did.

"Yes. No, a man."

In my head, 'boy' means pre-puberty Butch kind of guy. Charon is man. Straight up all around.

"You're taken with him?"

"Yeah, very."

"Ah. He was brave to let you come here. Are you two married?"  
"Ha! No. We haven't…it's complicated."

I remember I hissed at her because something she did to my back stung. She shushed me like a mother would a child, and I closed my eyes, feeling her hands on my back and liking it. It comforted me.

"Does he return your feelings?"

"I don't know. It's a complicated situation and he's the strong and silent type."

"I see. Are you only going back for him?"

"Yeah."

"Why not bring him over here? We could use new hands to help."

"He's not like anything you've seen. He's a ghoul."

"A what?"

"Ghoul. He has…he has no nose or ears, and he's got a bunch of exposed muscle on his body. Like a zombie from an old movie or some shit."

Midea wasn't too thrilled with the way I described Charon, but I didn't give two fucks. She kept fixing up my back, and I felt stupid for telling her about him.

"Love is blind, child."

"Yeah. I guess it is."

She hugged me after that. I don't know why. She told me she saw fear and demons following me around, that I need to be careful. I was really sad to leave her, I didn't even say goodbye. I just slunk out of her room once I could move without hurting myself. I crept over the bridge and went back to the Capitol Wasteland. Midea is smart, she made me feel safe. Maybe when this Trog clears up, I'll go see her. Or maybe I'll just go there and collect the cure. Bring Charon, too. That'd be a shocker.

Still, she did make me feel warm. I liked that. Feeling warm on the inside. The Pitt people never looked bad at me, even when they saw me sneaking out. Those who were awake just waved, smiling at me. I liked how they looked at me. Like I did something good for them, and they weren't going to be cocks about it like the people in Megaton were.


	13. Chapter 13

We came to Smith Casey's, and Charon looked around.

"I do not see anything."

I sighed at him, rolling my eyes.

"We're not there yet. It's West of here, but not that much farther."

Charon nodded. The sun was now fully set, and darkness engulfed us. I used my Pip-Boy light, making green everywhere. Charon didn't like it, I think he likes to remain hidden, but I don't like the dark, and I always win. I led him West, checking my Pip-Boy every few seconds.

"Turn that light off."

Charon hissed, and I did, turning back to him.

"Why?"

He pointed straight, and grabbed his gun.

"There are lights up ahead."

I squinted my eyes, letting them adjust. Sure enough, there was. I looked at my Pip-Boy again, and saw that I was looking right at Rockopolis.

"Charon! We made it! It _does_ exist!"

I ran towards the lights, excited to be able to have a place of my own, that no one will know about. I jumped over some rocks, and heard Charon catching up to me. He came up behind me when I stopped between a few dead trees, frowning.

"How do we get in?"

I asked as he stopped behind me. Charon examined the boulders in our way, laying his hands on them.

"Let me go first."

Always the protector, never the protected. Except once. I watched him as he cleared away a few heavy looking rocks, and then vanished between a crack.

"Charon?"

I called, a little scared to be alone at night.

"In here, it is safe."

His voice was muffled, but I walked towards the crack he slipped through. I could get through it with my pack on, and pressed myself between the rocks. Once inside, Charon stood, examining the room.

"Oh wow."

I said, looking around. A single light was on the floor, and I saw a couch. Next to the couch, I saw a pre-war vehicle that looked like an oversized tricycle. The room wasn't big, but it was big enough for Charon and I to live in. Dropping my pack, I felt proud. I had found my own home, without the help of anyone. Take _that_, Lucas. I walked around, looking and seeing a holotape next to the lantern. I picked it up, and put it in my Pip-Boy. The voice spoke about The Pitt, and I knew what happened to the people here.

"They're dead."

I said, hanging my head low.

"Who is dead?"

"The people in this place. They were taken to The Pitt."

I looked over at Charon, and saw him staring at something to my left. Looking over, I saw a dead ghoul. His eyes were open, staring at me.

"Holy shit!"

I jumped back, surprised it was there. Charon walked over to him, a sadness in his walk.

"It was Argyle."

He said, and I walked over to him. A cool-looking bobble-head was next to him, and I remembered I saw one just like it in my dad's office when I was sixteen.

"You…You mean like Daring Dashwood Argyle?"

Charon nodded, closing the ghoul's eyes. I frowned, saddened by this.

"Then that means…that's sad. What…should we do?"

"Bury him."

Charon didn't say anything else. He picked up Argyle's body and left the room, going back out into the desert. Maybe Charon knew him? I'd ask when he came back. There was a little radio by the light, and I liked how the room was set up. Dropping my pack, I emptied it and began to set my things up. I wanted this to have a 'homey' touch, I guess. There's nothing here but a couch and a few strange artifacts, but it is my home now, and I enjoyed the seclusion.

I pulled some food out of my pack. I set it aside for when Charon returned, and began digging through my stuff Charon packed. I aimlessly picked things up, feeling them and touching them. Then, I saw it. At the bottom of the pile was a picture of my father and I. I was ten, it was when I got my BB Gun, and he looked so proud. I thought I hid this well when I moved to Megaton, but not well enough for Charon to find.

I picked up the picture frame, touching it gently and holding it in my hands. He was so proud of me that day, when I had killed the Radroach. He was smiling, beaming with delight. I was staring at the camera, clutching my gun. It hurt me to see this, I hadn't looked at it in almost a year. I grabbed it off of his desk when I was told to leave the vault for the last time, after killing the Overseer. It brought tears to my eyes. My tenth birthday, the only time my father seemed to be proud of me, the only time…I actually felt I mattered to him.

I heard Charon reenter the room, but I didn't look up. I kept my eyes on the picture, remembering. I remembered the times he did give me attention, and how his strong voice sounded in my ears. My hair was short, and looked really stupid on me. I smiled at this, and ran my fingers over the image of my father.

"I found that under your mess in your room. I figured you would want it."

Charon said, standing behind me.

"Yes. Thank you."

I quickly wiped some tears from my eyes and stood the frame against the lamp. Charon noticed the food, and picked it up.

"I will cook this."

I nodded, and he went off in the corner to make a fire. My father's eyes watched me as I sifted through the rest of my stuff. They watched me as I stripped off my armor, and sat only in my underwear. I felt awkward about this, and turned it around. I can't be who my father wanted me to be, I know this, and it kills me.

"Come here."

Charon said from the corner. I looked at him, thinking he had caught the expression of sadness on my face. He stood up, walking to the brightest spot near the light. I nodded, and walked over to him.

"Sit."

I sat, and he did too. He took my arm, and began to examine the muscle. His hands on my bare flesh sent shudders up my spine. He brought his face close to my neck, my stomach, carefully looking at each spot of dried skin. I felt his hands run along my collarbone, and was thankful I was already in my underwear. He didn't have to ask the awkward question of getting undressed.

"It is not spreading. Just be careful, and _don't_ pick at it."

I nodded, and he crossed his arms. I could smell the Sirloin Steaks beginning to cook and sizzle. Charon had found an old frying pan and made do with it. Smoke drifted out of the crack in the door, while the heat and warmth stayed in. I'm going to like it here, I think.

"I did not notice just how many scars you have obtained."

He was looking at my torso. The last time he saw me this naked, I was in the darkness of Underworld. Now, he's seeing me in the brightness of our new home. I felt like I was completely nude in front of him, and I didn't like it.

"Yeah, it was rough over there."

"I am sorry I could not accompany you."

I shook my head, crossing my legs.

"No, no it's okay."

Charon picked up his hand and ran them across the various scars on my torso. I let him, in fact, I wanted him to. The steaks began to sizzle, and he jerked his hand away, standing.

"The food is ready."

I nodded, and crawled over to my pack. Picking up two beers, I opened them and met him in the middle, in front of the sofa. He handed me a steak, and I wolfed it down. I guess I didn't realize how hungry I was. Last time I ate was at Midea's, and that wasn't very good food. These steaks tasted great. Well, what I let myself taste anyways. I took a long sip of my beer, and caught Charon looking at me.

"I was hungry."

I said, defensively.

"I can see that."

I rolled my eyes, taking another sip of the warm beer. He finished his steak and I saw him take a sip of his beer, and I smiled.

"Why Charon, I thought you didn't drink?"

"Eh."

He grumbled, taking another quick sip. I handed him a cigarette, and we smoked together. I pulled my knees up to my chest, leaning against the couch. Charon looked around at the cave, examining it.

"This seems like a good place for you, Dez."

I hadn't even asked his opinion on it. I felt like a jackass.

"Do you like it?"

Charon nodded, sipping his beer.

"I can get use to it. I enjoy the solitude."

"Yeah, me too."

It felt like we were filling air. Two strangers once again. It was like the first night we spent together, only this time I wasn't going to throw myself off of any cliffs. I felt like it, though.

"I am sorry you lost your home over me, but I appreciate your choice."

I looked at him, smirking.

"It's just a house. I like this place a lot better anyways."

"Yes."

"You know, Charon, I bet you can be a real sweetheart."

"Excuse me?"

"Yeah. I bet you're really just like Gob. You're real nice when you want to be, but I bet you don't know how to show it."

"I don't wish to discuss this topic."

I sighed, looking away and craning my neck back.

"Hey, how'd you know that was Argyle anyways?"

Charon sighed. I bet this was a topic he was more suited towards discussing.

"Argyle and I were trained in the same manner. He was what you would call the 'class clown' and given up on partway through."

Wow, I didn't know that.

"So, he was like you, just not as serious?"

"Yes."

"Were you friends?"

"No. I had seen him in passing when he and Herbert would come to Underworld, but we did not speak with one another."

I rested my face on my knees. Charon had such an interesting past, I wished he would share it with me. I know he won't, but it would be nice.

"It's still sad that he's dead, though."

"It is."

I didn't know what else to say. I stretched out my legs and finished off my beer. I decided to let Charon sleep on the couch when we got tired enough to sleep. I didn't want to feel like he was my slave by making him sleep on the cold, hard floor.

"What happened in The Pitt?"

He asked me, and I was surprised at him. I didn't think he'd directly ask me, but I felt he was searching for conversation too.

"It was…I don't want to talk about it."

Charon nodded, sipping his beer and smoking his cigarette. I brought my own to my lips and inhaled it deeply. I keep feeling like something is wrong, that something just doesn't fit. Maybe there's something he's not telling me. Well, now's a prime time to find out, I guess.

"So…what would Greta want to speak to you about, anyways?"

I used Gob's message as a way to figure out what happened with him in the three weeks I was gone. Maybe I'd find out something fun. Charon shifted uneasily, and took another quick sip of his beer.

"I am not sure. She is probably angry with me."

"Why?"

Charon sighed, looking at the ground.

"In your absence, I had to rent a room at Carol's place. Do you remember what I once told you of Greta, Gob and I?"

I nodded, my heart racing at where this could be going.

"Yes, well, she would come into my room at night. We would kiss, well she kissed me and I returned it. I did not know how to tell her that I didn't find enjoyment anymore, and that I no longer live in the past. She continued on until one night, the night you returned, I told her. I said bluntly that I did not enjoy her company, and suggested she leave. I did not speak to her after that, because it is when you arrived."

I sucked in a big breath of air, taking in Charon's story. I felt a mix of anger, jealousy and betrayal. _I hate to say this darling, but I told you so._ I felt my body shake with the anger I was trying to contain, and I looked at Charon. I didn't expect it to hurt this much, and it probably shouldn't seeing as how he isn't even interested in me, and never will be. But I am. It hurts. I leave him alone for three short weeks and he goes off with an old flame. I didn't think he was capable of hurting me like this, but I guess he is.

"So…so you think she's mad because you left?"

He nodded, and I noticed how shaky my voice sounded. I felt hot tears welling in my eyes, and I looked away from him, stubbing my cigarette out on the ground.

"Well then. That's a nice story. I'm tired, so you take the couch."

I pushed off the couch, and went to my pack. Bunching it up, I placed it under my head and laid down, my back facing Charon.

"I do not feel comfortable in taking the couch."

"Too bad. It's an order."

I heard the sofa creak under Charon's weight. I didn't hear him take off his armor, but I didn't care. Curling myself into a ball, I finally let the tears fall. I didn't whimper or moan, or make any noise that would give me away. I just let them fall out. I'm crying because of what I saw in The Pitt. I'm crying because I lost my home, and because Charon is capable of hurting me like this. I'm crying because I don't know what I'm going to do, how I'm going to do it, or what is a 'good fight'. Because everyone has turned against me, and I did nothing to deserve it.

Pulling my knees tighter to me, I held back from sniffing my nose. It was runny, and annoying, but if I sniffed it, Charon would know and get all worried. I felt broken. The only person in the world I gave my heart to and trusted has completely shattered and broke whatever spirit I think I may have had. Spirit to do good things, anyways. It hurt even more that the same night I came home, the same night he gently traced my scars and laid in bed next to me, was the same night Greta was there, in that bed with him. He reminded me of Butch, and I hated it.

This is why I don't like people. This is why I don't get close to them. They always wind up hurting you in the end. Even if they meant well, it never turns out that way. I wouldn't let Charon know just how much this hurt, it would ruin whatever chance we had at normalcy. I'm scared, really. I'm scared because of this exact reason. I've been hurt enough, in and out of the vault, and I've become quite the skeptic. That's why I envy Gob and Nova so much. They have something I never could quite reach.

"Dez?"

Charon's sudden voice in the darkness made me jump. I took in air, and tried to make my voice sound as normal as possible.

"What?"

"Are you comfortable on the floor?"

"I'm fine, Charon."

I suddenly felt angry at him. I wanted to get up and smack him right in the face. I didn't though, and just focused on the exposed muscle on my arm.

"May I turn the light off?"

Oh. I had forgotten all about the light.

"Yeah, whatever."

I heard him get up, and I closed my eyes tight. He walked over to the small lantern, and I heard him switch it off. I didn't hear him return to the sofa.

"Are you going to bed?"

I asked him, opening my eyes and looking forward into the darkness.

"I do not feel right letting you lie on the floor."

"Charon, just deal with it."

His heavy footsteps echoed in the dark. He walked over and I heard him sit behind me.

"Please, move to the sofa."

I groaned, rubbing my eyes just in case. I wiped away the wetness on my cheeks, and tried to play it off as if I was just grumpy.

"Whatever, Charon."

I got up and moved over to the stupid fucking couch. Laying down, it didn't feel much different than the floor. I stared at the back of the sofa, thoughts and images floating in my head of Greta and Charon. I knew I wasn't going to sleep, I'm too angry. I thought a lot of things about Charon, and I know he's capable of a lot, but never this. It hurts, you know. It hurts more than getting shot, in my opinion anyways. My head wouldn't relent, wouldn't let up on the imagined pictures of them. I sighed, rubbing my eyes. Maybe if I started conversation, it would get my mind off it. Or it would give me something else to think about.

"Charon?"

"Yes?"

By the sound of his voice, I knew he was laying awake, too.

"Will you tell me how they trained you?"

I heard him shift on the floor, and sigh. I knew he was going to say no, but it was worth a shot.

"Are you sure you wish to hear it, Dez?"

Well, that's a surprise.

"Yeah, sure."

Charon sighed loudly again, and I felt a little bad for asking. Then I remembered Greta, and hoped he churned and hurt inside from remembering.

"I am an orphan. I did not know my mother or father. The organization took orphans, children with no family. It was easier that way, I suppose. They began training at age five. We went to school, learning all the basic combat moves first, then with age and education, slowly moved up to weapons and hand-to-hand combat with other students. The methods they used were called 'torture training'. If one failed, then one was subjected to severe pain for an undisclosed amount of time. Any weakness shown during punishment only prolonged it."

Charon sucked in a deep breath of air, and I stared at his outline in the darkness, entranced.

"We were trained to obey, kill, and fight. We do not falter under interrogation. The organization trained us to evade such methods by placing us in those situations. I had to stand for hours in an enclosed room, water to my knees. All of us did. It was to test our endurance, so whomever our enemy was would and could not retrieve evidence of our employer. We would have to stand for days, sometimes, training us to always be alert and on guard. No one ever knew when we would be ambushed by those of higher rank, and sometimes that was punishable by death if we failed."

"Did…didn't you try to escape? Get out?"

Honestly I was shocked at Charon's story, but it was like a gory battle, I couldn't look away.

"No. I know of two people who attempted once. They were instantly captured and we were forced to watch their execution. It was slow, brutal, their screams lasted through the night. It was to show us that escape was not an option, and we were simply disposable pawns. Life was not of value. If you died, it was simply noted as a 'failure'. Failure is not an option for us, failure results in punishment. It is why I must _not_ disobey an order. I am simply conditioned to pain upon failure, I cannot cope with that."

"Is…that why you do everything you do? So then you don't fail? Is that why you can't get rid of your contract?"

Charon lit a cigarette, I saw the flame in the darkness. When he brought it to his lips and inhaled, I could see his eyes for a second. They looked horrified.

"Each of us were given an individual contract that we must follow and obey. We were allowed to memorize them, but were not permitted to see them again after that. If we did not memorize it, we would be punished. The contract sets the guidelines of our mindset. Once it has been transferred, we were free to do as we pleased to anyone else. When we were ready for hire, we were ordered to report to a certain person, those who had bid the highest for us. Our trainers would guide us to these people, and then run. Many of us tried to shoot and kill those who had trained us, free for just a few moments, before our first employers ordered us to stop."

"So…so that's why you killed Ahzrukhal?"

"Ahzrukhal was a dirty bastard. He needed to be rid of this place."

"But after all these years, you must have realize it's all bullshit, right?"

"A small bit. I now think differently, and do not act as mechanically as I once did. I understand now, things I did not understand before. I cannot rid myself of my contract, it has become too much of me."

"I'm sorry that happened to you."

"It does not matter now. With the world the way it has become, I am thankful I know what I know…in a small way."

"Did all of your employers hurt you if you failed?"

"No. Some of them, anyways. Those who did knew harm upon me invalidated the contract. The organization did not want enemies obtaining us and killing us, so they made sure to enlist free will when possible. Instead, I was often ordered to harm myself. Commander Jabsco wanted me to use these methods on children he had bought from Slavers. I was to eventually train and make another unit of mercenaries like myself."

"Did you ever do it?"

"No. There was not enough time for him to finish organizing everything. He was still waiting for the Slavers to deliver the children to him, but even then, they would have been too old."

"I'm sorry, you know. For that happening and shit."

"It does not matter, Dez."

I saw him take another haul from his smoke, the flame brightening for a second.

"Do you think you'll ever feel like you're truly free from it all?"

"No. I do not intend to, either. It is my life, Dez. It has created me into what I am now, I would be nothing more than dead if they had not taken me. For that I am grateful. I am resourceful, and I know how to survive in ways others cannot even imagine. I have skills better than those working in the Brotherhood of Steel. In this world, it is useful."

I cocked an eyebrow, trying to soak up his story and digest it all.

"When you say 'in this world' what do you mean?"

Charon sighed once again, and I sensed he was uncomfortable. Good, he deserved it.

"I am older than you believe, Dez."

"How old?"

"I am over two-hundred years old. I was alive to see Anchorage, alive to see the Great War, and…survive the bomb that turned this place into the Capitol Wasteland."

My jaw dropped. I knew Charon was a ghoul, and ghouls live longer than humans, but I never knew he was a pre-war ghoul. He didn't look as decayed as Carol did, and she's a pre-war ghoul. Charon looked like he had just recently turned into one, not one that's been around since way before I was born.

"Wow Charon...how'd you survive? The war, I mean."

"I did not wish to inform you of this, Dez. I do not know why, but now I feel you are comfortable with knowing, as I am comfortable with telling. My last employer before Ahzrukhal was a high-ranking military sergeant. He obtained a room inside one of the vaults for us. He was kind to me."

"Which vault?"

I asked dangerously, sensing where this was going, knowing what he was going to say.

"Vault 101. He informed me it was the only one safe for us. However, after a month, he went crazy. He ordered me to leave, and I did. I do not know what drove him to insanity. I found out later, that Vault 101 was a seclusion vault, never to be opened to anyone. He could not take the thought of that, I presume."

"Wait, you said you worked for Carol though. That Ahzrukhal took your contract from her."

"He did. He had obtained it first, and Carol rescued me from him. He then stole it back, and she never tried to save me again. It was the start of why he despised them so much."

"How…how'd you become a ghoul then? You were in the vault when the bombs fell…"

"Ahzrukhal had me stand in a puddle of irradiated water. I did not move, it reminded me of my training. I was ordered to stand there until the process of ghoulification had set in, and it was only time, after that."

"But you don't look like you're that old. I mean, you have a lot of skin."

"I am not sure why that is. I feel it is because of my training. We were exposed to many of the chemicals people used back then, and developed an immunity to them. It is possible I have built up a slight resistance to radiation, thus why I have not fully lost my entire skin."

I suddenly didn't feel angry at Charon anymore. I felt sad for him, actually. I felt sad he was exposed to all of that, and sad that I didn't appreciate him more. When he said he was trained to kill, he wasn't bragging, he meant it. I didn't even notice any of this about him. I just figured it was a simple training, nothing like he explained.

"I don't know what to say, Charon. I'm sorry you were hurt like that, though."

"It does not matter now."

"It matters to me."

"It should not."

And I thought my life was fucked up. I felt the need to hug him, tell him everything was okay, but I didn't. I stayed on the sofa, carefully watching his outline.

"Do you wish you could live a normal life?"

"Sometimes. Most of the time I wish I had stayed ignorant to emotions and feelings, only obeying and listening to my orders."

"Why?"

He sighed, stubbing out his cigarette.

"Because I do not know how to deal with some of the emotions that present themselves to me. I do not know how to handle them. My initial reaction is always anger, to harm those giving me those feelings. Yet I cannot. I know it is wrong, so I do not. Like with Greta. I have never been presented with the situation she put me in, and I did not know how to handle it. I learnt, though, but wished I had learnt sooner. It is bothersome to me."

Charon doesn't know. I should have known that. He doesn't know what to do when people like me show him nice things, or do nice things for him. He really is a tool for killing, and I felt bad for all the things I've done to him that made him hurt.

"Charon, do you feel hurt?"

"What do you mean?"

"Like…if we fight and I call you a name or something, do you feel hurt?"

"Yes. It starts off as anger, as does everything, but then I learn what it is. When you left me at Fort Bannister, I was angry with you, and remained angry for a long time, until the night up upon the satellite dish. Yet I realized I was only angry because I was hurt by what you had done. I realized when we fought and I was angry with you, was because you had done something to hurt me. Yes, Dez, I do feel hurt."

"Did you ever before?"

"No. You are the first employer to invoke such emotions for me. It is strange, learning them and learning how to deal with them."

"Oh wow. I didn't know I was that awesome."

I chuckled, but Charon didn't chuckle back.

"You must understand, Dez, that I have a hard time understanding the things you call upon. I can only ask your patience while I figure them out, and figure out the best reaction to them."

"I've dealt with you this long, haven't I?"

"Yes."

"But you told me you've felt love before. I've heard that's a strong emotion…so how could you feel it?"

Now I was just being nosy about Greta.

"It was more pleasure than love, I believe. Greta showed me kindness, and that pleased me. I wanted to have her do it more. I do not believe now it was love, simply admiration because I had never been given that sort of attention before."

"Oh. So you're not at that emotional level yet?"

"I am, Dez. It is difficult to explain. It will take me some time before I am able to commit and admit that I am capable of something strong, such as love."

"Maybe one day you'll fall in love. When you do, you gotta tell me though, so then I can set you free."

"You give me freedom, Dez. I do not feel as if you are my employer, but rather as a companion. I cannot leave without my contract, yet I know if I ask you will give it to me."

"Yup. That's me, the nice one to you."

"You are nice to me."

I bit my bottom lip, putting my feet on the floor and reaching down towards my cigarettes. I lit one, my heart racing for some reason.

"I have another question."

"Yes?"

"Before you even got to know me, you put up with me. You disobeyed an order from Ahzrukhal, and you didn't even know me. You saved my life again from the cliff, and didn't shoot me when _I _ordered you to. Why?"

"Because at the time, I felt you were different. You are a woman, and I do not like harming women. Ahzrukhal had no grounds to order your death, so I did not feel right doing it. As for the cliff incident…I did not want you to waste your life. I was curious about you, and did not complain so that I could analyze you."

"You were _curious_?"

"Yes."

"How? What's that even mean?"

"It means I wanted to know more about you. You at that time were ruthless, but I knew it was not your nature. I had never been employed by a woman before, and wanted to see how this played out."

"I think it played out kind of well."

"Yes, sometimes. You have a temper, and are childish, but it is tolerable."

I smirked. Charon was right, and I blew smoke in rings above my head. Even if nothing ever happens between Charon and I again, at least I have a good friend. I think that's pretty nice, having someone I can talk to like this. I've never had this before.

"I'm happy you didn't let me die."

"As am I."

Suddenly, I wished I could change. I wished I could go back and take away all the pain I caused people. I wished I could go back in time and help everyone, and not killed so many innocent people. I wished it, but it would never happen, and I wouldn't be 'nice' forever. Something eventually would make me snap. Or I would just decide it on my own.

"Can you promise me something, Charon?"

"What is it?"

"When I die…can you promise you won't be angry with me? Promise you'll forget all the nasty fights and shit we've had? I don't want you to remember me as a bitter bitch. Even if I am by then, I want you to forget all the wrong I've done. I want you to be able to give me a reason to be missed. I want you to be able to think of me when you're lonely, and I want those memories to make you smile. I don't…I don't want to die with the Wasteland thinking I'm a…I'm evil or anything. I just do what I have to do to live. If I can't make an impact on anyone here, at least I can make one on you. That's all that matters, too."

"I am not angry with you over anything that has happened between us in the past. I will remember you as a good person, because you have been towards me. You will, however, not die in my presence."

"Yeah…I hope."

"You _will not_."

I smirked again. Charon doesn't get it. He can protect me from everyone else and everything he can, but…not me. I think it'll be me that does me in, ends everything. I always thought like that. I'm too angry to let someone else kill me. I'm the only one allowed to. It just has to happen like that.

"Yeah, okay."

"Dez, may I say something?"

"Sure, shoot."

"I feel whatever you do, whomever you help, it does not matter. I feel that it is all about us. I will follow you to wherever you choose to go, and I do not care for anyone else involved. I care only for your well-being, and my own."

I smiled. No one's ever been this nice to me. Not in my entire life, and I appreciated Charon for it.

"Yeah…I know."

I didn't, but I didn't know what else to say. I wanted to go over to Charon, hug him and never let him go, but I didn't. I'm scared to. I'm scared that once he truly knows how I feel, he'll run away. He'll go somewhere and never come back. I don't think I could deal with that again. I heard Charon shift in the darkness, and I looked at his outline. He's my hero, you know. He saves me, keeps me safe, sane. He can hurt me, but I know now he doesn't mean it. I'd be dead if it weren't for him, and I don't care what's happened or what will happen, as long as he's still there when all this is over, if it ever ends. I want him there, holding my hand maybe, and making it all okay, even if it isn't.

"Dez?"

"Yeah?"

"I am grateful to you for making me feel these new emotions. I am grateful for the freedoms you have bestowed upon me, and for opening my eyes to aspects of the world."

"I'm grateful you save my ass so much."

"Yes. It is my job."

I crossed my arms, laying back on the couch and closing my eyes. If I was going to say anything to him ever, now would be the chance to.

"But its not always because of the contract, is it? You save me because you care about me too, right?"

"Yes."

"That's what made you angry in the first place. You started to care about me, and it contradicted your contract, right?"

"Yes."

I nodded, feeling satisfied.

"When…did you know you cared and didn't see me as a job?"

Charon didn't answer right away and I knew he was thinking. A few minutes of silence passed, and then he spoke.

"It was gradual. It began on our way to Rivet City, when you fell from the pile of waste. It became more profound after that, and I was able to admit it the night you came to me, upset about you father."

I felt tears slowly fall down the sides of my face. Hearing that someone actually cared about me struck a sensitive spot. It touched me, and I didn't know what to say or do.

"Will…will you do the piano thing with me? Please?"

"Yes."

I got up from my spot on the couch. Feeling my way with my hands, I crawled over to him in the darkness. I touched Charon's arm, and smiled. I can't see good in the dark, and I could have just turned on my Pip-Boy light, but I felt it was ruin the mood we were both in. Charon moved his arms, and pulled me into his chest, my back pressing against his armor.

"Play the song you wrote me."

I said. I felt his cheek graze the side of my head as he nodded. His hands slid down my arm, and stopped at my hands. His fingers interlaced with mine, going between them, filling the gaps. He began to lead my hands, and I closed my eyes. For a bit, we did this, our hands moving together, him showing me where the proper keys were. Then, I heard his gruff voice humming. I noticed he was humming the tune, and I smiled, my head able to hear the song for the first time. I wished I had memorized the words, so I could sing along. It sounded sad, I remember the lyrics being sad as well.

"Charon, what does this song mean? I know there's meanings behind songs, what's this one?"

Charon stopped humming. He brought our hands to a stop, and closed his fists, my fingers clenched between his.

"There is speculation. Some believe it is to love, others to the Lord."

"What do you think it is?"

"I believe it is a representation of love, yet not the romantic form many are familiar of. I believe it speaks of the darker side to romance. The kind that breaks a person, making them blindly follow in devotion despite how much they have been harmed."

"Yeah…it's pretty."

Is that the best I could say? Yes. Because right now I'm more distracted with Charon's hands holding mine. And because what he said kind of describes how I feel towards him. I was alone before him, I had no one but me, and the voice in my head.

"It is. It has been a favorite song of mine for a long time."

"Why'd you share it with me?"

"Because you appreciate music. You can see the beauty in it, that many people cannot. I feel it would mean something to you, like it does to me."

I squeezed Charon's hands, and he squeezed back. His legs were at either side of me, like the time when I was sick in the tunnels. I wanted to lean back, like I had then, but I didn't. I stayed slanted forward, staring at our hands in the darkness. I felt Charon shift, and felt the warmth of his cheek beside mine.

"There is something about us, Dez, that confuses me. I feel you depend on me, and I realize I have come to depend on you."

"For what?"

"I did not know what to do with myself for the time you were in The Pitt. I had no purpose or job to fulfill. It was then I realized I depended on you for company and companionship. I apologize in advance if you are not comfortable with this, and will no longer bring it up in the future."

"No, no it's okay. I understand. I think I'd be dead if you weren't around, anyways."

Charon didn't say anything. He kept his cheek next to mine, his raspy breathing echoing close to my ear. If I was brave enough, I'd kiss him. He and I could have an amazing story together. We could be like Gob and Nova, only we'd run around the desert and city, fighting and killing things. We'd share everything together, and not keep thoughts to ourselves like we do now. But I'm not brave enough to suggest that. I wish I was, though.

"If I move, will that offend you?"

I smirked, trying not to shake my head in a 'I knew it' way. I thought he was going to move away, go to bed or something.

"No."

I braced myself to feel his hands slide, to feel his face move from mine, but it never happened. I felt his arms bring mine into my own chest, and his chest against my back. I felt his legs curling up my own, and his head rest in the crook of my neck. My heart raced, feeling his hot breath against my skin. He gripped me, hugging me in his weird way, and squeezing my hands. I didn't move, I was scared if I did, he'd let me go, and I don't want that. _I should kick your mental ass right now, but I think you need to learn this lesson on your own. You'll see, soon, no one can really care about you. He's just like Butch. He's got a smoothskin wrapped around his hand, and he wants one thing. You'll see, watch_.

I want Charon to be with me forever and ever. I'll chase him and make him if I have to.

"I'm sorry, Charon."

"For what?"

His words made my skin vibrate, his hot breath giving me goose bumps.

"For not wanting you to leave. I'm sorry, if that interferes with any future plans you had."

"It does not."

"I like you, because you're nice to me. No one's been with me for as long as you have. It…it makes me feel like I'm not so crazy. I just feel bad, because I know one day you are gonna leave, and then I won't have anything."

"I will not leave you, unless you want me to."

I felt tears beginning to flow down my face. I'm so sorry I've fallen head over heels. I never wanted to. I never intended to. It just happened, and I think it may destroy us. It's not his responsibility to care about me, but he does. Sometimes it's really hard to keep going when you're all alone, but he makes it easier.

"Charon can I tell you something?"

"Yes."

"I don't think I'd be able to…to do this…at all…if you weren't here."

"I understand."

"I'm scared of being alone again…"

"I know. I will not leave, please understand and believe this."

"I do."

He squeezed my body, pressing his face into my neck, tightening his muscles around me. He could crush me if he wanted to, but he didn't. He made me feel safe and warm.

"Please do not cry."

I didn't even know Charon knew I was crying. I didn't make any noise, and he couldn't see in the dark. Maybe he could just tell, he's good at that.

"I'm trying not to."

I felt his right hand release mine. He gently touched my face, smearing away the tear stain. He isn't the right one for me, but it feels right. I'm sure he knows it, too. He has to. I need him more than anything. His hand stroked my cheek gently, his face nestled in the crook of my neck. It's the most vulnerable position I've ever felt him to be in, and maybe he was letting his guard down. It didn't mean I was going to let mine go, though.

Sniffing my nose, I leaned my neck back, resting my head on his shoulder behind me. He shifted his head, if he had a nose, it would have been right against my throat. I half expected him to kiss me there, but I knew he wouldn't. I felt the back of his neck with my free hand, feeling where skin and muscle were separated. I wanted to cry more, but I don't know why. I held it all inside, enjoying this. I got myself in something bad, that's for sure.

"Did you mean what you said at Fort Bannister?"

I referred to the time Jabby brought me into his office, and Charon kind of confessed things.

"You mean what I said about you?"

"Yeah, that."

"Yes. I was not permitted to lie, and I do not wish to lie to you."

"I was just wondering, is all."

Charon took a deep breath in, sighing. I took my hand off the back of his head, and took his hand off of my cheek. I intertwined our fingers, gripping it like I would die if he let go.

"I must address a bold topic, Dez."

"What is it?"

"There is something between us, Dez."

Gee, wonder what gave him that idea.

"Yeah."

Admitting it wouldn't hurt.

"If there was not, we would not be doing this. It makes me feel uncomfortable."

"What do you mean?"

"I do not know how to go about it. I am aware there is something between us, but it does not sit well with me yet."

My entire insides stopped working for a second. I froze up, stiffening my entire body. _I told you so._ If he feels 'uncomfortable' then why is he doing this? Why has he been acting like this? I turned my head towards his, glaring at him.

"I don't get you, Charon. I really fuckin' don't."

"I just do not know what it is I am supposed to do."

I got up, pulling away from him. I stormed back over to the couch, angry again. I've been wasting my fucking time.

"Try not fucking with my head. Go to bed. That's an order."

Charon didn't say anything. I heard him lie down on the ground, and I curled up in the fetal position. My entire body ached, and I don't know why. I faced the back of the sofa, tears fresh and falling quietly. I can't believe this fucking joke. Never have I ever wanted him to be so far away from me as I did right now. Closing my eyes, I tried to force myself to sleep. I'm crazy enough, I don't need this added bullshit. It's fucking insane and insatiable.


	14. Chapter 14

The next day, I woke up with the lumpy springs of the sofa digging in my back. Groaning, I opened my eyes. Memories of the previous night flashed in my head, making me feel angry, stupid, and downright foolish. I rubbed my eyes, glancing over at Charon. He was still sleeping, oddly enough. His back was to me, and I had a better view of the cave room in the daytime. Sun shone through the crack we slid through, and poked through some other holes in the rocks. It was a nice, single room. It didn't have any noise, but what lurked behind the caved-in rocks is what made me nervous.

I swung my legs over to the side, running my hands through my hair. My Raider Throwdown Armor was in a pile next to my other pile of shit. I noticed I was sweating, the cave being unusually warm. I didn't mind it, I like being hot. Standing up, I walked over to my pile of shit, and kicked it as hard as I could with my bare foot. Ammunition, guns, books, and a few other oddball items and clothes scattered everywhere, making a lot of noise. Charon bolted upright, his eyes wide.

"Wake up."

I said angrily, hurting inside. First he goes off and has hot make-out sessions with Greta, then he goes and fucks with my head and feelings. I'm holding this grudge against him until I feel he's repented. Or until I die. Whichever comes first. Charon turned and looked at me, standing up. His tall body towered over mine, and I could see he wasn't too thrilled about my little tantrum.

"I am awake."

He growled, glowering at me. I crossed my arms and sat in the mess of items I had kicked. His eyes followed me, and I unfolded my arms, picking through some torn and old outfits and armors.

"Good."

I said, and held up an old Wasteland Wanderer outfit. Tossing it down, I began to rummage through my ammunition, keeping track of how much I had for each weapon.

"We're going to devise a plan, Charon."

"What sort of plan?"

He walked away from me, picking up a pack of cigarettes from the floor. He lit one, not offering me one. I motioned to the pack and he tossed it roughly to me. I caught it, smirking at him.

"A plan of what to do. We have a lot of options, and I want to know what my best one is."

"Okay."

"We could go to Little Lamplight and help the Brotherhood, but they're on my shit-list right now, so I don't feel like it."

"Okay."

"We could go and help the Brotherhood Outcast, I've heard they need some help, but they're scum, too."

"Mhm."

"Or, we can aimlessly wander the desert and city looking for oddball jobs that pay so we can get some cash and buy supplies or more guns."

"Is that all?"

I nodded, lighting a cigarette.

"That's all. All that I can think of right now, anyways. So, what's your wonderful and polluted opinion?"

Charon narrowed his eyes at me as I leaned over, showing off some cleavage I bet Greta don't have a chest. Rotten ghoul she is.

"In my _opinion_, Dez, I think you should help the Brotherhood."

"Wrong answer."

"Well then why did you ask?"

"I think we're better off aimlessly wandering around, and seeing what may come."

"I think you are being selfish."

I narrowed my eyes at Charon, slowly sucking on my cigarette. Since when does he argue with me over what to do?

"Are you an ass-kissing Brotherhood of Steel now, Charon?"

"No, I just feel that these people need your help, and you are being selfish by not helping them."

"You're being selfish."

"That does not even make _sense_."

Charon sat down on the couch, and I shrugged. Sense or not, it made me feel better.

"Yeah well, I don't want to."

"Dez, you need to think my next statement over _carefully_. Can you do that?"

"Mhm."

I was half paying attention, digging through some 5.56 ammo clips.

"If what you claim about Gob and Nova is true, then that child is at risk. I ghoul child _cannot_ survive without purified water."

"Why not? They're _ghouls_, radiation helps."

"Dez, you do not know what a child needs. They need nutrition and fresh water that the Wasteland does not offer. If you will not do it for your father or the Brotherhood, do it for Nova and Gob. It will truly be a miracle if Gob has succeeded in impregnating her."

I sighed loudly. I pretended like I didn't care, but I knew Charon was right. The mortality rate for infants must be high here, because you _never_ see them. If Nova is pregnant, Gob's kid or not, it'll need help. Gob will father the child regardless, I know that much, and it's the least I can do after all the comfort he's given me.

"Fine, Charon. Let's do it for them, I guess."

He nodded at me, and I rolled my eyes. Nova and Gob better kiss my ass once I get this shit under way and finish it. I mean, what the fuck? I have to go risk my life _again_ for people who I don't even care about. No, I'm wrong. I care about Gob and whatnot, I'm just angry with Charon. _I told you so, again. When will you learn I am always right?_ Yeah, you are, mysterious voice, you really are.

Standing up, I threw my cigarette off into some cracks in the rocks. I picked up my Raider Throwdown Armor and began to slide it on.

"We are leaving today?"

Charon asked, and I nodded, not looking at him.

"What else are we going to do?"

"Dez, are you sure you can do this? You just got back a few days ago, I feel you should rest."

I picked my head up as I held my top in my hands, glaring at him.

"You feel a lot of things, apparently. How about feeling useful and getting together a travelling pack?"

Charon and I stared one another down. Finally he stood up, throwing his cigarette to the ground and crushing it with his boot. He walked over to the pile of shit, and grabbed my empty pack.

"It would be a nice change to feel useful for something other than a babysitter."

It's on, comrade. It's on.

"I know _exactly _how you feel."

"I would expect you to say that."

He shoved my medical Lunchbox into the pack, handling some ammo and bottles of water. I glared at him, fastening my top around my chest and pushing my arms through the sleeves.

"I expected you not to fuck around with Greta, but you did that anyways."

"What does that imply?"

"Oh, nothing. I just hope no one else is expecting any miracle ghoul babies anytime soon."

Charon clenched his jaw at me. I ignored it, and began to fasten the spikes on my shoulders. Take that for hurting my feelings, you fucking stupid ghoul. Grabbing my gun, I strapped it to my gun.

"I made it clear we did not have intercourse."

"No, you didn't."

I put my hand on my hip, grabbing my sunglasses and putting them on.

"Why do I need to explain myself to you, Dez? You were not my employer at the time, I do not inquire about who you sleep with."

"Because I'm your employer _now_. And I don't sleep around, especially with ghouls."

Charon tossed my pack at me, and I slung it around me. I had fulfilled my task of pissing him off royally, and I smirked at him, walking towards the crack that leads to the desert. I heard Charon grab his shotgun as I slid out, letting the hot sun bathe me in warmth.

"Even if you chose to sleep with a ghoul, I do not think they would want to."

I heard Charon mock behind me, and I turned around to face him. He had his shotgun to his back, and had lit another cigarette.

"Anyone, ghoul or man, with half a mind would want me."

"I disagree."

"That's just because you don't have a slave's chance in Haven with me."

I began to walk, messing with my Pip-Boy. Little Lamplight was a three hour walk, not even, from here. I heard Charon's feet behind me, he was quiet, and I knew I'd gotten him good. Of course, that was a lie. Well, it isn't right now, but after last night I'm going to start detaching myself from him. There's no point anymore, I make him 'uncomfortable'.

"You are so desperate for attention, if I acted the right way, you would give me whatever I wanted from you."

I moved so fast I wasn't thinking. I felt a sharp sting in my hand as it connected with his face. The clap it made echoed around us in the desert, loud and ringing in my ears. I'd never felt so angry at one single person in my life before. I'm so angry at him, because he's so fuckin' right.

"Don't you fuckin' insult me like that again."

I seethed through my teeth. Charon's head was turned to the side, and I saw his eyes glaze over in a blinding rage. I braced myself, ready to fight him, hand-to-hand. He rubbed his cheek, and slowly turned his head to me, I'd never seen so much anger in him before. We glared into one another's eyes for what seemed like forever. When he didn't move to hit me, I straightened my back, ignoring the throbbing in my hand and turning my back on him.

"I would like my contract back."

I scoffed at him, turning back around and walking backwards.  
"How's this for an answer? No."

"Physical violence on your part invalidates our contract. I want it back or I will take it by force."

"What are you gonna do? Shoot me? Go ahead Charon, do it, shoot me. Then you can go running back to fuckin' Greta in Underworld and live out the rest of your miserable life with her."

I stopped walking, and stood a yard or so away from him, my arms crossed, challenging him with my eyes. His jaw was tightly clenched, his eyes would have burnt holes in me if they could.

"I am not going to shoot you, but I will use force."

"I fucking dare you to lay your rotten hands on me."

He lunged at me, pinning me to the ground, my arm twisted behind my back. He held onto my wrist, pulling it up to my neck, and I couldn't move, it fucking hurt.

"Let me go! That's an order!"

"I no longer take your orders. Hand over my contract."

"Fine!"

The instant I felt his grip loosen on my wrist, I wriggled free and pounced on him. I dug my nails into the back of his neck, gripping his skin with one hand and punching his chest as hard as I could with the other.

"You fucking asshole!"

I screamed at him, digging my nails in deeper. I felt his hands around my puny waist, his thumbs pressing into my stomach. I stopped punching him when I felt myself being lifted into the air, but didn't let go of his neck. He threw me, my hand slipping off of him, skin coming off with me. It went in slow motion, I felt my body in the air, saw the ground beneath me, far away, then closer. I braced myself for impact, slamming hard on the ground. I landed on some small pieces of rock, they pierced my skin, and I felt the wind being knocked out of me as I stared up at the sky. Blood formed in my mouth, but I couldn't cough it out, I couldn't breathe.

Struggling, I sat up, gasping for air and spitting up blood. I wrapped my hand around my neck, like it would help me or something. Finally, I felt the air rush into my lungs, and I coughed mercilessly, seeing blood on my hands from my mouth. Charon ran over to me, his eyes wild as he bent down. I went to punch him, feeling angrier than I ever have before. He grabbed my wrist before I was able to hit him, and held it down to the ground.

"Let me see."

He growled at me, grabbing my face with his other hand. I closed my mouth, breathing through my teeth, glaring at him. He glared at me, still angry. Well fine, I'm still angry at him. He fucking _threw_ me. A good few feet, too. I felt him force my body to turn, and his hand on the small puncture wounds on the rocks.

"You are fine."

He said, throwing my wrist back at me.

"Take your fucking contract. Take it, leave, fucking _go_!"

Charon stood up, blocking the sun from my eyes. I struggled to get up, but managed. I glared again at Charon before I started hobbling North, towards Little Lamplight.

"Where are you going?"

I heard Charon call, and I turned my head towards him.

"Away from you! Fuck off! Go!"

He let me walk a few feet farther before chasing after me. I didn't say anything to him, and he didn't say anything to me. I found my pack of cigarettes and lit one, my hands shaking from adrenaline and endorphins. I inhaled the smoke into my lungs, holding back another cough. I cant believe Charon actually fought me. Moreover, I can't believe he _threw_ me. It wouldn't register in my mind, it wouldn't process. I swallowed hard, trying to hold back from shooting him in the chest.

We walked in silence, quietly hearing the sand and dirt crunch and shift under our feet. My anger had slowly begun to dissolve, leaving only hurt and fright in its place. Charon hadn't tried to talk to me, and I hadn't tried to talk to him, either. I didn't even hear his breathing. If it wasn't for his heavy footsteps, I would have thought he took off on me a mile or so back. Still, I didn't turn around. I wanted him to know how mad I was, and I wanted him to feel like shit for days for what he did to me.

I know we're coming up on Little Lamplight, I know it's just a half a mile ahead, but I stopped walking. Thoughts had been swimming in my head, and I couldn't let them persist anymore. I opened and closed my fists, angry and frustrated with everything. I don't want to do this for the Brotherhood. I want to do this for Gob and Nova. Sitting down, my back faced Charon and I stared up at the hill I had to climb. As much as I tried to tell myself this was for Gob and Nova, I knew otherwise. I knew I had just become a pawn in the 'good fight' and no matter what I didn't see any other route. If the Enclave didn't kill my own father, maybe I'd opt to help them, just so people would leave me alone.

No. No matter what I do, nobody will leave me alone. Either the Brotherhood or the Enclave will be after me. There's no easy solution this, but I can't keep aimlessly running around. In the back of my mind, I can still hear my father's words. Words he spoke when I was little, words that I'd never forget no matter how hard I tried.

"One day you'll be big and strong, and be able to finish what your mother had started."

I bet he didn't expect me to remember that, but I did. I remembered it like it was yesterday, everyday of my life. I wish I had known my mother, I wish she was here now. But she's not, I'm an orphan. I'm about to go inside Little Lamplight and get some shit called the G.E.C.K for a cause I don't even believe in. Rubbing my eyes, I groaned loudly, feeling a bruise forming where the rocks had punctured me. I held back wanting to cry, as I sat there in the dirt. Charon was right, I'd do anything for anyone who gave me attention and showed they cared. I wish I didn't, I wish I wouldn't, but I've never gotten attention before. I've never had people actually care.

I'd never see my father's face again, I'd never see my mother's. I only have images of my father, memories, and that picture back in Rockopolis. I only saw my mother once, in an old picture that's still locked in Vault 101. It's probably destroyed by now, though. I can't help but feel I've let them down. I'm sorry, so sorry, I can't do this. I can't do this, because it's not who I am. I don't know who I am all the way yet, this whole being thrown into the desert randomly kind of fucked all that shit up. I have to get the G.E.C.K, but it doesn't mean I save people. In the end, if I'm given another mission by the Brotherhood, I don't think I'll help them. I've risked enough for them, for the people of The Pitt, for the people of the Wasteland. All they have to show for my sacrifices is a 'fuck you' and 'go do this for me'. Never a thank you, never anything that could help me. I wish I was back in the vault. Ignorance is bliss, I can understand why now.

"Why are you not going up there?"

Charon asked, but I ignored him. I'm still wicked pissed off about his whole attitude and fight with me. He doesn't understand that by this time tomorrow…I don't know where I'll be. He doesn't understand how this is a huge waste of time, and the Brotherhood probably has the G.E.C.K already. I could go ask them, but that's a waste of travel. If it's not in Vault 87, well then, I can just go home.

"I'm just resting."

Charon walked over to me and sat beside me. He took his shotgun off of his back, and I refused to look at him. I crossed my arms and lit a cigarette. I still feel like I'm alone in all of this, even with Charon right beside me.

"I am sorry for harming you, Dez."

"It's whatever."

"I did not mean it."

"I said 'whatever', Charon."

"Yes but…"

"Charon? Shut up."

He nodded and I stared off. Just over this hill was Little Lamplight. Just over this hill was an entrance to Vault 87, and well…I can't help but feel that over this hill is the end of me as I know it.

Pushing up off the dirt, I stood, adjusting the pack on my back. I heard Charon get up behind me, and I kept walking. As mad as I am at Charon, I hope he can keep me safe, and prove my gut feeling wrong. I hope he can…he can help me figure out who the enemy is in this whole mess of a world, so I know who to avoid. I doubt it, though.

I walked into Little Lamplight. To my great annoyance there was a guy there begging me to take him to his 'birthday party'. I said no, and pushed past him, and found myself arguing with a little brat named MacCready. He refused to let me in, and instead of being polite and convincing him, I did what Dez in a bad mood does best.

"Listen you little brat, you let me in or I swear I will fucking kill you all."

"No you won't!"

I turned the safety off on my Chinese Assault Rifle and pointed it.

"I won't?"

Sure, threatening a kid probably isn't the best way to go about things, but I'm not in a mood. I wasn't really going to shoot him anyways. I'm just not good with kids. Never been around one long enough to know how to talk to them. He finally opened the gate, and walked up to me with caution.

"Why…why you need to come in here anyways?"

He looked so adorable I wanted to hug him. But I didn't. I just looked down at him and all of his four foot body decked out in some weird outfit.

"I need to use the entrance to get to Vault 87."

The kid looked like he was going to shit his pants when Charon appeared behind me.

"You're a big mungo…a _giant_ mungo."

"Yeah right well…where's the Vault 87 entrance?"

"You mean where the monsters are? We blocked it off…you can get through there by Murder Pass."

"There's no other way?"

I glared down at MacCready, not in the mood for bullshit.

"No, there's a computer, but Joseph is the only one who can get in it. The computer will open the door for you so you can go right through to the vault."

I shook my head, putting my gun away.

"I don't need to speak with Joseph. Where's the computer?"

He pointed to a shack, and I nodded. My father didn't skip on teaching me science and medical skills. I'm pretty smart with terminals, and I know what's what around here. I didn't mean to be so cruel to the little kids, but I can't help but feel a little scared at a place run by children.

I stared at the green text on the screen, analyzing it all carefully. I clicked on a word, and the terminal beeped, telling me it was the right one. Charon stood stiffly behind me as I opened the door to Vault 87.

"This is dangerous."

I heard him mumble, and I sighed, annoyed.

"Yeah well, you wanted to do it."

"Yes."

Standing up, I took my gun off of my back and led Charon to the Vault 87 door. It isn't too far from here, but it's still a walk. You know, I used to read Grognak the Barbarian comics in the vault, like everyone else. I used to think one day someone was going to save me, and take me on wild adventures. That a guy like that existed, and fueled the fantasies of a dumb ten-year-old like I was.

It's not like that though. I'm leading myself into perilous journeys, and have only Charon to aid me. He's not much of a Grognak, but he's pretty close to one. Only he doesn't carry a battleaxe and grunt. Well he grunts, but other than that, there's only differences. Sighing, I turned on my Pip-Boy light as the lights from Little Lamplight faded behind me. Kids had been calling me a 'mungo' as I passed them, whatever that is.

"You better tell Gob and Nova I did this for them."

I snapped at Charon as I opened an old door. I knew the look of the door too well. Behind it would be an entrance to Vault 87.

"Why don't you tell them yourself?"

"Just do it."

Explaining to him the strange gut feeling and amount of fright I held inside was too much. He wouldn't understand it, anyways. I wanted to turn around and run, run back to Rockopolis and have myself a good, loud cry, but I didn't. I just stared at the door like it was my worst enemy. My life felt almost like it was flashing before my eyes, only it wasn't _my_ life. It was a life I _wished_ I had lived. One that ended with a happily ever after and all that nonsense. Charon was there, too, and neither one of us were angry. I didn't have a scar on my body, and I saw him smile for the first time. It was a nice, imagined life, but I couldn't sit here and wonder about it forever.

Pressing the door open, I stood before the Vault 87 entrance. There's a lot of radiation in here, I remember that much from hearing about it. I know that my Trog issue might worsen, or it might not. I don't know.

"We are wasting time."

Charon's voice jolted me from my own thoughts, and I nodded. I still refused to look at him. Walking forward, I worked the familiar keypad that would open the door. Unlike Vault 101, this one didn't ask for a password. It simply opened at my touch, and I stepped back. Warm air blew out at me, it was a relief from the cool, dark caverns that I'd been standing in. I have no other options now than to step in.

Pulling up my Pip-Boy, I found where the G.E.C.K was located and marked it on my map. It wasn't too far from here, just a few twists and turns and ta-da, the G.E.C.K. Walking inside was like a harsh trip down Memory Lane. Vault 87 looked exactly like Vault 101, except not as clean or bright or anything like it had been before. I sighed loudly, my own noise echoing in the halls. It has been such a long time since I've done something I wanted to do, something I've chosen for myself. But I guess that's the fate of being a Lone Wanderer. You have no other option but to do what others tell you to do.

Charon followed me as I navigated the halls, almost like I had been here before. In a sense I had been. All vaults were created and designed by Vault-Tec, so they all have to same layout. Charon picked up on my uneasiness and I heard him light a cigarette, handing it to me. I didn't look at him.

"We must be careful. I can hear Super Mutants."

He said, cocking his shotgun. I didn't hear anything, but his hearing is a lot better than mine. Inhaling my cigarette, I fought back the scary thoughts and feelings, holding my finger on my trigger.

"Okay."

I said, leading him down to the Living Quarters. Once I stepped down off the stairs, I felt we were not alone. I glanced down at my Pip-Boy and saw red ticks, very close to us in fact. Tossing my cigarette down, I pointed my gun, ready.

"Let's go."

I said to Charon. Before I could even take another breath in, a Centaur appeared, it's many tongues waving in the air. Charon took a quick shot, blowing its head off instantly. Blood sprayed in the air, and I tried to fight the terrible shakes I was getting. Super Mutants came from behind us on the stairs, and down the hall in front of us.

"You with me on this one?"

I asked Charon, watching the ones atop the stairs carefully.

"As always."

I nodded, and cocked my gun. Charon made the first noise, shot the first bullet that started a frenzy of guns firing and bullets flailing. I was able to take out one of the three that were on the stairs. One of them was a Overlord, and I knew it would be a waste of ammo to fire at him.

"Get down!"

Charon screamed, throwing his body over mine. He had thrown two frag grenades, one down the hall, one on top of the stairs. I felt his weight push me down to the ground, his massive body covering mine. He covered my ears with his hands, pressing his face down into my back, holding on tightly. The muffled explosions rang in my ears, and he took one of his hands off my head, reaching for another grenade

"This'll teach you to mess with me!"

He yelled, throwing another one. Overlords don't go down easy, one grenade won't do the trick, but two well-aimed grenades might. Charon placed his hand back over my ears, and I felt his legs constrict mine. It was like he was trying to fold me under him. My heart raced, blood pulsing in my mind. I heard the last grenade go off, but Charon didn't move off of me just yet. We waited, my muscles stiffened, trying to hear past Charon's hands. Finally, I felt his grip slide, and he pushed off of me.

"We are safe."

He stated, and helped me up. I didn't look at his face, just at his chest.

"Thanks."

I mumbled, and popped another clip of ammo into my gun. Looking around, I saw we weren't in the same type of Living Quarters that had been at Vault 101. Somehow, I ended up in this strange maze of…of test labs? I ventured off, looking into each room. Bodies of mangled…people were on medical beds, their eyes open wide. It scared me, put a fear in me that was never there before. Humanity has lost all hope in my eyes, if people can do this to each other.

"Help me!"

I looked up, looking around. I noticed Charon had heard this too, and we walked down the halls. There was a computer out front of one of the rooms, and a voice came through a small intercom. I looked through the glass, and saw a large Super Mutant in a torn vault jumpsuit limbering around. My first reaction was to grab my gun, but then I realized he was the one who called to me.

"Please! Please get me out of here!"

He looked at me through the glass, his teeth bared, his eyes wide. I took a step back, scared. I'd never been this close to a live Super Mutant.

"Who…who are you?"

I stammered into the intercom.

"I am…Fawks. I have…been here…for…as…long as I can remember."

He had trouble speaking, but spoke like me or Charon.

"How come you can talk?"

He told me how he hadn't fully changed, like all the other mutants. He told me he was put here because he was different, and hated the sight of war. That he had been reading things from the terminal inside the room until just recently, when the Super Mutants broke it down. I felt I could trust him, I don't know why, but I did.

"I'm looking for the G.E.C.K, do you know where it is?"

"Yes! Yes! If you let me out I will get it for you! Please!"

I looked over at Charon's torso, but then looked away. I don't care what he has to say, it's my choice. Logging onto the terminal, I opened all the doors to all the rooms. A loud alarm went off, and Fawks stepped out, his height outmatching Charon's. I felt scared, but didn't let that show.

"Thank you, my friend. You have saved my life. Now come, I will get you the G.E.C.K."

I followed behind him, keeping my gun close to me. For all I know this could be a trap. One Super Mutant who can talk like people tricking people into coming down here, into helping him. He had mentioned that Super Mutants took their human victims here to 'change' them. Turn them into mutants. It seemed no one had the ability to reproduce except humans. Oh, the irony.

Fawks let Charon and I to a room that glowed bright green. Any other Super Mutants that stood in our way was easily taken care of by Fawks. I was shocked at his sheer strength, I'd never seen anything like it. Bullets didn't bother his armor-like skin, and he walked up to the other mutants with strength and ended their lives quickly.

"You wait here, I will get the G.E.C.K."

I nodded at Fawks, and watched him walk into the room. The radiation levels were too high for me to enter, and Charon probably wouldn't go get it.

"You are lucky you freed him."  
Charon told me, kind of stiffly. I felt a sense of jealousy in his voice, and smirked at it. Watching Fawks inside that room, looking for the G.E.C.K made me sad. I knew eventually, my services to the Capitol Wasteland would be useless.

"Yeah. I like him. Think he'll come with us?"

"He is too kind for someone like you."

That, or Charon just didn't want someone else following me around. I chose the latter. Fawks held what looked like a briefcase in his hand, and he stomped out of the room. He came up to me, handing it to me.

"I cannot thank you enough, my friend. If you ever need anything, please ask."

"Where are you going to go?"

"To the Museum of History, where I may continue in my search for knowledge."

Well, isn't that convenient? I can see him _and_ Charon whenever I wanted. If Charon ever took off again. Fawks began to walk away, but I ran up to him, tapping his hard arm.

"Something troubling you, my friend?"

He asked, looking down at me.

"Why not come with me? I'd like you to."

"I am sorry, but it seems your companion would not like that. Please, come to me when you are alone."

I nodded, clutching the briefcase to my chest. Fawks vanished into other rooms, his heavy thudding fading in the distance. Charon got lucky this time, but one day I'd get that guy to come with me. He'd keep me safer than safe, so safe that I'd never have to carry a weapon again. Too bad Charon was probably giving him the evil eye behind my back.

"Come on Charon."

I mumbled, keeping a tight grip on the briefcase. Charon followed behind me. I looked down at my Pip-Boy every now and again, to make sure we were going the right way. We were. I fought the rising sadness inside me. I have this feeling, that something just isn't right. I wanted to stop right there and cry my eyes out and run back home to Rockopolis, but I couldn't. Not with the G.E.C.K. Too many people would hear too fast that I had it, and I can't guarantee it's safety.

"I am Alpha and Omega…"

I murmured under my breath, hoping it would calm me. I tried to picture my mother in front of me, clapping and smiling at my actions, but I couldn't. Tears burnt in my eyes as I approached the main entrance to Vault 87. Even though I'm helping the Brotherhood, I know, and my parents know, it is not my choice to.

A loud explosion knocked me off my feet, the G.E.C.K falling from my grip. I felt Charon's powerful hands under my arms, lifting me to my feet. I glanced up at him, and saw his eyes were wide, fearful, staring straight ahead. The blast had confused me, made my vision a bit blurred, but I caught myself. Reaching down for the G.E.C.K I grabbed it, holding it close to me like it would save me. I blinked, and saw two Enclave soldiers standing in front of me, with the man who had shot my father. I wasn't scared. I don't know why, but I wasn't.

Looking up at Charon, I saw his weapon was drawn.

"No."

I said, pushing it down. He looked at me as he lowered it. If I've never done any good deed that's worth it, let this be it. Charon would be killed in an instant by these men, and I couldn't bear to live with that.

"It's me they want. You stay."

I forgot all the hurt inside. I forgot all the anger that Charon had risen in me just a few short hours before. If I can't be who my parents want me to be, then I can be who _I_ want to be. I can save Charon's ass, if I can't save my own. This time, I'm not leaving him. This time, I'm not banishing him to an employer that he hates. I am simply giving myself to the Enclave, giving them what they want, so that they spare Charon, at least.

"Dez, don't you dare…"

I heard the whirring of their energy weapons powering up. I looked at Charon, tears blurring his face. I took a step back from him and turned around.

"No following, you stay."

I walked out towards the Enclave, holding the G.E.C.K out in front of me. I hope Charon can forget the wrong I've done. I hope he can find reasons to miss me, and find our time together has been enjoyable, even if we fight a lot. I saw the man who had killed my father throw something at me, and I ducked. It began to spew gas everywhere, and the last thing I remember seeing is Charon reaching for me, I don't think I've ever seen him so damn scared.


	15. Chapter 15

(Charon)

I wake to the warmth of the radiation. It soothes my body, and I feel as if I can move mountains and fight Behemoths with my bare hands. Slowly, I open my eyes, letting them adjust to the bright sunlight. I am safe. Looking around, I see I am still in the entrance way to Vault 87, the door broken off beside me. I do not notice a trace of Dez as I pick myself from the steel floor, regaining my composure. Fear sets in my mind, fear and worry. I do not know where she has gone, and I know she still holds my contract.

I can only remember her walking towards three Enclave men, one I recognized as the man who had killed her father. I remember she had looked at me for the first time since our fight, her eyes filled with tears. Then, there is nothing. They must have used gas, because I remember a canister being thrown. I had reached for her, but it was no use.

Stepping into the sun, onto the dirt, I find there are no Super Mutants around. The arrival of the Enclave must have scared them off. I do not know how long I have been unconscious for, I only know that now I am awake. As I stand outside of Vault 87, panic fills me. I feel I have no control over anything that forces its way upon me, my emotions taking charge. This has never happened to me before, as the surge goes down to my feet, and up again towards my head. Panic. I have never felt it like this.

Dez is nowhere. She would not have left me on her own will. I am sure of this, I _know_ this. We have our differences, our arguments, but I know her. She is far too dependent and involved with me to have left me to my own. She would have left my contract. I look around, trying to piece together what I know in my mind. I know the Enclave has a base, but I am not aware of its location. The only probable solution I can come to is that they have taken her there. She is of no use to them, however. They will surely kill her once she gives them the G.E.C.K.

I tug at the strands of my red hair. What remains of it, anyways. My shotgun thuds against my leg as I turn furiously, trying to find a destination, a location.

"I know where they took her."

I turn upon hearing the familiar voice of Fawks coming behind me. I grip my gun tighter, I do not fully trust him. He lumbers over to me, ghoul and Super Mutant speaking.

"Where?"

"They…they took…her that way…to their base…"

It almost is as if talking hurts him. For now, I will tolerate his presence.

"We have to go there."

"Yes…she has saved my life…we must help."

We do not shake hands or exchange words, we simply walk. He is slow, but I must tread behind him, he knows the way. It bothers me, to think of how much time this may take. Dez could be dead by the time we arrive, and I cannot fathom my reaction to that. Just last night, I held that girl in my arms. The warmth of her body and the presence of her skin overtook me, I could not stop myself.

She had been encased in me, if that may be the right terminology. I know what I had told her about Greta upset her, but I could not lie to her about it. She would only find out in due time. We had played imaginary keys together, and I hummed the tune for her. I felt her hand on the back of my head that night, and never have I felt so alive. However, I angered her. My words were misinterpreted. I did not mean it as she took it, but I did not bother to explain. I hardly am aware of how to explain it, and I do not speak unless I am sure of what I am saying. She herself does not make me uncomfortable, and the emotions she gives to me does not make me uncomfortable, but the situation that it all presents does. I do not know what to do, or how to act upon any of this.

It pains me inside now. It pains me to know she is gone, taken, that I could not save her. It pains me knowing I had harmed her once again. She had struck me, enraged me more than anyone in my past had before. I am sorry I have harmed her, I am sorry for all the hurt I have caused her. The fact that she made me so upset and angry only solidified how much she meant to me. My emotional ties to her were proven in that one act of harm. That one act of laying my hands upon her. It is complicated to explain, but for me it was a turning point. I knew then she is the only one I trust, the one I want to share everything with, the one I want to see the world with. It is a frightening thing, to feel such a powerful emotion as I feel for her, and not know what to do.

"Does…does this female mean…mean anything to you?"

Fawks' words are rough, and they penetrate my head. My initial response is to have him speak with Dez, then I realize she is not with us.

"Yes."

I am not looking for friendship on this journey. He is simply my aid in finding Dez, and hopefully finding her alive.

"She…she saved my life…"

"Yes."

"I feel I must…repay her…I will do this for her…she was kind to me…"

"Yes."

I walk like I once did with former employers. I walk with my back straight, my guard up. With Dez, I am able to allow myself simple comforts of not always being on guard, of relaxing my mind. I am no longer traveling with Dez now, I am traveling with Fawks. I do not allow myself these small comforts.

"What is your name…?"

"Charon."

"Charon is…the ferryman of the dead…it is a dangerous thing…"

I take note in his pronunciation of my name. He called me 'Ka-ron', not 'Sha-ron'.

"It is pronounced 'Sha-ron'."

"In Russian, it is pronounced 'Ha-ron', but if your preference is 'Sha-ron', I will respect that."

I understand the various forms of pronunciation my name has, yet all my life I have been called 'Sha-ron'. I do not know if I will respond to anything else.

"Yes."

I feel as if I am talking with a child. A well-educated child, though.

"It is dangerous, to be called that. The Greeks would not speak of death, using your name instead."

"I am aware."

"Share with me, Charon, what is your profession?"

"I am a mercenary."

"You fight. Fighting is wrong, and I am afraid I must bid you farewell once we rescue the female. I do not wish to be in the company of fighters."

I know if I inform him of Dez and her insane killing sprees, he will most likely abandon this mission. I do not know the way to the Enclave base, and his company is vital. It angers me, knowing I must keep peace with him, but I think of Dez, and hope that she is safe.

"Her name is Dez."

I tell him, looking around for threats. There is nothing within eyesight of us, and I am relieved.

"She…she means a lot to you?"

I light a cigarette that I had retrieved from my pocket, gritting my teeth. I take note that the sun will begin to set soon, and we cannot risk traveling by night.

"Yes."

His inquiries make me uncomfortable. I do not share with people about my own thoughts, unless ordered to. Yet I feel I must share with him, to keep the peace, to keep him on my side so that I may see Dez once again.

"It is…it is unusual for…humans to…trust things like us…"

"Yes."

I close my eyes while I walk, bringing my cigarette to my lips every now and again. I try to repress all that around me, try to imagine the night before, to keep myself calm. I cannot repress anger, the anger that is forming from having Dez taken from me. She is not gone out of her own will, she was not escaping from torture in torment, she was _taken_. I fear for the Enclave soldiers I may run into.

When it comes dealings with Dez, I find I am not myself. I find that I lose any and all sense of my training and surroundings. I focus on her, only her, and her safety. I am not the Charon who takes direct orders and stands down when the battle is complete, I become a Charon who does not stop until the last person or mutant is dead, and I know Dez is somewhere laughing or staring at the carnage. I feel it is my sole duty to protect and provide for her, with or without my contract.

It is not the contract that drives me this time. It is not the fear of how I will survive without it that forces me to keep the company of this Super Mutant, it is Dez. It is her safety and knowing she will be with me once again that drives me. I cannot understand why this employer has moved me so, but I also do not want to. I do not want to find out something that may harm me, or destroy what I have been feeling.

"Night is…coming soon."

"Yes. How much farther do we have to travel, Fawks?"

"The…river. We have to…go to the end of the river…"

I look in the distance and see the river of the Capitol Wasteland. If we travel through the night, we will be there by morning. I can only hope Fawks will agree.

"We can get there faster if we continue through the night."

"No! No! I do not…I do not like the…dark!"

I half want to laugh at the whole situation. I am traveling with the only Super Mutant who is scared of the dark, and who will put that before the life of someone who saved his. The sun has an hour before it sets, and I do not want to waste any light.

"Then we'll camp when it gets dark."

"Okay…my friend."

I do not want to camp. I do not want to waste time by sitting and doing nothing, but I have no other choice. Fawks has only stated the base is at the end of the river, nothing else. I continue to follow him, my arms crossed and my shotgun secured on my back. My mind remembers the promise I made to Dez months and months ago. I had promised her I would not die before her. I can only fear that this promise may have already been fulfilled. It brings anger and sadness to my mind.

I think of Gob, and of what Dez accused of him and Nova. I do not doubt they are romantically involved, it seems something Nova would do out of desperation. From her, I have gathered, she will attach herself to anyone willing to be kind to her, without judgment or persecution of her career. Dez seems to think that they share something deeper than that, and although possible, I highly doubt it. Gob is a sucker, and fell into Nova's plan and desperation. It sounds strangely similar to the relationship I share with Dez, and that bothers me.

I am not like Gob. I am different in every way there is, yet I like him, have fallen for a 'pretty face'. Dez by standards is very pretty, yet I do not see her like that. She was kind to me, gave me freedoms and abilities and privileges I did not have before. I am not sure what exactly it is that drove me to harbor such feelings for her, but I can say I feel as if I am close to normal with her. I do not feel as I am under employment, but I am her equal.

"We…must make…light!"

Fawks' booming voice would alert anyone within earshot to our whereabouts. I do not want to waste time by building a campfire, but I do not have any other option. I begin to gather brush and other such things to keep Fawks from going ballistic, and bring them over to where he stands.

"I'll build a fire."

I tell him as I fumble for my lighter. I think of Dez as I light it, as if I can think of anything else these days. The fire catches to the brush, and I move away from it, sitting with my arms crossed. Fawks struggles to sit, but mimics me, crossing his legs. He stares into the fire with amazement, and then his eyes meet mine. I do not look away, I wait until he does, or until he speaks.

"You…seem troubled my friend."

"No."

"Is it…the woman…Dez?"

I shift, uncomfortable with his questioning. I have never had this kind of interaction with someone, and am unsure of how to handle it.

"Yes."

"She…will be fine…I am sure."

"How do you know?"

"I…cannot see…how a kind…person like her could be killed…"

"It is quite possible, Fawks, that they will kill her."

"They…will not show…mercy?"

"No. Which is why I feel waiting here to be a waste of time. I understand your fear of the dark, but Dez's life is at stake."

I noticed Fawks' eyes had changed. He seemed to be thinking about my statement, and I soon saw he was standing. I stood with him, and he turned his back.

"Then…I shall brave…this night…so that she may have a chance at survival…"

I continued on following him, feeling relieved inside. I do not want to arrive and find Dez dead, or worse, the Enclave in the process of killing her. I cannot bear to see that, I do not even wish to think about it.

"Charon, my friend…I sense…you care deeply for…her."

"Yes."

"You wish for her well-being?"

"Yes."

"It is unusual…for things like us…to feel."

"I agree."

Fawks remained silent, and I am thankful for this. He does not understand just how much I care for Dez, and I do not wish to explain it to him. I remember last night, remembering how her smooth skin felt against my arms. Her scent penetrated my sensed and I lost myself. I buried my face in the nape of her neck, holding back from kissing her. It was a new experience for me, one I cherished and wished I could experience again soon. She had seemed so comfortable in my arms, so relaxed, I wished I had not angered her. Maybe then, I would have been able to figure out what I needed to say, and I could have been able to kiss her.

The kisses we shared together remain prominent in my mind. I have been wishing and hoping she will do it again, but she has not. I have settled for what she has been giving me since her return. Her companionship, her challenges, her comfort in the darkness of Rockopolis.

"Charon…I feel if we continue without resting…we will not be able to fight those who oppose us."

"We will."

Even if he can't find a way to fight the Enclave, I will. I refuse to let them take her from me, and even if she is dead, I will retrieve her body. I will give her the burial she deserves. I had promised if anything happened to her, I would find reasons to miss and think of her. She does not know that I do not need to find reason, that I can just miss her even if she is right beside me. I know Dez will be the only person to mourn me in my own death, and that moves me.

I can feel the dirt shifting as the night becomes darker. The Wasteland is quiet, and the moon is full. I can hear Fawks' steps ahead of my own, while I focus on my surroundings. There are no threats near, but even if there was I would not be alarmed. I have witnessed the strength Fawks holds within himself, I do not worry. I am concerned about what we may encounter at the Enclave base, and I question if his strength can withstand energy weapons. We will not be treated like guests, I can assume there will be guards. Rather, we will be attacked. I do not know by how many men, but I do know they will outnumber us. This may very well be a suicide mission, but I cannot let Dez down.

It brings horrible feelings to me, to imagine what they must be doing to Dez. If they lie a hand on her, I will take down the lot of them. I swear, or I shall go down trying. No, I cannot do that. I cannot risk my own life like that. If Dez is secure, I must control and contain myself. It will be hard, but I trust that once she is beside me again, I will be too focused on her than anything else.

"My friend…will you not walk beside me, rather than behind me?"

I sighed to myself, and walked up so then Fawks and I could walk together. I did not wish to, I do not wish to, but he requests it, and I do not know of his temper. It would not be in my best interest to displease him. He lumbered on, and I noticed he wore a vault suit. I am curious about this.

"You claimed earlier that the Super Mutants took people hostage and turned them into mutants. Is that what happened to you?"

"No! I am...from Vault…87. I have been there…a long time…I cannot remember how long."

"I see."

"Where…do you come from…my friend?"

I'm not quite sure if it bothered me that Fawks referred to me as his 'friend'. It is something I will have to adjust to.

"I come from many places, Fawks. I do not have a specific home."

"Where…where do you reside…now?"

"With Dez, in an abandoned cave."

"You…live with her…?"

"Yes."

I didn't specifically tell him where we live, because I do not know if he will ever transfer this information. I must watch what I say, pick and choose, so then none of this can come back to harm me, or Dez.

"That…is unusual."

"It is."

I took another glance around the area, for safe measure. Fawks didn't seem to have anymore inane questions to ask me, and so I tuned him out. I tried to focus on the task at hand, focus on my breathing, and restricting my emotions. I have to learn to gain control over them, I will not let them build up inside of me. It would not be in my best interest to fight in an emotional state. I must regain my composure, and fight with a clear head like I always have before.

"Does…Dez have…family?"

It is not my place to inform him of this, but I feel I should. He will know, and hopefully Dez will not feel offended.

"No. She is an orphan."

"That…is horrible…for…me to hear."

"Yes."

"My…sympathies are…with her."

I am an orphan as well. Dez and I now share that common ground. I however, have never felt the warmth of a mother's love, or the reassurance from a father's heart-to-heart. Dez, has felt at least the fatherly side. I cannot remember my early childhood, only things from age five and up, when my training began.

I did not relay to Dez as to how my own training was brutal, unbearable at times, and nearly killed me. I did not wish for her to know the extent of it, yet I live with it every day. We were not given names until we had finished our training, to this day I do not understand. We were simply called 'boy' or 'maggot' or such other derogative things. I strived to achieve highest in all my trainings. I strived for this because I was fearful of the punishments that lie within failure. Even with my success, they found things to punish me for. Reasons to extract extreme pain and agony on me. It was merciless, what I went through, but I am thankful. I have developed a form of Stockholm Syndrome for those who harmed me. Without them, I would not have been able to accomplish all I have, and I feel without it I would not be walking this very path, for a woman I have come to develop real, strong emotions for. I would have died, as my classmates have, as Argyle did.

It pained me to see him. Bury him like that. A man like him deserved a proper burial, and I feel I should inform Herbert of his death. Herbert was kind to Argyle, like Dez is to me. I understand how and why they fell apart, I just never mentioned it to anyone. Argyle was a strange person, we grew up together in a way. He was seated three rows back, two across, from I. The officers did not know what to do with him, he had a spirit that could not be broken. Often, he would sneak from his bed late at night and tend to us who were wounded and ailing. This continued on until we were ready for release. I appreciated him for that, each time he would clean and wrap my wounds.

He should have been buried with more respect, but there is not much one can do with the resources out here. I said a small prayer, and remembered the sacrifices he had made for us. He had laughed with us, urging us to crack a smile, too. No one ever did, but he pushed on, taking the punishments for his actions. We all appreciated him for trying to make our worlds a little brighter. My only wish is that I knew him better. I know he was happy with Herbert, he enjoyed serving him and going on wild adventures. Much like I enjoy doing with Dez.

I'm not sure anyone will understand my method of upbringing, and I do not expect them to. I do not know if anyone else from my unit has survived as long as I have, or as long as Argyle did. Argyle's name means 'diamond pattern' or some off-set thing like that. It confused me, during the naming ceremony, as to why he was given this name. I have gathered that each of us received our names based on our attitudes in the field, the way we presented ourselves to our trainers, and handled situations. I can only assume my own name was given to me because of my unrelenting service and obedience. Charon served Hades with no argument or question, let alone pity or sorrow for the dead. I do the same for my own employer. Charon is the moon that hangs around Pluto, and I feel they took this into consideration, too. Perhaps when Argyle was chosen, they realized his persona and attitude did not fit within us, that he is the diamond pattern among us flat lines. It is a mystery of my past, that I know I will not solve.

"She…will be happy to see you?"

"Yes, Fawks."

I respect his questions, and answer as truthfully as I can. Although annoying, and interfering with my thought process, I answer. Dez will be happy to see me, though I do not know why. I do not know how this girl has become so attached to me, or why, or even if I am deserving of it. She has no one else, I am her only support, which is why I do not take to heart when she harms me. I understand she is angry, and I know she does not mean me harm. I will never leave her, unless she orders it. I stand by this.

I cannot fathom what she sees in me. I cannot understand why of all people, she has chosen me to depend on. It is something I may never understand, I simply know I would kill and freeze hell over to get to her. I will lie and maim and cheat and steal, if only to ensure her safety. Yet something Commander Jabsco once said puts thought into my mind, and makes me wonder if I would do it all for her. He had said that she could be lying, she could be using me to benefit herself. I cannot see what she gains by being kind towards me, I would do my job either way if she was not, but it is in my mind. She could be messing with me, as some part of an elaborate scheme to see how far I can go.

I follow Fawks North, the sun rising to my right. We have not stopped walking, and I did not glance over at him. He has not asked me any questions since the last one about Dez. No enemies have come across us, and I can feel sleepiness and exhaustion creeping upon me. Fawks yawns loudly beside me, and I see his arms raise in a stretch out of the corners of my eyes.

"We are almost there, friend."

I nod, quickly rubbing my eyes. I spot a puddle of irradiated water, and wander off to it.

"What are you…doing my friend?"

"Radiation helps me."

I reply simply, crouching down to the puddle. I scoop the water in my hands, cupping it. I can see my reflection, and it disgusts me. Throwing the water on my face, I feel the radiation waking me. I open my mouth, bringing more water to my dry, leathery lips, and sip it gently. It flows and hydrates me. Quickly, I take one last look at myself in the water. I see where muscle has replaced skin, where my nose once was, and where my eyes have filmed over. If I laid still in the earth, I could be dismissed as a badly decayed corpse. I hate the sight of myself, I cannot stand how I look. I know without this transformation, I would not be squatting here, preparing for battle. I owe my life longevity to this disgusting curse, yet I cannot appreciate it.

Standing, I turn back to face Fawks. The sun is peeking over the horizon, and I turn to view it.

"I hope…that Dez…will be able to see this beautiful…sight tomorrow…"

"Yes."

I agree with him, staring at the burning orange sun peeking up. It engulfs the Wasteland in its warm glow, and it is only time before the heat becomes unbearable. This, I do not mind. It is beautiful to see, when everything is as destroyed like this. I have seen Dez in the sunrise, and her skin glows an orange that gives her life. I can only hope along with Fawks, that she may see this again.

"How much longer?"

I grumble as we continue walking.

"Not…much…we…are close."

I sense a tightness in his voice that was not there before, and I feel he is nervous about what lies ahead. We are on the same page. I do not know what to expect upon our arrival. Fawks has no weapon equipped, and I am slightly concerned about this. He may be lying, bringing me to my impending death, but it is a risk I am willing to take. I will always follow Dez, into whatever trouble she never fails to find. Even if that means my own safety is at risk. All I care about, is that she is safe in my arms once again. This time, I will not anger her, I will hold her, and let it be known that she is dear to me, even if I cannot say it. Somehow, I will find means to show her.

"My…friend we…we are arriving."

I glance up to where Fawks is looking, and notice a jutting hill. Within this hill I can make out a strong, large steel door. Dez. She is in there, in that fortress that is so far yet so close. I know she is still alive, I can sense it.

"Please…wait here…my friend…"

Fawks lumbers, his form of running, off to my left. I watch him vanish behind a pile or rocks, and the screams of a Super Mutant not him echo through the desert. I brace myself, taking my shotgun out slowly and carefully. I aim it at the rocks, waiting to see what may emerge, my heart pounding in my chest. I do not trust Fawks, I have no reason to, and I also have no reason not to. My body quakes with uncertainty, without him I cannot invade the Enclave base. There will be far too many of them for me to handle, even with my training. The sun warms my face, and the dust gets into my eyes. I do not rub them, I keep my gun high, well placed, my breathing steady.

Finally, I see Fawks emerge. He has a giant metal generator on his back, and an oversized gun in his hand. It looks similar to a Mini-Gun, but I know it is not.

"I…am sorry…my friend…for making you wait…I need…needed a weapon."

I lower my gun as Fawks approaches. I get a clearer look at the weapon, it is a Gatling Laser. I shudder at the sheer thought of its power, and I know this peace-keeping Super Mutant knows a thing or two about combat.

"Are you nervous, Fawks?"

"No…my friend. I have read...about battles. I know…how they must…we must save the woman!"

I admired his conviction. In a small sense, that is. Fawks adjusted the Gatling Laser on his back, fumbling with it, and I hoped he knew how to use it. I don't think I could handle a weapon with such power, but maybe he could, if he knew how. I cocked my shotgun, readying myself for everything, checking the amount of frag grenades I kept on my belt.

"We…must go…onward!"

Fawks was not one for a stealthy approach, I noticed that as he led me up the small hill. The warm sun made everything swirl in front of me, blurring things up ahead. Today was going to be warmer than usual, I could feel it. I held my finger on the trigger of my shotgun, my muscles tense as we came to the top of the hill. Enclave soldiers were standing around, and I saw one with a flamethrower.

"No more games…time to die!"

Fawks bellowed, catching the attention of almost everyone in the vicinity. They all turned towards us, shocked at first I believe, then ready to fight. I aimed my gun at the Hellfire Trooper, clicking away as many rounds as fast as I could. The recoil from my shotgun was always hard to harness, and I could always feel it thudding against my arm, but not this time. I am in such a haze of fury, I cannot feel anything, I can only hear the war-cries of Fawks, and the sounds of weapons firing in the distance.

"Just…stand…still!"

He screamed, and I glanced over to see him chasing an Enclave soldier that had begun to run from the Gatling Laser he was using. Finishing off the Hellfire Trooper, I took note of how powerful these men are. I could not have taken them alone, and while I threw a frag grenade at a group of them, I thanked Fawks in his aid to me.

"Get down!"

I yelled, covering my ears until I saw the blast go off. It did not kill the Enclave, just crippled them. That was enough for me, though, and I took my chance while they figured out what limbs to use and what they couldn't. There were three of them, and I cocked my shotgun quickly, trying to get them all at once. Fawks ventured off near the giant steel door, his Gatling Laser spewing out noise and pain. I took no pity on these men and women. They are nothing in my eyes, taking the only solid thing I have from me. They are not humans, but sent up from the Devil himself. I felt no mercy or pity at the sight of them falling, crumpling to the earth, lifeless.

I shot each limp body once in the head, as a necessary precaution. They did not move, they did not struggle. I cocked my gun once more, and turned to go help Fawks. There was an Enclave advancing on him from behind, and I took a shot at the soldier's leg. He fell, crying out in pain, clutching it tightly. I walked up to him, my gun aimed. I could feel his eyes staring at me through the holes in his Tesla Armor, but it did not faze me. It did nothing to calm the anger I felt, nothing to soothe the rage I had been working on. I put my gun to his neck, and fired without regret.

"That'll teach you to mess with me."

I mumbled over him.

"Thank…you…my friend!"

Fawks was aware that the man would have ambushed him, and I nodded in response. There were a few more Enclave around us, but nothing we couldn't handle. I cocked my shotgun once more, hoping I did not run out of ammunition. I was prepared to take out the two Enclave who were coming at me with Plasma Rifles, planning on killing them at the thought of what they might have done to Dez. Then, I heard it. A rumbling from below the earth, a shake as if something was happening. Everyone ceased firing, and looked towards the giant steel door. It was as if time was frozen, all of us curious and wondering what was going on below. My heart raced in my chest, the suspension almost driving me mad.

I saw the door lift open, slowly at first, then it caught and began to open quicker. I heard Fawks scream in pain, and a blob of plasma nearly miss my right arm. I have been brought back into reality, and I threw another grenade, eager to get inside the base and rescue Dez. I glance over at the now open door to the Enclave base, Fawks dealing with the last of the soldiers. A figure stands, stuck in a stupor it seems. I cannot tell if this is friend or foe, and aim my gun cautiously. The figure steps out into the sunlight, running towards Fawks a few yards away from me. Dez. It is her. I cannot believe the sight as I lower my gun, watching her. Her hair is tousled, a mess atop her head. The Raider armor she wears isn't even on her properly, as if she had thrown in it on in a rush, her boots are not laced, and on one leg her pants jumble up atop it. She does not see me, but I can see her, making out her face clearly. She talks to Fawks, her eyes wide and relieved of his appearance. They exchange words I cannot hear, refuse to hear, because I am stuck staring at her, like I cannot believe she is alive. She grips her gun in one hand, disheveled and disorganized. Fawks nods to her, and she nods back, and he begins to run off into the desert. I let my shotgun rest against my thigh, staring at her.

"Dez…"

I mutter under my breath. She watches Fawks leave, and then begins to look around. She looks like a poster child for lost children. It is endearing to me, warming my bones. Finally, she sees me. I watch as her face brightens, watch as we stare at one another. I notice when she begins to run, that she limps slightly, and that her torso shines with fresh blood. She runs up to me, throwing herself at me, wrapping her arms around my torso. I do not check to see if the blood is hers, I cannot.

I have never dropped my weapon in my life. It is never out of my reach, never off my person. Except now, I feel it slide from my hands, I hear it thud to the ground as I wrap my arms around Dez. I no longer care about containing my emotions, I no longer care for control. My hands and fingers intertwine in her messy, brown and orange hair. I lean down, engulfing her short and thin body with my own. She squeezes me tightly, shaking and crying. We have not spoken to one another, I do not feel we need to at this moment. I find I have lost complete control, as I press my lips on the top of her head, clinging to her for dear life. I can not longer feel the anger that was just so present. All I can feel is her soft body against my own, I can feel her hair and skin against my lips as I choke back from crying. I have never cried for anyone before.

"Charon…"

Her voice vibrates my chest. She wails my name as if it is her last word with her dying breath. I do not reply, I simply squeeze her tighter, clutching her to me.

"Charon…I thought they _killed_ you…"

She cries, her body shaking and quivering in my arms. I press my cheek to the top of her head, closing my eyes to savior the moment.

"No."

I tell her, wishing I could give her more words of comfort, but I do not know what to say. I do not know how to act.

"I was so scared…they…they said they killed you."

"No."

It enraged me once again, hearing that they lied to her. I wanted to march right in there, and kill every last one of them.

"We have to _run_, Charon."

She says to me, her face still pressed into my torso. I do not want to, but I release my hands from her tangles mess of hair. I grab my gun, and begin to step away from her, but she grabs my arm.

"Go slow."

Dez points to the area that is wet with blood, and I nod. Inside, I feel like a Yao Guai, when someone has messed with their cub. I want to tear the heads from their bodies and feed them to the Mirelurks. I do not. Instead, I allow Dez to hang onto my arm as I guide her away from the Enclave base. She cannot run, she can only limp gently, jogging softly. I jog with her, watching her carefully with my peripheral vision.

"Stop, we're good here."

She is winded, and takes a seat behind a giant boulder.

"It is not safe here."

I tell her, but she shakes her head, her eyes half-closed.

"Wait."

I wait. I do not know what I am waiting for, but I wait. I stand, shadowing the sun from Dez. She closes her eyes, breathing softly and clutching her side. It took everything for me to hold back tending to her, but somehow I managed. Waiting like this, with her in this condition, so close to the Enclave makes me tense, nervous. I do not enjoy it. Glancing up from Dez, I see a Vertibird has taken off from the Enclave base, and heads East, passing us. I pray that they do not see us, pray that they do not turn around. I will not be able to give my full attention to a battle, knowing Dez lie hurting behind me.

"Anytime now…"

I hear Dez say, her words filled with mischievous slander. Her eyes are open, and she stares blankly ahead. I rock back and forth on my feet, opening and closing my hands. My nerves are haywire, my muscles twitch with animosity. The effects of the battle are still fresh, my hands want to hold my gun, feel the trigger and the recoil all at once. It is frustrating to me, to just stand here like this, I feel like a wounded Molerat, just waiting for someone to prey upon me.

A blast from the Enclave base catches me off guard. I snap my attention to it, seeing pieces of steel and concrete fly in various directions. Dez stands beside me, struggling to stay upright. She smiles at me, her eyes bright as she glances back over to the exploding base.

"Take that, John Henry Eden!"

She screams in the air, a smile wide across her face. For the first time, I see she feels proud of something. Her face lights up as another loud explosion emits black smoke into the air, and I hear her cheering.

"Yeah! You lowly bastards! Burn in hell!"

She turns to me, the sun and fire in the distance making her face glow.

"He was a robot, Charon. The president of the Capitol Wasteland, of America, was a robot."

I nod at her words, not shocked. I have learnt now that anything is possible, and I should have expected as much. She smiles at me, ignoring the obvious pain in her side, pushing back tears in her eyes.

"What took you so long?"

She asks me as if she was expecting me to come. It has only been a day, I believe, and I cannot begin to explain the amount of 'what the fuck' that has filled my mind. I stare at her, emotionless, but dumbfounded on the inside.

"It was only a day, Dez."

She shook her head at me, her hair flying in the air.

"No, it was _four_ days, Charon. What, were you recovering or something? Did they hurt you?"

Her expressions change when she asks if I was hurt. She stares at me, and I feel myself step away, back from her.

"No. I did not know it was that long. I only woke up from the knockout yesterday."

She looks back at the base, her eyes set on something that no longer exists. I envy her ability to just zone everything out. I wish I had the same capacity.

"They said they killed you…"

She takes her hand from her side, and I see it shines with blood. Dez smirks at it, and I wrap my arm around her waist, guiding her to sit back down. It churns my stomach, to feel her blood on me, but I ignore it, and she lets me examine her. Carefully, as if I am handling something that will break if I move the wrong way, I slide off her top. She wears a simple black bra, and I search in her pack to find the Lunchbox. When I feel it, I pull it out, and take out an old rag. She seems to acquire a bunch of things that seem useless, but always serve a purpose in time. With a bottle of Purified Water, I clean the wound. It is small, but deep, running between two ribs. She is lucky, or else she would have broken them.

I notice she watches me as I silently work. Her eyes do not leave my working hands, and sometimes I catch her staring at my face. My deformed, mutated, ghoulish face. I cringe every time I catch my own reflection. I shudder, just thinking of it, wondering if Dez is staring because she is disgusted.

I place a piece of gauze over her cut, and secure it with some medical tape. There is no need to waste a Stimpack on it, I would prefer to save those rather than waste them. I run my hand over the gauze, making sure it is smooth and won't fall off. When rest my back against the rock, I glance over at Dez. She is still staring at me, looking as if she has a million questions that I know she won't ask.

"They told me they killed you. They…they didn't let me go right away, I was out for two days they said. I saw him, Charon, I _saw_ him."

"Saw whom?"

"The man who killed my father. His name is Augustus Autumn. I thought he died in the chamber, Charon. I did. But he didn't, that fucker is still alive and I have no idea why. I guess that shit he injected into his arm was something like…like a good thing of Rad-X because I _saw _him."

I said nothing to her, waiting for her to continue. She looked off into the distance, her shirt not yet on, her eyes glazed over. It seemed her eyes always glazed over when she was remembering things.

"He asked me for a code…a code for the Purifier. I didn't know what he was talking about then, but he didn't believe me…"

"You know now?"

She nodded her head, mocking my curiosity as I tried to hide it. The way the Enclave worked, their soldiers and scientists, fascinated me. They have been around since before the Great War, and it amazes me that they are still somehow active, and still feared. I am aware Dez has destroyed their base, killed the 'president', but I am also aware that they are smarter than that. Somewhere, they are still active, just hiding.

"I…think so. It didn't come to me till later but, I didn't know it then. But then the fucking Eden computer asked to see me, right? So I get released, and then fucking Autumn decides to go and turn everyone on me. Damn if I had my gear then I would have fuckin' killed him. But I didn't. I had to get it _after_ he left the room. I never saw his cowardice face again, and I know he's still alive, I can _feel_ it."

She sighed loudly, her eyes still glazed over. I wanted to comfort her, reach out and pat her arm or something to that effect, but I did not. She smirked a bit, looking at the ground.

"My father made the code something only I or he would know. He wasn't stupid, he had this all planned, like he _knew_ they were going to do this, Charon. I'm the only one in the world who has any slight idea of what the code could be…that's a lot of pressure, you know."

Even though she said it with a smile, I could sense the amount of dread and regret she held. I know, and she knows, that this form of responsibility is not something she can take easily. Especially since it has been once again forced upon her. I feel bad for her, and wish I can help, but I cannot. This is her life, her path to choose. Carefully, she reaches into her pocket, and pulls out a small vile filled with a green, thick liquid.

"What is that?"

I asked her, staring at the liquid. It seems familiar to me, but I cannot place why.

"A modified form of the FEV. Forced Evolutionary Virus. Eden gave it to me, to put inside the Purifier once I start it, _if_ I start it. It's supposed to poison the water supply, so that only those worthy survive."

I am not shocked nor surprised that Dez is contemplating this decision. Nor am I shocked she is wondering if she should continue on helping the Brotherhood. It is easy for me to understand how she feels towards all of this. My entire life has been devoted to helping others, serving against my own will, my own better knowledge. Dez's case is similar, and I do not judge her for it.

"I don't think you should use it. You did this for Gob, for Nova. You do not want to ruin it all now."

She places the vile into her pack, smirking sarcastically at nothing, at me. She does not bother to replace her top, and I see dark circles under her eyes as she presses the back of her head to the rock.

"But I didn't get captured for them. I got captured because my father is a fuckin' loser deadbeat dad."

"I am sure that he did not intend for this to happen."

"Charon, he _knew_ this was going to happen. That's why he placed the code. I don't…you know it more than I do. The code, I mean."

"I do?"

I know nothing of Dez's father, or his intentions. In my short time in his presence, he seemed to be a kind man, but easily distracted. He was rude to me, but I did not let that haze my own opinion of him. I could see he admired his daughter, and had taught her well.

"I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give unto him that is athirst of the fountain of the waters of life freely."

"Revelation 21:6, King James Bible."

"That's the code, 216. See I didn't know the number, you do. You know it, I'll forget it. So…so don't tell anyone. I kind of like knowing."

It is as if some giant weight has been placed upon my shoulders. Dez and I are the only two who share the knowledge of this, the only two with the abilities to start the Purifier. My only hope is that Dez chooses to do the right thing, start the Purifier without adding the FEV. The Wasteland will be better off without that, I am sure she knows this, but ultimately it is her decision. I do not know if it is good or bad, that I will stand by her in whatever she may choose. That is something fate can decide.

"I won't."

She closes her eyes, and I sense she is tired.

"Charon, do you mind if I just close my eyes for a bit? I didn't sleep at all…they kind of kept me in an awkward position."

"No."

"Good."

I hear her body slide down the rock. Her head is placed on my shoulder, and I support her weight. She keeps her eyes closed, moving a bit for comfort, then settles with her head in my lap, her shirt covering her like a blanket and legs curled under her. I do not move. I do not object to her in my lap, it comforts me, as well. Knowing she is safe likes this reminds me of my own sleep depravity, but I do not dare close my eyes, not even for a moment. I must keep watch, the Enclave could very well return and look for her, and I will not be caught off guard again.

"Charon?"

My name escapes her lips, and I feel a shudder run down my spine.

"Yes?"

"We have to go tell the Brotherhood about the G.E.C.K, don't we?"

"Yes."

"That's a long walk…you up for it?"

Her eyes are still closed, she rests in my lap, and I hold back from stroking her hair.

"Yes."

"We'll take a detour to Underworld. Greta wants to talk to you, remember?"

My body stiffens, but I instantly relax it. It was the last thing on my mind, but now it is the first. I wish Dez had not brought up this topic, it pains me to know it bothers her.

"I would like you to know I had no intention of harming you with the actions that took place between Greta and I, Dez. What happened brought me no pleasure, and I ended it as soon as I could find the words to."

She opened her eyes, and I saw her glaring at me from the corners. I looked down at her, and allowed my face to construct itself in emotion, for the first time in my life. I wanted her to know I meant this.

"Who says it hurts me?"

Dez is trying to challenge me, but it does not bother me. I see her examining my facial features, and I know she is going to let this go.

"Please, just rest. It does not matter, it is in the past."

I should have known that Dez would not simply rest. She must make a challenge, a competition, out of every small detail. It is what makes me admire her so. I watch as her hand goes up to the welt on her neck, pointing to it in mock reminder.

"This is in the past too, but you still kick yourself in the ass about it."

"That does not compare in the slightest to Greta."

"Just because you can't see it doesn't mean it's not there, dumbass."

I soften my eyes at her, and allow my fingers to trace the welt. She removes her hand from the welt, and interlaces her fingers with mine. I am aware now, how Greta compares with the welt on her neck. It bothers me even more, to know that I have caused harm to Dez. I can never seem to please her, yet when I look at her now, while she holds my hand, I sense I am comforting her in more ways than she will ever let on to.

She rubs her fingers against mine, and I can feel the smooth sensation against my rugged fingers. It calms me, and I let her continue on. If I did not care for her, I would not have allowed such close contact. It is growing weary, though, these boundaries I know I have, yet do not speak of. Dez is the little monster of the Capitol Wasteland, and I allow her to hold my hand in hers. She holds the power to make or destroy this little world, and no one except her and I know this. I feel it brings us closer, and I hope I am correct.

Dez toys with my hand, and brings it up to her cheek. She uses the back of my fingers to stroke her cheek, her face set in an emotion I cannot figure out. Her eyes close, and she lets my hand graze her lips. My entire body feels lighter than air, but my muscles feel stiff as ever. I cannot loosen the tightness in my arms or legs, my back constricts and I hold my breath. In my chest, I feel my heart pounding, I have never felt so confused and so relieved all at once. In her closed eyes, I can see that now I can never leave her, even if I wanted to. No one in their right mind would put up with her, I am the only one she truly has.

She smiles at my hand, bringing it down to her collarbone. When she smiles, at me or just in general, I can feel everything slipping away. She always looks so sad, so determined and set in her ways, but when she smiles…I can openly admit to myself that I have fallen in love with her. I want to bend down, kiss her and make all that hurt and pain inside her mind go away, but I do not. I let her take my hand and hold it tight, quietly listening to her breathing until she falls asleep.

I do not wish to speak with Greta again, nor do I ever wish to return to Underworld. I feel as if that time and part in my life has passed me, and now I realize I have created a new life. More accurate, Dez has created a new life for me. She has given me the chance at a normal life, or as close to one as my mind can manage. This new life of mine consists of following her around the Wastes, protecting her, offering comfort and conversation when need be. I am still honor-bound to do as my contract says, but as long as she holds it, I will have no worries.

I feel the grip on my hand loosen, as Dez falls into a deeper slumber. My heart beats with excitement as I take my other hand, and lightly brush her cheek. This girl is dangerous, she does not fear nor does she stick to one general path. I admire her bravery, among other traits she has. Each time I follow her into the Wastes, leaving a campsite or Rockopolis, I have to take a deep breath in. I do not know if we will come back alive, but we have survived this long. It is easy for me to see how she survived without me, she does not go down easy, or without a good fight. If it were not for her emotional dependency on me, I wonder if she would have cast me away.

Removing my hand from her smooth and warm cheek, I place it back on my shotgun. I have been trained in every weapon there is available, energy and metal, but I prefer this one. It is smooth, I have customized it to my own liking, and I know it in and out. This gun has seen almost as much as I have, and I make it a point to never have it leave my side.

"Charon…"

Dez whispers my name in her sleep, and I look at her, concentrating. I am wondering what dreams she is having, what may have caused her to call for me. Her legs kick, and she whimpers from the back of her throat. Half of me wants to wake her, but the other half tells me to let her sleep. I watch carefully as tears fall from the corners of her eyes, dripping down off the tip of her nose, and into the dirt.

"Don't…no…"

Her torso shakes, and she tightly squeezes my hand again. I squeeze back, reassuring her in her sleep.

"I'm right here, Dez."

I whisper in her ear. She seems to relax, her legs stop kicking. I feel her entire body, all of her muscles relax at once. I enjoy comforting her, even if she is sleeping. I would not have the courage to do this if she were awake. All I would do is simply stare at her, letting her know I'm still standing, still alive in front of her. I cannot protect her from whatever images her mind throw at her, but in moments like these, I wish I could.

"…fucking…scum…"

Her legs kick once more, and her brows narrow. I stifle a chuckle, knowing she is dreaming about fighting someone or something. Suddenly, without warning, she flails her arm, her elbow narrowly missing my face. At first, I am on the defense, angry. Then my reasoning sets in, and I remember she is dreaming, and that she didn't mean it.

"Dez, I think it's time you wake now."

I tell her. She has only been asleep a short time, very short, but I do not want to dodge anymore attacks she may give. With my free hand, I lightly shake her body. I watch as her eyes open, they are wet from the tears, and she looks up at me.

"I had…a dream."

A dream? Yes, I would imagine you would, Dez. You were sleeping, and thrashing in that sleep.

"Yes. I feel you should wake now, I know you are tired, but you nearly hit me with your elbow."

She stares at me for some time, not speaking, not doing anything. Her hand still tightly holds mine, but after a few moments she lets it go. I feel her lifting off of me, and watch as she puts her top on properly.

"Yeah…sorry."

I hear her mumble as she begins to fix her boots. She avoids eye-contact with me when she grabs her pack and checks her Pip-Boy. There are so many questions I have for her, and so many things I wish to tell her. Rather than ask or say, I just stand, grabbing my shotgun.

"Where are we going?"

I remember my duty, my job, pushing everything else aside. There is a time and a place for such communication, now is neither.


	16. Chapter 16

We are one long way away from both the Museum of History and the Citadel. I'm all sorts of extra-angry because I can't remember when I got a good rest, and I could only take a power nap just now. Stupid Charon and his worries about being knocked in the face. Not my fault I had a bad dream, not my fault he can't just take it and let me sleep.

"Where are we going?"

I hear him ask, and I'll be damned if there isn't a different tone in his voice. I toss down my Pip-Boy, running my fingers through my tangles mess of hair. The Enclave weren't very kind in their kidnapping, I got messed up and banged up more than I let Charon know.

"Underworld. Then we'll double back and I'll explain to the Brotherhood how I messed up with the whole G.E.C.K thing."

I adjusted my pack and made sure my gun was in quick and easy reach. Charon seems uneasy, and it's making me uneasy. I'm extra every bad emotion right now, so he better not try to pick a fight. Or else I'll win, like I always do.

"What crawled up your ass and died?"

I throw at him as I begin the first steps of many ahead of me. I wish I had some sort of 'go' device where I could just be at the place I needed to be. All this walking was exhausting, especially when you're already exhausted.

"Excuse me?"

Charon asks back, and I make sure he's behind me. Glancing back, I see him following. I still have his contract, I made sure to look before I left Raven Rock. But he doesn't know that, and he hasn't asked. That's pretty fucking odd.

"You seem like you're in a bad mood."

"No."

"Could have fooled me."

I'm not taking this job lightly. In fact, I'm mighty pissed about all this pressure. I could just go back to Rockopolis and live out the rest of my days in peace and ease, and let the Brotherhood handle the Purifier on their own. Or…I could put in the FEV virus. I could…destroy the world.

Sure, it sounds like a messed up version of Grognak the Barbarian, but it's not. I have the fate of the world in my pack. Okay maybe not the world, but the Capitol Wasteland. Charon and I are the only two who know the code to the Purifier, and I'm the only one with the modified FEV. I should be overjoyed at this for some reason, but I'm not. It just feels like my job is never over, that even when I try to finish it, more shit happens. More shit that ends up in me doing everything. I blame my father.

My father. He knew this was going to happen. He knew it and I bet he had it all planned, too. He knew eventually I'd follow him, and I'd be able to…to just…_fuck_. I kicked up dirt in my anger, scratching my head in frustration. Even in his death, he was still working. Only this time he tossed his burden onto me. Well I'm not going to do it. I'm going to put that virus into the filter as a big giant 'fuck you' to everyone in the Capitol Wasteland. If they die, then they die, and I will have no solid regrets.

Pulling up my Pip-Boy map again, I saw that if we followed the river down, we'd eventually come upon Vault 101. I know it's right near Megaton, but I've never really bothered to go back there, even when I wanted to play piano. In my anger, I feel I have to. I have to find some answers…maybe I missed things in my escape. Maybe I missed things when I was helping Amata. I just have to see.

"Charon, we're going to take a detour."

"Yes?"

"We're going to Vault 101."

"But you were banished, they might have changed the entrance password."

I turned around to face him, walking backwards with a sly smirk on my face.

"Everyone underestimates me and thinks I'm stupid. They forget my father was a doctor and scientist. I'm smart, I can hack into the entrance panel just fine."

He nodded at me, and I turned to walk forward again. Everyone thinks I'm some dumb kid. They think since I don't dress my own wounds I'm stupid. No. I don't get myself patched up because I'm stubborn and think I can go without doing it. Charon does my medical because I like being taken care of. Before Charon, I took care of myself just fine, without anyone's help.

In fact, now that I think of it, he's actually done more of the fighting. I mean, I fight alongside him, but…he does more of it. Maybe its because I never maintain my weapons and just toss them out when they break, or something like that. But I mean, he has more of a kill-score than I do. That kind of makes me feel…useless. Like I'm dead weight or something.

"Help us! Help!"

I heard cries for help in the distance. It I was a dog, I would have my ears perked up, but I'm not a dog, so I looked around instead.

"Charon…you hear that?"

Charon had been listening too, and when I looked back at him I saw he was looking down near the river.

"Yes."

He cocked his shotgun and walked over to the edge of the hill we were on top of. I followed him, getting out my weapon. Peering over the edge, I saw two kids being backed into a corner by two Super Mutants.

"Dez?"

I stared at the kids. They cried and screamed for help, but…no. I put my weapon back, and turned around.

"Dez!"

"Forget them, Charon. I'm done saving people. They're just going to throw rocks at me anyways."

"They're _children_!"

I jammed my hands in my pockets, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it. I stared at Charon, ready to challenge him.

"Yeah, and I was a kid once, too. So were you. Neither one of us had dandy childhoods and they're just going to die some other time anyways."

"They need our help."

"Charon, forget it. They're going to die once we kill the muties. Some Raider or Slaver will pick them up later."

"But at least we can spare them _now_."

"So the life as a child-slave is better?"

Charon knew I had a point. I watched him while he took one last look over the hill and put his shotgun away. He walked over to me, and stood in front of me. The cries of the children carried far beyond just Charon and I, and I knew anyone else in earshot would hear them. I heard the Super Mutants laughing as I smoked my cigarette, staring up at Charon. Soon, their cries faded out, and I turned my back on it all.

"We have to get to the vault."

I told him, keeping my pace normal. I know he's upset with me over this, but he can't hold a grudge. Why bother saving them? I'm done with these people, adult or child.

"Dez, they were only children."

"Yeah well, they're dead now. Nothing we can do about it."

"But we could have."

I didn't bother to respond. I just kept walking, smoking my cigarette and looking out into the desert. I left children to die by the hands of Super Mutants, watched it almost, and had no remorse for it. It's the beginning of a long way to losing my mind, but it's all okay. It has to happen sometime. You can't just throw someone like me into the Capitol Wasteland and say 'Here's a gun go help everyone so everyone can hate you'. It just isn't right. Now, I'm going to make sure everyone knows what kind of person I am. Make sure they all feel terrible when they think of me. I want the people here to hate me now, I want them to fear me, chase me and want me dead. It's been this way my entire life, me alone and hated for no reason, I've only just learned how to hide it and live with it. I can't be who my parents want. When I've tried, it's only ended in failure and destruction. If I go to hell, that's fine with me.

I reached up to my collarbone and tore off a piece of skin. My Trog still hasn't cleared up, but that's alright. It hasn't been spreading, and now it's only a matter of time before I fully recover from it. My muscle still shows on my arm, it probably always will, but that didn't matter right now, anymore. Charon has to live his entire life with exposed tendons and shit, so I have no room to bitch. Still, it kind of hurt when I tore off the skin from my collarbone. Looking down, I saw muscle exposed, and I ran my fingers over it, a bit of white told me that was my bone, and I clenched my jaw together.

"Motherfucker…Charon?"

"Yes?"

He sounded sad, probably about the damn kids. But whatever, it's in the past now.

"Do you have bones showing?"

"No."

I turned around, standing in one spot and pointing.

"Well I do."

He looked at me, and walked over. I let him run his fingers across the muscle, and he stopped at the bone.

"I told you not to pick at it."

"Well I did."

This is what I get for helping people. See? It never turns out good for me. It's pointless. Charon sighed and took his hands off of my body, scratching his head.

"Don't pick at it."

"Okay."

It's not a big area, maybe four inches. A centimeter of bone shows through, so it's not that bad. But it bothers me. I have enough scars and shit, now I have this and another soon-to-be scar on my ribs. I turned around, walking angrily. Out of the corner of my eye, to my right, I saw the satellite dish I had wanted to live in. The one now occupied.

I grit my teeth, remembering myself back then. I wish I could go back, just _go back_ and live. I don't know what I'd do differently, but I certainly wouldn't be here. Maybe if I went back knowing what I know now, I'd jump Charon's bones like there was no tomorrow. Naw, I probably wouldn't. Ever since Butch I've been pretty revolted by the thought of anything sexual. What happened in Megaton with him just kind of made the whole 'sex' thing even worse for me, too. After all, why would I do something I got no literal pleasure in? Doesn't seem fun.

Sighing loudly, scratched at my side, dead skin catching under my nails.

"I said not to pick at it, Dez."

I turned at glared at Charon.

"I'm itchy."

"Don't scratch it."

I growled and stopped scratching. Charon didn't have anything else to say, and I'm not sure how I feel about that. I can go both ways on the scale of conversation right about now. I don't want to let my mind get the best of me. _You should have just agreed with Eden. Never should have come back here, to this world, to that…ghoul-monster. Ah well, in due time._ Too late.

In Raven Rock, Eden offered me a lot of things. He made promises and speculations and good reasoning in his arguments. But I'm not stupid. A damn computer thought I was stupid, but I sure showed him. Hell I'm smarter than most of these scientists out here, that or on the same level. When my father would work, I'd mess with all of his lab equipment. I taught myself, I'm a natural. Both of my parents were doctors, scientists, I am double what they were. Why? Because I can finish what they've started. Not only can I finish it, but I can destroy it, too. I can see it function and full, and give mass illness to everyone in the Wasteland. That's a double up on them.

It doesn't bother me that everyone will be after me, in a sense everyone already is. I know Charon won't leave me, he has to stay, but…I can't help but feel he'll be just a tidbit disappointed. That he'll…change how he feels towards me. Charon's all I have now. He's all I've ever had, really. Passing under the Abandoned Car Fort, I replayed Charon's words from Rockopolis in my head. He knows I've become so dependant, and he's become the same. Neither one of us act like it, only a few times in the silence of comfort of our own home. But it's there. I know it and he does.

But I make him 'uncomfortable'. Remembering that made me want to go trigger-happy on a bunch of Yao Gaui grazing a few yards away. It made me want to turn around and punch him as hard as I could. If I make him so damn 'uncomfortable' why does he continue to fuck with me? Why does he come to my rescue and let me hold his hand? I'll admit, when the dust cleared and I saw him after Fawks left, I was so happy. I forgot all about the pain in my side, and ran after him. Absentmindedly, I touched the top of my head.

He kissed me. I had completely forgotten. He wrapped me up in this embrace that…that he's never done before. I remember how his hands felt in my hair, how I loved it, how I almost kissed him after feeling his lips against my head. But I didn't because I was too busy holding it all together, trying to savor every part of him being there. The fucking bastard kissed me like that. He pressed his lips right on the top of my head, and then acted like it never happened. Damn.

I turned my head and looked at him. He was looking off into the distance at something, but I didn't try to see what. Turning my head, I was glad he didn't see me. The sun was beginning to sink, and I knew we'd have to take cover. There's too much after me now, and it could be dangerous to keep going. Charon's in danger too, now that he's with me. I felt bad for that. He didn't do anything wrong, but because he keeps my company he's going to have a bounty on his head, just like I do. Least the Talons stopped showing up. They were really after him, and it was kind of scary.

I looked at my Pip-Boy, just to see how far Vault 101 is. If we walked until sunset, we could make it to the VAPL-58 Power Station, and sleep inside there. Then we'd be able to hit Vault 101 by mid-morning, afternoon-ish. Maybe if I got what I needed quick enough, I'd stop in Megaton to see how Gob and Nova were holding up. It'd be nice to see them again, and I could use Gob's friendly face. Nova I can do without. I don't care much for her, but because she's Gob's main girl, well I have to respect her. And because she's got his kid in her belly. You have to respect that, if nothing else.

While I was examining my map, I decided to turn on Three Dog. Maybe he'd have something to say about my kidnapping in the Enclave, and maybe he'd be happy with me about that, and make everyone else happy with me, too.

"…It's the news! All right kiddies, you've probably been wondering what's up with Miss Vault 101. Well I'll tell you kids, she's up to something, that's for sure. A little birdie told me they spotted her leaving the area of Raven Rock, with none other but that ghoul slave of hers. Turns out though, that ghoul isn't just a slave, but a trained mercenary! Oh Miss 101 what have you gotten yourself in now?"

I clicked it off, not wanting to hear anymore of his ranting.

"At least he didn't call you 'that bitch'."

Charon said, walking up to me as I stared at the ground.

"No, but he's been mentioning you. That's not good."

"Why?"

I glared at Charon.

"Don't act stupid. People are coming after me as it is, now they're going to look for you, for your contract."

"They do not know I have one."

"It'll dawn on them, word travels fast, apparently."

I tapped my Pip-Boy, smirking sarcastically. Charon nodded, looking off somewhere in the distance.

"They will not get their hands on it. Don't worry."

"Charon…I'm _helping_ them, and they hate me. I just _destroyed_ the Enclave and _killed_ Eden. All they can do is focus on how terrible I am for…you know…you."

Charon nodded, but didn't say anything else. I started walking again, not wanting to lose time. I tried to think about what would happen if Charon and I actually did get together, like Gob and Nova. Unlike those two, we wouldn't be able to keep it a secret. Eventually, they'd find out. The '101 bashing' would be worse than ever. I know Three Dog is all for ghouls, but I also know he thinks ghouls and humans should stay with their own. There would be no way it could ever work, people would want to kill me more than they do now.

"It does not matter what they think, Dez. All that matters is that you are happy with the path you are choosing."

Charon's words were meant to be comforting, but they weren't. I turned to look at him, and waited for him to catch up beside me. He always walked behind me, I don't know why.

"I don't know what makes me happy, Charon."

Together we walked side-by-side, and I could feel the sun setting. I knew we had to hurry if we were going to make it to the power station, but I didn't care anymore. If anyone was after me, they'd come eventually. It was all in due time.

"You enjoy shooting, and you enjoy smoking. You like to drink, and you find comfort in a warm fire. Although many of those things are not good, they make you happy."

"I guess you're right. You make me happy."

"Do I?"

"Sure. When you're not pissing me off. I like to have someone to talk to."

"Yes. As do I."

I wanted to remind him about the kiss he gave me, but that seemed out of bounds. He didn't bring up the times I kissed him, so it didn't seem fair. For all I knew, he had forgotten those anyways.

"Charon? You ever feel like there's a time limit on your life?"

"No."

Oh.

"Well, I do. I just…don't think I'm going to see twenty."

"You have an overactive imagination, do not let it get to you."

"Yeah…"

But I wasn't wrong about my gut feeling in Vault 87, so I don't see how I could be wrong about this. I didn't tell Charon I had a feeling in the vault, though. I just let it sit inside, and waited for it to happen. When I did get taken, and I woke up, the first thing I thought of was Charon. Once the Enclave figured out how to hurt me…how to get me to talk…it was Charon they used as the bait.

At first they told me they had him captive. Once they figured out who it was I kept asking for, they lied. They said they had him, and that they'd let me see him if I told them the code. I didn't _know_ the code, I told them that. But they didn't believe me. They just beat the holy piss out of me. Then they were nice. They would hurt me, then they'd care for me. I knew it had something to do with psychology, so I didn't play into it. Then…they told me they killed him. They said they lied, and that Charon actually died back at Vault 87. Hearing that damn near killed me inside, but it was what drove me to…to escape.


	17. Chapter 17

Picking my head up from staring at the ground, I saw darkness. I saw the power station right on top of me, and I stopped. Charon hadn't said anything to take me out of my thoughts, and I wish he would have.

"Come on, in here."

I told him. Glancing down at my Pip-Boy, I saw red ticks, and knew we weren't alone.

"Hurry!"

I hissed, jogging towards the small building. Luckily the door wasn't locked, and I stepped inside. Charon closed the door behind me, and I turned around, turning the lights on.

"Lock the door."

I told him, and he did. I dropped my stuff on the floor, the building was only one room, and there was a lot of technology around. I saw an active terminal on the desk, but decided to leave it alone. After all, I didn't need to hack it for anything.

"Why do you want the door locked?"

I took a seat on the floor and stretched out my body, looking up at Charon.

"Because someone bad is out there. They showed up on my Pip-Boy."

Charon nodded and sat down across from me. I grabbed my pack and tossed it over to him.

"Make me food I'm hungry."

Without word he nodded, and dug out some Iguana Bits. I guess he figured starting a fire inside would be a bad idea. My stomach growled as he opened the package, and when he handed me the food I wolfed it down, as usual. I didn't even care how he was looking at me, I'm famished. Food is scarce, and I have to eat when I can, or I wont' be as strong.

Yeah, right. Staring at the ceiling, I used my hands as pillows, and put my knees in the air.

"Are you alright, Dez?"

It's quiet. Charon's voice is the only noise I hear, and I think I like it like that.

"As alright as I can be."

I look over my knees, and see the top of his head. It makes me shudder, so I put my head back down, staring at nothing once again.

"We can go into the vault tomorrow."

"Dez, I am concerned. Won't they be hostile towards you?"

"A few of them, maybe. But I figure they'll be too scared of you to do anything."

"Why?"

"They've never seen a ghoul. I hadn't either, till I met Gob. Total isolation, Charon."

"Yes. I forgot."

"I just need some answers is all. I need…I need to figure out some shit from my past."

"I understand."

"I…got kicked out of the vault."

"Yes, you have told me."

"No, I mean, I killed the Overseer. I saved them, I opened it for them, and…they called me a hero and banished me."

"Why?"

"I don't know. They…hate me. They always have. Amata and I never really hung out that much, but…there was no reason for making me leave again. Sure I would have left anyways cuz I like it out here better, but…still."

"You are hostile towards them?"

"Kind of. But I'm not going to go there and kill everyone. I just need to see…I just need to see where I came from again."

I sat up, hugging my knees. I'm still really hungry, but I don't have a lot of food, so I have to spare it.

"I wasn't born in the vault. My father lied to me. I was born in the Jefferson Memorial. He took me to the vault when I was a baby. Colin knew him. Everyone did, even the Brotherhood. He lied to me, and I never forgave him for that."

"He was only trying to protect you, it seems."

"Maybe, but…it doesn't matter anymore, does it?"

I looked at Charon, giving him a sad smile. I wonder if he ever smiled…

"It matters still because you are upset by it."

"I guess. I just don't want to talk about it right now, I'm tired of it."

"If that is what you wish."

I laid back down, my head spinning, wondering what may happen. My Raider Throwdown Armor wasn't feeling right, making me uncomfortable, so I began to take it off. Sliding off my spiked shoulder cups, I tossed them close to my pack and worked on my top.

"You don't mind if I you know, walk around half-naked?"

"It does not matter to me."

"Okay."

I got my top unclasped and slid it off. Now the hard part. Two belts is hard for me to manage, I don't know why. But somehow, I got them unbuckled, and kicked my boots off as I slid my pants down. I tossed my outfit on top of the shoulder spikes, and laid back down, letting the cold floor press against my skin. Sitting like this, all quiet and whatnot, made me feel really anxious. So I lit a cigarette, trying to let my mind wander. Trying to focus on anything other than Charon and his awkward silence.

"May I have one?"

He asked for one, and I sat up to hand him the pack. His fingers grazed mine, and I bit my tongue. I wanted to ask about the kiss, but how? Do I just say it? How about I don't even think about it. I don't need to admit to him how I feel, need him to be there, comfort me and love me back, because then he's going to leave. I'd rather have him here, and hold it all inside, than have him go. After all, that's how it works out all the time. Once you care about someone, they leave you.

I got up and began walking around the room, shutting the lights off in the process. All that we had for light was the moon shining in, and the flames of our cigarettes. Somehow I found this calming, and liked it. I heard Charon adjust himself on the floor as I felt the walls, just exploring the place and busying myself. Sure I'm tired, but I know I won't have a good sleep, so why bother right away? I began to think about him and Greta, and how they had fun while I was risking my life. I could feel the hurt inside, but I didn't let it show.

"Did you at least think of me while you were with Greta?"

The question fell out of my lips and I didn't bother to try and catch it. It's been in the back of my mind for quite some time, I figured I'd ask eventually.

"Yes. Every day."

"What did you think about?"

"How you were doing, if you were safe. I often wondered if you'd come back for me, or at all."

"What if I didn't come back for you?"

"I would have sought you out."

I smirked to myself, leaning against the window, smoking.

"I don't believe you."

"It is the truth, Dez."

Well, it doesn't mean I don't have to believe it. The glass on the window was really dirty, so dirty I couldn't see out of it very well. Giving up on looking, I stepped away from it, and sat across from Charon.

"Give me your combat knife."

He did, without question too. I felt it in my hand, the blade sharp and pointy. I let it run over my fingers, careful not to cut myself.

"I could kill you with this, you know, and you wouldn't be able to fight back."

"Yes, I'm aware."

"You trust me?"

"Yes."

The knife gleamed in the moonlight. I could make out Charon's face in the dark, his milky white eyes almost glowing in the dark.

"Tell me what you think of me. That's an order."

I toyed with the knife, feeling how heavy it is and just admiring it. I have no idea why.

"I think you are a strange young woman, and have a lot of resentment and anger. I think you may choose the wrong path to live by based on this anger, but I also think deep down you know what's right, and you know what you must do."

I put my fingertips on the edge of the blade, pressing it down. I felt the sting of the metal and the blood began to drip out. It didn't hurt, it felt strange, but not hurt.

"Why'd you kiss Greta? Did you have sex?"

"No. I have told you this before, there was no intercourse. I do not know exactly why things happened the way they did, but I did not enjoy it."

I dropped the knife on the floor, and decided to play with my bleeding fingertips instead. I heard Charon pick it up and put it back in his belt. I looked at Charon in the darkness, almost admiring him. I've been a lot of places, with and without him. He's seen everything with me, almost. It's like the person I was before I met him never even existed, like that part of my life never really mattered. I felt bad for the fights we had, felt bad for treating him like shit sometimes. I've learnt a lot from him, in our time together. Things that may seem stupid and lame, but come in handy when I don't expect it to. I felt my throat constrict, choking almost.

"I'm sorry for fighting with you."

I mumbled, wiping my hand on my pack so I didn't leave blood anywhere.

"It does not matter, Dez."

There was a few small scars on my back from the rocks he threw me into. Nothing big, I don't even think he noticed them. But I did. It bothered me, that he could hurt me so quickly. Maybe next time we fight I won't hit him. But I've hit him before and he's never done that. He's probably sick of my mood swings.

"I know you're going to leave one day. I don't know when that day is, but I bet you will."

"Do not think like that. It is not correct. I am here until you order me to leave."

"That's what you say now."

"You should rest, Dez."

I sucked in a bunch of air and let it out slowly. Looking at him in the moonlight, he seemed really peaceful. His arms and legs were crossed, and his back was straight. I got angry at him. Leaning over, I put both my hands on his shoulders and pushed him down on the ground. He looked up at me, as I sat on top of him, but he didn't seem angry.

"You're so…you make me so angry!"

"Why?"

"You're always calm and…and you…you just _don't get it_!"

I pressed down on his shoulders, trying to make him sink into the floor, but it didn't work. Even now, in this awkward position, he seemed calm. It only made me angrier.

"What do I not get?"

"See! Even now you're calm! Even now you're all cool and collected. For _once_ just show me some _emotion_!"

"I explained this to you in Rockopolis, I need time and patience so I know how to properly act."

"Charon there is no _proper_ way to act. You just _do_ what you feel. It's not fuckin' rocket science."

Half of me wanted him to get angry with me right then and there, while the other half wanted him to remain calm and just tell me to go to bed. I'm sure both reactions from him would make the same reaction in me. I stared into his eyes, feeling a ton of random emotions all at once. I have no idea where any of this comes from, and it's really beginning to piss me off.

"Why do you do this? Why do you act so nice to me and then turn into a total droid? No, even androids have more emotions than you. It's not _fair_ Charon! I _need_ some reaction…it's not _fair_!"

"What is not fair?"

I balled up my fists and thudded his shoulders. He laid under me, completely still and motionless. Hell I didn't even feel a boner. Not that I was looking but isn't it typical in men to do that when there's a half-naked woman on top of them?

"_Everything_! It's all _not fair!_ I don't _want_ to be the savior or the villain! I just want to go into the vault and sleep and eat and live like none of this ever happened! I want to be little again and…and not have to kill people and do all this shit! It's not _my_ job…it's _not_! I want to live alone and…and I never want to do this ever again. Don't you get it, Charon? I have too much power, I didn't even _do_ anything and all of a sudden everyone hates me! Everyone wants me dead! I don't wanna do this anymore!"

I covered my face in my hands and sat back on Charon's stomach. I stifled my cries with my palms, and took in deep breaths. Charon didn't move, and I didn't want him too. I think I just need to cry this one out on my own. But crying won't fix it, it'll just make it go away for a little while.

"Dez, you must calm down."

I peered at Charon from behind my eyes. It's easy for him to say, he doesn't have the fate of the Capitol Wasteland resting on his shoulders. He doesn't have everyone out to kill him, or have to deal with having nobody. All I have is him, and I don't even have all of him.

"I…_can't_…"

I choked out between sobs. All this stress all this burden…I'm nineteen. I have no training like the Brotherhood has, I have nothing, no experience, and yet here they are, asking something like this of me. Me. Who just let two kids die in the desert. What kind of hero is that?

"Come here, then."

I felt Charon's hands wrap around my wrists. He pulled at me, bringing down onto his chest. I felt his arms wrap around my shoulders, and I put my face on his leather armor, feeling how cold it was.

"I…hate…everyone…"

Charon just stroked my hair, flattening it and trying his best to comfort me. I tried to curl my legs up, but then all my weight would be on his torso. Even Charon isn't that strong. Instead I let him stroke my hair, and listened to his raspy breathing. I can appreciate him comforting me, or trying to. No one else would have even gave me a passing glance.

"You are angry right now, Dez. You do not hate everyone."

"Yes I do."

"Do you hate me?"

"…No."

"Then you do not hate everyone. Come, sleep."

I closed my eyes to the feel of him patting my head. Sometimes his fingers would tangle in my hair, and he'd gently tug them out. I liked that. It made me calm, made me feel a little better about everything. With my eyes still closed, I turned my head to his chin, and lightly kissed the edge of it. I felt his body stiffen under me, but then relax again as he kept stroking my hair.

"I'm sorry…I won't do that again."

I mumbled, putting my head back down. He didn't say anything, but stopped patting my head. I felt I wanted to cry again, until I felt his hands tracing the scars along my body.

"You are no longer allowed anywhere without me, Dez. You have come too close to death too many times. From now on, I will accompany you to wherever you venture to, and I will not take 'no' as a suitable answer."

"Okay."

"It is my job to protect you, and I have not been doing it well. First I let you venture into The Pitt, and then I allowed the Enclave to take you. It will not happen again."

"Even if we're just wandering the desert, and I venture off?"

"Yes. You are not to leave my sight."

"Okay."

It was fine with me. The fact that he was letting himself care enough to feel that way made my mood a million times better. No one's ever wanted to put my safety above their own. I know it's because it's his job, but I know now that it's because he cares about me, too. I clenched my eyes, letting his hands trace and travel my bare body. It felt soothing, and made me get goose bumps.

"Excuse me."

Charon said, sitting up. I slid off of him, and on the floor next to him. I felt bad, I must have made him uncomfortable. Like I always do.

"Sorry."

I mumbled, looking at the ground and feeling like shit.

"Don't be."

I looked at him, and saw him working the straps and zippers to his leather armor. He saw me watching, and looked away.

"It is uncomfortable for me to sleep in my armor."

"Yeah…same here."

He slid off his top, leaving the black tee on underneath. He laid back down, his eyes closed. I didn't know if I should go back to my place on his chest or not, but I did anyways. I felt his arms wrap around me, and I pressed my face into the crook of his arm and chest. I let my arm go across him, and I could feel his heart beating underneath his shirt. The moon shone in through the dirty window on us, giving us enough light to see one another, but not enough to bother us.

"If I make you feel uncomfortable, you'll tell me right?"

"Yes."

I felt his hand slide into mine, and I smiled to myself. In my head, I played keys on my old piano, and remembered the warmth it used to bring me.

"Charon?"

"Yes?"

"If you die, I'll die."

"I will not die."

"You can't die before me."

"I am aware, yet."

"Because I can't be alone."

"I know."

Good, at least he knows and we're on the same page. Charon and I seem to be developing a new relationship. It feels like we're slowly testing the boundaries with one another, making sure we're both comfortable.

"You should sleep now, Dez. It is late."

"I bet it's not even that late out."

"Yes but you are tired. I will keep one eye open for danger, do not worry."

I glanced out the window, and saw the stars twinkling in the sky. I tried to remember the last time I saw the sky alone, but I couldn't. I don't think I ever looked up when Charon was gone, at Fort Bannister. I felt his hand slide down to my thigh, as if he knew what I was thinking about, and toy with the large welt that resided there.

"I do not go a day without thinking of that time, Dez."

"Why? It's over with."

"Because I know I am the cause of it."

"It's okay, you know."

"May I speak freely?"

"Yeah. Sure, go for it."

"I cannot forgive myself for it, because I have come to care for you. I cared for you at the time of this incident, and I could not stomach what I was doing. Even now, it does not sit well with me, knowing if my contract falls in the hands of someone else I am capable of harming you."

"You didn't hurt me at Fort Bannister the second time."

"But I was witness. I did not stop it, when I knew it was going to happen. I wanted to, but I could not find the power to."

"It won't happen again. I'll keep your contract safe. And besides, I know you won't kill me if it happens. You've denied that order before, you can do it again."

"Yes, but I do not wish to cause you harm."

"I can take it. But it hasn't happened, and it won't, so let's not worry about it. We have enough to worry about without making up imaginary situations."

"Yes. But you must promise me you will leave once my contract is overturned or taken. I do not want to grant my next employer with the option of harming you."

"What about you?"

"Do not worry about me, I have been trained for this. Just promise me you will run, escape, and never come back."

Never come back?

"Why can't I come back?"

"Because that would give my employer chance to harm you."

"I promise I'll run, but I won't promise on not coming back."

"You must, Dez."

I got mad at him, clenching my jaw.

"No. Because that's stupid. I _can't_ be alone, and you can't expect me to just _forget_ you. I refuse."

"Very well."

Charon dropped the topic, thank god. Looking up I saw his eyes were closed, and I figured he was tired. I yawned, and decided I was tired, too. Closing my eyes, I rubbed my face against the cloth of his black shirt. His body heat kept me warm, and I wished so much that things were different. Maybe if he was a human, he'd push things further, I'd push things further. If I didn't have to do all this shit, maybe Charon and I would have time to develop something like Gob and Nova. But, that's not the case. All I can do is enjoy that he doesn't mind me using him as a pillow, and he comforts me when I'm sad. But sometimes, even that isn't enough.


	18. Chapter 18

When I woke up, the night was dark, and there was no moon. I knew the sun would be rising soon though, because the sky had a strange glow to it. The kind of glow you see an hour before sunrise, where it's dark, but not dark in other places. From the small window, I could see out while I laid on the floor. The stars were fading, and the air was becoming colder. It always became freezing before the sun came and warmed me up.

I shivered, pressing myself closer to Charon. He was still sleeping, and sleeping well, on account of his snores every few seconds. He's not a loud, annoying snorer, just a snorer. All guys do that, I think. Pulling my knees up, I tried to curl up in a ball, like I wanted to take all his body heat. I should really invest in packing a blanket when we travel, I'll grab one from Vault 101. Lord knows there's enough of them there to spare.

Charon's hand still held mine, and his arm was still around my shoulders and resting on my hip. I didn't want to wake him up just yet. Just because I can't sleep anymore doesn't mean he can't, and I like the silence. I don't really ever get a chance to just sit, with no worries or concern, so I like to take advantage when I do. Its peaceful sometimes, the Capitol Wasteland. Sometimes I forget why I hate it so much, and remember why I prefer it over the vault. I just don't like the amount of responsibilities the people here have placed upon me. I don't think I'd be able to handle it, if Charon wasn't with me.

Shifting a bit, I got my arm against his side, warming it. I didn't want to take my arm from across his chest, he was holding that hand, and I like holding his hand. I like everything about all of this we're doing. I just hope one day, one of us will be brave enough to push it a bit further. I doubt it, though. Charon's not one to initiate things, and I'm too chicken-shit. Maybe if I get drunk enough, even just a little drunk, I can pull something off and blame it on the liquor. But then we'd fight. Charon doesn't like it when I drink.

"I wish I was brave like you…"

I muttered, my voice bouncing off of his shirt. I could feel his muscle underneath, and I wondered if he'd ever become squishy like Gob. No, probably not. Charon's strong, I think he's going to stay that way. The tee fit perfectly to his body, his muscle showing through it only in some areas. I admired his physique. I'm too thin to ever have muscles, but I'm okay with that because I'm a girl. Girls don't get ripped like guys, or else they look funny.

His soft breathing relaxed me. His chest moved up and down slowly, inhaling and exhaling. Charon isn't human. I have to remind myself of that every time something like this happens. I have to remind myself that he has no nose, no ears, and hardly any hair. That he's a ghoul, and I am a human. His muscles are exposed, and mine are not. Well, mine are, but only in two places. Maybe that might work in my favor. I mean, I could point to it and argue that I'm a part-ghoul in a sense, so if Charon and I do hook up, people won't be _that_ angry with it. This world has seen worse, I don't know why people would get all flustered over me making out with him.

I sighed, staring up at his profile in the rising sun. His veins are blue, they show even under his skin, running everywhere. If my father wasn't so rude to him, maybe he could have studied Charon, fixed his ghoul-ness. If anyone has the ability to do that, it would have been him. Moving my legs, I accidentally kicked Charon, and I felt my body stiffen, waiting for him to move. He didn't, slept through it, and I relaxed. I'd feel bad for waking him up, it's the first night we've spent together since Rockopolis, and the first night he's laid with me like this since my father died. I told him I loved him that night, and I wonder if he remembers it.

"I love you, Charon…"

I whispered, hardly a whisper, actually. I said in into his shirt, so he'd have no chance of hearing it. I didn't want him to hear it, I just wanted to hear myself admit it again. Maybe if I did, it would give me the courage to pres on further with him. It didn't. I just laid there, motionless in the fleeting darkness.

I felt his hand squeeze mine, so I squeezed back. He moved his head towards mine, his eyes still closed. His eyelids are so thin, I wonder if he can see through them.

"Are you awake?"

He whispered, making me jump a little. I panicked in my head, did he hear me? I hope not. Explaining that right now seems way too complicated.

"Yeah…I'm up."

"Come here."

I was already pressed into him, how much closer did he want me to be? He rolled on his side, curling his body around mine. That much closer, I guess. I used his upper arm as a pillow, his chin resting on the top of my head.

"You are cold."

He whispered, and I nodded.

"It's cold."

I know we have to go to Vault 101, I know we have to get up and get going, but I don't want to. I want to stay like this, just like this, forever and ever. Nothing can hurt me now, Charon's all around me. No one can come near me, and the door is locked. In here, like this, I am safe. For the first time in a long time, I am calm, I am in a place where nobody can hurt me, nobody at all. It doesn't hurt inside right now. There's nothing in my head but emptiness and black. I see now what I've been missing, what Butch never gave me. I have real companionship, I've never had this before. I feel so safe and warm, so at ease with everything. I don't want this to end. I'd be okay with this, laying here forever, if I could.

Charon's steady breathing relaxed me, relaxed my bones and muscles. His powerful, strong arms are wrapped around me, keeping me warm, keeping me safe. I can feel his pants against my bare legs, and I can feel his chest moving up and down, up and down. Is this how Gob feels, or rather Nova, when they lie together? I can only wonder. Charon's heartbeat is steady and rhythmic, like mine. Closing my eyes, I relax against his chest. I've never felt this way before, I think I understand why composers wrote so much about love. It really is everything they say, and more. It really is.

"Are you comfortable, Dez?"

"Yeah…I am."

He squeezes my body, hugging me for a brief minute. I don't mind one bit, I don't mind anything he does. Everything right now is perfect, peaceful, and just all around everything I imagined it would be. It just took the right kind of guy, or ghoul, to make it happen. I don't feel angry, hurt, or sad, I don't feel anything. All I can feel is the warmth of his body, his strength, and somehow I can feel just how much he cares about me. I don't know how, or why, but I can.

Opening my eyes, I look around the room, keeping my cheek against him. Even on the cold, hard floor, I feel comfortable. I won't ever need a bed again if he does this every night. I see a shadow appear on the floor, and I cock my eyebrow. It moves slightly, making whatever light that's coming in shift. I pick my head up slowly, and look out the window.

"Charon…"

I shake him with my arms, my heart racing. Someone's head pops up in the window, I can't see their face, just their eyes. I jump back, staring at them.

"Charon!"

He sits up, and I point to the figure. Charon sees it just as they vanish, and my heart races. Holy shit. I've never been so scared before in my life.

"Stay here."

He says and gets up. I watch as he quickly grabs his gun and lets himself out of the building. Who the fuck was that? Why were they looking in at me like that? My heart is racing, and I stare at the window. Charon comes into view, and he looks around. I hear him fire two shots from his shotgun, and he turns back to come inside.

"Get dressed. Get your things."

"Who was that? Did you see them?"

"No. Whoever it was, they're gone now. Come on get dressed."

He walks over me to get to his armor. So much for my perfect morning. I grab my Throwdown Armor and try to put it on as quickly as I can, my hands shaking.

"Charon that was creepy…who would be doing that?"

I watch him as he buckles up his armor. The gentle man I was just laying with is gone. He's all business now, and seemingly angry about it. I get my pants on and fumble with the buckles.

"We have no time."

He says, and comes over to help me with them. Once he has them buckles, he helps me with my top.

"You _did_ see something! What was it?"

I hear him grumble from behind me while he straps on one of my shoulder spike pads.

"There was a note written in the dirt."

"What it say?"

"It was just one word, Dez."

"Well, what was it?"

"Simply 'hello', and that was it."

It wasn't threatening, but it scared the living shit out of me. He finished with my shoulder pads, and I zipped my top up. Grabbing my gun and my pack, I hardly had either of them strapped on when he started dragging me out the door.

"Let's _go_."

He said, tugging at me. He was more worried about this than I was. Stepping out into the morning sunrise, I cringed from the air change. It was warmer out here than it was in there. I followed Charon as he led me around the building, looking around carefully.

"Why are you so worried?"

I watched him scan the area again, finally putting his shotgun on his back.

"We must keep moving."

I nodded at him, and pulled up my Pip-Boy map. We're less than a half-day's walk to Vault 101, and should reach it within an hour or two, three tops.

"This way."

I motioned behind me and kept walking. Instead of walking behind me, Charon walked very close next to me, looking around every chance he got.

"What was it? Something's bothering you I know it."

"We're being followed, Dez, and I am not sure by whom."

Who the hell would want to follow me?

"What? Why would they want to follow me?"

"I am not sure."

"Why are you so worried about it, we can take 'em!"

I used my fingers as guns and pretended to shoot imaginary people. Charon didn't seem too amused.

"Because whomever they are, they know where we are, and what we do. We cannot let them follow us home, if we haven't caught them by then."

"It's probably just some wanderer looking for protection."

"No, Dez. I do not suspect that."

"Who then? Indulge me."

"I am not sure, but not a simple wanderer. Raider or Slaver, possibly. I'd even venture off to say a Talon."

No way. I looked up at him, our arms brushing. He sure was worried about this, and I've never seen him worry before. It was kind of scaring me.

"I nuked Fort Bannister, Charon. There are no more Talons."

"Yes, there are, Dez. Not all of them were there at the time of your bombing. Many of them were out doing fieldwork in the Wastes. There are many remaining."

"Then they're just soldiers, really. No worries there."

"Either way, we must be cautious, and not stay in one place for too long. I suggest from now on we do not build fires, and move our campsite every couple of hours."

"Charon, it's probably just some crazy trader or some shit."

"I do not think so."

I shrugged and dig out my crumpled pack of cigarettes. Charon took one, and both of us shared the single lighter. I inhaled the first dose of nicotine with ease, the emotions that bother me every day creeping back in my head. I pulled my gun from my back and held it in my free hand, looking around for something to shoot. Wasting ammo probably wasn't a good thing, but I need to shoot _something_. There wasn't even a Molerat in sight. I sighed, keeping my finger on the trigger and smoking. Charon's arm brushed against mine, and I jumped a bit, forgetting he was that close.

I looked up to see him looking around again. He was starting to bug me out.

"Charon, calm down. Look, the sun is coming up, I'm sure if they're following they won't show themselves in the daylight."

"It is concerning, Dez. Tune into Three Dog before we enter Vault 101. I would like to hear what he has to say."

"Why?"

"Because this may possibly be the person who has been updating him so frequently, so quickly."

"Maybe."

If it is that person, I will gladly shoot him in the head at point-blank. There's no reason for them to be doing this, and it was killing my reputation with the people in the Capitol Wasteland. Of course, I'm still going to destroy the population as I know it. I mean, they still haven't done anything for me to reconsider.

Charon kept looking around, but he stopped once he caught me giving him the death-glare.

"You're buggin' me out. Stop it."

He nodded at me, and kept his eyes straight ahead. We would be coming up on Jury Street Metro Station soon, and I wondered if that would be faster than travelling into the city. We could possibly take that to the Museum of History, and then double back down for the Citadel. It seemed like a good idea, and we'd avoid the Super Mutant camps.

"We're going to take Jury Street down into the Mall so we can avoid the muties."

"Why are you so persistent on visiting Underworld?"

"Greta needs to talk to you. Not nice to keep a girl waiting."

Charon sighed, shaking his head.

"There is nothing I wish to speak with her about."

I flicked my cigarette to the ground and stood in front of him, my gun dangling from my right hand. I glared at him, the morning sun reflecting off of our faces.

"I don't care. You two fooled around and she's obviously pissed at you. I'd be pissed too, if you made out with me, then ditched me."

"Are you taking her side of the argument?"

"No, I'm being logical. I'm sure she's just looking for an apology. Say sorry and we can leave."

"It is extremely out of the way for a simple apology."

"She'll thank you for it."

I turned around and began walking again, still looking for something to shoot. I swear I should have CAUTION in huge letters written across my body. Especially when I'm ticked off. That way people know to steer clear, and I don't have to 'accidentally' fire my weapon.

"Greta does not leave Underworld. I do not understand why this has so much meaning for you, if I do not show, it will not matter."

I groaned, and took out another cigarette. Sometimes Charon could be really, really stupid and difficult. I turned to look at him, and let him catch up with me.

"Because you and Greta are going to outlive every human in the Capitol Wasteland, and when that happens, you're going to want to be on good terms. Eventually, you will have to go back to Underworld, and it's not good to have enemies in your own home."

"This is coming from you."

"Which is exactly why you need to listen to me."

It was hard for me to kind of admit that even when I die, Charon will live on. I'm not sure of the lifespan for ghouls, but I know it's long. Carol and Charon are both pre-war ghouls, and I think Greta is too. It's only plausible that they'll live another hundred years or something like that. I'll maybe live another ten or twenty, if I don't get fatally wounded before then.

"I still do not understand. You truly believe I will return to Underworld after you…"

He didn't finish his sentence. I think it's the first time I've heard him choke up. Congratulations, Charon, welcome to the world of emotions. It's not that fun, you'll see.

"Go on, say it. When I 'die'."

"When you die?"

"Where else would you go?"

"I do not know, I do not plan on such things. Do you expect me to just…leave once you stop breathing?"

"Yeah, actually I do."

I looked up at him, a snide tone in my voice. What? Is he going to sit there and have a conversation with my dead body?

"I am curious at what goes through your mind at times, Dez."

"Don't tell me you've never thought of it. What if I died up at Raven Rock? What would you have done then?"

I saw his jaw clench, and his hands twitch. He looked away from me, his footsteps becoming slightly heavier.

"I would have killed every Enclave soldier I encountered until I came to you."

"There was a lot of them in there."

"It does not matter. I was ready to enter that place, and not emerge without you."

It made me smile, hearing Charon was that worried about me. If I didn't come blasting out of there like I had, he probably would have been caught in the explosion looking for me. I'm glad he arrived when he did.

"Well, I'm glad you were worried. But if I was dead, you would have gone back to Underworld. There's nowhere else you could have possibly gone."

"I suppose you are correct, but I would not be happy upon returning."

"Why?"

I inhaled some of my cigarette, and let the smoke slowly leak out of my mouth. Man, I probably would have lost my mind if I didn't smoke out here.

"Three Dog would most likely broadcast your death, and the people of Underworld would begin to ask me questions. I would not feel comfortable speaking with them about…you."

"It wouldn't be the first time someone's asked you about me."

"I understand that. But you have always been _alive_."

Okay, good argument there. His arm brushed mine again, and I saw him glance down at the ground. Charon's probably feeling a lot of confusion at this newfound 'emotions' thing. I can tell now, when he's undecided about what to do about something. He's not very good at hiding anymore. Sure, his face remains expressionless, but his body language isn't.

"Charon, you have to realize eventually I'm going to die. Sooner or later it's going to happen, and I've accepted it. Why can't you?"

"Because I do not wish to think of your life so delicately."

"It's _life_, Charon. I've had my fair share of close-calls. Eventually one of those calls is going to do me in."

"And when that happens I will do everything in my power to revive you."

I looked up at him. It made me feel good, knowing he cared, but he can't live in denial. I don't, and it's better that way.

"What if I _want_ to die."

"My contract ensures I do everything possible to allow that. I am here to ensure your safety."

"I think you're blurring the lines here. Your contract states you must keep me safe, not try to give me CPR until I come back to the world."

"I have before."

It took me a while to remember what he was getting at. Then I remembered the time I threw myself off of Rivet City, and into the water below. Charon had hurt some of my ribs, giving me CPR. I didn't even know he had seen me, and I'm kind of happy he saved me.

"You were lucky that time. A gunshot won't need CPR. I've come to the terms that I may lose you out here, you can only do the same for me."

"Why are we discussing this?"

Charon became defensive, and I smirked at him. I can't tell him the real reason, I'm going to have to lie. Truth be told, I can just feel it in my bones that I'm not going to be around forever. I'm not sure when it'll happen, but I can feel it's soon. Eventually, I'm going to die.

"Because I want to make sure you know what to expect from out here, and that you won't spend your time thinking we're going to be doing this forever."

"I know you will not outlive me, I have accepted that part. What I have not accepted is the fact that you are speaking as if you are planning your own death. As if you are aware of when it will happen."

I sighed, tossing my cigarette somewhere off into the brush. Dead trees, dead bushes, it's been two hundred years, and still nothing has started to grow.

"I just have this feeling, okay? It's this gut feeling that's telling me…just trust me okay?"

"You are a strange person, Dez. I have never met someone so fascinated with death before."

"Coming from the guy whose name means 'death'."

"No. It means 'of keen gaze, feverish, fierce, flashing eyes or blue-green eyes'. It is a _euphemism_ for 'death'."

"Either way, your name sums you up pretty well."

"May we please change the topic of conversation?"

I glared up at him. He was really adamant on not coming to terms with this. Well, I'm not going to let him.

"No. I want to know that when I die, you're not going to be all depressed over it. I want to know you're going to move on and get on with your life as you want to live it."

"Is that an order?"

"Yes, if it has to be."

I saw his jaw tighten as he looked away from me.

"Very well, then."

He muttered, and I crossed my arms, triumphant. We were coming up on the entrance to Vault 101, I started to recognize the outlay and could see Megaton way in the distance. Well not _way _but far enough for me to not feel like ever going there again. I'm still pretty pissed about Lucas kicking me out, when he let Colin abuse Gob for fifteen years. I wasn't even there a year and he gets his panties in a bunch over Charon. I think he didn't like the idea of someone walking around who was stronger than him. Stupid Lucas. I hope they all get their karma back, and they feel really bad for making me leave. I saved them from that stupid nuke, and they banish me.

Charon and I didn't speak until we got to the wooden door that led to the rock tunnel. I'm still confused as to how something so flimsy could withstand a nuclear bomb drop _and_ two hundred years. It just didn't seem possible, but it was, I guess. Pushing it open, I led Charon through the rock tunnel, and towards the large, gear-door entrance. The keypad to open the door sat in front of me, and I glanced back at him. He was staring at the door, in amazement.

"It has been two-hundred years since I have seen the inside of Vault 101."

"Yeah well, last I saw it they trashed the place. So don't expect too much."

Charon nodded, and I felt him watch me as I messed with the buttons and dials on the keypad. Amata really thought that by changing the password, I'd never be able to get back in. Hitting the green button, I heard the door hiss alive and I smiled to myself. She's such a twat.

"You opened it."

Charon said, amazed.

"Told you I was smart."

"I never doubted that, but aren't the entrance passwords often blocked by high security passwords?"

"Nope. I mean, not when you've spent a good portion of your life reading about how Vault-Tech programmed this shit. It's all just a bunch of button-pushing-patterns. Get the right pattern, and you won't need a password."

Charon and I watched as the door opened, revealing the entrance room to us.

"I see that."

He said, and I put my gun on my back. It probably wouldn't be a good idea to walk in there with a gun in my hand, after I've been banished. Twice banished, I may add. Charon followed me through the entrance door, and into the Atrium. It was destroyed. Trash and filth littered the floor, and bare mattresses where people had slept were strewn everywhere. I shook my head at the mess, kind of happy I hadn't opted to stay.

"Come on."

I told Charon, leading him up a set of stairs and into my dad's old lab. The Overseer's office was just a few rooms away, and I shuddered at how much it still looked the same, even though it was trashed. Jonas's body still lied on the floor, smelling of rotten decay. I've become kind of immune to that smell, and had no problem bending down and scrounging his body.

"Who was this?"

Charon asked, and I saw a holotape on the table above him.

"Jonas. My father's lab partner. The Overseer had him beaten to death when my father escaped. He thought Jonas helped him, and he was right, but he…lost his mind."

I stood up and grabbed the holotape from the table. Leading Charon over to my father's old desk, I sat at the terminal and put the holodisk into my Pip-Boy. Charon looked around the room, lost in his own memories of Vault 101. Accessing the 'Notes' section of my Pip-Boy, I selected the 'Note from Dad', and turned the volume up on my Pip-Boy.

"Hold on Jonas, I need to record this first. I…I don't really know how to tell you this. I hope you'll understand, but I know you might be angry. I thought about it for a long time, but in the end I decided it was best for you not to know. So many things could have gone wrong and there's really no telling how the overseer will react when he finds out. It's best if he can blame everything on me. Obviously you already know that I'm gone. It was something I needed to do. You're an adult now. You're ready to be on your own. Maybe someday things will change and we can see each other again. I can't tell you why I left or where I'm going. I don't want you to follow me. God knows life in the vault isn't perfect, but at least you'll be safe. Just knowing that will be enough to keep me going…"

"Don't mean to rush you, Doc, but I'd feel better if we got this over with."

"Okay. Go Ahead. Goodbye. I love you."

I stared at my Pip-Boy, playing it once more. Tears formed in my eyes, and fell on the screen of my Pip-Boy. He…he said he loved me. He said it like it hurt him to actually leave, like…like he didn't want to because of me. I wiped my eyes, closing out my Pip-Boy. Charon was staring at me, and I realized he heard it, too.

"He…left me a note."

I said stupidly, looking at all the objects of his desk. I could still remember what each tool was used for, what each thing's purpose was.

"Yes. He was sad to leave you."

"I never…I never knew that…he…he didn't want to me to follow. I…didn't know."

On the wall, I saw my mother's favorite prayer framed and hung. He took it out of my room when I kept throwing it off the table, trying to break it open for some reason. I wiped the last of my tears from my eyes, and walked over to the framed verse. Picking the lock, I found another holotape, and plans for a weapon. I put the plans in my pack, and played the tape, carefully putting the verse in my pack.

My dad had recorded it when he first came to the vault. He spoke about how he missed my mom, how the Overseer was a bully, and how he didn't know what he was going to do about me. I guess my dad wasn't really smart in the child-rearing department. Charon stepped over to me, and I looked up at him.

"My dad…really did love me…didn't he?"

"It seems that way, yes."

"He just…didn't know _how_ to love me…but he said it. In his holotape…he never told me he loved me before…"

My voice cracked and I fought back more tears. Charon rubbed my arm trying to comfort me, but it was awkward, and I laughed a bit.

"And you don't know how to comfort someone when they cry."

"I do not, no."

I stepped forward, pressing my cheek onto his chest. He wrapped his arms around my waist, letting them rest on the small of my back. His chin found the top of my head, and we stood there.

"This works fine."

I told him, sniffing my nose. It's quiet in the vault now, there's no noise, no nothing. I closed my eyes for a second, just a second, to relish in the comfort.

"What are you doing here?"

I pried my eyes open at the sound of a familiar voice. Charon steppe away from me, turning his back to Amata. She stood in the doorway of my father's lab, pissed.

"I came to get my father's shit. You got a problem with that?"

I narrowed my eyes at her, angry that she had to intrude on a personal moment for me.

"Yes! Yes I mind! I told you to _never_ come back here again!"

"Well I did. What you going to do about it?"

"How did you even get in? And who is that?"

She pointed to Charon's back. His arms were crossed, and I guess he turned away so she didn't freak out at his appearance.

"Do you really think you changing the password was enough to keep me out? You're fucking stupid, Amata. You always have been. That, by the way, is Charon. He's my bodyguard."

She looked from me to him, her expression priceless.

"_Bodyguard_? Jesus fuck Dezbe, what have you gotten yourself into?"

"Nothing, actually. Just been disarming nuclear weapons, fighting Super Mutants and Raiders, living from day to day. Oh, and disbanding the Enclave. You know, normal shit."

"I'm not even going to ask what all those things are. Just _get out_!"

She stomped her foot, pointing to the door. I walked over to her, ready to punch her if I had to.

"No. I _saved_ your ass, and I'm here to get some shit I need. You have no control over me, what so ever."

"Wally! Wally get in here!"

Amata called for Wally Mack. I remember that ass-kissing scumbag. He's part of the Tunnel Snakes, and showed a lot of 'special' interest in Amata when we were growing up. He came into the lab, armed with a 10mm Pistol and still dawning his stupid Tunnel Snakes jacket. He looked at Amata, then at me. It was like he saw a ghost.

"Oh shit, _Dezbe_?"

"Yup, the one and only."

"Take care of her! Get her out of here! I don't care how but _do it_!"

Amata was flipping out. I snickered at her, but stopped once I heard Wally cock back the top of his gun.

"You…you know I'm…I'm really sorry…but she…she kicked you out and…and you have to…leave or…or else."

I looked at the gun, ticking the seconds off in my head.

"You sure you know how to use that, Wally? Moreover, you sure you want to do this?"

"You…you aren't tough enough to…to survive a shot in the face!"

I smirked, crossing my arms. There was no need for me to draw my weapon. Sure, it would have solved things quick and easy, because no one down here has seen a Chinese Assault Rifle, but I wanted to play this game. I heard Charon moving quickly, drawing his weapon from his back. I looked over at him, and saw he had the barrel to Wally's temple. Wally looked at Charon, and he and Amata stood frozen in their place.

"Wally, Amata, this is Charon."

Charon cocked his shotgun, keeping it at Wally's temple.

"It would be wise to holster your weapon."

He grumbled, rage filling his eyes. Wally did one better and dropped it on the floor, his entire body shaking. I picked it up and strapped it to my hip, making sure the safety was on.

"What…what are you?"

Amata screamed, her eyes wide with fear.

"Charon is a ghoul. A human who was exposed to an ungodly amount of radiation. He was one of the first people inside Vault 101, and the first one to ever leave."

Wally backed away from Charon's shotgun, trembling at his height and appearance.

"He's…he's a _monster_!"

Wally yelled, too scared to move anymore. He and Amata stared at Charon, which is expected. They've never seen a ghoul before, let alone been held hostage by one.

"Call him off! Call him off right _now_!"

I ignored Amata.

"I told you, he's my bodyguard. A fully trained mercenary, prepared to kill whatever shows a threat to me."

They looked at me, engulfed in pure fear. Is it wrong that I find sick and twisted amusement from this?

"What do you want? We'll give you whatever you want! Just call him off!"

Amata sure was annoying.

"Fine. I want full unbothered access to whatever I need in here. Then I'll leave. But if anyone takes a shot at me, Charon will kill them, no questions asked."

"Fine! Fine!"

I looked at Charon. Instead of telling him to lower his weapon, I walked up and tugged his arm down.

"Come on."

I told him. He straightened his back, putting his shotgun back. He glared at them, and walked close to me as we exited the lab. Wally and Amata stood there, mouths open, gaping wide. I'm sure they had a million questions, but weren't about to ask.

I led Charon down to the classrooms. He watched carefully as people walked by, ignoring their gasps. I kind of found it funny. All he had to do was look at someone in here, and they'd freak. He followed me into the music room, and I was relieved to see that the keyboard hadn't been destroyed. It stood where it always has, in the back corner, untouched. I walked over to it, running my hands along the dusty keys. We'd come back to take it one day, but right now we couldn't. Rockopolis was too far out of the way, and it's too big and heavy to lug into the city. I sat down at the bench, turning it on with a familiar flick of an old switch. Charon stood behind me, and I looked up at him.

"Are you going to play?"

He asked, and I nodded. It's been so long since I played, I hoped I could remember how. I closed my eyes, gently laying my fingers on the keys. Remembering the music sheet Charon wrote for me, I reached into my pack and pulled it out. Thank god it was there. I put it up on the music sheet holder, and studied it carefully.

"You are going to play this?"

"Why not? Worth a shot in the dark."

Once I finished looking over the sheet for the umpteenth time, I pressed the first note. It just came to me after that. I hummed along, staring at the words, hitting the proper keys like I'd memorized it. This is the first time I've heard it, and Charon was right, it's beautiful. I felt like I belonged here, at this piano, playing this song. Charon sat beside me, working the deeper end of the keys, giving the song an extra boost. I had no idea he knew how to play.

We sat together, quietly playing the keys.

"…I used to live alone, before I knew you…"

I muttered, in a soothing voice I didn't know I had.

"…Love is not a victory march, it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah…"

Charon sang that line with his eyes closed, his hands finding the keys like he memorized it.

"Remember when I moved in you? The holy dark was moving too, and every breath we drew was hallelujah…"

"Hallelujah…hallelujah…"

I smiled at Charon's voice, it was soothing in its rough manner. He softly sang 'hallelujah' as he played, his voice fading as we finished. I began to play it again, mastering it. Charon jumped in, singing and playing.

"It goes like this, the forth the fifth, the minor fall the major lift…"

I closed my eyes, hearing him sing the words made the piece that much better. I've never heard it like this, my first time hearing it at all, it soothed me.

"She tied you to a kitchen chair, she broke your throne, she cut your hair, and from your lips she drew the hallelujah…"

It was like Charon was singing out of experience. I didn't interfere, I wanted to hear it more as I played, my fingers scattering dust from the keys. Nothing else mattered right now. All that I could hear, all that I could see, was the notes and words dancing in front of my closed eyes. I didn't realize how much I missed this.

"There was a time you'd let me know what's real and going on below, but now you never show it to me, do you?"

I opened my eyes and looked over at him. His eyes were closed, too, and he was simply lost, like I was, in the music and notes. His rough lips moved to the words, his rough voice sounding calm and mellow. We reached the end of the song, and I took my hands off of the keys. I stared up at Charon, feeling like I've never felt before. He took his hands off the keys, too, and looked at me, his hands folded on his lap.

"It has been years, since I have heard that song."

I smiled at him, beaming.

"I didn't know you could play piano, too."

"Yes. One of my past employers enjoyed music, and made me learn."

"I didn't know."

He nodded, looking at the keyboard in front of us. I took the music sheet, and folded it, putting it back in my pack.

"You seem peaceful when you play, Dez."

"I am. I spent almost all my time in here, just playing. The room is soundproof, so I never had to worry about how loud I was. When I wasn't reading some dumb book or working with my dad, I'd be here, wasting time and playing."

"We should take this with us."

"Some other time. We can't go down to Rockopolis right now, and it's too big and heavy. After we get to the Citadel, we can come back."

"Will you play for me? I enjoy hearing music."

"Sure, if you want. I'm gonna have to steal some music sheets so I can read as I go. I don't remember a lot. Most of the time I'd just play what was in my head."

"Yes. We will come for it then."

"Want to hear what I hear when…when stuff like this morning happens?"

Charon stared at me for a minute, and then nodded his head. I felt excited, and started messing with the knobs on the keyboard. I'm glad it's electronic, so I can get different sounds.

"Okay, don't laugh if I mess up."

"I will not."

I inhaled, closing my eyes and letting my hands find the keys. I pressed down, and knew it was the right tempo instantly. The keyboard played a small beat along with my pressing hands. It was exactly what I heard, when he would me. Slow, melodic, advancing. I played, trying to find words to fit, but there was none. I didn't open my eyes, I just let my fingers do the talking and seeing, let them navigate and say everything that I couldn't.

The notes made words in my head, in the air, that I never had the courage to say. Some kind of secret, that Charon would understand. He's see just how much I needed him, by hearing the notes and seeing how calm this made me. I could tell the whole world about us, just by playing the piano. There was no need for words, and I opened my eyes, finishing the song.

I cracked my knuckles and avoided looking at Charon. I felt like a student, and he was a teacher giving me an exam. I was kind of scared I failed, but when I finally did look at him, I knew I got an A.

"Did you like it?"

He nodded, looking away from me. I heard him sigh, and I felt like I did something wrong. Maybe I shouldn't have let him hear it. Maybe I just should have kept it to myself.

"We should go, Dez."

He got up without another word, and stood by the door. I held back tears as I followed him, and led him through the vault. It didn't bother me that everyone in here was staring at me, gasping and pointing at Charon. I just kept my eyes to the ground, and focused on the rhythm of our stepping feet. I guess I pissed him off or something, made him 'uncomfortable' again.

The vault door was still opened when we got to it. I led him out, and locked the keypad behind me.

"Now no one can close it."

I said, hitting the red button. The pad made a weird noise, and I knew I succeeded in terminating it entirely. Charon didn't comment on my choice, I figured he was angry about it. Hey, it'd make it easier for me to go in and get the piano next time. If Charon was still with me then. I had this feeling I made him upset, and didn't know if he was going to ask for his contract back. I hope he doesn't. I hope he just tells me what I did wrong, and then I'll never do it again. Of all the people I've hurt and pissed off out here, it's Charon who I care about most.

He followed me into the sunlight, and I had to stand like I did when I first left, and let my eyes adjust.

"Where are we going?"

I heard him ask. Blinking away the spots in front of my eyes, I pulled up my Pip-Boy map.

"Jury Street. We'll take the tunnels from there."

I saw him nod, and I led the way back.

"Could you please put on Three Dog?"

"Oh, yeah, sure."

I forgot he wanted to listen to him earlier. I put my radio on, and caught the beginning of some song about fire again.

"I guess he'll come on after this. Should I keep it on?"

Charon nodded, walking farther away from me than he had before. I wanted to ask him if I made him upset, but I decided not to. Usually those kinds of questions end in an argument. I don't have the energy or the want to fight right now. Charon walked behind me a bit, listening to the song. He focused on it, and when it was coming to an end, he pointed it out.

"Turn it up."

I stopped walking. We gathered around my Pip-Boy, staring at the wavelengths. The song ended, and Three Dog began his trademark howl.

"Awoooo! It's Three Dog here with your update on Miss 101! Now, I'm beginning to think my sources are becoming just a bit affected by the hot sun. Here's why kids. It seems that ghoul slave Miss 101 has with her is more than just a 'friendly bodyguard'. Oh yes kids, I've heard that our very own Lone Wanderer has gotten pretty close to this ghoul, if you know what I mean. Here me out boys and girls, I'm no ghoul bigot, they're people just like you and me, but don't you think that's a bit _much_?"

I turned it off, annoyed once more. I fucking hate Three Dog. Him and all of his stupid ranting. He doesn't even know the full story and he reports like he's some goddamned king of the Capitol Wasteland.

"I want to punch him in the face."

I said to Charon, searching my pockets for my smokes.

"Yes."

"He doesn't know _jack shit_! He…I'm going to go there and _set things right_."

"Dez, do not be harsh."

"Harsh? You think I'm being _harsh_? We have no privacy, Charon! Someone was _watching _us while we were _sleeping_! How am I being harsh? He has people _following _us and _I'm_ being 'harsh'? Is your head screwed on right?"

I found my smokes and lit one, using the nicotine as my calmer. Three Dog can make me really happy, or really angry, and these days it's the latter of the two.

"I understand your anger, Dez, but please calm down. We cannot simply barge in there and tell him what he's wrong about. I'm sure people understand he does not always know the full truth."

I stared up at Charon.

"Yeah, you're head's on backwards."

"My head is fine, Dez. I am just trying to make you understand it is a waste of energy to get angry over what you cannot fix right now."

"I'll kill the bastard whose following us, I will, trust me."

"I know."

I sucked on my cigarette like my life depended on it. I kept walking, digging the soles of my shoes into the dirt as I walked. It's so frustrating to hear my life broadcasted over the radio. What I do and with whom is nobody's business but my own. It made me even angrier that Three Dog has _spies_ on me. I mean come on now! All it did was solidify my choice to put the modified FEV into the fucking Purifier. What right did anyone have to intrude on my own life? It makes no sense, and drives my crazier than anything. You see that girl over there? Losing her mind? Yeah, that's me. I'm losing my mind, and it's because no one here knows what 'privacy' and 'respect' is. The stupid crazies with the caravans get more respect than me.

I threw away my smoke and put my hands in my pocket. I kicked a rock down the hill, looking around at the dead trees and abandoned homes. Bridges that were filled with cars were left to rot, and I could see some concrete falling from them if I looked long and hard enough. I hope this place never recovers. Even after I'm dead and gone, I hope everyone here realizes how much of an ass they were, and I hope they never live it down. I've tried, and it wasn't good enough. Let's see what happens when I _don't_ try, and spend my time hell-bent on destroying them all.

Looking up from the ground, I saw two Raiders off in the distance. Perfect. An opportune time for me to blow off some unwanted steam. Taking my gun from my back, I turned to look at Charon.

"Raiders."

I said, smiling. I saw him take a deep breath in, and before he could even say anything, I charged. I ran at the Raiders, my gun in my hand, finger on the trigger. They saw me when I was right on top of them, and I was relieved to see only one of them had a gun.

"Take _that_ you bitches!"

I screamed, laughing with a big smile on my face.

"Better run!"

I yelled again, getting a good shot at one of the Raider's legs. He fell, crippled by the gunshot. I laughed loudly, aiming at the Raider with the melee weapon. She charged at me, her weapon held high. I took aim and shot her right in her arm, stopping her in her tracks. I went to shoot again, but my gun clicked back, empty.

"Shit! Charon I'm out of ammo!"

"Well I don't have any!"

He was taking care of a Robobrain that had appeared from nowhere. I didn't have much time.

"Give me your knife!"

He took the knife from his belt while he squeezed off rounds into the robot. It landed on the ground a few feet away, and I dove for it just in time to be missed by the Raider girl with a melee. She tried to hit me with one hand, what a crock of shit.

"You bitch!"

She screamed at me, and I just laughed. Stabbing someone was more of a personal thing, too personal for me, but hey, I'm out of ammo at the moment. I charged at her, catching her in the torso, and smiling when I felt blood trickle on my hand. Retrieving Charon's knife, I walked over to make do with the male Raider who was laying on the ground. I walked around him, picking up his 5.56 ammo clips. Lucky for me he used a similar rifle. I picked up the clips, throwing most of them in my bag and clipping one into my own gun. He stared up at me, and I felt no mercy.

Cocking my rifle, I took aim at his head, and squeezed. Brain matter, bone, and blood splattered everywhere. I seriously think I've lost my mind if I don't feel anything from doing this. Other than the sheer relief and adrenaline rush it brought me. Glancing back, I saw Charon finish off the Robobrain, and he didn't look too thrilled. I watched him look around for me, and then he saw me. His eyes glow even in the daytime. He walked over to me, and I could tell by his stance that he was pissed. I put my gun on my back, and toyed with his knife in my hand.

"Are you insane?"

He asked, opening and closing his fists.

"I think so, why?"

"Charging at them like that was insane. There could have been more of them."

"But there wasn't."

"I was distracted by that robot. You got lucky but more could have shown up, then what?"

"I kill them, too?"

Charon shook his head at me, snatching his knife from my hand.

"Chill the fuck out. Nothing bad happened."

"You are right."

At least he admits it. We continued to walk, and I could sense he was still mad at me, so I walked beside him.

"You've been acting strange since we left the vault. You have something you want to say?"

"No."

Oh, well, I don't know then.

"Well, it seems like it."

"When will we be at Jury Street?"

"It's right there."

I pointed up ahead, and Charon nodded.

"You are lucky the Brotherhood cleared the tunnels, or we would not be able to travel through them."

I heard about that. Te Jury Station tunnels used to be all sorts of collapsed in, but the Brotherhood cleared some of it away so they could get from the city to the desert without running into a lot of Super Mutants.

"Yup. I'm a lucky ducky."

Charon shook his head at me, and I knew he was pissed. I just didn't feel like asking why. I don't feel like risking an argument, because in my mood, I'd storm off and run and get lost underground. That's probably not the best thing, when someone's following you. Instead, I just shrugged it off, and walked ahead of Charon, letting him sit in his own shit.

"You should be wry of Raiders, Dez."

"Relax. Let's just get in here and get to Underworld."

Charon sighed, but reluctantly followed me down into the tunnels. I heard him lock the gate behind me, and once that happened, I was in darkness. I don't like the dark, it makes me uneasy, especially underground. I turned on my Pip-Boy light, and felt a little better.

"You think we'll be followed down here?"

I asked Charon, a bit scared. I hate tunnels.

"I would not doubt it."

"Great."

When you're underground, you have no notification of day or night. It's always just one setting: dark. I hated relying on my own biological clock and fucked up sense of direction to find my way around. There's always this sense of unknown lurking around every corner, and the dripping made by the pipes doesn't help either. You think you hear something, and you jump, but it's just your own shadow. It's easy to mistake yourself for a feral ghoul, and get caught in a corner. It's why I always preferred climbing over the piles of rubble than actually going underground. At least when I climb, I know nothing is following me, nothing is watching me.

I find it easier to deal with if I let myself get lost in my head. I began to think about Three Dog's name for me…the Lone Wanderer. Where did that come from, anyways? Is it because when I first came here, I was alone, and never kept any company? I'm not 'lone' anymore, so why still refer to it? He's probably speaking in terms of my mother and father. He knew my mom died, he knows now my father died, but I can't help but get this creepy feeling that Three Dog knows more about me than even I do.

"Dez, may I ask you something?"

I heard Charon behind me, his voice echoes really loud down here.

"Sure, shoot."

"I have been thinking about our travels, and I have also been thinking about destiny. What is your birthday?"

"July thirteenth, twenty-two fifty-eight. Why?"

"Seven thirteen…"

"Yeah, what about it?"

I stopped walking and looked back at him.

"Dez, have you ever read the Bible, or do you just know the verse your mother left you?"

"I never even _saw_ a Bible, Charon. Why?"

"The verse that constitutes with your birthday is…strange."

"Well, what is it?"

"Micah 7:13: And the earth will become desolate because of her inhabitants, on account of the fruit of their deeds."

"That's gibberish to me, Charon. English, please."

He sighed and looked at me. What? I'm good in the science and medical field, not the whole English area.

"The earth will become a wasteland for those who live on it because of what the people living there had done."

I stared at him, blank. I'm not superstitious but this definitely creeped me out.

"It's a coincidence."

"Perhaps, but like you point out with my name, your birthday may be symbolic to you."

"There's no symbolism between the day my mother died and the Bible."

Charon looked at me, and I turned, angry he made me mention it.

"Your mother died on your birthday?"

"Yes. I told you, she died giving birth to me."

"I am sorry for asking then, Dez."

I ran my fingers through my hair, frustrated and getting sick of this…whole entire fucking place. I just want to go home to Rockopolis and sleep until I wake up with no responsibilities.

"I mean, what? Has it been pre-determined that I'm going to reap what everyone sews? My mother died on my birthday, and you give me some creepy bible passage that mirrors the one she left for me. Is this some sort of clairvoyant gathering?"

I grit my teeth, thudding my feet down on the ground as I go.

"I did not make the correlation between the one you were born under and the one your mother gave you."

"No, I did. I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give unto him that is athirst of the fountain of the waters of life freely. I bet ten bucks I'm Alpha, and she's Omega, and I'm the beginning who gives everyone drinks from the waters of life."

"It makes sense, Dez."

"Yeah well, I don't care. I don't want to talk about it."

Charon dropped the subject and I dropped caring. So what, it's just some big coincidence. I'm not going to be the savior of the Wasteland. I have no intention to be at all. Maybe I would, if these people didn't hate me and spit on my name so much. But I don't think they deserve it, not one bit. _This will be the largest amount of people you harm at once. Oh I'm excited to see how this turns out…do you think the Brotherhood of Steel will hate you for it?_ They wouldn't know. I'd slip it in at some point when no one was looking, then everyone…everyone would fucking pay.

We walked through the tunnels in silence. I let my mind play out the series that would happen if I dropped the FEV into the Purifier, and what would happen if I didn't. I kept muttering to myself, weighing out the options. This isn't a light decision, and I knew I probably wouldn't come to a solid conclusion until the time came. But I can't help but feel so powerful because of it. When people are mean, I can just think about what I know, and how they'll get theirs soon enough.

"Dez, do you want to stop?"

I heard Charon say, and I looked back at him.

"Why?"

"Because I am not sure how long we have been walking for. I thought you may be tired."

"I could use a five minute break."

Charon nodded and pushed past me in the narrow tunnel. He led the way, and I followed him into a small engine-type room with generators. I watched as he closed all the surrounding doors, and I took a seat under a beam of light in the center of the big room. Taking the FEV out of my pack, I toyed with it in my hands. Charon sat across from me, lighting a cigarette, watching me toy with the vile.

"What did Eden say exactly, about what that would do?"

I looked at Charon, and he handed me a cigarette. I lit it, still toying with the FEV vile.

"He said it would wipe out Super Mutants, ghouls, and anyone unclean."

"Unclean?"

I nodded.

"Anyone not born in the vault or exposed to a lot of radiation in their lifetime or generations. Like…someone whose family has spent their entire lives in the Capitol Wasteland. Mainly all of Megaton, and most other people."

"You and I will be affected by it."

I hadn't thought of that.

"What? No I was…I was born in the Jefferson Memorial…shit…"

"Were you only thinking of yourself when you took that?"

I nodded, inhaling and looking at the virus differently. I didn't think it would affect me. He said it wouldn't, but…he didn't know I was born outside Vault 101. He didn't know that I'm just like them…nobody knew…except me, Charon, Colin Moriarty, and anyone else my father knew.

"It will kill ghouls, too, Dez."

"Yeah…"

"Gob and I will die if we drink any form of water if you dispense that. All of Underworld, will die."

"I…I didn't think of that…"

He looked at me, set, stern, and emotionless. I glanced back at the vile in my hands, the oozing green liquid moving around.

"It is still your choice, and whichever you choose I will stand by you. I may not agree, but you are my employer, and I will honorably follow in whatever it is you decide."

I looked at Charon, placing the vile on the floor. My mind whirred with questions and words, I looked into his eyes, hoping he'd give me some answers.

"What…what will happen to me?"

"Excuse me?"

"My…my father died in there…he…the radiation must…if I start it, I'm the only one…I might die like my dad…"

Charon's face relaxed, but it was still emotionless. Still, I tried to find answers in his eyes.

"You may not. They could have fixed the radiation."

"The Enclave have control over the memorial now."

"Exactly. They have the access to better tools and technology. They might have fixed it."

"You would…would you start it?"

"No. Come on, Dez, we both know I've saved your ass enough times. This is your time. This one's on you."

I sighed, rubbing my temples.

"I'm going to die in there, I can feel it. And you're immune to radiation so I hope if I die, you live with a ton of regret for not starting it."

I smirked at Charon, to show him I was only half-kidding. He didn't seem too amused, and just scowled at me.

"You will not die in there."

"My father died. You were there, remember? The radiation killed him."

"Yes but you will not, I have faith in what the Brotherhood asks of you. They would not ask you for something they could not do themselves."

"Did that Robobrain zap you in the head or have you just been daydreaming for the past month or so?"

"Neither. The Brotherhood could not have entered Vault 87, you are the only one. The Enclave would have killed them. They know that you are the only one who knows the access code to start the Purifier, and that the Enclave would spare your life because of that."

I didn't think of it that way. I also didn't think of the ghouls when I took the FEV from Eden. I just took it, and knew it was a way to get back at everyone. I didn't want to hurt the ghouls, Gob or Charon, I didn't want to hurt Fawks or any of the people who had been kind to me, just those who did me wrong. I guess I need to learn how to act on reason, rather than emotions.

"I just…I just don't want this kind of…responsibility. I don't want to deal with this. Can't I just tell them the password and have them do it?"

"I am sure that will be an option, but remember, this is your father's work and your mother's dream. I strongly suggest it is you who finishes it."

I sighed loudly, smoking my cigarette and glaring at the wall. I put the FEV back into my pack, and shook my head.

"I don't know, Charon."

"You do not need to know right now. There is still time."

"Yeah…yeah I guess."

It still didn't sit right. I thought I could just put the virus in, and walk away. I thought I could just get away with doing that and never looking back, but…I couldn't. I can't. I'll die if I don't die in the Purifier, and moreover Charon will die. So won't Gob and Nova. Greta too, but no one really cares about her. I looked up at Charon, his arms were crossed and his legs outstretched. These next few days we have might be the last days we ever have. Stepping into the Purifier might be the end of it all, and only time will tell. All of a sudden, I didn't want to go to Underworld. I wanted to…just do this and never worry again. Maybe in death I'll finally find peace. _Because of some ghoul you're going to change your mind? You can end civilization as you know it! Team up with the Enclave and live the life you've always wanted, always dreamed of. You're pitiful, Dez. Pitiful._

I do not want to team up with the people responsible for the death of my own father. Sure, he could have been better at the whole parental thing, but, he was my dad. My flesh and blood and half of what makes me, me. I can't insult his death like that, he'd just die in vain. And Charon…I could never live with myself if I knew I was the cause of his death. It would be the end of life as I know it, and I would drink from that water, too, hoping to end it all. I still have time to make up my mind. I can warn those I care about, warn Gob and Nova and Charon.

"Come on, let's get moving. Maybe if we're lucky we can reach Underworld by night, and not have to deal with camping."

I said to Charon, getting up and leading him out of a door. He followed without word or argument. My life isn't exactly blessed, you know. Life in a post-nuclear world, dead parents, and not a friend in it. Yeah, not fun. I have Charon, he's my friend, but…but he's going to leave one day. I know that. Eventually he's going to stop giving a damn, stop caring about what trouble I get into, and up and go. I hope when that time comes I'm sleeping, so then I won't have to see him go. I can just sleep through it, and wake up knowing that it was my fault in the end.

With all of this I know, I'm not sure what to make of anything. I lead Charon through the twists and turns of the tunnels, blindly leading us both. I'm not even sure if I'm going the right way, but I don't care. I don't know if doing the right thing is what I should do, what I want to do, or what everyone needs and expects me to do. I'm not sure if way deep down inside I can go inside that place, and start the Purifier. I wish I had someone to tell me, wish I could see my mother and ask…ask so many questions.

I'd cry, if I ever dreamt about her. I'd cry, and fall into her lap, beg her to come back with me, or let me stay with her. I'd ask her if she was proud, if she loved me, if she wanted to die. I'd…I'd ask her if she knew what I should do. Sometimes I think all this anger and animosity I have inside is because I never had a mom. Because I never got to feel the warmth of a mother's love, or have a shoulder to cry on. I've always just held it inside me, and I wonder how different everything would have been if she were alive.

I don't think I would have been raised in the vault. My father would have stayed in the Jefferson Memorial with her, raising me, working and being a happy family. I think her life would have changed my own significantly. I wouldn't be here, doing this, any of this. Glancing back at Charon, I realized if things didn't turn out the way they did, I wouldn't have him in my life. He's probably the one and only good thing that came out of everything.

"Hey Charon?"

"Yes?"

"Alpha is Greek too, you know."

"Yes, I am aware. It is the beginning of the Greek alphabet, Omega is the end."

"So maybe that fate shit you mentioned…I don't know, this was all supposed to happen."

"Perhaps."

"It's also funny that Cerberus is in Underworld, too."

"And why is that?"

I looked back at Charon, feeling smart.

"Because in Greek mythology, Cerberus was the three-headed dog who guarded the gates of Hell, and who Charon had to go by. Cerberus is in Underworld, an exhibit about Hell, and you and him don't get along."

"You have been thinking a lot, Dez."

"I don't got much else to do."

"I see."

I felt smart, and a little cocky. I noticed something about Underworld that Charon didn't, and I thought that was pretty badass.

"Then why does Cerberus allow people in and out of Underworld, if his duty was to only allow people in Hades, not out?"

I looked back, a big wide smile on my face. Charon, I win again.

"Well that's an easy question. Cerberus won't let you leave, if you're an enemy. Other than that, anyone can come and go, but if you notice you, Quinn, and Gob are the only residents of Underworld to ever leave. It has nothing to do with Cerberus, but it's a good point."

"You have too much time to think."

"Well I have to do something while we walk, don't I?"

"I suppose, yes."

Turning back around, I felt as if I accomplished something. Who knew flipping through old books would actually pay off? Go Dez, you get a point in the awesome column. I led Charon through the rest of the twists and turns, finally realizing I had been going the right way. It relieved me, because I didn't want to admit I was wrong after just proving I knew something he didn't. That would have been a shit kicker in the ass. The escalators loomed in the big, wide underground room, and I put my hands on my hips, feeling triumphant.

"It will be dark soon."

Charon said, taking the lead.

"What does that mean?"

"It means we should get inside the museum. We are being followed, remember? Our follower, no matter how brave, will not go into Underworld."

"How do you know?"

"Because they'd stick out like a sore thumb, and make too much of an easy target."

Touché, Charon. I hadn't thought of that. Shrugging I followed him up the steps, and he took care of a pair of feral ghouls. I was glad I didn't have to waste ammo, I'm low as it is. He led me to the chain-link gate, and began to fumble with it.

"You think Carol will give us a room?"

"Yes. If not…we may block off the bed in the Ninth Circle and sleep there. No one will object."

"I think you should own the Ninth Circle."

Charon got the gate open and looked at me in kind of a 'what the fuck' way.

"No."

"Well when I die, you're going to need _something_ to do."

He crossed his arms, waiting for me to pass through the gate.

"Please do not begin this conversation now. I do not wish to speak about it."

"Fine, then we'll talk about what you're going to say to Greta."

"I do not wish to speak about that, either."

I walked out through the gate, and waited for Charon to lock it again. He was right, the sun was setting. Good thing the museum is right behind this tunnel, and we can just skedaddle inside.

"So…you're just going to stand there like a brick?"

"Until I hear what she has to say, yes. I cannot respond to something without first knowing the statement."

I wish he wasn't so literal in everything he said and did. By his voice, he sounded like a thug, but with his word usage, he sounded like a genius. I think he's a thuggish genius, if you ask me. I walked up the escalators, and looked around the Mall. There wasn't any Super Mutants in sight, but I know there's a nest down there, so it's best I be careful.

"Come on."

I called to Charon who was still attempting to lock the gate. When he finally got it locked, he jogged up the stairs and met me at the top. I nodded at him, and let him into the Museum of History. To be direct, I felt like throwing up whatever food was still in my empty stomach. Seeing Greta was not on my list of fun things to do, and certainly not after what took place between her and Charon. I mean, the guy never kisses me, so why did he kiss her? Maybe because she kissed him first, and I never really had that kind of courage. Just twice, but that was because he was sleeping, and because I needed a distraction for him.

Pushing open the doors to Underworld, it was like a big giant hush overcame everyone. They all stopped for a good three seconds, stared, and then began whispering.

"Why's everyone acting so strange?"

I asked Charon as we walked up the stairs to the right. Charon looked at me, his eyes set.

"Because many of the ghouls listen to Three Dog."

Oh, well, that's a good reason to stop and stare. I did feel strange, having everyone watching me like they did. It was like they were burning holes in me, passing judgment, and hissing at me for something I didn't do. I mean, if Charon and I made out and fucked, believe me I'd tell anyone who listened just for the shock value. But we hadn't, I hadn't done anything but enjoy the comforts of having his company, and I'm being chastised for it.

We stopped outside of Carol's Place, and I heard Charon take a big breath in.

"That's called 'nervous', Charon."

He looked down at me, not amused.

"I know what it is called."

If I didn't crack bad jokes right now, I just might crack and go on a killing spree. That wouldn't be good, seeing as how Charon was so protective of this place. I pushed open the door, holding it for Charon. We had a small stare-down contest, and I won. He walked through the door, and I followed behind him. I felt like he was shielding me from all the evil looks, from all the people of Underworld. Like I was a kid, hiding behind his leg.

"Oh Charon, so good to see you. It's always nice to see a friendly face, how have you been?"

I made sure to stay behind him and not say anything. I don't think I've heard him interact with Carol before. I don't know, I can't remember.

"I have been fine. May Dez and I please rent out the back room for the night?"

"Oh she's with you? I didn't even see her, she's so small hiding behind you like that. Why of course you can. Oh you should have woken me the night you left, Charon, I was worried. I woke to a pile of caps on my counter and your bed empty. We had thought something happened."

"I apologize. I did not mean to make you worry."

"Oh no, once we heard the report from Three Dog, we knew you were safe."

I poked my head out from behind Charon and waved to Carol. She smiled at me, waving back. I always liked her, she was so nice.

"Hello Dezbe, how are you? Have you spoken to Gob?"

I nodded, happy that it was just Carol behind that counter.

"Gob's got a girlfriend and a kid on the way!"

I said, smiling. Charon's neck almost snapped off he looked at me so fast. I looked up at him, wondering what I said wrong.

"A child? Gob? With whom? Oh my this is news to me!"

"With Nova, a girl in Megaton. She's really pretty, she's like me! Only prettier and without all the banged up scars."

I forced a cheerfulness when I talked to Carol. I felt she deserved it.

"Oh my that is wonderful to hear! But don't have them all come visit, no it's too dangerous. Give him my love and tell him if he needs anything at all to just get in touch."

"I will."

I smiled at Carol. I wanted to hug her, I liked her that much. Charon didn't seem to pleased with the fact that I brought up Gob and Nova to Carol, but he didn't say anything. He just turned his attention back to Carol, and got down to business.

"Carol, I need to speak with Greta. Do you know where she is?"

"Oh yes. She was very upset over your sudden departure, poor thing. Moped around here for days. Yes she should be off in the back somewhere."

"Thank you."

Charon dug out the caps for the room, but Carol wouldn't accept.

"Oh no, free for the night. You have brought me wonderful news about my dear Gob, it's the least I could do."

"Thank you."

Charon told her, and looked at me.

"Come on."

I nodded, waving to Carol and following Charon. Once I had my back turned, my cheerful demeanor vanished and I was back to fighting jealousy. Charon is _my_ bodyguard, I have his contract, he takes care of _me_, not Greta. He's _mine_. I'll fight her over that, too, I will. Crossing my arms, I kept my eyes focused on Charon's back, walking behind him. He found Greta sweeping in the back near the room we would be sleeping in. Charon walked up to Greta, and I stayed a few feet back for 'privacy'. It actually almost made me want to laugh, because Charon simply stood there like a creep until Greta noticed him. One day, I'm going to give him a class on how to interact with non-hostile people.

"Oh Charon, you've come back!"

"Gob said you wished to speak with me."

Greta didn't notice me slinking around in the background, and I'm half glad of that.

"Yes, I'm glad he told you. May we go somewhere, private."

Charon nodded, and looked at me. I shrugged and took a seat on the bench against the wall. I watched them as they entered the bedroom, and this did not sit well with me. I dug in my pack, and pulled out a Stealth Boy. Thank god for technology, huh? The best device for sneaking _and _eavesdropping. Putting it on, I activated it and quickly went over and sat next to the flimsy white curtain that was used as a divider between the bed and the rest of the room. I could see Greta sitting on the bed, Charon sitting beside her. I was closest to Greta, and felt that soon, I'd be punching someone in the face. I listened intently, breathing softly. I had one hour before this thing wore off, and hopefully had another in case I needed it.

"Charon, I wanted to talk to you about what happened with us."

"Yes?"

"I…I am hurt by what you said. Then you left so abruptly, I never got a chance to ask you why you asked me to leave."

"I did not enjoy the contact I was receiving from you."

Oh yeah, Charon definitely needed a class about interactions. Especially with women. You can't be that blunt, but hey, I'm getting amusement out of it.

"You seemed to enjoy it when it was happening."

"No. I did not. I just did not know the proper way of telling you."

"You used to admire me before."

"I understand that, but it was long ago."

"I never really liked Gob, you know. I was always partial towards you."

"Is this all you wish to speak with me about?"

Greta didn't answer him right away. Leave it to Charon to get right to the point. It is interesting though, to see how he acts with people other than me.

"No…no I want to know why you left."

"Dez returned. I went outside Underworld for a smoke, and she came through here at the same time. She asked me to return to Megaton with her, and I agreed."

"Does she hold your contract?"

"Yes."

"Will she sell it to Carol, so that you may stay here with us once again? Ahzrukhal is dead now, you have no worries."

"No. I do not think she will sell it. Nor would I wish to remain here."

"Why Charon? Aren't you happy here? Don't you remember how it was when Underworld first started?"

"I remember, there is no need to remind me."

"Then why won't you stay here with us? We could…start again?"

"Greta, I feel that you have not heard me correctly. I do not wish to stay here. Dez needs me, and I do not wish to give up my life on the outside. It is what I am trained for, it would be a waste of my training to remain here for the rest of my days."

"Three Dog seems to think Dez is perfectly capable of destroying humanity all on her own."

Oh, bitch gonna get slapped right up in that rotted face of hers.

"Three Dog says a lot of things that are not true, Greta. Dez has…it is personal, Greta, and I do not feel right speaking of it. It is not my place to."

"Three Dog said you two are romantically involved, is that true?"

"I am unsure of how to answer that question."

I bit my lip, eager to hear what Charon was going to say.

"It's a 'yes' or 'no' question, Charon."

"It is not. It is complicated."

"Are you two messing around?"

"No."

"Do you care about her?"

"…Yes, I have come to care for her very much."

I saw Greta cross her arms and look away from Charon. She looked right at me, and I froze. Then I remembered I had on the Stealth Boy, and she couldn't see me. I stuck my tongue out at her and flipped her the bird.

"You're stupid, Charon. Smoothskins don't have relations with ghouls, you should know this by now."

"Greta, you do not understand our relationship."

"Then why don't you inform me, Charon? Tell me what that little bitch has that I don't."

I feel like I'm stuck in a bad Vault 101 movie. Who knew shit like this actually happened in real-life? More so in post-apocalyptic time.

"I wish that you would not insult Dez in my presence. She is my employer, and I have a lot of respect for her."

"Whatever, Charon. Why can't you just stay here? She can do fine on her own…we need you here, to keep us safe."

"I am sorry, but I cannot do that. I am happier with Dez, happier out of Underworld and in the Wastes. It is where I feel I can put the full effect of my training to good use."

Greta nodded at Charon, wiping her dripping not-there-nose with the bottom of her dress. I felt bad for her, I really do, but I can't help but also feel a sense of triumph. Smiling, I kept watching the scene unfold, intrigued.

"Is she with you now?"

"Yes. She is waiting outside this room, sitting on the bench against the wall."

"So…so she's here right now?"

"Yes."

"You're a fool, Charon. Smoothskins have no interest in ghouls. Unless its to kill or experiment on."

"I disagree. Dez is kind to me, she treats me well, and I enjoy her company."

Greta toyed with the bottom of her dress, clutching it at her knees and looking up at the door every so often. I think she's scared I'll come in, but she doesn't know I'm happily sitting right next to them almost. I looked at them through the sheer white curtain, anticipating what was going to happen next.

"If that's how you feel then, I can't stop you."

"I appreciate your understanding in this situation, Greta. I can see how it upsets you, so I am thankful you are taking it with ease."

She looked at him, her blonde ghoul hair blocking any view of Charon I might have had. It took all I had to stop myself from going in there and jumping on him, from actually kissing him and cheering that he wanted to stay with me, and meant it.

I tried not to sigh too loudly, or else Charon would know. He didn't know I had a couple of Stealth Boys, but I'm sure he'd pick up on that right quick. I glanced at the floor, clutching my knees with my hands. I can't see my own body, and it's weird. Looking back up at Charon and Greta from my place on the floor, I saw Greta patting his knee. This didn't bother me like it should have, because I know he's going to get up pretty soon, and I'm going to have to take off this Stealth Boy right quick and pretend I didn't know jack shit. I kept looking at them. I think what happens next constitutes my reaction just fine.

I watched as Greta leaned forward towards Charon. Next thing I knew, their faces were meshed together, and Charon's arms were around her waist, up on her back and everything! I sat there, frozen in utter shock and disbelief at what I was seeing. No. Fucking. Way. _Oh this is hilarious, simply rich!_ I watched them make out, kissing and I swear I saw ghoul tongue somewhere in there. This made me madder than I've ever been before, and hurt me worse than I've ever been hurt.

Shaking, I stood up. I shook the entire short walk back to my pack. Taking off the Stealth Boy, I didn't know what to do, so I freaked out.

"Charon! Charon!"

I screamed, making the inhabitants of Carol's Place jump and turn at me. I stood there, watching the door, my hands balled into fists. Bring it on, Charon, I will fucking tear you to shreds. Slowly, like slow-motion type slowly, I watched the bathroom stall door open, and Charon stepped out. He looked at me, confused as to why I was screaming like a lunatic in public.

"Yes? What is it?"

I glared at him, giving him the worst, most angriest face I could manage. I kept opening and closing my fists, trying to show him without words how angry I was at him.

"Dez? What is it?"

I saw Greta step out of the room a few seconds after. All I had to see was her straightening the front of her dress, to drive me into a frenzy.

"You fucking rotten corpse! You fucking brain-eating sorry excuse for anything like a man! I fucking _hate you_! You hear me! I _fucking hate you_! You're a fucking piece of rotten Brahmin shit!"

I was screaming, raving like a lunatic, but ask me if I give two shits. Three Dog is allowed to display my life to everyone, I have a fucking right to put my shit out on my own terms.

"Ex…excuse me?"

Charon stuttered, staring at me a bit stunned. He didn't realize I had seen everything. This just angered me even more, that he didn't know and shit. He's supposed to have good perception, why didn't he have it then?

"You heard me! I _hate you_! I _hate you_!"

I chanted it like I was some broken song on repeat. Charon just stood there, taking my verbal abuse, and it took a lot for me not to hit him.

"Dez, what has gotten into you, what's wrong?"

"You're a horrible piece of shit! You _lied to me_! Of all the people in the world, _you lied_! _You_!"

I turned around, digging in my pack for his contract. When I found it, I crumpled it into a small ball and threw it at his face.

"Take it! Take it and fucking _go_! Never fucking speak to me again you…you…_monster_!"

Grabbing my shit, I slung everything over my back and pushed Charon out of my way.

"Dez…?"

I wanted to turn around and give him another mouthful of words to chew over, but I didn't. I push past him, past all the ghouls that had gathered around to watch, and left Carol's Place. I stormed down the stairs to Underworld, and out the main doors in the lobby. I slammed them extra hard behind me. I am going to the Citadel. I am telling Sentinel Lyons what happened with the Enclave, and I will start the Purifier. I am going to put in the FEV virus and make my own fucking water. I'll steal it from Vault 101 if I have to, but I am _not_ going to spare these people. Greta is a thieving whore and Charon's twice as bad.

I make it to the circular desk in front of the main entrance of the Museum of History. If I open these doors now, there is no turning back. If I leave here, and venture underground to the Citadel, there is no more Charon. I will have to travel to Dupont West, and cross the river to reach the Citadel alone. My hands shake as I lift them to the knobs. I remember how Greta kissed him, how Charon returned the action, his arms around her. Looking back, I try to see if he's chasing me, but he isn't.

If I do this right now, leave and get to the Citadel, I will destroy everyone. If I act in anger, no one will survive my actions. _Yes! Yes! Do it!_ The voice in my head urges me on, but reason takes it's place. My hands make the doorknob vibrate, shake with me. Charon hurt me, it hurt a million times worse when I saw it. I turn back around, facing Underworld. Charon didn't chase me, and I'm not sure what hurts more right now.

I walk towards Underworld, but I don't go inside. I take a door to the left instead, and run into a pack of feral ghouls.

"Bring it on you bastards."

I say, dropping my pack and grabbing my gun. The feral ghouls hiss at me, glaring before they start to charge.

"No!"

I hear from the recesses of the museum. For a second I'm distracted, and I shake my head. One of the ghouls are on top of me, but one quick shot to the head ends it's life. I feel nothing from this kill. The floor vibrates beneath me, and I glance up quickly to see a familiar Super Mutant running down, a Super Sledge in his hand. Fawks makes it to me before the other two ghouls do, and he thwarts them with his weapon, killing them both instantly. Their bodies fly into the air, and land on the other side of the room.

"Come…come with…me my friend."

I nod at Fawks, and follow him up the stairs. He lumbers ahead of me, leading me to a room scattered here and there with feral ghoul corpses. I watch as he lumber back, closing two large wooden doors behind me.

"They…will not harm…you in here…my friend."

I nod, not in the mood for smiles or all that happy shit. Sure I'm glad to see him, but he caught me at a pretty bad time.

"Yeah, thanks."

I mumble, taking out a cigarette. I hear Fawks as he walks over to me, standing almost ten feet tall.

"Is…something…troubling you, my friend?"

Inhaling, I look up at his face. His teeth are bared, but I can see in his eyes he's calm.

"Yeah…actually something is."

"Would…you like to…sit and talk with…me about it? I am…a good listener…and it is the least…I can do for you…"

I nod, sniffing my nose and letting the tears flow down my face. He goes and sits on an old stand, with a broken statue on it. I sit in front of him, wiping my face.

"I'm sorry, I'm a mess right now."

"Do…do not be sorry, my friend…tell me…what is wrong?"

"It's uh…Charon."

"What…has happened?"

"He…kind of…hurt me."

"Do…you wish for…me to take care of him?"

I shake my head at Fawks, trying to wipe the tears faster than they're coming.

"No, not physically. He…I saw him kissing this ghoul girl, after…after he told me he didn't enjoy her company."

"It…it is a matter…a matter of the heart?"

"Yeah, I guess you could call it that."

"Does…does he know…how you feel?"

I shrug, biting my lip and smoking my cigarette.

"I don't know. He should, it's kind of obvious. I…at night he hold me really close, and when you guys got me out of Raven Rock, he kissed the top of my head. He _should_ know, I've told him once before but…I don't know."

"I…find it amazing…that you are able to show kindness…to creatures like…Charon and I…and grow fond of us…"

"You're not a 'creature', Fawks."

"I…appreciate your compliment…where is…Charon now?"

I wiped my nose on my sleeve, glancing up at Fawks.

"He's in Underworld. I threw his contract at him and told him I hated him and left."

"You…do not…hate him?"

I shook my head.

"The opposite, but I'm mad. I'm hurt. I don't ever want to see him again. He _lied_ to me, and he's the only one I have out here. I don't have any family, or friends, just him."

"I…am sure…he did not lie…he may have good reason for…his actions."

I shook my head, poking out my cigarette.

"I don't think so. I think I just need to get away from him."

Looking up at Fawks, I remembered the FEV. He would die, too, if I put it in the Purifier. I can't do that to him.

"You must…choose your own destiny, my friend. You must…choose what you…feel is best…"

"I know."

I didn't know what to do with myself. I looked up at Fawks, my lip quivering, tears flowing from my eyes.

"You…are very hurt…my friend."

"I am…it hurts, a lot."

I think Fawks was attempting to smile at me, but I couldn't tell. I looked away from him, at the broken statue behind him. I couldn't sit still, I had to keep moving.

"I…I have to go now."

"Do…do not…make any rash…rash decisions."

"Will you come with me then?"

"I am sorry, my friend. You…you have strayed from…a noble path."

In other words, I'm too mean for him. I nodded, and gave him a pat on his muscular arm.

"Thanks anyways, Fawks. I'll stop by and see you sometime."

"That…would be…very kind."

"We'll talk history and science when I come back."

"I…would like that…very much."

"Bye, Fawks."

"Goodbye, my friend."

I let myself out through the wooden doors. In the distance I could hear the feral ghouls hissing to one another, but I paid them no mind. I just kept my head down, walking down the broken stairs. I led myself through the single door, and stood with my back against it. The burning barrel in the foyer glittered and danced, reflecting off the walls. Bones of an old creature laid, giving the room an eerie shadow.

I have to leave here. The more I stay, the more I want to go talk to Charon, but I know I can't. Pushing myself off of the door, I walk myself down the hall and into the main room of the museum.

"Dez?"

I hear Charon's voice echo behind me. Looking, I see him standing at the barrel of fire. Rage and hurt swells up, and I wipe my face so he doesn't know I've been crying.

"Get away from me."

I turn my back and begin to storm out. His heavy footsteps echo over and over, and he grabs my arm. When I glare into his eyes, he drops his hold on me instantly.

"Dez, what is wrong? What happened?"

I grit my teeth. His face is rotten, decaying, he has no nose or lips. Tufts of red hair hang loosely around the crown of his head, and I stare at the veins that travel in and out of his body.

"_You_ happened! You did! You lied, you fucking zombie."

"What did I lie about? I do not even know what you are speaking of. You are not making sense."

"I _saw_ you! I saw you and Greta. I have Stealth Boys, Charon. I _saw_ it! You said you didn't like kissing her! You seemed to like it a lot!"

Hot angry tears came from my eyes, and I didn't bother to wipe them away. I wanted him to see how he hurt me. I wanted him to hurt inside at what he'd done to me.

"I did not mean…It…I…"

"Spit it out for fuck's sake!"

He stopped stammering and looked at me. He pursed his lips together, and looked me dead in the eye.

"I did not know anything else to do. I returned her action, but I did not seek or feel any pleasure from it. I have just finished arguing with her. I came to see if you were here, but when I did not see you, I went outside. You were not there, either, and the gate to the Metro tunnel was locked. I returned here to wait."

"I don't believe a word from you, you know that? Because I saw you, tongue and all, makin' out like that. No one who doesn't enjoy it puts that much effort into it."

"Dez, I…I do not…I am sorry."

Charon's never stammered like this before. I didn't care, I turned my head from him, set in my ways.

"You…you're a real piece of work you know that?"

"Excuse me?"

"You…I have to leave."

I went to turn away from him, and head on out to the Metro tunnel, but his voice caught me.

"Shall I join you once again?"

Oh I am so fucking mad. I turned around, charging at him. I shoved him back, I don't care what he does to me because of it, because it felt damn good to do it.

"No! No you aren't going to 'join me'! After what you did? After you lied to me? No. Hell fucking no."

"It is dark, please take the bed at Carol's Place. I will not disturb you."

"The bed you kissed Greta on, tons of times."

"The bed that I have rented. I will sleep in the Ninth Circle, but please, stay. I do not wish for you to be out like this. There has been more Super Mutant activity in the area."

Reluctantly, I agreed. I adjusted my stuff, and walked ahead of him toward Underworld.

"I don't want you, or any other fuckin' corpse bothering me."

"If that is what you wish."

"Good. And tomorrow I'm leaving."

"Very well."

I stormed up the stairs, and opened the big doors. I made Charon grab it before it closed, because I wasn't about to hold it for him. Once I stepped inside Underworld though, everyone glared at me. They whispered worse than they had when I first got here, and it bothered me. Charon followed me up the stairs, and into Carol's Place.

Greta was the first person I saw. Carol was probably sleeping, because she wasn't standing behind the counter. The lights were dim, readying everyone for bed, and I balled my hands into fists.

"I see you've found her, Charon."

"Not now Greta, not now."

I glared at Greta, stopping in my tracks. She looked at me, blinking like she didn't know what she'd done to me.

"I swear to god if you even look at me the wrong way, I will nuke this entire town, with you in it."

"You do not have that kind of weapon."

"I have a Fat Boy and three Mini Nukes. Just fucking try me, you rotten bitch."

"That's enough."

Charon grabbed my shoulders and pushed me forward. I glared back at him as I walked.

"Don't you touch me, or I'll fucking shoot you too."

He simply nodded at me, and guided me to the bed. I opened the stall door, giving him one last chance to say anything he needed to say, anything.

"If you need anything, Dez, please ask. I will be in the Ninth Circle."

"Go fuck yourself, Charon."

I slammed the door and sat on the bed. Burying my head in my hands, I choked out the sobs I'd been holding inside. My pack slid from my back, and crashed to the floor. I let my gun fall too, knowing the safety was on. It makes sense it should happen this way. Everything else in my life has been turned upside down, it's natural this should too. It should hurt this way, that my heart should feel like this. It don't matter except in the most important way, to anyone but me.

Nobody knows what goes on in my head. Nobody knows the thoughts I think, or the things I feel. They just look at me, and think I'm going to either save them or kill them. They never think that I have emotions, too, that I can be hurt and cry and…and feel what it's like to be at the lowest of lows. Charon was maybe the only one who had the slightest inkling of who I am, and look what he did. People can't be trusted. What hurts the most is that to all these people out here, I'm going to fade, and no one will know me. I'll still remain in a small way, but they'll just refer to me as 'bitch from Vault 101'. They'd shit themselves if they saw me now.

I'm sitting here, crying. I'm sure even in he dim lighting, those still up and about can see me through the thin curtain, but I don't care. I can't care anymore, I don't think I have it in me. Struggling, I slid off my shoulder pads. The lights went out in the room, making this that much harder. Somehow, I managed. I undressed, and lit a needed cigarette. I inhaled, my breath shaking, my entire body trembling. If I didn't care, this wouldn't feel so bad.

If I never loved Charon, never gotten so dependent and close to him, none of this would matter to me. I'd be happy for him, that he found someone. I wouldn't be sitting alone in the dark, crying like a big fucking baby. I have nobody, I think I deserve a good cry. I'm alone again, once more, by myself. There's no one out here for me, there's no one here to be my friend, and to hold me as the night comes out and all the bad people leech from wherever they are. I have just myself, and it should have stayed that way.

Pulling back the covers to the bed, I pressed myself against the farthest wall as much as I could. I hugged the extra pillow, smoking my cigarette and scattering ash everywhere. Nothing matters to me anymore. Nothing in the world can matter. I've just been proven right in my theory of people. No matter what, they will hurt you, despite everything else.

I looked at the cigarette in my hand, looked at the flame of it burning brightly. Curious, I pressed it against the palm of my hand, putting it out and giving myself a good burn. It didn't hurt. It stung, but I couldn't feel the pain. When I closed my hand, I felt the bubble of water begin to fill it up, the blood leaking out. It still didn't hurt, and I tossed the butt to the floor. Curling my legs beneath me, I sniffed, knowing I was leaving a good wet mark on the pillow.

I wished Charon was here, to comfort me. Even though he's the one who caused all of this, he's the only one who can fix it, I think. If he can get past my insults and fighting, he can make it all go away. But I won't go get him. I refuse to chase him anymore. Not that I have in the past so much as he's chased after me, but…I have to have some pride left. Whatever dignity may remain has to stay, or else I'll feel like utter shit.

My father used to tell me to listen to my heart. In any conversation we had, he said to always listen to my heart. But I don't know how. I don't know what it's saying. It's just…there, beating. My head speaks to me more than my heart does, so I never understood the concept of that advice. Maybe if I ever felt strongly enough about something, I'd know, but I never did. With all of this I feel, I can't concentrate.

I should have figured out what I was going to do by now. I should have a plan, know what I'm going to choose and how I'm going to do it. But I don't. As far as I know, I don't care either. I ran my fingers through my hair, the burn catching some strands and tugging at them. I pulled my hand out, looking at it in the darkness. It was a hole, open and probably going to get infected. I don't care. I just have this lump inside me, and I don't think I can cry anymore. I'm all out of fluids. Lack of drinking water and nourishing myself will do that, I guess. That or I just got sick of it.

I held my breath, my back to the door. I could hear noises of ghouls sleeping, their raspy breathing making a lot of noise, believe it or not. I heard them turning in their sleep, moving in the darkness. Once in a while, I'd hear a door open in the distance, shaking up the rhythmic breathing. If I knew this was going to happen, I never would have come here. I never would have made Charon talk to Greta. In a sense, this whole thing is my fault. If I hadn't suggest and made Charon come here, none of this would ever have happened. My good deed just turned itself around on me. Great, now I feel like a bigger ass.

Sniffing my nose, I wiped some leftover tears from my face. I heard a soft knocking on the door to my bed, and I didn't bother to roll over.

"Come in."

Whoever it was, I didn't care.

"Dez, may…may I speak with you?"

Charon's voice rang in my ears. I sighed loudly, closing my eyes.

"Do whatever you want, Charon. I don't care."

I heard the door close and lock, and for a split second I thought I was alone. I held my breath, and heard his footsteps on the marble floor. I felt the bed shift under his weight as he sat at the edge of it, near my legs. I didn't look up, I don't want to look at him.

"I am not sure of what I wish to say to you."

"Then why'd you bother even coming in here?"

I reached behind him, crawling over to my clothes. I grabbed my pack of smokes, and moved back to my fetal position, staring at the wall. I smoked a cigarette, and he mimicked me, getting one out from his own pocket.

"Because I was worried you left."

"So what if I did?"

"I…do not wish to…see you go like that. If…you choose to leave and never return, I would wish it to be on good terms."

"Kind of threw that right out the window and shot it, didn't you?"

I blew plumes of smoke in the air, turning on my back. The ceiling spun, but I didn't mind it too much. Pulling the blanket up to my neck, I curled under it. Charon didn't get the honor of seeing me half-naked anymore. Actually I don't care really, I'm just cold.

"I am…terribly sorry for making you think I have lied to you. I did not have that as my intention. I spoke only the truth to you, and I am sorry about my actions with Greta."

"Why'd you do it then?"

"Because I…do not know how to properly respond to such behavior."

"You push her away, that is how you respond, Charon."

I rolled my eyes at him, frowning and pushing back tears of rage.

"I did not know that at the time, Dez. Please know that it greatly upset me to see you crying, knowing I was the cause of it."

"For someone who knows shit about emotions, you sure know how to word them."

"I am wording my sentences as I see fit. I am…trying to articulate what it is I am feeling, to the best of my knowledge, without upsetting you further."

"I don't think it's possible for you to do that. Upset me more, I mean."

He sighed, smoking his cigarette. I sighed back, just so he'd think I was being a royal bitch, when in fact I was holding back from bawling my eyes out again.

"I…am sorry."

"I've heard that one before."

"But you are not believing me."

I sat up, staring at him, waiting for him to look at me. When he did, I frowned, and pushed everything back so he wouldn't see I was still so fucking upset.

"No, I'm not. Because it's stupid for you to try and justify your actions on things that took place over two hundred years ago. I understand you've never felt human contact and all that crap, but you have to know what to do when someone you don't like throws themselves at you."

"I did not, no. Nor did I know she would do it."

"Well now you can stay here, and have a happy everlasting ghoul life with her. Maybe if you're lucky you can knock out a few monster babies and repopulate ghouls."

Charon stiffened at my sentence, and inhaled his cigarette deeply. I copied him, and blew the smoke above his head. He looked at the ground, playing with his hands.

"That…is not my wish. I have no feelings towards Greta."

"Then find another ghoul chick."

"There is none I find appealing to me."

"Well you can't really be picky. You're not the best looker yourself."

Gotcha, Charon.

"I would hope one would care for me outside of my looks, and divulge deeper than that."

"Yeah, me too, but the men aren't exactly lining up at my door."

"They are fools, then."

My jaw dropped. Is Charon actually complimenting me? I feel like pushing this matter a bit further.

"Why's that?"

"Because during my time spent with you, I have seen you are an amazing woman, smart and capable of doing anything you set your mind to. You do not discriminate, and show kindness towards creatures like Fawks and I. It is a trait many people take for granted."

Okay, okay…my ego is getting a good boost out of this. I reached down and put my cigarette out on the floor, leaving the butt there. When I got back up, I saw Charon doing the same. He took his hands and rubbed his head, not looking at me. I didn't want him to look at me, anyways.

"That doesn't fix what you did."

"I do not understand why you are so upset by this, Dez."

The tables have turned. Shit.

"Well Charon…because it kind of hurts seeing the only person I have in the world want the company of someone other than me. I have nobody, you see it firsthand. I have nothing out here, not even a real home. You're the only thing I can truly rely on, but…I guess that's shit."

"You may still rely on me. You do not hold my contract, but I will still give you whatever it is you may need."

I sniffed my nose. Charon was in the wrong over Greta, but he's still offering to help me. No one's ever been nice, no one's ever offered help before, especially after an argument. Tears formed, and they fell. I couldn't stop them anymore, even if I tried.

"You…you…"

I couldn't finish my sentence. I was crying and hiccupping too hard, my breath catching in my throat and coming out in short gasps. I tried to wipe the tears away with the back of my hands, but they came too fast.

"I am sorry. Please, believe me."

Shaking my head, I cried. I heard him sigh, but not the kind of sigh you do when you're frustrated. The kind of sigh you do when you feel bad. My vision was blurred, I couldn't see, but I could feel. I felt his arms wrap around me, pulling me into him. He brought me into his chest, stroking my hair and resting his chin on my head.

"You told me the best way to comfort a crying person, is to do this."

I nodded, trying to curl into a ball. Charon moved his body so that he faced me, and so I could curl up into him. With one hand, he stroked my head, and with the other he balanced me next to him, so I didn't fall off the edge of the bed.

"I…never intended to hurt you, nor did I intend to make you cry, Dez."

"…I…I…know."

"Do you believe that I am sorry?"

"A little."

I sniffed my nose, pressing my wet face against his torso.

"Please, calm down."

"I'm trying."

I was trying, too. I don't like crying in front of people, I don't like crying at all, actually. I think it shows weakness and cowardice.

"I don't hate you."

I told him, my voice muffled by his chest.

"You said you did."

"I lied. I don't hate you, and I don't think you're a monster, either."

"Then why did you tell me those things?"

"Because I saw you…because you kissed her…and…and it bothered me."

"I want you to know, that I do not prefer Greta's, or anyone's company over yours."

"Really?"

"Yes."

I was able to make myself stop crying, and I picked my head up to look at Charon. His face was different. I'm not sure how exactly, but it looked different. I looked at his eyes, and saw they were wet.

"You can cry?"

I said, kind of more dumbfounded and blunt than I wanted to.

"I am not crying. I am upset because you are upset."

"But your eyes are wet."

"Yes. But I am not crying."

"If I cry more, will you cry?"

Charon sighed, and pulled at a strand of my hair.

"I do not know. This is new to me, and very frightening."

"Why?"

"Because I have never felt this way. I was trained to have no emotions, and received great pain when I did. It is still frightening for me, two hundred years later."

"Oh. I won't cry anymore, then."

"Thank you."

I nodded, and pressed my forehead against his shoulder. I felt him twist my hair around his fingers, playing with it.

"I'm sorry I crumpled up your contract."

"It is not ruined."

"I'm still angry at you."

"I know. I can tell."

Good. He can tell. That's good…isn't it?

"You said you've never felt this way. You mean crying, right?"

"Among other things, yes."

"What 'other things'?"

Charon sighed and looked away, then back at me. I watched him, my face still pressed against his torso.

"It is difficult, Dez, for me to explain."

"Please try. You owe me, you made me cry."

Cheap shot in the dark, yeah but hey, give me a break.

"I am aware of that, yes. It is…it is new and strange. I feel things that I have never felt when I am with you, and I feel that you are my priority and nothing else."

"That's because of your contract."

"No, you are misunderstanding me. It is not because of my contract, because even now I feel you are still my priority. It is hard for me to word."

"Then you don't have to."

"I feel you have a right to know. I would prefer you know, before you leave in the morning."

"If you want to, go on, tell me."

Charon took in another deep breath of air, sighing.

"I…would like to be something to you that I cannot be. It frustrates and angers me, knowing I cannot be this."

I nodded my head. Sure I haven't got a Molerat's ass about what he's talking about, but I could see how difficult this was for him.

"Charon?"

"Yes?"

"Will…you'll stay here until I fall asleep, won't you?"

"If that is what you request, than I shall."

"I'd like that…please."

"Very well."

I nodded, and pulled myself away from him. He let me slide away, and watched as I moved back to the top of the bed. Putting the dry pillow on the other side, I laid on the wet one, curled under the blankets.

"What would you wish me to do?"

"Just lay with me, I guess."

Charon's weight shifted the bed. He came up beside me, and laid next to me. I pressed myself against him, forcing him to put his arm around me.

"Charon?"

"Yes?"

"I…don't think anyone feels the way I do right now."

"What is that?"

"I feel sad…and angry at you…but I'm comforted that you're here, but I want to punch you still…and I feel tired…and it's too much at once."

"Then rest, Dez."

I didn't want to. I knew once I fell asleep he'd be gone. I didn't have the balls to ask him to come back with me, I couldn't get over my pride. I'm too proud to admit I need him at this point.

"I…don't want to just yet. Maybe in a little."

"Very well."

I buried my face in his armor, and I felt him playing with my hand, the one I'd burnt. I let him feel it, running his hand over mine. Even when he would take off his armor, I never saw him take off his fingerless gloves. I wonder what his hands look like. I felt his fingers trace under my hand, at my palm, and stop at the burn. He picked my hand up, and brought it close to his face.

"What happened?"

"I put a cigarette out on my hand."

I say it so casually, like it doesn't matter.

"Why?"

"I don't know. I just did it."

Charon sighed, rubbing the hole gently with his fingertip.

"Does it hurt?"

"No. It just stings sometimes."

I looked up at him as he stared at my palm. Finally he placed it back down, and held my hand. I stared at his hand holding mine, trying to fight sleep. Charon gently stoked my hand, making me relax, making me tired.

"You should sleep, Dez."

"I don't want to."

"You can hardly keep your eyes open."

"Yeah…I know."

He squeezed me, and I closed my eyes. I fell asleep, against all my better desires. I felt it coming on me like a giant tidal wave, and soon all I saw was black. I felt so warm and comfortable…I couldn't help it.


	19. Chapter 19

I woke, but I didn't open my eyes. I felt Charon's body shifting away from mine, moving. I don't know how long I've been asleep, but I knew I didn't want to. His arm slid away from my side, gently he removed it from under me, his body shifting the bed. I laid still, eyes closed tight, waiting until I heard the door open. Maybe then I'd let myself fall back asleep, that way I could wake up early and slink out without anyone seeing me. I wouldn't have to say goodbye to him then. I wouldn't have to face him in the daylight.

I didn't hear the door. Instead, I heard the familiar sounds of his armor zippers, his straps coming undone. I heard him gently place it on the floor, and sit to untie his boots. I tried to stay as still as possible, and not open my eyes. It's hard to pretend to be asleep, but I'll master it. I could feel him, the bed shifting when we went to tug his boots off. I felt him crawl back over to me, his face next to mine when he laid down. His hot breath bounced off of my cheek, and I felt my heart racing in my chest. He wrapped his arms around my waist, fixing his head in the crook of my neck.

"I know you only asked me to stay until you were asleep, but I do not wish to leave you."

I didn't move, I didn't respond. I just kept on pretending I was asleep. He didn't want to leave me…I'm…glad. I didn't want him to leave, either.

"I feel I have found a way to explain to you, what it is I feel."

My heart was doing jumping jacks right now, and I hope he can't see that. I want to hear what he has to say. He picked my hand up, stroking it with his, and brought it to his mouth. I felt him kiss the back of my hand, and goose bumps appeared all over my body, I could feel them.

"It does not matter, because you will not remember this. Maybe that is why I feel I can say it now."

Goddamnit, _tell me_.

"I…care for you. I do not wish to be without you."

I heard him sigh loudly, and grumble something I couldn't hear. He still couldn't tell me. I didn't mind, knowing this much made me happy. Charon kept his hand in mine, his head in the crook of my neck. Moving my own body, I scooted down to him, our foreheads bumping.

"Dez?"

I heard him ask. He didn't know I was awake. Fooled him.

"Hm?"

"I…am sorry I will go."

"No…stay here."

I still didn't open my eyes. I felt the fabric of his black tee shirt as I reached to hold him in place. His entire body stiffened up, but he didn't try to leave.

"I did not mean to wake you."

"It's okay…shh."

I felt so tired, but I didn't want to fall asleep. In my daze, I pressed my lips against his cheek. Accidentally on purpose. I felt him let go of my hand, and run his fingers through my hair. I opened my eyes, looking at him. He was staring at my hair, and glanced at me.

"Do you wish for me to leave, to let you sleep?"

"No…I want you to stay. I don't care if I sleep."

"If that is what you want."

We whispered in the dark, like two little kids sharing secrets. Tugging the blanket, I pulled it up to our chins, making sure our foreheads still touched.

"I like…when you lay close with me, Charon."

"Yes?"

"Yeah, it makes me feel…better."

I felt him nod, and I looked at his eyes. He was still running his fingers through my hair, playing with the strands and letting them fall between his fingertips. I put my hand on his stomach, feeling the muscles underneath. Moving closer to him, our cheeks pressed together. I think this is the closest we've gotten to one another. Charon slid his arm under me, and around my waist. I felt his hand on my bar flesh, and had to hold back a shudder.

"Charon, if I'm too close, tell me okay?"

"You are not. I enjoy this."

I don't know what came over me right then and there. I was just looking at his facial features, or lack thereof, and then I closed my eyes. I felt my lips pressing against his jawbone, near his chin, and I felt his body tighten up. Opening my eyes I blinked, and pulled away.

"I'm…I'm sorry."

"It…is it okay. I…am fine with it."

"No, I'm gonna move now."

He held me in place.

"It is okay, Dez. I would inform you if it was otherwise."

I nodded, closing my eyes and resting my head between his shoulder and neck. Charon held me tightly, both arms wrapped around me now. I took in his scent, letting my lips graze him every now and again. Each time I did that though, his body would stiffen for a quick second, and then relax again. He told me he would tell me if what I was doing bothered him, so I kept at it. Each time I'd leave my lips in a spot for a bit longer than I should have, trying to show him what I was doing.

After a few minutes of me doing this, and enjoying it, I felt Charon's hands wander to the top of my head. He stroked the side of my face with one hand, and patted my hair with the other. I'm not that coordinated. Somehow, I mustered up the courage to ask him something that I've been wondering for a while.

"Do you remember what I did in Rivet City the night I had my surgery? And what I did in Fort Bannister the night I left?"

"Yes."

"What…were you mad at that?"

"No."

"I was just wondering…because it seems like it never happened."

"I thought that is how it was supposed to be. I did not know you were comfortable with discussing it."

"I…don't know. I mean…I…"

I sighed, looking up at him, I swallowed hard and mustered courage from somewhere, like I had with the whole question. Moving my body up, I wrapped my arm around his chest, under his other arm, and closed my eyes. I kissed him. Finally, I kissed him. I got the courage from somewhere, and felt his ghoul lips against my own. He kissed me back, pressing my face into him with his other hand. I felt him part my lips, and I felt limp and numb all over. I felt him stroking my arm with his other hand, his mouth moving with mine. Maybe in this sad, lost and lonely world, I had found something. Something that I've always wanted, but could never really have. It's a sad kind of romance, I think, because both of us know how wrong it is. Eventually, this is going to end, and reality is going to set in. I think that'll be at the Purifier, when I go in to activate it.

Now really isn't the time to be thinking about that, though. Right now, I have Charon pressing himself against me, and me pressing back. I can hear his breathing in my ears, it's heavy, coming out through his nose. I feel his fingers in my hair, his hand stroking my arm, and moving up and down to my waist. I felt him pull away from me, and I opened my eyes to look at him in the darkness.

"Dez…I am not sure. This…is difficult."

"I'm not going to stab you in the back, if that's what you mean."

I smirked at him, and he brushed some hair out of my face, staring at me intently.

"No, that is not what I am searching to say."

"What?"

"I do not want to continue this, if it is not what you want. I do not…want to take advantage of your emotions. You are vulnerable, you must understand my concern."

I nodded, taking my hand and feeling his neck. The skin and muscle felt different. His muscle was hard, tough and strong, and his skin was smooth and soft.

"You're not…taking advantage of me. At all, really."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure."

I looked at Charon, right into his white eyes. There's blue under there, somewhere, and I smiled.

"What are you smiling at?"

"I don't know. A lot of things, I guess."

Charon tugged at me, and I leaned down, letting him kiss me again. As much as I want to totally take advantage of this situation, I didn't want to make Charon feel awkward. I'd let him do the pushing, in due time, when he was ready to. I did tug at his shirt, trying to tell him to take it off. Luckily I didn't have to actually tell him to, he pulled away and sat up. I watched him pull it up from the back, and over his head. He looked at me, dropping it to the floor, and wrapped his arm around me. I rolled on my back, the feeling in my legs returning from being on my side for so long.

"I am…not sure…I mean…I do not know what…"

"Then we don't have to do anything. I don't think I want to yet, either. Not here, anyways."

Charon nodded at me, and I was glad he understood. If we ever got to the point of no return, and decided to have sex, I didn't want it here. I didn't want our first time to be somewhere so awkward and open. When the time came, it would be somewhere secluded, somewhere no one could ever hear us. Like back home, in Rockopolis. I think it's a silent, mutual understanding now, that he's coming with me when I leave in the morning.

I watched him as he crawled on top of me, using his knees to support him. I looked up at him in the dark, rubbing his cheek with my hand. My orangeish hair was a mess, spread out from his constant tugging at it.

"I am…happy."

He looked at me, kissing my forehead.

"Yeah, me too."

I think he smiled right then and there, but I can't see very well in the dark. I felt him kiss me again, his lips touching mine, mine touching his. I never felt this way when I was with Butch. I always felt like it was something I had to do, in order to get the attention afterwards. This is the first time I've felt happy with the person I'm kissing, happy at how it's all worked out.

Charon lowered himself, his bare chest against mine. He knows he's too heavy for me to support alone, so he kept most of his weight on his knees, making sure not to crush me to death. His chest rubbed against my bra, and I contemplated taking it off, but figured that'd be pushing things a little too far. For now, I wanted to enjoy kissing him, enjoy the innocence of it, of his hands in my hair, of him stroking my face from time to time. Once in a while, he'd stop and look at me, then kiss me again. I didn't mind it, it made me think he was happy. He said he was, but you can never be too sure.

My lips felt sore, but I didn't want him to stop. He pulled away from me, kissing the side of my jaw, down to my neck. I shuddered, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. He stopped at my collarbone, and I saw he was staring at the muscle. I felt his hand wander to a dry spot on my waist, where the Trog was sitting.

"It is clearing up."

I wanted to laugh at how easily distracted he was, but I didn't. I just smiled at him, nodding.

"Seems that way."

Charon kissed me once more, in the corner of my neck, his hands rubbing my waist. I felt him shift off of me, and I unwrapped my arms from his shoulders.

"What's wrong?"

I asked him, sitting up. He looked at me, and I got worried. He never showed any emotion on his face, ever. He's one hard to read guy.

"Nothing. My knees ache is all, I have been balancing on them for too long."

"Oh, I thought you were mad or something."

"No."

I smiled at him, leaning into him, I kissed him again, even though my lips were sore. I don't want to stop, I like kissing him…it makes me feel…like I could fly if I wanted. Pulling from him, I knew it was time to stop, I felt he was tired. Laying down, I curled next to him, my head in the crook of his arm and chest. With my free hand, I traced the muscle and skin along his torso, feeling him for the first time, really.

"May I ask something?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Will we forget this in the morning, like we have in the past?"

I focused my face, staring at my hand tracing him.

"Only…if you want to I guess."

"I do not want to. I did not like ignoring it the first time, and I do not wish to ignore it again."

"Okay, then we won't."

He took my hand from his chest, and brought it to his lips. I felt him kiss the back of my hand, his eyes closed.

"I am not sure how I am supposed to go about this. It is new to me. Will you be patient, while I begin to figure it all out?"

"Yeah, of course."

"It is just, I understand a woman has…needs, just as men do. I have never had these needs, I was taught not to. But you, have not. I am worried, is all."

That's Charon-speak for 'I'm totally worried you're going to go screwing some other guy because making out is frustrating to you, but I don't know the first thing about sex'. I love knowing Charon-speak, sometimes.

"Don't. Trust me the act of sex is pretty repulsive."

I glanced up at him, and I wasn't sure if the expression on his face was that of relief or worry.

"Why?"

He asked, still playing with my hand.

"Because the only man I've been with was Butch. I never got pleasure from it, and I kept hearing that sex was supposed to be this amazing thing, and it wasn't. It was…just…unpleasureable."

"I understand."

"But I want to try it with you."

It came out of my mouth, I couldn't stop it. I looked at him, worried, and he looked at me, dumbfounded.

"I…do not…I am aware that was eventually…it is…"

"Shut up, Charon. If it happens, it happens. If not, then I'm okay with that, too."

"Very well."

I put my head back down, pulling the blanket up and using him as my own personal pillow.

"We'll head to the Citadel tomorrow. I'll tell them what happened to the G.E.C.K."

"Are you going to distribute the FEV?"

"I…don't know yet."

I closed my eyes, relaxing in the darkness with him. He stoked my hand, softly, slowly, enough to make me feel comfortable and relaxed, but not annoyed. It's funny. After all that's happened tonight, I still don't have the balls to tell him how I feel about him. I'm guessing he gets somewhat of the point, though. I mean, he'd have to be pretty stupid not to after all this.

"What about Greta?"

I asked, fighting to stay awake.

"There is nothing to be said about her."

"You said you argued with her earlier, about what?"

"She did not want me to chase after you. This angered me, and we got into a disagreement."

"You…wanted to chase after me?"

"Yes. I did not want you out of my sight. I was relieved when I discovered you did not leave the museum, and I knew it was only a matter of time before I saw you. So I waited patiently for you."

"I...was really mad. Because I didn't want…I didn't want you to fall in love and leave me for her. I don't got no one else, Charon. I can't be alone out here."

"I know that, Dez. Which is why I would prefer to stay with you, rather than remain here in Underworld. I would be too worried and concerned for your safety and well-being."

I nestled my head further into him. Charon's pretty dumb in the romance department, but I'm not looking for anything like Butch anyways. I care about Charon for totally different reasons than I did Butch. I like it better that way, anyways. I feel safe here, with Charon, him holding me like this. I don't feel like I have to say anything. I can just watch the room, sitting enjoying.

"Did you see that?"

Charon asked me, and I felt him sit up. I sat up with him, looking around, confused.

"See what?"

Charon watched the floor, pressing his finger to his lips. A shadow moved from outside, making a shift in whatever light there was. I looked at Charon, a bit worried. I saw him shake his head, coming back onto the bed.

"Whatever it was, it's gone now."

"Is it that thing following us?"

He looked at me, kicking his legs back under the blanket.

"I am not sure, but whomever it was, they were there a while."

"How do you know?"

"I did not see the shadows move two times, just once."

"Maybe you were busy?"

I looked up at him, suddenly awake. He shook his head, reaching for the smokes in his pocket. Pulling out two, he lit both and gave one to me.

"It would be best if we slept soon, and woke early. We should be moving quickly still. We should not have let our guards down."

I blew plumes of smoke in the air, amusing myself. It's amazing how one person can change your entire mood and outlook on shit. Well, maybe not my outlook, but my mood is definitely better.

"Who do you think would want to follow us?"

Charon blew the smoke from his nose, and I smiled at this. For us normal people who have noses, it looks different and kind of cool.

"My initial thought was it may be someone working for Three Dog…now I am not so sure."

"Why?"

"Even Thee Dog himself would not enter Underworld."

"But he's not a ghoul bigot."

"It does not matter, Dez. Many Wastelanders naturally fear Underworld. I do not understand why, but very few smoothskins travel through here."

"So…?"

"So I suspect it is someone who is being paid a lot of money to keep tabs on you and I."

I bit my bottom lip. Charon put his arm around my shoulder, and I sunk down, resting my head on his chest while we smoke.

"I'm nervous about this whole someone following us thing."

"As am I."

"They could…expose us or something."

"Yes."

"They could take your contract…"

We looked at one another, knowing what could happen if someone did get it.

"Would you like my contract? I am honor-bound to it, but I no longer feel the need for an employer. However if someone obtained it…I am not sure I would be able to resist."

"No. No, you keep it. I…I don't want people thinking I keep you as my…you know slave…"

"If that is what you wish."

I nodded, happy that finally, he realizes the contract holds no power over him. Well, somewhat. He's still got a bit of learning to do. _You pathetic little leech! You nearly fucked him! This ruins everything!_ Oh voice, how I do not want to hear you right now. I'm trying to enjoy this rare moment of peace, trying to appreciate all of this. I finally got what I wanted, just let me enjoy it, please.

"You must rest now, Dez."

Charon took the cigarette from me, and stubbed both of them out on the floor. He leaned back over to me, pushing us under the covers.

"Yeah…I guess I should."

Charon kissed my cheek, his eyes closed. I smiled at him, closing my own eyes. I rolled on my side, the only position I really felt comfortable sleeping in, and let Charon hold me. His arms wrapped around my waist, and I held his hands. If I were to die right now, at this very moment, I think I'd be okay with that.


	20. Chapter 20

"Dez…Dez…"

No. Don't wake me up. If this is all a dream, please don't wake me. I don't want to open my eyes and find I'm all alone, that I've fallen asleep somewhere in the Capitol Wasteland. Just let me rest, let me live in my dreams.

"Dez, you must wake up…"

Charon's voice caused me to open my eyes. I let them focus, and realized I was staring at the wall of Carol's Place. Was it a dream? Did I really wake up after he left? Did he even leave? Moving my head, I saw Charon putting on his black tee shirt behind me. No, it wasn't a dream.

"Charon?"

He turned at looked at me.

"Yes? What is it?"

"Was…last night…did we…it was a dream, huh?"

He looked at me, examining my face for a bit. Finally he shook his head, looking to the ground.

"No. It was not a dream. I suspected you would think it was, and I knew you would regret it in the morning."

I sat up, rubbing my head and running my hand through my hair. My lips were sore, I can feel them. Wait, did he say regret?

"Charon? What the hell makes you think I regret it?"

He handed me my top, picking up his leather armor in the process.

"I am a ghoul, Dez."

"So? I just…didn't know if I dreamt it was all. I can't really trust my own mind sometimes."

"You do not regret the events that took place last night?"

Events? What?

"Wait, wait. We kissed…a lot, that's what I remember. That's all that happened right?"

"Yes. We both agreed not to…intercourse was not part of it."

"Right. So I remember correctly, good. Why would you think I'd regret any of it?"

He looked up from fastening on his armor.

"Because I was unsure if you were intoxicated. I am a ghoul, and it was hard for me to register it all when I woke as well."

"You being a ghoul has nothing to do with anything. You're stupid."

I slid my top on, zipping it up and throwing the covers off of me.

"I was simply worried."

"Yeah well don't. It's stupid."

He nodded, handing me my pants. I threw those on, too, and looked for my shoes. I found them under the bed, and slid them on my feet, making sure they were laced tight. Grabbing my pack, I strapped it on my back and picked my gun up. Charon was strapping on his shotgun, and he looked at me. I nodded, and he opened the door. Ghouls watched us as we emerged, confused and whispering. It seems that all they ever did when I was around.

Charon led me to Carol's desk, and she smiled at us.

"Oh I'm so glad to see you've patched things up. Are you leaving?"

"Yes. We must get back. Thank you for the free room, Carol."

"Oh no problem Charon. Please, give Gob my love when you can and tell him to send word soon. I do worry."

"Yes."

Carol looked at me, and I waved at her. Good, no Greta in sight. Charon looked down at me.

"Ready?"

He asked, and I motioned towards my gun.

"Ready as I'll ever be, I guess."

I followed him through the doors of Carol's Place, and pulled up my Pip-Boy map. I began to mess with the locations, to see if there wasn't an easier way to the Citadel other than the Metro tunnels. No such luck.

"We can take the Metro tunnels to Dukov's place, and from there cross the river to get to the Citadel."

Charon nodded, leading me down the stairs of Underworld. I tried to ignore the stares and glares from the residents, wondering what I did to make them so angry. We reached the base doors, and Charon opened them for me.

"I fucking hate early mornings."

I grumbled, moving past him while he held the door open. I stepped outside, stretching in the giant room. Charon came behind me, placing his hand on the small of my back. It messed up my stretch, and I didn't get to finish it.

"You messed up my stretch. Hang on don't touch."

He looked at me, taking his hand from my back. I began to stretch again, yawning in the process.

"That's just her way of saying she doesn't want you touching her."

I heard a voice off to my right, and looked over. Greta stood, smoking an early morning cigarette.

"No, that's my way of saying he messed up my stretch. If I didn't want him to touch me, I'd fucking say so you dumb bitch."

She glared at me, tapping the ash from her cigarette.

"I hope you have a happy, life Charon. Under the employment of that Bitch from Vault 101, that is."

"Charon isn't under contract. He holds his own now, and yeah you bet I'm that bitch from 101, you wanna start something?"

I took a step towards her, but I felt Charon grab hold of my arm.

"I wish you would not, Dez. We have a long day ahead of us, do not start on a bad note."

"She called me a bitch!"

"Dez, please."

I looked up at Charon. Grumbling, I took my arm back from him, crossing my arms in front of me.

"You're lucky I decided to listen. I'd rip whatever hair you have left off of that disgusting head of yours."

Greta smirked, seemingly unmoved by my insults.

"It just amazes me to see what kind of classy you are. I mean, what nice girl goes and hooks up with another woman's man?"

"That's it bitch."

I went to lunge at her, but Charon grabbed me by the back of my pants. He pulled me into him, arms around my waist, while I thrashed trying to free myself.

"Fuck let me go! Let me go! I swear to fucking god I'll kill her! I'll fucking kill her! Charon let me go!"

"No. We must move on."

"Fuck moving I'm gonna rip her throat out!"

He dragged me all the way outside, kicking and screaming like a lunatic. He slammed the museum doors shut, freeing me and blocking my entrance back.

"Goddamn you…I swear if I ever see her again…"

"Pick your battles, Dez."

"She picked with me first!"

"We must get into the tunnels. The Super Mutants will be waking shortly."

Did he even hear me? I groaned, following him down into the Metro station. He picked the lock quickly, and rushed me inside. I turned on my Pip-Boy light, a little sad that I didn't even get to enjoy the sunlight for ten minutes. But there'd be more of it, there's always sun out here.

Charon walked over to me, and we walked side-by-side. I kicked trash and debris out of my way, walking into the giant room that held the platforms. What happened with Charon last night wasn't a dream, it really happened. He kissed me, ran his fingers through my hair, and kissed down my neck. I didn't dream it all. So why am I having such a hard time believing it? Glancing up at him, he was doing what he does best, scanning the area for threats. He isn't acting any different, and neither am I. Should we? I'm not good at this whole thing, my only relationship was with Butch, and we never acted different in public. Something about his image…

But Charon isn't like that. Maybe if I wanted to, I could hold his hand or his arm. That would be a dead giveaway, though, and I'm not sure how everyone out here is on the whole ghoul/human relationship thing. They'd probably shoot me, and want me dead twice as bad.

"Three Dog!"

I slapped myself in the forehead, and reached for my Pip-Boy. We stopped walking, and I turned into the GNR station. I regret the day I helped him with that satellite dish. Charon stood next to me, towering over me, really. We looked at my Pip-Boy, waiting for the little line to start jumping.

"Good morning Wastelanders! It's me, Three Dog awroooo! How ya'll doin' this hot, hot morning? It's going to be quite the heat wave today, so stay cool! Not like the weather ever changes out here though, ha! Anyway kiddies, about that Lass from 101. It seems she's given up the Slaver life, for another life! What kind of life? A good one? A bad one? We don't know, but my sources tell me she spent the night in Underworld in a room with some ghoul fellow. Could it be the same ghoul she used to enslave? Who knows? What Three Dog does know, is that the certain ghoul fellow didn't have much clothing on, and neither did our Lone Wanderer. Keep fighting that good fight girl, and keep the public displays of sex to the bedroom! And now…an important—"

I turned it off. I gave Charon a look, and he took a step away, giving me some well-needed personal space.

"He's paying someone to follow us."

"I would not doubt that, but I suspect our follower is a bit above Three Dog."

"Well when we find him, I'll going to kill him."

I said that extra loud, in case he heard us. We started to walk, and I crossed my arms. I have something private, personal going on with Charon, and now everyone knows it. That's not fair, it's my life. It's what I do in the privacy of my own four walls, not everyone's goddamned gossip. Why do people care what I do anyways? Because I came from the vault? Well wait till they hear I was actually born in the Jefferson Memorial. That'll make them shit something big.

Kicking some trash, I tried to blow off some steam. This is exactly why I still contemplated dropping in the FEV vile. What? You think because Charon and I got together I'd bow down and become some ass-kisser? No. I am still fucking insane. I am still Dezbe. I do not change because I got some action, I learnt that lesson with Butch. It's pointless, and below me. I still hate everyone in this fucking place, and don't feel the need to help any of them. I'm only…doing any of this for Gob and his unborn child. So that maybe, if it is his, he and Nova can have a shot at a normal life. God knows they deserve it.

It dawned on me as we walked through the tunnels, that it was going to take less than a day to reach the Citadel. Then what? I'd be asked to start the Purifier. Lord knows they've probably wiped the Enclave out of there by now, and I'm the only one who knows what to do next. I swallowed hard, remembering how everyone in that room died because of the radiation. Everyone except Autumn. That lowly prick. But…what about me? The radiation will still be there, it will…it will…kill me. I can sense it. I have less than twenty-four hours to live now, just when one part of my life seemed to fall into place. It'll be all over for me tonight, I'll be gone. I…don't want to leave now.

I stole a look at Charon. By tonight, this would all be over. None of this…would mean anything. I didn't think this day would actually come, that I'd have to soon look death in the face.

"Charon…"

I said under my breath, quietly. I don't think I've ever felt so scared before, so scared of the unknown.

"Yes?"

"…You need to promise me when I die you'll live freely…"

"I am living freely, and you are not going to die. We are not having this discussion."

"Just…promise."

"Yes, I will promise if it will make you feel better."

I nodded, and stared at the ground. I began to go over all the people I've met, the places I've been able to see. Maybe getting kicked out of the vault isn't all bad. I've been able to live, really live, and meet people and see the world. Sort of. Gob, Nova, Charon, they're the only ones that really matter to me. Megaton…Megaton isn't anything to me, I couldn't care less what happened there. But…Gob I care about. I care about Carol, I care about Charon and Nova, even though I didn't know her very well.

Now that I have a time limit, I realize how much time I've wasted. Tonight it'll be all over, tonight it will be the end. Why did I spend so much time alone? Sure, I prefer it but…shit why did I drink so much? I should have been spending time with Gob, not drinking up his booze. I…I can't believe that this is real. Never did I think this day would come, eventually I knew I'd end up there, but so soon? No…not this soon at all.

Charon…he'll be free. What will he do when he sees I was right? I looked up at him, biting my lip. He caught me looking, the expression on my face.

"What is it?"

He asked, his accent making me realize more than it should have. Three Dog calls me the Lone Wanderer, and now I think I realize why.

"I…wasted a lot of time, on a lot of stupid things. I just realized that."

"I do not understand."

I shook my head at him, fighting back tears and narrowing my eyebrows. I stared straight ahead, determined to keep my head about me.

"What are you going to do after this?"

"Whatever it is you wish to do."

"Where will you go…if by some small chance I do die?"

Charon sighed, and I felt him put his arm around my shoulders. I looked up at him, his eyes set forward in an intense gaze.

"I do not think you will die for this cause, Dez. But if by chance it does happen, I will return to Underworld for a short period, until I figure out my motives, and figure out if I can truly live without the constricts of my contract."

"Okay. As long as you do what makes you happy."

Charon nodded, but didn't look at me. Sighing, I pushed back all the fright and fear, and took my gun off my back. I slug it over my shoulders, putting my arms over it. I walked ahead of Charon, backwards so I could face him.

"There ain't no rest for people like us, is there?"

Charon shook his head.

"There will always be something for us to do, yes."

"I like this life. Just doing what I please, it suits me."

I turned around so he couldn't see the pain over my face. I walked with my back to him, in front of him, swaying my hips like I loved to do. I'd never get to feel what really being with him felt like, and somehow, I was okay with that. For a short time, I was able to make him happy. I was able to change him, show him how to live. If no one ever benefits from my sacrifice, I can take comfort knowing that he will. He's shown me a lot, things that people probably wouldn't have been able to show me. I've learnt from him, and learnt well. I guess this is just how it all ends.

The walls feel like they're closing in around me. I noticed it as we came to the platform that would take us out to Dukov's Place. All the trials and tribulations we've been through don't seem like a big deal anymore. All that matters now is that he's still here, with me, doing this out of his own free will. He saved me, in more ways than one. He's helped me see that it's not so bad, that there is such a thing as comfort and kindness, even in a world like this one. Charon didn't just save my life time after time, he's saved me from falling into the trap and cruelty that's so available here. I may not be totally for the 'good fight', but at least now I know I'm not the only person in the world with issues.

I led him to the chain-link gate, and waited for him to start to unlock it. He took the lock in his hand, and began to fumble. Sun leaked through like it was mocking me, telling me this would be the last time I would ever see it. I heard the click and creak of the lock opening, and the gate pushing out. Charon stood, holding it open for me. It's going to be hard, to tell him goodbye. I don't even want to think of how that's going to play out right now.

He locked the gate behind us, and I figured it was because he wanted to stall whomever it is that gets paid to watch us. I waited patiently, until he looked at me.

"I'm sorry for all the fights I've picked with you."

I told him as we walked into the warm, warm sun. I'm going to appreciate these last few hours, and try my best to tell him how much he means to me. The Citadel is a hop, swim, skip and jump away. It will take an hour, maybe less, to get there. I don't have much time. The river was in front of us, and we stood, staring out at it.

"I do not hold them against you."

I nodded at him, stepping into the calm water. He followed my lead, swimming across with me. I don't care if my Trog gets worse by the radiation, it won't matter soon. We came to the other side, and I felt my feet hit the sand underneath. Charon and I walked out together, wet and refreshed. I saw the glow he had about him, as he emerged from the water. Radiation makes him feel better, I only wish it did the same for me.

"And…I want you to know that I am really happy you've stuck with me."

"Yes."

"I'm not easy to put up with."

"You can be very stressful at times."

"So…I'm sorry and I care, okay?"

He looked at me, slowly nodding his head. I felt like he was analyzing me, trying to figure out what angle I was coming from. The Citadel is close, I saw it on my Pip-Boy map. Less than an hour, I think now. I'm thankful for the lack of enemies we've seen today. For the first time in my life, I don't want to shoot anything. I don't want to waste time with it. I just want to walk with Charon, and bask in his company.

"It is okay, for you to be scared."

I turned my head to look at him, scowling.

"I'm not scared."

"You seem it."

"What would I be scared of? We haven't seen a Super Mutant or an Enclave soldier or any of that."

"I am not sure what you would be scared of, but I sense that you are. It is okay to worry, Dez. I will stand by you through this. I understand this is hard for you to do."

I sighed, fumbling for a cigarette. When I found one, I was a little pissed that it was damp, but hey not all of my gear can be waterproof. I lit it, happy I could still smoke it. Charon took one from the soggy pack in my hand, and lit one for himself.

"It's really hard…I…I am scared, Charon. I…don't want to do this alone."

"You are not, I am here."

"No…I mean the Purifier. It's my choice now, I'm going to have to decide what to do with the FEV."

"You still have not decided?"

"No."

"You know how I feel about that, I do not need to remind you."

I looked at my feet as they led me closer and closer to my impending death.

"I…will tell you when I decide. No matter what happens, promise you'll just remember me as…a good person."

"You are a good person, Dez. You have made some bad choices, but I would be worried if you did not. Life sometimes calls to make harsh choices."

"I didn't save those kids…"

"Yet you were correct in your logic. As upsetting as it was at the time, I could see where you were coming from. They would have succumbed to something else, eventually."

"I let innocent people die before I met you."

"Regardless of that, you have made decent choices."

"I've killed innocent people. Sometimes, I can still see them staring at me, begging for mercy."

"I have killed innocent people as well, Dez. We live lives with no room for mercy, and at times lose ourselves. It is understandable."

"I…can't be who my parents wanted me to be…and…I've done so many things…"

Charon looked at me, and I saw a comfort in his eyes that wasn't ever there before.

"You have come a long way, Dez. Your parents will be proud of you, despite what choices you have made."

"I hope you're right."

I saw the Citadel in the distance. It's hard shape looming like a big, black cloud of evil. My heart began to pound in my chest.

"You must be brave now."

"I know, Charon, believe me I know."

I felt his hand take mine and squeeze it lightly. I tried to squeeze it back, but he took it away before I could. He's right. I can't be scared now. I have to be strong, brave and ready to deal with the Brotherhood. If I go in there like this, they'll eat me alive. I have to find my confidence somewhere inside me. I don't know how, but I have to. I took in a deep breath of air, sucking on my cigarette trying to calm my nerves. The Citadel got closer to me with each step I took, and I fought back running away from it all.

The guard in front of the gate let us pass, staring at me in awe. It has been almost two, maybe three now, months since anyone from the Brotherhood has seen me. I open the gate, the sun beaming down in the center of all the commotion. Knights and Scribes stop what they're doing, looking over at Charon and I.

"I don't like them looking at me."

I grumbled, jamming my hands in my pockets.

"Let us find Elder Lyons with no trouble, Dez."

"I don't like them looking at me."

"Remain calm. Come."

He led the way, looking back every few seconds to make sure I was still following and didn't run off to pick a fight. I had to fight myself to keep from shaking as we walked through the center. Why did this place have to be so big? Charon's height and appearance made everyone gawk and stare, giving me away. I just wanted to slink in, unnoticed, and talk to Lyons. Not parade through an arena of people.

"Do you know what you will tell him?"

"No, Charon. I'm going to play it as it goes and hope the entire Brotherhood doesn't try to kill me."

He nodded, leading me to a door that I remembered from way back when. Stupid fucking Brotherhood needs to learn how to do their own business. In a few short hours, maybe less even, I'm going to be dead. No one knows how much this bothers me, how much this scares me. I have no time to make amends and say goodbye to those choice few I care for. It hurts me, bothers me.

Charon and I walk in on a few Knights, and Sara arguing with her dad over when to infiltrate the Jefferson Memorial. Something about a thing called 'Liberty Prime' and doing it now. Elder Lyons didn't seem to agree with Sara, and Charon and I exchanged looks. Well, I looked at him and he just stared.

"We have to do it now! They could have the Purifier started already!"

Charon nudged me, and I tripped down a step, alerting everyone to my presence. They stopped talking, arguing, and all eyes were on me. It was like they had seen a ghost.

"Uh…hi."

"Dezbe! You have returned! The G.E.C.K? Where is it?"

I swallowed, and faked my confidence best I could.

"The Enclave took it."

"See! See that's why we need to go _now_, dad!"

I looked at Sara as she pleaded with him.

"No…no they haven't started it yet."

Sara looked at me, angry.

"Oh and how do _you_ know? Taking your sweet time and all that getting the G.E.C.K only to come waltzing in here saying _they_ have it!"

Stupid. Fucking. Bitch.

"They don't have it started because they don't have the code. I should know, they took my ass to their base and fucking beat me black and blue for it! That's what took so fucking long, dipshit."

Their faces were priceless. Elder Lyons stepped up, his face showing kindness.

"You…you mean to say there is a code?"

"Yeah. My dad apparently set the Purifier to start only _after_ a code was entered."

"You…you know the code?"

"Yes. I didn't tell them it, though."

Elder Lyons looked at his daughter, and the Knights that stood behind her.

"We have to do this _now_."

She urged, and her father nodded, turning back to me.

"Dezbe, we will need your aid in infiltrating the Jefferson Memorial. Liberty Prime will lead the way."

He didn't say anything else. He moved past me, and Sara stepped up.

"Do you have everything you need now? We have to get this shit going!"

"Who the hell is Liberty Prime?"

Sara pointed to a forty-foot robot next to me. I stared at it, dumbfounded.

"Do you want Recon or Power Armor?"

"Excuse me?"

She sighed, shaking her head.

"Welcome to the Brotherhood of Steel, Dezbe. You've helped us a lot. We're honored to make you a member."

"I…I don't…no. I'm not a Knight, no."

"You don't want the armor?"

"No, just…let's go start the Purifier."

She nodded, and I watched as everything kicked into gear. The Knights and Sara ran out, and Prime was being lifted into the air. I looked at Charon, this all moving so fast.

"What…what am I doing?"

I asked him. He took his shotgun out, cocking it.

"You are helping the Knights get to the Jefferson Memorial. We are to follow Liberty Prime, and take the base back."

I nodded, shaking. I grabbed hold of my gun, this can't be real. Charon looked at me, urging me with his eyes to move. Somehow, I did. I felt myself walking up the stairs, following him out of the room. The sun blinded me, and I looked to see Knights coming out of everywhere, following the giant robot. It looked twice as big as it flew over my head, and I wondered what the fuck I was getting into.

"Dez?"

Charon called my name, and I looked away from Prime. I jogged up to him, shaking.

"You…you…don't let me…you be safe…"

"Yes. Go, we must follow closely."

I nodded, holding my gun, finger on the trigger. Charon jogged behind me as I ran, catching up to the Knights outside of the Citadel. I pushed through the doors to see everyone staring up at the robot, waiting in anticipation.

"Liberty Prime…is…online!"

Holy shit.

"All systems nominal! Weapons, hot! Objective: Destroy any and all Chinese Communists!"

Chinese? I thought we were fighting Enclave. Looking around, I saw the Knights cheering, fists in the air. The ground shook beneath me, Prime was moving. What is this giant thing? I can't feel my body. It's all numb, I don't know why.

"America will never fall to Communist invasion!"

Prime took his first step, leading the Knights into battle. Leading me into battle, to my death. Even with all of this, seeing this robot in action was…amazing. I saw a Vertibird flying overhead, and got worried, only to see Prime take it out with one quick toss of a Mini Nuke. I stayed behind the Knights, at the tail-end of the charge. I'm not ready for this kind of war. I've only fought Raiders and Slavers, nothing like this. Nothing at all like this.

My body shook, Mini Guns and explosions went off all around me. Prime walked forward, taking out Enclave soldiers with some strange laser beam from his eyes. He missed one, and I felt the warmth of a Laser stream just brushing my cheek. It burned, cauterizing instantly. I raised my weapon, and saw Charon charging forward.

"What's the matter? Can't stand the sight of your own blood?"

He shot the soldier, dead, limp to the ground. I realized I'd been standing still, and he jogged over to me.

"_Move_!"

He hissed, grabbing my arm and pulling. I let him drag me, catching up to Prime and the others. I could hear cheering, the Knights were cheering through their helmets as Prime easily destroyed everything in his path. This is all too much for me, why do I have to come? Couldn't I just wait until the memorial was safe, _then_ start the Purifier? I looked over at Charon, his gun raised, ready to fire at any Enclave who may have survived Prime's rampage.

I saw it in slow-motion. That shit really does happen. The blasts, the explosions, the people…all had a delay. I saw Charon swiftly dodging scraps of metal that flew off of old vehicles that exploded. He would look at me, making sure I was still walking, still alive. I'm so sorry…I'm sorry. I saw two Enclave soldiers to my right out of my peripheral vision.

"Get _down_!"

Charon screamed, dashing over to me. I turned, seeing it all happen like it was slowly playing just for me. My body moved itself behind an old car, I ducked, covering my head. I heard the familiar sound of a Plasma Rifle firing, and the explosion of a frag grenade going off. I screamed, my ears ringing. I've never screamed in a fight before. This isn't a fight, though. This is a straight up war.

I picked my head up, looking for Charon. All of a sudden, everything hit me. I could see it all in real-time, hear it all loud and clear. It deafened me, and I could hear myself calling for Charon. Smoke swirled, and I heard the Knights firing their Mini Guns. The smoke cleared a bit, and I saw Charon running out from it, his body leaning at an odd angle.

"Charon!"

I called, and he saw me. He ran over, slinging his gun over my shoulders.

"_Go_!"

I saw his arm bleeding badly, hanging lifeless at his waist. He pushed me, pulling his gun from my shoulders.

"Dez! _Go_!"

I nodded, shaking. No time to worry, no time to care. Just go. Go into the smoke, into the blasts, go towards Prime, and hope to the heavens above there's someone watching over me. I looked to see Charon following close behind, holding his shotgun in his good arm, ready to fire it. He kept the butt tucked close to his torso, under his arm. I wanted to push him into the river below as we crossed the bridge, make him get better in the radiation. But I didn't. I saw a car fly past my head, scaring the piss out of me.

"Shit!"

I yelled, putting my arms up. It missed me, landing with a splash in the river. A Knight beside me looked at me, and I felt we locked eyes through his helmet. Charon placed the barrel of his gun at my back, pushing me with it.

"Hurry!"

He yelled, and I ran past the Knight. Prime was screaming, taking out Vertibirds and throwing himself into a blue electric fence. There was hissing, loud, loud hissing. Then the fence went down, and he took out all remaining Enclave in the area. The Jefferson Memorial. I saw Sara running towards the door, and stop. She looked for me, and I saw her see me. It was quiet for a minute, the fire blazing behind me from the cars warmed my back. I ran at her, out of breath, hearing Charon's heavy and painful breathing behind me.

"Let's go."

I said, ready. Grabbing a grenade, I glanced to see three red ticks on my Pip-Boy. Enclave. They were inside. I clutched the grenade in my hand, staring at the door that was going to lead to my death. I looked back at Charon. His face was covered in sweat, hiding the pain he was feeling in his arm.

"You can do this."

He told me, and I nodded. Taking one last look around, I opened the door, tossing in the grenade. It exploded, and I charged in, spraying bullets and praying I hit something.

"Take that!"

I heard Charon scream, firing his gun best he could with one arm. The three Enclave inside were crippled from the grenade, they didn't put up a fight. I easily took them out, with the help of Charon, and led him to the door that held the Purifier. My hand froze on the door, I couldn't open it.

"Charon…"

I said, staring at nothing, dazed in my confusion.

"What is it?"

I turned, shaking, facing him.

"I…I can't do this."

"You must."

"You're hurt…I…"

"I will be fine. Go, I will cover you."

There wasn't words of comfort. We didn't exchange looks of safety, or embrace. I simply nodded, knowing I had to open the fucking door. Nothing else matters right now. Not me, not Charon, not the Brotherhood. All that matters is I start the Purifier, and say my goodbyes. I wanted to puke, but I held back, shoving the door open.

I came face to face with Autumn. He stood, with two Enclave soldiers at his side. I lowered my weapon, disbelieving it.

"You…"

I muttered, and heard his laugh. He told me to give up, to run or die. He said he was going to kill me, and I just smirked at him. Have you ever felt like it doesn't matter? Like nothing you can do will ever change the past? That's how I feel, staring at Autumn as he speaks to me. Nothing I can do anymore will bring my mother back, my father back. Nothing will ease the hurt and pain I feel from being an orphan, in this hell on earth. Something's been taken from me, from way deep down inside. It was taken before I was expelled from the vault, taken before my father died and before all the events that led to right now. I am the Lone Wanderer. I am Dezbe, vigilante of the Capitol Wasteland, cursed to bear all of this on my own. Forced to face the darkness of my past, and the enemies of my present.

"You've lost, Autumn. The Brotherhood is here now, you have no base. Eden is dead. Leave now, before they come here, and kill you, too."

Autumn stared at me, bore into my eyes and down into the recesses of my soul. He lowered his Laser Pistol, and hung his head. Killing him won't bring my dad back. It won't make the voice in my head stop, and it won't bring me any justice. I've avenged my father by doing this, by coming with the Brotherhood, and taking part in this insane and useless war.

Autumn walked out, just as Sara was walking in.

"Don't. Let him go."

I told her, enduring the glares from the Knights and Charon.

"You…you let him _go_?"

I nodded, staring at the floor.

"We need to start the Purifier."

Sara nodded, and jogged up the stairs. Charon and I followed her, and I heard she was speaking to Doctor Li through an intercom. I listened intently, hearing Li's words and fearing them. I felt my heart sink, a lump rise up. Charon stood behind me, waiting for Sara to turn around. Lethal levels of radiation…it's all I could hear from Dr. Li. It's…it's a scary thing, knowing you're about to die. Knowing that you don't care for the cause you're dying for, and knowing you're never going to be able to see another tomorrow.

"Well, so much for celebrating. One of us is going to have to go in there and turn the damn thing on. And whoever does is it, isn't coming back out."

"…I'll start the Purifier."

"Hurry up and get in there!"

My voice wasn't my own. It was distant, and far away. Sara didn't show thankfulness in her voice, she didn't show concern or worry. I looked up at her, knowing that I had to act fast.

Dropping my pack, I pulled out the FEV. I clasped it in my hand, and turned towards Charon.

"I…told you so."

I said to him, tears streaming down my face.

"I did not know, it would come to this, Dez. I will start the Purifier."

I shook my head at him, my hair flying in my face. I stepped closer, standing on tip-toes. Charon stared at me, his eyes watering.

"No. It's…it's my choice. For the first time in my life, I'm making my own decision about this."

He nodded, sighing. I gave him a sad smile, and wrapped my arms around his neck, burying my face in him.

"Don't…don't forget me…okay?"

"I do not like this choice, I do not like this situation."

He wrapped his good arm around me, dropping his gun. He wrapped his hand in my hair, pressing his cheek to mine as he bent down.

"You're all I've had Charon. Don't…don't fuck it up and make me regret giving you free will."

"I…will not."

I kissed him, knowing my time was running out. I heard Sara gasp in shock, but fuck her. Fuck her and fuck the Brotherhood. Fuck this whole goddamned world. I hope it burns in hell and perishes. There's nothing I hate more, than having to do this.

I stepped away from Charon. His eyes didn't lie to me, I knew it wasn't his arm making him hurt. I felt the FEV in my hand, it was warm. _Go on, turn around and put it in_. No. I'm not going to die, and make the only person I've ever given two shits about reap what I sew. I shoved the vile in his hand, and looked up at him.

"Give it to Elder Lyons."

That was it. I made the choice, all on my own. It didn't feel fulfilling. I didn't feel anything. Turning, I walked into the room, and saw Sara click the button to lock me inside. The door to the Purifier opened, and I swallowed hard.

"I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give unto him that is athirst of the fountain of the waters of life freely."

I stared at the keypad, muttering the verse. Revelation 21:6. I pushed the numbers in, hitting 'Enter'. The room vibrated, making me lose my balance. I turned to look at Charon thought the glass. Don't be afraid, I've taken it all in stride. I've never been perfect, I've never done anything worth dying for, except this. It's my time now, and I can only hope Charon forgets all the wrong I've done. I hope he can help people remember me for the good things I've done. Forget all the hurt I've caused, and remember how much I care about him.

I saw him standing there, staring at me through the glass. Tears spilled from my eyes, and I felt my Pip-Boy vibrate, so much radiation. This is it, it's coming, I can feel it. Charon banged on the glass, and I felt my legs give out. The radiation burnt me from the inside out, and I fell to my knees. All I could hear was Charon, banging on the glass, and the soft keys of the song we played together. It played in my head, making me give the floor a sad smile. I know this room, I've walked this floor, I used to live alone before I knew you. It all began to slip away, and I stole one last look at him. He looked down at me, his limp arm at his side. I saw tears on his face. Real tears. Finally. Charon…remember when I moved in you? Last night? Every breath we drew was hallelujah, Charon. It really was.


	21. Chapter 21

Love…warmth…it so warm here. So warm…so very, very warm. Heaven, am I here? I don't hear anything. There's no demons screaming inside…there's no voice in my head. It's peaceful, warm and peaceful. I can see a blinding white light, and I can see my mother. Momma. She's with my dad, smiling at me. I reach out to them.

"Not now, baby."

Her voice feels warm in my ears. Warm and familiar, like I've heard it before. I have, but where? When?

"Momma…daddy…I'm sorry…"

"It's okay, darling. We're proud of you. So very, very proud."

My father's voice hold compassion, and I can feel the love in his words.

"You are?"

I ask, hopeful like a small child.

"Yes, honey. We're so proud of you, and we love you so much."

"Daddy…"

I try to reach and hug them both. I see I have my mother's eyes. She smiles sadly at me, my father holds her proudly.

"Not yet baby. Your time will come."

"But momma, it's so warm here…let me stay and rest awhile."

"I'm sorry honey, you can't stay here."

I feel the tears in my eyes as I stare at them.

"I have to. I have to stay. It's so warm…I don't feel any hurt anymore."

"We love you darling, we know you'll do what's right."

Their images begin to fade in front of me. I reach for them, struggling, but I can't. I can't get to them.

"No! No!"

I scream, feeling agonizing pain all over. I can see my hands in front of me, blocking the blinding white light as I try to get my parents.

"Check that equipment!"

"The Enclave is retreating!"

"After all this, she let him escape like that?"

Voices…so many voices. Where did they all come from? Are they the voices of the people who I mercilessly killed? The white light…the warm, warm light is gone. Where did it go? The pain…it hurts so much…I can't bear it. I can feel my body, feel every part of myself. I ache all over, is death supposed to hurt like this?

I hear myself groan, hear it with my own ears. My body feels stiff, aching and stiff. I open my eyes, darkness replacing the warmth of a white light. Slowly, I see I'm looking at a cracked and old ceiling. I wave my hands in front of my face, staring. Did I go to hell? I look around, medical supplies scattered everywhere. No. No I'm not dead. How? How did I survive?

"Careful now, careful. Don't move too quickly. Everything's fine, you're safe in the Citadel."

Citadel? I'm here? Who is talking to me? I turn my head, Elder Lyons is standing over me. I look at him, confused, finding my voice.

"I was starting to think you might never wake up, despite our assurances on the contrary. I've been coming down here every day to see both you and my daughter. It is good at least one of you has recovered."

I blink slowly, his words processing one by one in my head.

"Where…where is Sara? Is…is she okay?"

I ask him, my voice weak. I feel weak, all over, inside and out.

"Yes, yes she's fine. Or, she will be. I appreciate your concern for her but don't worry. You've been through enough."

"What happened? How did I get here?"

If Sara was hurt, then that means Charon got hurt too. Memories of our time flashed in my head, and panic jumped at me. Jesus fuck what is going on?

"Please, relax. Everything is fine. You were brought back to the Citadel after some sort of energy strike in the Purifier. You were both knocked unconscious. Quite a bit has happened since then."

Fuck that. I sat up, rubbing my head. It felt like my entire body was numb, and that the blood was flowing back into me to make me alive again.

"Where is Charon?"

I looked at Elder Lyons, nothing else mattering.

"Who?"

"The ghoul! The ghoul! Where is he?"

"Please, calm down, please. He survived also. We treated his wounds."

"Where _is_ he?"

My heart was going a mile a minute, I couldn't see straight.

"Upon hearing of your death, he left after we refused to overturn your body to him."

"_What_? I'm _alive_!"

"Yes, right, but we did not feel safe releasing you to him. We did not know of the circumstances and told him you had died. Now, you must hear what I have to say about the Enclave, you must—"

"Shut up. Shut up! No! No more Enclave, no more fighting! I'm _done_!"

I got off of the bed I was on, dizzy and disoriented. How fucking dare they do that. How fucking…I wanted to kill them all, those fucking asses.

"Miss, please you have not fully recovered!"

I noticed an IV hooked up to my arm, and I tore it out. I can't see right, I can't even stand well, but fuck if I'm staying here another goddamned minute.

"Fuck you, Lyons. Go find someone else to do your dirty work, I'm done. I don't care. I did my part, have your Knights do the rest."

I saw my stuff, my pack and gun, laying in the corner near the door. Hobbling over, I pushed past him and grabbed it. I can't do this, but I have to. The pack feels so heavy, my gun somehow heavier. I use my entire weight to push the door open, struggling to leave as quickly as I can.

Halfway down a hall, I fall, slumping to the ground. There's no way I can make it. I can't even breathe right. I'm weak still, sick and weak from all the radiation. But I _have_ to. I have to find Charon. I'm not dead, he has to know it, I'm still alive…fuck I hope he is too. How…how long has it been?

"Hey."

I hear a voice. I look up from staring at the floor, and see a woman who looks like my mother with a white Buzzcut standing over me in Power Armor. I stare at her, glaring. She's one of _them_.

"Here, let me help you."

Her hands wrap around my arm, but I pull away. I use the wall and help myself up.

"I don't need help from you."

I hiss at her, angry. How could they fucking do this? After he helped…how could they?

"My name is Star Paladin Cross. I aided your father in many of his missions, and brought him to Vault 101."

I stared at her, breathing hard and heavy. What is this supposed to mean to me?

"That's nice. What you want a medal or something?"

She shook her head, businesslike and not noting on my angry sarcasm.

"You look like you need help. I owe your father a lot, he was a great man, and I also owe you. It would be an honor to aide you."

I sighed. I can't fight, I know that. She seems to know that, too. If I could just get her to take me to Underworld, to get me to Charon, then I wouldn't have to worry. I could go to Underworld, with her keeping me safe until I felt fit to fight again. I just _can't_ stay here.

"How long has it been since I started the Purifier?"

"Two weeks, ma'am. You have been in a coma in the infirmary."

She answered to me like I was military personnel.

"I have to go to Underworld. I can't fight. If you come with me, you're going to need to really help, not just stand there and wait for orders."

"I understand, ma'am. I will do my best to aide you in your mission."

I nodded, glad this time the person following me had free will off the bat. Tossing my pack down, I felt I could walk better without it.

"Carry that."

Cross picked it up easily, and I motioned my head. I walked through the hall, gripping the wall for support.

"I need to go to Underworld to find someone. Once I get there, you can leave."

"Man'am yes ma'am!"

"Enough. My name is Dez."

"Right, Dez, understood. Who may I ask are we looking for?"

I glared at her, throwing myself at the door to open it. It's dark outside. I can hardly walk. Shit how bad of a beating did I take? My legs shake under me with each step. Cross's Power Armor clanks when she walks next to me, and I grit my teeth. I am not stopping until I get to Underworld.

"Charon. The ghoul who accompanied me here. Apparently Lyons told him I died and my only thought is that he returned to Underworld. It's where he said he would go if anything happened to me."

"Yes I remember. I was in the room when that took place."

My head shot towards her. Thankfully, she opened the gate for me, and I stared at the barren Capital Wasteland. No rest, no rest for people like me.

"What happened?"

I asked her, gasping for air as we walked.

"Elder Lyons informed him of your 'death'. He did not take it lightly, but bore the news with respect I admired. He requested your body, saying it was what you asked, and proceeded to argue with us. He then left shortly afterwards."

"You Brotherhood pricks…you shouldn't have fucking lied like that."

"We do not know or trust the ghoul. We did not wish to release you to him."

"It doesn't fucking matter! You shouldn't have lied! What the fuck is wrong with you Knights? You think you know better? He fucking helped in this, and you fuckers lied to him."

"I did not intent to offend you. I was simply following orders from my superiors."

"Yeah, whatever."

I am alone again. I struggle to walk, and I can't breathe well. My legs are having a hard time supporting my weight, and I can feel the world spinning around me. Charon…I'm so sorry. I'm coming, so don't worry, please don't worry.

"But thanks to your sacrifice, the Capital Wasteland has pure, fresh, clean water once again. We are honored, you will go down in history as a true hero."

"I don't want to be a fucking hero. After I get to Underworld, tell everyone I died for all I care, I never want to see the Brotherhood again."

"Understood."

I want to start again. I want to go back, and never help these people. After all I've done for them, they lied to the only person in the world who gave a shit about me, who I gave a shit about. I'm angry, furious inside. _You should have poisoned the water supply_. No, even now I don't regret giving the vile to Charon. If I really had died, he would have had to live with everyone hating him for what I did. I can't do that to him. I can get my own revenge on everyone now, because I don't have to worry about anyone else. There won't be a Brotherhood waiting for me this time. It's all my own. My life is my own. For the first time, I feel that, and I fucking love it.

I limp along, Cross making sure there are no threats. I hate her for what she helped with. Following orders is bullshit. If I followed my own orders none of them would be here, and the 'pure' water would be tainted. Who the hell did they think they are? My entire body ached and hurt in all the nooks and crannies, and I tried to soothe the angry voice in my mind with images and thoughts of Charon.

I'd get to Underworld, and he'd be there. He'd look at me, and smile. I'd see him smile, too, for the first time. I'd be able to kiss him, and hold him really, really tight. I'm going to cry, I really am. I miss him, I want him to know I'm safe. That I didn't die. He's going to be angry at the Brotherhood, but I don't care. As long as I can be with him again, nothing else matters. I don't think I can function without him anymore.

I am the Lone Wanderer. I realized Three Dog calls me that because no one will ever be able to travel with me safely. No one will ever know what it's like, to live the life I do, and to bear the whole Wasteland on my back. I'm the Lone Wanderer because…I'm all alone. I have nobody, no one out here can compare to me…except Charon. Charon's the only one…who makes me feel like I have something worth living for. I'm not the Lone Wanderer with him. When he's with me…I'm simply Dez, crazy, angry, insane Dez.

I wonder if he already knows I'm on my way. Three Dog has a good knack for reporting things as they happen. As Cross led me through a shallow part in the river, where my feet could still feel the bottom, and up to the Metro tunnel that would eventually lead us to the Mall, I pulled up my Pip-Boy. I think now is the first time in my whole entire life that I've felt how heavy it is. I'm not sure what it is I'm ailing from, but damn, I still can't see or walk right.

"Sad, sad news Wastelanders. Still no word on the Lass from 101. All Three Dog knows is that she successfully activated the Purifier. It's been two weeks, and things look bleak. We can only hope and pray, that I'll get word soon. Peace be with you, Lone Wanderer. You truly have saved us all."

Three Dog says nice things now. Since I fucking risked my life, he seems to have turned over a new leaf for me. I turned off my Pip-Boy, not needing the extra noise inside the tunnels. Charon must think I'm dead, everyone must. I'm sure whoever was following us before wasn't able to get inside the Citadel, and therefore can't keep tabs on me. I'm kind of happy about that. I don't want Charon knowing I'm okay, I want to show him myself. If he knew before I got there…he might come looking for me and we might miss one another all together. No. I won't let that happen.

"We have to get to Underworld as soon as possible."

I told Cross, looking right into her deep eyes.

"Right, understood."

Her pace quickened, and I felt my own body struggling to keep up. I can walk upright now, but not very well. With every step I take, I feel like I'm going to fall down. It takes all I have to keep myself upright, and I keep imaging Charon's face. It helps with my endurance, pushing me like the voice in my head often does. I still think one of these days, I'm going to lose my mind. The events that have happened…they haven't changed me. I still feel the same as I did when I began, only I'm not standing atop a pile of waste. I take the tunnels now, even though I hate them. I'm still angry, still me, still everything I was, just with a better sense of reasoning.

I feel dizzy. Sick dizzy. The tunnels twist and turn and ugh…my head spins. Half of me wants to stop, but I keep going because the more I walk, the sooner and faster I get to Charon. Cross looks at me from time to time, worried I think.

"Are you feeling alright?"

I look at her, and nod my head slowly.

"I'm sick. But I'm not stopping. We _have_ to get to Underworld."

"I do not see why this simple ghoul means so much to you."

I scowl at her. Stupid bitch.

"He's my best friend. He's the only one in this fucking world who somewhat understands what goes on in my head."

"The Brotherhood does not take kindly to their kind."

"Yeah, I know."

She doesn't talk anymore, and thank fucking god. I can't stand the Brotherhood, I really can't. I don't regret the whole Purifier thing, but still, they should be nicer to Charon.

"What happened to Charon after I started the Purifier?"

"You, him and Sara were all knocked unconscious from the spike in radiation. Surprisingly when we arrived inside the Rotunda, the ghoul, Charon, was standing. He was cracking the door that kept you inside the Purifier. His strength…his strength was immeasurable. Radiation levels inside the room were the highest we've ever encountered, matching that of Vault 87. We had to use special gear to retrieve you. Somehow, that ghoul managed to crack through three-inch thick plexi-glass. When we penetrated the Rotunda, ready to come to everyone's aid, he had broken a solid hole in the door. He was trying to reach and open it from the inside. We stopped him, of course."

"Why?"

"He could have sabotaged the entire Purifier. We had to restrain him, and it took five men. However once we left the room, his strength vanished, and only needed two of our men to escort him."

"Radiation heals him. Makes him stronger. All ghouls, actually."

Cross nodded.

"We were not aware of that. We took him to the infirmary, keeping your body out of his sight. We ran the normal tests, and his vital signs checked out. We offered to repair his armor, there was a large hole in the sleeve, but he refused."

"At least you had the decency to make sure he was okay. Why'd you keep him away from me? Why didn't you let him see me? What if he wanted to say goodbye?"

"On our way from the Jefferson Memorial back to the Citadel, he caught a glimpse of you. We had you on a stretcher, and pulled a white sheet over your entire body. I'd never seen anyone, man or ghoul, act that way. It was like…someone flicked a switch, and he began cursing and demanding to be released. Demanding to see you, but we did not let him."

"You're bastards. All of you."

I shook my already dizzy head at her. Thinking about what Charon was going through during that time…shit. I would have flipped out, too. Hearing he broke a hole in the glass made me smirk. Leave it to Charon to have that kind of strength and determination.

"We will soon be arriving at the platform that will bring you to the Museum of History."

I nodded. I don't know if I can carry my pack inside, but I know the ghouls won't take kindly to Cross. They'd probably try and attack, and I don't want her attacking back.

"You can leave me at the door of Underworld. Go back to the Citadel, and don't say anything to them about me, even if they ask."

"I respect you enough to fulfill that request."

"Good."

Climbing the escalators was a bitch and a half. Cross offered her help, but I refused. I had to do it on my own, I don't know why. I struggled, lifting each one of my legs separately was so hard, and it hurt so much. I thought I wasn't going to make it, but when I reached the top, I was so fucking proud.

My pride was short-lived, though. I had one more steep set of stairs to climb once I picked the lock to let us out.

"There are enemies up there."

I glared at Cross as I held onto the rail besides the stairs. It's dark out, the cool night air soothing my sick body.

"Ignore them. They won't follow us inside."

She nodded. I struggled up the stairs, grinding my teeth and taking the pain. Charon was so close, I could almost feel him. It was only a matter of time now, before I was happily in his arms. He's going to think I'm a zombie I bet.

"Why do you have bare muscle on your wrist and collarbone?"

I glared at Cross for asking that. She opened the doors to the museum for me, but I wasn't thrilled about it.

"I got Trog over in The Pitt. I picked at it, and now I'm stuck like that."

"I thought you may have received some ghoulification while in the Purifier."

"No. It's Trog."

The burning barrel. I could see it, it lit the entire entranceway to Underworld up like daytime. I've never been so happy to see it. My heart pounded, half from excitement, half from the hard time it was having with all the strain I kept on my body. Oddly enough, there was a gathering of ghouls I've never seen before outside of the entrance. One ghoul with a bad wig was selling something called 'Aqua Pura'. They glared at Cross as we walked by, and I smirked about this. I don't know what 'Aqua Pura' is, but hey, people gotta make money somehow.

Just inside these doors, Charon was waiting for me. I know he's there, I just know it.

"This is where we leave. It has been good, traveling this short distance with you."

I nodded to Cross, and took my pack from her. I didn't say goodbye back, I just turned, struggling harder with the added weight, to push open the door. Charon…I'm here, and we can go home now. We can go home to Rockopolis…and I'll show you just how much you mean to me. I hope you don't hate me for taking so long, but I couldn't help it. I had to wake up, first.

I rested against the door, breathing heavy. Ghouls stopped, staring at me in awe.

"What?"

I asked, out of breath and tired. Quinn came over to me, staring at me like I was the walking dead. Maybe to them I am, after all, it's been two weeks and no word.

"It's…you."

I slid from the door, swaying and struggling to stand in front of him.

"Yeah, it's me. Where's…Charon?"

Quinn didn't offer to help me with my stuff, and I didn't ask. He looked up at the doors to the Ninth Circle, and I knew. Charon's in there. He is.

"Thanks, I guess."

I told Quinn, and hobbled over to the stairs. Gripping the banister, I pulled my weight. I pulled myself up, and with each step I took, excitement and anticipation rose in my chest. All I've ever known to want was just up these stairs, and through a pair of doors. Will he be happy to see me? Yeah, I think so. He's probably going to have a lot of questions, but I don't mind answering. As long as he gets me that big bed in Carol's Place, and lays with me until I have the strength to get home, I'll answer whatever questions he has.

I hesitated in front of the Ninth Circle. My hands were shaking on the doorknobs, both from nerves and from keeping myself straight.

"Now or never…"

I murmured. Who knew seeing Charon again would be this crazy? He thinks I'm dead, maybe that's why I'm so damn scared. Pressing my weight down, I opened the door. Three Dog bellowed out, hitting my eardrums hard. I almost knocked myself down, but didn't, thank god.

"Still no news on 101. Sorry to disappoint all you listeners out there, but as soon as I get an update, I'll let you know."

I looked up and saw him. I saw him, I did. Charon. He stood behind the bar, leaning against the counter shaking his head, facing the radio.

"…He's been so down and out since he got back from the Citadel…wish I knew why."

Ghouls beside me held up conversation. Guess they hadn't gotten the memo. Moreover, I guess Charon had decided to keep it all to himself. I pulled myself away from the door, and hobbled to the middle of the room. Not a lot of people are in here, and that's good. The lights are unusually dim, probably because they're going to go to bed soon and all. My heart raced, my body shook and ached but fuck if I don't care. I'm here now, I'm here.

I watched as Charon leaned forward, clicking off the radio. I heard him sigh, and knew my legs weren't going to hold me up much longer.

"You're a fuckin' rotten asshole, you know that?"

I said, yelling almost, with the last bit of strength I had. I felt my pack slide from my back, giving me more time to stand. I watched as Charon's back instantly straightened. I would cross my arms and give him a triumphant smile if I could. All I could do though, was stand there with a half-assed smirk on my face. I felt myself swaying back and forth like the floor was moving. Charon turned around, and our eyes met.

"You should be ashamed, giving up that easy. I'm superhuman Dez!"

I saw Charon mouth my name. He came from around the bar, and I felt his strong arms around me. Finally. I let myself fall, letting him support my weight on his own. I felt him lift me in the air, my feet leaving the ground. He clung to me, his hands on my back, his face pressed into the crook of my neck. I rested my heavy head on his shoulder, feeling bad I couldn't return his embrace.

"You are alive…you are alive…"

He whispered, holding me closer and tighter.

"I'm sick, Charon."

He held me in the air, picking his head up and staring into my eyes.

"Dez…you are alive."

I nodded, frowning.

"I'm _sick_. I need to lay down…I can't walk…"

Charon nodded. I'd fill him in and act on my excitement once I got something to lay on.

"Out! Out!"

He yelled to the handful of ghouls lingering around Ninth Circle. They left immediately, a little scared. Charon carried me over to a bed against the wall, laying me down gently. He ran his hand over my cheek, and man…I never felt so damn comfortable before.

"You are alive…they had told me otherwise."

I noticed his cheeks were wet. I couldn't help but smile.

"No…no I lived. Unless I'm dreaming or this is heaven…or hell. Not sure yet."

He leaned down and kissed my forehead. I should be more excited, but I can't be.

"I'd be happier, but I just woke up."

"Woke up?"

I nodded.

"I didn't die. They got Sara and I out of there, and we've been in a coma I guess. Sara's still in one, well she was when I was there. I left a few hours ago, I came straight here."

"It has been two weeks. Three Dog has mentioned nothing."

"Charon, I'm really happy to see you."

He nodded at me.

"Yes. I feel the same."

"I'd be happier, but I can't really…It hurts to move. They didn't want me to leave but I did. I did, Charon."

"You have brought fresh, clean water to the Capital Wasteland, Dez. You deserve all the rest you need."

He held my hand, staring at me. I wanted to move my legs, but I couldn't. I'm too weak.

"I'm going to need a lot…I feel like shit."

Charon stroked my cheek with his free hand, just staring.

"I am just happy to know you have survived. I have…been deeply upset since you said goodbye inside the Rotunda."

I frowned, remembering that. I didn't want to, but I had to. It made me want to cry.

"They told me you broke a hole in the glass trying to get me?"

Charon nodded, still stroking my cheek comfortable.

"Please understand I had no intention of damaging the machine. I was simply acting upon impulse."

"I don't care, Charon."

I groaned, trying to sit up. I felt his hand on my chest, pushing me back down.

"You must rest, I will not have you walking or moving unless you need to."

I laid back down, holding his hand and squeezing it.

"I…have something to say."

"Yes?"

"It's about us now. I'm not…I'm not going to worry about anything but you and me anymore. I…I don't know what's going to happen, but we can't trust anyone. They're going to be after me, they are, I know it."

"Who?"

"The rest of the Enclave, Charon. They're gonna kill me."

His back stiffened, and I was starting to see two of him. It concerned me somewhat, but I didn't let him know that.

"No one will ever harm you again."

It came out more like a threat than a statement. His eyes flashed with anger while he looked at me, taking his free hand and running it through my hair. I wanted to jump up and hug him, kiss him as hard as I could and never ever stop. But I'm too weak. I can hardly wiggle my toes at this point.

Charon stood from the bed, and began to unstrap his armor. I watched as he slid it off, and noticed where it was sewn in. He kept his black shirt on, kicking off his boots. Gently, he moved me closer to the wall and fitted himself against me.

"I am in shock that you are here."

"I've been here a whole ten minutes. Get over it."

He wrapped me in his arms, and I started to cry. I guess I was in shock, too. I felt him hold me tighter, and I pressed my face into his shirt.

"I…I was scared…I thought I was going to die…I did die I think. Charon I was so scared…I was so scared."

I wailed like a dying animal, like all the pain was coming out. Just like it had when my father died. I cried hard, sobbing and wailing. I could hear my echo in the empty rooms of the Ninth Circle. They bounced off the walls, and came back in my ears, scaring me a bit.

"I know you were, Dez. Please, do not cry."

I sobbed uncontrollably into his chest. I couldn't stop even if I tried. It all just came out, all the pain and the fright, everything I've felt. It came like a rush, like the high of a good dose of Jet. I gripped onto Charon's shirt for dear life, thinking if I let go I'd lose him. I can't lose him anymore. I can't handle that. It's going to drive me insane, it's going to hurt and I can't deal with it anymore. I clung to him, trying to press myself even closer. I felt his chin on the top of my head, feeling his jaw flexing.

"Are…are you…mad at me?"

I chocked out through sobs, staring at the blackness of his shirt. It's amazing, how one person can make such a difference. How one person can totally fuck with your head and make you so vulnerable by just being there. I don't feel like myself right now. I feel like I did the night we got back to Megaton after my dad died. I feel weak and helpless. It's horrible, to feel that way.

"I am not mad at you, no. I am mad at myself, for not staying at the Citadel and for not being able to properly comfort you."

I thought he'd be different, I don't know why. I thought he'd…sound different, act different or something. As always, he's still the same. The only constant I've ever had in my life.

"Please don't leave…don't leave not even for a minute…I can't be alone again…"

"I will not leave."

I let more tears flow, only this time they were quiet. Charon held tightly to me, his strong arms wrapped around me. I felt weak, but safe. No one would hurt me now, no one would be able to. I have Charon, I have him again. I don't need to be scared anymore, but I am.

"We have to visit Gob, when I get better. Together. We have to stay together. Even if we fight you _can't_ leave…"

"I will not, Dez."

"I can't live alone anymore…I can't."

"I understand."

I don't think he did. I think he wanted to understand so badly that he just assumed he could. No one can understand what's in my head right now, not even Charon. I'm hurt and sick, I'm scared and I did something that could prove to be pretty noble, only I didn't _want_ to do it. I didn't _want_ to start the Purifier, I would have much preferred if Sara went in there, risking her own life. I just figured, I _had_ to because my father was the at the core center of this entire shit storm. I didn't sacrifice my life out of good will, out of being a good person. I did it because I figured no one else would, and I was their last-ditch effort.

That's not a reason someone should do what I did. I should have told Sara to go inside, she cares about the whole thing, I don't. I took the credit for something I can't care less about. The people might like me now, a little, but I don't care. I doesn't sit right, knowing that I didn't do the act for the right reasons. Maybe it's supposed to feel this way, though. Maybe I'm just a mess because of the radiation, and when I get better I'll think clearer. Who knows? I don't. I just…feel like someone else. I feel like someone else, and Charon is still the same.

I squeezed Charon, trying to forget all these stupid feelings. I buried my face in his chest, closing my eyes and fighting the urge to puke.

"What have you been doing since you left the Citadel?"

I asked him, trying to calm myself down. I felt Charon stroke the back of my head, and it comforted me.

"I returned here to Underworld. I have been running the Ninth Circle. I have done nothing else."

I opened my eyes, staring at the black shirt he wore. I felt myself shaking, I don't know why, but I am. I'm shaking for some reason, maybe because it's all a mess in my head. It's all haywire and dizzying and sickening. But you know…I don't think all of that matters right now. I'm safe now, in the Ninth Circle, back with Charon. He's the only one in this world who cared about me when everyone else wanted me dead, he's the only one who kept me safe when everything was trying to kill me. I smiled, rubbing my nose into him, feeling his arms around me. I should be happy he's here, happy he's back. I can worry about everything else later or tomorrow or the next day. Not now, though, not now.

"I don't want to sleep in my armor…"

I mumbled, struggling to sit up. Charon helped me, propping two pillows behind me. I looked at him, feeling pitiful.

"Can you help?"

I motioned towards my boots. Charon nodded, and I felt him tugging at the laces. It was hard for me to unzip my top, hard for me to pull it off and down my arms, but I did it. It's just my entire body is sore, and numb. I can't really feel much but pins and needles, and when I do feel something it feels weird. Maybe I should have given myself another day or two in the Citadel, but I couldn't just leave Charon hanging longer than he had been.

I tossed my top to the floor beside the small bed. My arms feel like jello, and I don't actually feel like their my own appendages. Imagine if I woke up dead, and this was all a dream? That'd be a straight kick in the ass, I can say that much.

"Do you need help with your pants?"

Charon asked me, and I looked down at my legs.

"No…leave those on. Last thing I need is to wake up with some creep ghoul guy standing over me and eye fuckin me."

Charon sighed, angry for a quick minute.

"That would not happen."

I have a trained killer who has jealousy problems with me. Not only that but he's stocked with a Combat Shotgun and an endless stock of ammo. Yeah, I fell pretty fuckin safe with him around. I managed to smile at him, watching him finish taking my boots off and crawl back up in bed with me. I rested my tired head against his chest. I'm Charon's woman now, I guess. The roles have switched, he own me in a sense.

"I'm sorry I care so much about you."

I said, not really watching or caring what came out of my mouth anymore.

"Why?"

He stroked the side of my head, scratching my hairline and making me feel so…damn warm inside. No one's ever been able to comfort and calm me like he can.

"Because it might be bad one day. Just because I finished helping the Brotherhood doesn't mean we're not done traveling the Capital Wasteland. Once I can stand without wanting to fall on my ass, we're heading out of here. I'm sure we can find something to do."

"It cannot be bad."

That's because he's stupid. If by somehow I get myself in a bad situation, I know now Charon will act on emotions and not on his training. He might forget when enough is enough, and accidentally harm the wrong people. As long as I'm okay in the end though, I don't give a shit. People shouldn't mess with me anyways.

Charon kept scratching my head, making me smile, keeping me warm. It's cold in Underworld, I don't know why but it is. I have a blanket, but I don't need it. If Charon's planning on cramping himself on this small bed with me, his body heat will keep me safe and warm.

"I can't wait to get home…"

I muttered, closing my eyes.

"Yes."

He kissed the top of my head, his ghoul lips pressing down. I want to have a make out session, but I can't because I can't really control where my limbs go. I don't want to accidentally knock him in the face. There's time for that shit later now, though. I don't have to rush into anything. I don't have to be anywhere at any given time. For the first time in my life out here, I can just sit back and relax. I don't have to worry, I don't have to think about what it is I need to do. I can simply empty my head, and rest here with Charon.

"I am thankful you survived the radiation inside the Purifier."

"I am, too. I'd be dead if I didn't."

"Yes, I'm aware of that."

I sighed, pressing my face into him. This is wrong, I know it is, but I don't care. I don't care who hates me because of this. I'm lucky. I have someone out here who keeps me safe, away from harm, and cares about me. That's something you can't find out here, trust. Everyone's always trying to survive, not caring who they hurt. I'm a prime example of that. But now I have trust. I have someone and I don't care who shits on it.

I was about to let myself fall asleep. Fall into a well-needed rest propped up against Charon in the dim lighting of the Ninth Circle, but I heard a door open. I felt Charon's body stiffen against mine, and felt him pull away from me as he reached for his shotgun. I can't defend myself, and he knows this. Opening my eyes, I saw him staring off at the far door, the one closest to us, and on the opposite side of the bar. I watched, trying to clear my blurring vision, as someone walked over to us. Charon stood, his shotgun aimed.

"Don't shoot! Don't shoot!"

I can't tell if it's a boy or a girl, but damn they're scared.

"Who are you?"

Charon growled and I angrily rubbed my eyes. When opened them again, I saw a man in Wasteland Wanderer garb standing in front of Charon, his hands blocking the gun. Like that would help.

"I'm from The Pitt! Don't shoot!"

Charon looked at me, and I shrugged, too tired and weak to care.

"Never saw him before in my life."

Charon cocked his shotgun, stepping closer to him.

"You heard her. Choose your words carefully…"

Props to Charon. Even without his contract he listened to me, read between my words. Neither one of us trust anyone we encounter in the Capital Wasteland, and for good fucking reason.

"Please! Listen to me! You helped Wernher! I saw you, you fought in the Hole and you got a huge scar across your back!"

He knew, and the only way he would know that is if he actually did see it happen. Charon looked back at me, and I nodded.

"Let's see what he has to say."

I could tell Charon didn't want to hear jack shit. He wanted to shoot this strange guy who appeared in the Ninth Circle, seemingly unaware of the ghoul population. I took note of how he nervously kept staring at Charon, trying to figure out what exactly he is.

"I…I came to…to find you. I…remember you from The Pitt, you freed us all."

"Tell me something I don't know."

I pretended I didn't feel as weak as I felt, and dug into my pocket for a cigarette. Charon stood beside me, and took one from the pack. Smoking made me feel tougher than I really felt, and I liked feeling badass.

"I needed to speak with you, it's urgent."

"I'm not going back into The Pitt. You figure that shit out on your own now, you're free."

He shook his head at me, his dirty hair flying everywhere. I noticed he didn't have Trog. Not good. Everyone, and I mean _everyone_, in The Pitt has Trog. The cure isn't done yet, I know that too, Wernher said it would take a year to fully complete. He's not from The Pitt, he's lying.

"I need to speak with you, just you, alone."

Charon gripped his cigarette in his teeth, cocking his shotgun.

"No."

It was all he needed to say to almost make the guy piss himself. A six foot something ghoul standing over you with a loaded shotgun would make anyone shit their pants. Well, besides me. I didn't want to inform Charon that the mystery man was lying. I wanted to see what he wanted from me.

"I…I followed you from the Citadel. They wouldn't…they wouldn't let me in and I _need_ to talk to you."

"About what?"

"I need your help, in The Pitt. They…they want to kill me."

He gave me this sob story about Wernher that I proved wrong in my head. I smoked my cigarette, forcing my body to stay awake, forcing my arms to do what I wanted them to do. I noticed the guy looked at my chest from time to time. I pulled the covers to my neck, glaring at him. He's a liar.

"What's your name?"

I asked, tossing my cigarette on the floor.

"Uh…my name it's…Kyle."

Our eyes met. He's lying about that, too.

"Your story sounds bad, and it's really sad."

"So you'll help me?"

"No. I might, I mean, if you were telling the truth. But you lied. You're not from The Pitt."

"Excuse me?"

"For one you have no signs or symptoms of Trog, for two you don't have a burn on you, and everyone knows The Pitt is full of hellfire and shit like that. Three, the cure isn't ready and won't be for another year."

Charon growled when I finished, and pointed his shotgun at him again. I could see his muscles tense, the veins pumping as they pushed blood though him. I glanced over at 'Kyle' as he nervously stared down the barrel of Charon's shotgun.

"You have one more shot to tell me the truth."

"I do not think we should give him that, Dez. He could be the one that has been following us."

I shrugged, covering up a wince from the pain in felt with a yawn. Shit I'm gonna go on one hell of a rampage when I can move again.

"Alright. Alright. I'll tell you the truth, but you're not going to like it."

"No, I won't. I don't like anything people have to say."

"I was hired to warn you."

I cocked an eyebrow, cautiously looking over at Charon.

"Warn me about what?"

"Look, I don't know who you are, or what you did, but people are pissed. My people, anyways."

"Who the fuck are 'your people'?"

"I come from Paradise Falls. I used to be a slave but worked my way free, and I've been hired to…I'm not sure, but relay a message."

At the sound of 'Paradise Falls', Charon took a few steps closer to him. What the hell do some Slaver pricks want with me?

"Warn me? About what?"

"At first they wanted to recruit you, they need your help. Once they found out that shit you pulled up at The Pitt, all their business is lost. They lost five men when they went in there, _five_. They want you now."

"Want me? As in…_enslave_?"

He nodded.

"The bounty on your head is high. I don't know shit about you, but they want you and…him."

He pointed nervously to Charon whose gun was almost at his temple. Slavers want me? I thought they were on my side…I figured I was badass enough for them to…leave me the fuck alone. Guess not.

"Whose paying for this bounty?"

"I don't know! I swear that's all I know!"

I didn't know what to do. I have Charon, but even Charon isn't protection against a Mesmetron. I could kill this kid, in one swift word have him laying dead. But no, I didn't. I can use this to my advantage.

"Go home, little boy. Go back to Paradise Falls and tell them…tell them to just fucking _try_."

Charon looked at me nervously, as if to say 'you're serious?', but I don't care.

"You…you're not going to kill me?"

"Leave right fucking now and I won't."

He was out like he was on fire. I never seen a man run so fast in my life. I might have laughed at it, too, if I wasn't so damn tired. Charon looked at me, lowering his weapon.

"You let him go?"

The words sounded familiar in my head, but I didn't try to figure out why.

"Charon, I'm too tired to care, really."

He nodded, but he didn't agree. I could tell by the look in his eyes he was worried. Charon doesn't say much, and I like that about him. He doesn't argue if I give short answers. He just accepts them and moves on.

"I understand, Dez. You need rest now, though."

Charon came and laid with me, his arms around me again. I should be worried about the guy's warning, worried about Slavers and shit. But they don't know where I am. And even if they did, they don't know where I live. Maybe some of them remember Rockopolis, but that was a long time ago. They probably think it's caved in and gone now. Plus I'm pretty safe with Charon. As soon as I get my bearings and can get on my own two feet, I'll be doubly safer.

Still, it does suck out here. It sucks knowing that just when I get myself up and ready, I'm going to have to fight or some shit. Knowing someone is after me, someone might be following me, someone might want to kill me. It's the same shit every day, just a different back story. I have successfully pissed off everyone in the Capital Wasteland at least once. I'm not sure if I should be proud of that, but it does bring a smile to my face. I mean, who else can say they've achieved that? I've pissed off everyone from Rivet City to Raven Rock and back again. That's a lot of people.

But I've helped just as many, too. No one seems to give me credit for that, they only remember the wrongs I've committed. Maybe now with starting the Purifier and having Three Dog on my side, the people here will appreciate me. Maybe one day I'll wake up and not hear voices or strive to do bad things. Who knows? Anything can happen out here, I guess.


	22. Chapter 22

(Charon)

I watch Dez as she slowly falls to sleep. It is strange to me, seeing her now after two long weeks. I slide my arms from her, gently moving from the bed so I do not disturb her. I had assumed what the Brotherhood had told me was the truth, that she had died inside that room along with Sara Lyons. I cannot explain the urgency and pain I felt inside, when I was able to open my eyes that day.

I remember the shocking spike in energy, the radiation knocking me into the wall behind me. I stood, my broken arm healed without a scar or trace. I moved my limbs first, with no pain or soreness. I was not knocked out, simply...knocked into a state of confusion. The vast amounts of radiation that poured out was immense, more than the levels I had felt at Vault 87. It gave me strength, revived my health and healed my battle wounds I had received during the march over. I got my bearings and stood, seeing Sara Lyons unconscious on the floor. She was not my main objective.

I glanced inside that room, and saw Dez. She was laying there, her eyes closed, it looked like she was simply sleeping. Her body was sprawled out at an awkward angle, legs outstretched, arms out in front of her. But her head, her face, was turned upwards. She had looked at me, before the blast, one last time.

My heard pounded in my chest, power and raw emotion overtaking me in the heat of the moment. It only took two well-placed hits with the butt of my shotgun to make a hole wide enough for me to force my arm through. The glass cut into my skin, my muscle, severing a vein in my arm. The radiation healed it before a drop of blood could touch the floor. I was attempting to reach her, open the door from the inside and walk in. I could not leave her there, something in me urged me to keep going and retrieve her.

The Brotherhood marched in shortly after. Some of the Knights had to leave the room instantly, the radiation being too much for them to handle. I was still struggling, still trying to get inside the room. Somehow, I believed that if I could just get _in_, she would open her eyes. If I could pick her up, carry her to safety, she would soon wake, and ask what I was doing. She would ask me where she was, what she'd done and where everyone else was. I hated myself for two weeks, thinking I had sent her to her own death.

When the Brotherhood Knights were able to get the equipment needed to enter the room safely, they first took Sara Lyons. I was restrained, tackled by five of their men. I did not believe the strength I felt, the sheer power the radiation gave me. I felt like a caged animal, lashing out at them with every fiber in my being. It was useless, after a time. I gave up, and watched as they carried Sara Lyons off on a white stretcher. Two Knights held my arms, trying to restrain me from creating a larger hole in the door.

"What about Dez?"

I asked the Knight to my left, staring at him through his Power Helmet. Anger beat inside my chest, pumped in my veins at their lack of concern for the woman who sacrificed everything for them.

"They'll get her. Sara's more important right now, she wasn't in the room, there's a chance she survived."

I was shocked at the casual demeanor the Knight spoke to me in. I was not able to ask more questions, as they began taking me from the Rotunda. Dez, the woman who had gone in there, and given me the FEV vile, was not on their list of prime objectives. That vile burned a hole in my pocket at I walked with them, feeling it pressing against my thigh…I had half a mind to drop it in the Purifier myself, angry at them for their carelessness.

The strength I had felt moments, seconds before, slipped away from me when we exited the Rotunda. Paladins, Knights, and Initiates swarmed the Jefferson Memorial, weapons blazing, fearful of any Enclave soldiers Liberty Prime or Dez might have missed. The Knights carrying Sara Lyons walked ahead of me, and I glared at them. I cursed them in my mind, hating them for leaving Dez. I hated myself at that moment as well, for not fighting longer, harder, in an attempt to save her.

Only when we left the Jefferson Memorial did their grip on my arms loosen. I was able to jerk myself away from them, taking my shotgun from my back and holding it as if I was going to use it. They stepped away from me, intimidated.

"Go get Dez."

I told one of the Knights. He simply looked at me, and pointed. I followed his finger towards the door to the memorial, looking just in time to see them carrying Dez out. She was on a stretcher the same as Sara Lyons was, only a thin white sheet covered her. I could not see her face, but saw her small, fragile hand hanging out from the sheet. I do not know what drove me at that moment. It was a mixture of things, mostly rage, that caused my attack. I do not regret my actions, even right now at this moment as I glance back at Dez while she sleeps, I do not regret the crime I committed in her name.

I was blinded, an impenetrable shield of emotions blocking my clear senses. I attacked the Knights around me, cocking and firing my shotgun faster than I ever had before. I did not care if I seriously injured someone, I only cared about hurting someone. Anyone, it did not matter whom, I just could not bear to see Dez so lifeless. I wished I had not looked, wished I had not seen it. A Knight was able to retrieve my shotgun from my hands, receiving a shot in the arm before doing so. It did not matter to me.

I was restrained after that, held by two Knights, and another one walking behind me with his Mini Gun aimed directly at my back. They did not give me my shotgun, keeping it from my reach.

"You're lucky you came with that girl, or we would have killed you."

I said nothing to the Knight who scolded me. His words meant nothing to me, and I wished they had not hesitated with their weapons. The men who carried Dez's body walked just paces ahead of me, and I could see her body bounce with every uneven step they took. I felt nothing but sorrow, loss, emptiness filling me in ways I never knew possible. Emotions were never part of my mainframe. As if I was a tool, a machine, I went about my orders and objectives without so much as a second thought. Until she came, until she provoked them inside of me.

Now, I had to watch the only person who cared for me in over two hundred years, be carried off, dead. I struggled with containing my emotions, forcing myself to hide them, conceal them. The Knights would tug at my arms, making me hold my hands behind my back. I did not object, I simply wanted to make it to the Citadel, and retrieve her body. I would give her the burial she so rightfully deserved, take her from the place that she dreaded coming to.

Yet upon my arrival, they did not let me see her. They took us both inside the infirmary, doctors rushing to the aid of Sara Lyons. No one rushed to aid Dez. They simply hid her behind a white curtain, and began to give Sara Lyons their undivided attention.

"What about Dez?"

I snarled as I was thrown into a chair. Scribes came over, checking my vital signs and flashing lights into my eyes. I could tell they did not wish to be near me, let alone touch my rotting flesh.

"It is no use worrying about her, she died with honor."

Sara Lyons father, Elder Lyons, told me without emotion or conviction.

"I wish to take her body with me. She deserves a proper burial."

Much to my utter shock and dismay, Elder Owyn Lyons laughed at me. I grit my teeth together, letting out a guttural growl that frightened away the doctors poking and prodding me. It caused Owyn Lyons to stop his hearty laugh, and to look my in the eye.

"You will not. We are not releasing her to someone…like you. We do not know of your relations, it would be wise to leave now while my men are busy at the memorial. We do not want any 'accidents' now do we?"

"My relations to her are none of your concern. I wish to take her body with me, that is my request."

"Request denied my good…erm…whatever you are. Ghouls don't have sexes, do they? Ah, it does not matter. Leave here, before I am forced to utilize the many soldiers I have."

I did not have a choice in the matter. Rising from my seat, I stood over, taller, than everyone else in the room. Sara Lyons was receiving attention and care from doctors, and I frowned. I wanted to wish ill upon her, but I did not. I glared down at Owyn as I took my leave, trying to steal one last look at Dez before the door slammed in my face.

The walk back to Underworld was the most painful thing I have ever had to do in all my time here. Traces of Dez's presence were scattered everywhere, her image fresh inside my mind, the taste of her still on my lips. I would look to the side of me, and remember a time she had been there, walked the ground, or looked at me with a smile or smirk. Inside the tunnels, I found a piece of her armor, a spike from the shoulder pads she wore. I knelt down to retrieve it, feeling it in my hands. I pocketed it, and continued on my way.

It is a strange thing, to miss someone, to cry for them. I have never cried nor missed anyone in my entire life. Yet as I navigated the tunnels, alone in the dark, I found myself with tears on my cheeks. I found that I was remembering the times we shared, the ones that may have been frightful and scary, but now seem so simple and unimportant. I remembered the incident at Jury Street Metro Station, when the Talon Mercenaries had ambushed us. I remembered how I had pulled her into me, protecting her from any harm that could have come her way. She never showed fear, no matter what we were up against, she was ready to run into battle. It often angered me, her foolishness with the way she approached situations.

Now I am remembering those times, wishing I could relive them again with her. She very rarely smiled at me, wide and toothy, but when she did it warmed me inside. It reminded me that we are all human, despite what we may look like, and that humans need companionship. I had tried to hate her, tried to detach myself and erase the feelings she began to invoke. It was to no avail, and now I feel regret for it. If I had not cared so much for her, loved her as deeply as I had, I would not be walking to Underworld, with tears streaming down my face.

Two long, agonizing weeks. I returned to the Ninth Circle, and much to my surprise, Carol was waiting there. She greeted me with a smile, a warm embrace. Over our years together, I have come to view Carol as a surrogate mother to me. She knows this without me trying to tell her, and for that I am grateful. I have not yet figured out ways to properly express my emotions to people, it makes me uncomfortable to try.

"I heard about everything, Charon."

Carol's body is small compared to mine, and I did not hug her as tightly as I wanted, as I needed at the time. I released her, and took a step back, straightening myself.

"How?"

I heard myself ask. It felt as if my voice had left me, as if I was not in my own body. I did not feel like I was truly living in a dream, and that soon I would wake, and find Dez nestled under my arms, curled into my body for warmth like she had been just the other night.

"Three Dog, Charon. He reported everything, how Dez…Charon if there's anything you need, please feel free to ask."

"I wish to listen to Three Dog."

She nodded at my request, and stepped from my path. I walked towards the back of the room, to the counter where Ahzrukhal had kept the radio. Ghouls watched me, all silent as if I came from the dead. The radio was off, and I turned the knob and it came to life. Three Dog's notorious howl was not present, and I felt as if the entire Capital Wasteland was mourning with me.

"Wastelanders...it is hard for me, Three Dog, to say this again. It seems that the Brotherhood of Steel have successfully kicked those Enclave bastards out of the memorial for good and started the Purifier. But kiddies, at what cost? We lost a great soul today, Miss 101. With a mean streak like she had, it took a lot for her to do what she did for everyone. Looks like news is bleak, and my sources say they saw her being carried out under a white sheet…"

Three Dog cut to 'Maybe', trying to befit the mood of everyone. I did not turn the radio off, I simply stood in place, my head hanging as I stared down at the floor.

"Charon…I'm sorry. I didn't know you two were very close."

I looked down at Carol, sighing loudly. I guess this is what it feels like to be hurt, and to be alone, all at once.

"Yes. We were…we were close, Carol. It pains me now, to have lost her in such a manner. I do not know how to properly deal with it."

I spoke without emotion in my voice. It was not because I did not want to, but because I do not know how to just yet. This has all happened to me at one moment, it seems too much for me to bear.

"It's normal, Charon, to feel like that. I understand."

Carol rubbed my arm in comfort, but I turned from her. I must learn how to deal with this alone. I do not wish to burden anyone with my complicated explanations of emotions. All I simply wish to do is remember Dez, and mourn her in the only way I can see possible.

Two weeks later, I had begun to come to terms with my strong emotions. I had been serving drinks at the Ninth Circle, and tuning in to Three Dog to hear his reports and updates on the Brotherhood of Steel. He only ever mentioned Dez once in a while, and I tried to ignore these updates. On this particular day, I wanted to hear it. I wanted to hear him talk of her, no one else ever did.

"You're a fuckin' rotten asshole, you know that?"

Those words had woken something inside me. When I turned my body, I saw Dez standing in front of me, swaying and shaking. She looked sick, pale and exhausted, but none of that processed in my mind. I rushed to her, holding her in my arms. I felt like I had been given a second chance.

I glance down at her sleeping body, disbelieving the truth to this situation. I pull a cigarette from my pocket, placing it between my lips and lighting it. Dez sleeps peacefully, her hair strewn across her face. I have never felt so many emotions towards a single person, towards anyone. It is refreshing, new, and I relish in it. She has returned, as if from the dead. I know now that the Brotherhood has lied to me, and I shall never forgive them for that. They made me believe that the only thing I have in this world, the only thing I have ever cared for, was lost forever to me.

I look around the Ninth Circle, in all of it's vast emptiness. In the morning, I am sure ghouls will gather here, inquiring about Dez, asking and whispering. Many of them have asked me in my two weeks here about her. They inquired about our relations, what she was to me if not only my employer. I never told them, simply mentioned that we were close, and that was all. I do not know what it is about me that makes me want to protect our relationship. It angers me, when they ask about her.

She turns in her sleep, pulling the blanket up atop her body. My head is clouded with emotions, with thoughts and images. The night she kissed me plays, fresh and vulnerable in my mind. I held her in my arms, wishing I could take back what I'd done to make her so hurt. I knew when she kissed me, that there was no going back for me. I will never be the emotionless mercenary I was trained to be. I have broken one of the most vital rules of my training: do not develop emotional ties to those you serve. No one from that time is alive now, but I am still fearful. I still jump at every sound, anticipating them to appear and punish me. Sometimes, I can still feel the welts and slices that they had laid upon my back. It throbs, reminding me of the mistakes I have made since being with Dez.

The crack of the whip is a fresh sound, though I have not heard it in nearly two-hundred and fifteen years. The anticipation and the everlasting pain sparked in my mind every time we kissed that night. For every breath of pleasure and lust I inhaled, it was shadowed by the stinging and burning of the whip. The screams of my fellow classmates, the calls of my superiors, echoed in the recesses of my aging mind. I couldn't ignore it, but I didn't think of it. I pushed it from my mind, focusing only on the girl that lay beneath me.

I have never been with a woman before. I have never experienced intercourse, or felt the curves a woman's body holds. I do not dare try to caress Dez in that manner, I sense she is not ready for that, and I know I am not either. She wishes to take this slowly, waiting for a 'perfect' time and place. I respect her wishes enough to fulfill them, but I know that 'perfect' is merely a word tossed around. If and when this action takes place, I sense it will be embarrassing for us, clumsy and something we will later laugh at. Maybe that is what she feels 'perfect' is, but I have read my fair share of books, seen my fair share of movies. Women are complicated beings.

Pacing around the marble flooring of the Ninth Circle, I realize I am fearful. I am fearful of not being able to provide for Dez, in ways that a man should provide. In all my knowledge of literature and romance, the man saves the woman, and takes her on a beautiful bed. Dez would surely scoff at that, I am sure, yet I cannot help but feel inadequate. There are many men out here who would do anything for a woman of Dez's standards. A woman who does not stray from battle, who can nurse a wound with expertise and a woman who can endure almost anything you may have to throw at her. Eventually I know she will realize I am no longer a man, but a ghoul, a monster. Soon, she will disregard me for someone better, more well-suited to her needs. When that time comes, I will respect her choice and listen to whatever request she may have after that. If she wishes me to leave, then I will do so.

Now should not be the time to think of such things. I should be rejoicing in the fact that I have her in my life once more, given a second chance in a sense. I am able to once again travel with her, accompanying her on the journeys that may lie ahead. Moreover, I am able to freely kiss her, I was only able to enjoy a single night of it, before the Brotherhood of Steel stole her away. It will not happen again, however. I will not allow them to take her, nor will I allow anyone to take her. I do not wish to feel the pain I felt in her absence again.

"Charon?"

I hear her weakly call my name, and I look over at her.

"Yes?"

Smoke spills from my mouth when I speak. I see her hair, in front of her face, her tired eyes half open, her chest only covered by a thin layer of fabric. Scars on her body glitter in the faint light, making her seem that much more attractive.

"You're not here."

"I am smoking, I did not wish to disturb you."

She frowns at me for a moment, and I wonder what she is thinking. Her frown vanishes, and she flashes a smile at me. It almost makes me want to smile back, but I do not.

"I can't sleep."

I throw my cigarette to the floor, stepping on it with my heavy foot. I turn to her, crossing my arms. I always keep my patience with her, I feel it helps in a small way.

"Why?"

"It hurts…can you get me some Med-X?"

"You do not need Med-X right now, Dez. What you need is rest."

She frowns at me, brushing the thin strands of hair from her face. I can tell she is still having trouble moving, she winces when she shifts.

"I don't _want_ to rest, Charon. I want to _go_ and _do_ stuff."

"Dez, you have just returned from a very consequential event. Rest and relaxation is what you need."

"I want to go _home_."

She pouts at me, her eyes tired and her body frustrated. I can understand her eagerness to return to her home, she has only spent a single night there. Her determination is to be admired, but I cannot let her leave in this state. She can hardly move to sit up without pain, she would not be safe traveling such a long way.

"After you rest some more, we can go home."

"I'll show you my tits if you go with me now."

I sense the sarcasm in her voice, and play along as I always have before.

"I am sure your tits would be quite the sight, but there will be other chances for me. You must rest now."

"You said 'tits'."

"I am aware of this, yes."

"I'll show 'em."

I walk over to her and pull the thin blanket over her shoulders. She is drenched in a cold sweat, she is not well enough. I sit beside her on the bed, keeping my stature and demeanor. Dez and I have always competed with one another, and often she is the victor. I let her win, I always let her win.

"I will see them another time, lie back down."

"No you won't because I'm going to lock them away."

I sigh, knowing she will not give up easy.

"Sexual favors have no constraint over me, Dez. Now please, rest."

She stares at my face, my eyes and face. When she does this, I have to force myself not to look away. I am always reminded of my features, my monstrous appearance. Her analytic traits do not need to remind me.

"Because of your training, huh?"

Her question does not surprise me, but it catches me off guard.

"Yes."

"What happened if…you did stuff? Ya know? Sex?"

"It never happened. We were told of the consequences, and never felt the desires."

Dez leaned forward, pressing her head into my forearm. I do not know if she wants me to hold her, or simply support her weight. I stare at the top of her head as she rubs her cheek against my bare arm, her eyes closed.

"Nova told me that when two people who really love each other have sex, it's different than when two strangers fuck."

"You have spoken to Nova?"

"Not recently. My first day in Megaton. Jericho wanted to bang me, that's why. Her and Jericho had a thing, in the past I guess, and they never really got over it."

I nod my head, taking my eyes from her. I do not know what to say, so I remain quiet.

"I don't know if that's true, though. I don't think so."

"Why?"

"Fucking is fucking, why would emotions matter? You get naked, put it in, and shift up and down, and then roll away like nothing happened."

"Is that how you remember it to be?"

She looks up at me, biting her bottom lip. I pull out a cigarette, and light it for her. Dez takes it with a shaky hand, her eyes watering.

"Kind of. Yeah. I've only ever really had sex with Butch but…I don't remember it ever being enjoyable. I don't like it."

I watch as she grips the filter of the cigarette between her teeth. She is remembering a time that I was not present for, a time that causes her pain.

"I...uh…don't think anyone would ever want me like that again anyways."

She is vulnerable, the topic is sensitive with her. I choose my words carefully.

"Why?"

"Cuz…I uh…got shit and shit. I just have a lot of skeletons in my closet is all. I'd probably cry in the middle of it. No one wants that."

"I see."

Her head twists as she looks up at me, her eyes wide.

"But I mean, if you want to we can. I don't think I'll cry then because it's you but…I wouldn't be that great of a person if I gave you blue balls all the time, huh?"

"I am comfortable with whatever you are comfortable with."

"You must have some urges?"

"No."

"Not even the other night, when we did the whole kissing thing?"

I grip my pants in my fists, looking away from her and at my thighs. I am not sure what I felt during that time. I was in shock, mostly I believe, and trying to wrap it all together.

"I am not sure. It is still new, it may take some time."

"Oh."

Dez presses her cheek against my torn skin. She inhales the cigarette, and exhales the smoke in front of her face. Speaking of sex and intercourse and other such relations makes me uncomfortable. I do not know the first thing about it, and do not know what it is I am supposed to say.

"You…ever…have sex?"

"No."

I do not lie to Dez. I tell her honestly. Sex was never a part of my life, but I can see she does not believe me. She burns into my eyes, smoking and staring at me.

"I have not performed intercourse myself, but I was ordered to take part in…situations where that was involved."

I see her eyes widen. It was the answer she had been searching for.

"That makes no sense, Charon."

"Ahzrukhal…was an evil bastard. I am not proud of what I did, but it was an order, and I obey orders."

"So…what happened?"

"Ahzrukhal was a dirty evil bastard. I was honor-bound to do anything he requested of me. Once a month, he would order me to leave Underworld, and bring him…a woman."

I glanced down at Dez, unsure of what to expect. She glanced at me knowingly, and pushed off of me. I see the pain on her face as she forces her body upright on it's own. I feel horrible for admitting the deeds I was forced to do. It is as if Dez is passing quick judgment on me, and I do not wish to tell her more.

"What…what happened to them after he was done? A bunch of girls running around crying about two ghouls holding them captive would have set the Brotherhood off."

I sigh heavily, running my hand over my head. I do not wish to tell her, but I know avoiding the topic would only anger her. Angering her is not beneficial to her health, and I will sit and speak with her about anything if it means she will rest.

"Ahzrukhal ordered me to take care of them. I obeyed."

"You killed them?"

"Yes."

Her eyes narrow, she stiffly inhales a breath of nicotine, and slowly lets it run from her lips. I anticipate pain, but remember I am no longer in training, and I hold my own contract. I feel my muscles tighten and relax, my body preparing for a punishment that is not present.

"What if I was one of those girls?"

"It would not have mattered, because you and I had not met at that time."

I have misinterpreted her question. I only realize it after I have answered, it is too late. Dez stares at me, fighting back tears in her eyes.

"What if some Slaver took me to Paradise Falls?"

"I would kill him."

"But you can't hate him, because you did the same thing."

"I was following orders. My own morality disagrees with Ahzrukhal's."

"You still did it. You didn't shoot me, though. You should have."

I have to force my jaw from falling. I have figured she was past this part, hoped that whatever was wrong inside her had been fixed. It is obvious to me now, that it is not. I look away from her, unsure of what to say exactly.

"You killed other girls. You should have killed me. What made me so different from them?"

"I do not know."

I heard her sigh, but I did not look at her. I feel ashamed of my actions. At the time, I was following orders given to me by my employer. I did not mean harm intentionally. The shadows of the things I have done in my past haunt me, but I will never mention this to Dez. She does not need to know all of the things I have done and seen.

"You…Charon you care about me, don't you? You're not just with me because of…because of anything other than that, right?"

How could she think that way? I stare at her, blank as I always am. I cannot think of any other reason why I would be with her.

"Yes."

"But…I'm not the best person in the world."

"It does not matter. You are kind to me, and that is enough."

"Did you think of me? After they made you leave the Citadel?"

She leans forward and stubs her cigarette on the floor. I help her back up, help her sit up. I prop the pillows behind her as she leans against the wall. She has bags under her eyes, her exhaustion showing on her face. Dez is stubborn, she will not rest although she is tired.

"Yes. I thought of you everyday."

"What did you think about?"

I am not under employment, therefore I do not need to answer her questions. Yet I feel…I feel I _want_ to answer her questions. I feel it with soothe and comfort her, reassure her that I care for her, love her deeply.

"I thought about the times we shared together. I thought of you, your appearance, and the nights we have shared in the past."

"Did you miss me?"

"Yes."

I feel the blanket under me move. Dez is tugging at it, pain etching its way over her face. I can only sit in wonder, at what makes this girl tick. At what makes her think these horrible things, at what she must feel when she is alone in her own mind.

"Dez I have a question to ask you."

"What is it?"

"Are…you sure of this? Are you sure that our relations is what you want?"

She stares into my eyes. For a moment, I do not see pain. I see the comfort and contentment that I long to bring to her reside upon her face. It does not last long, but she enforces it with a smile.

"Yeah. Pretty sure."

I do not ask much more. She pats the space next to her, motioning for me to lie with her.

"Wait, help me."

In a fluid motion, she throws the blanket from her body and lays down. Her hands fumble with the two belts over her waist, and she looks up at me.

"Pull them off."

I obey. I stand, gripping the bottoms of her pants. When she unfastens the buckles of both belts, I give a gentle tug. Painfully, she slides her pants down, and I am able to get them off of her legs.

"That's better."

I place her pants beside the rest of her outfit on the floor. I hand her the blanket and she covers herself, fighting the ache she feels with every movement in her body.

"Lay down…"

She whispers, as if she doesn't want anyone to hear. No one is around to hear her, but I do not point that out. I walk over to the side of the bed, and she looks up at me.

"Take your pants off, it can't be comfortable to sleep in them."

It is not comfortable. I have only been doing so out of respect for Dez. I did not want to offend her. Now I see that she does not mind, and I begin to work the leather belt that has been digging into my waist. It comes undone with ease, and I feel my pants sliding from my legs. I have never felt so exposed. Once, when traveling with her father to Rivet City, she convinced me to swim with her. It was the only time I took my pants off in front of her, I believe. Doing it now, with her watching me, feels awkward.

I fold my pants, placing them next to my armor and shotgun. Dez's eyes wander up and down my body, and I wish she would not do that. It makes me uncomfortable, as if I am under examination.

"You have a lot of skin, Charon."

I nod as I lie next to her, fixing the blanket so that she is fully covered.

"Yes."

"You're almost human."

Almost. It is the operative word in her sentence, reminding me that I am not human. Reminding me that I am a creature, a monster, laying beside her. I should be a human, I owe that much to Dez.

"Dez I have a question to ask you."

She moved her body into mine. I feel her head against my chest, the heat of her breath going past the fabric in my shirt. Her eyes close, and she wraps a weak arm around my stomach.

"Shoot."

"Does my appearance bother you?"

Her body stiffened against mine. I watch as she painfully lifts her hand, her eyes open, she looks at me. Her hand finds my face, and she gently grazes my lips.

"No lips…no nose…no ears, no skin either. You have veins showing, and a lot of muscle exposed on your cheeks."

I close my eyes, waiting to hear the answer I know I will have to bear. She lists off my flaws, as if this is a game. I did not choose this life, it was forced upon me.

"But...no. I never really see you as a ghoul, anyways."

"You do not?"

I am relieved at her words. I am thankful, and it feels as if a weight has been lifted.

"No stupid. You care about me, and I think that's enough."

Her lips pressed against my chest, and I want to smile about it. I want to smile over everything. Having Dez back in my life, holding her like this, being able to be free for the first time. It is a change I am not use to, but one I will come to appreciate more than I do now. Taking my arm, I place it around her and squeeze her small, fragile body.

"Charon?"

I do not think I will ever tire of hearing the way she says my name.

"Yes?"

"I want to go home."

"You must rest first."

"Can we go tomorrow?"

"If you are well."

She says 'home' like we share it. As if it is more than just me 'sleeping over' or some other form of just being roommates. I have never had a 'home' before.

"You're…going to come home with me, right?"

"If that is what you wish."

"It is."

She did not need to ask. I would blindly follow her until ordered not to.

"When you are well, we will begin the journey home."

"And then what?"

Closing my eyes, I allowed my head to rest against the soft pillow beneath me. My hand found it's way into Dez's hair, and I began to stroke her hair. I heard her sigh, and I sighed in return.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, what happens when we get home? Do we sit there? What?"

"I do not know."

Her arm felt my torso, she is nervous.

"Are we going to…be like Gob and Nova? Or just ignore it and find shit to do?"

"I do not know, Dez. It is something we will have to wait and see about."

"In the vault, we had to get married with kids by like, twenty-five. I don't know if domestic life is for me. Especially out here."

"I am not sure of what you are trying to say, Dez."

"I mean…would you still want to be with me if I didn't stay home? If I dragged you on useless adventures?"

"Yes."

There is no hesitation in my replies. I know the answer before she is finished speaking. She does not ask me any more questions. I feel her head pressing against my chest. She searches for comfort in me, looks for satisfaction and acceptance in my company. Dez has become dependant on me, and I do not feel that I will be able to give her all the things she seeks.


	23. Chapter 23

I pretend to sleep. Truth is I _can't_ sleep. Every time I close my eyes, I see something. I see Butch or my dad or _something_. I fucking hate it. Charon won't stop pestering me to rest and all that happy shit. I know he's got my best interest at heart, but I can't listen to him. My head is too full. _You should go back to the Brotherhood. Go back there, and kill them all._ No, no I can't. I hate them, that's a given for sure, but I can't kill them. Sara and her dad are asshole bigots, but I can't face them. In their eyes, I'm a disgrace. They didn't even respect me enough to let Charon see me one last time. What kind of person does that, anyways?

Charon's sleeping now, so that's good. My body hurts like a motherfucker, but I separate myself from him, and throw myself on the floor. It's hard to move, it hurts to move, but I can't sit still anymore. Slavers are after me, the Brotherhood has no more use for me, Gob and Nova miss me. I let Autumn go, and Charon spent two weeks thinking I was dead. My life never seems to have a good series of events, just things that happen. I hate it.

Picking myself from the floor, I force myself to hobble over to my pack. Using all my strength, I drag it over into the light, near the bed. I don't want Charon waking up and throwing a fit because I'm not in eyesight. I'm right here, but I need to be alone for a minute. I need to let this all soak in. Never have I ever had the chance to do as I wanted to do. To just run away and live my own life, making my own choices. I always had something eating at me in the back of my mind, knowing that I had to do something. Now I don't have that. It feels different.

It's not fulfilling. I don't feel the ease and peace I thought would come along with this. I looked at Charon as he slept. I felt a smile creep over my face. Now, he and I can take on the world and be together forever. There's nothing that can stop us, at all. I guess that's one good thing that came from all this. Even when I die, I don't want to be without Charon. I know its horrible to say, but I've had my chance of close encounters. Dying while Charon watches isn't my cup of dirty water.

Shoving my hand in my pack, I took out all my stash, checking to make sure the Brotherhood didn't scam me. Everything was there, the little I brought. I picked up my gun, it's old, going to break soon. There's cracks in it, and I sighed. My body hurts, but I have to keep moving. That kid who came here talking about the Slavers spooked me more than I let on. Slavers might be brave enough to come back here, and try to find me. There's always a bounty on my head it seems, never anything good comes my way.

"Dez?"

I looked over at Charon. His eyes weren't open, but he was awake.

"Yeah what?"

"Why are you not sleeping?"

"I can't sleep."

"What are you doing?"

I sighed loudly, forcing my body to move as I crawled over to my armor. I slid my top on with a little more ease than I had taking it off.

"Getting ready to go home."

Charon sat up and looked at me. He didn't argue with me, he knows better now. I watched as he got up and began to get dressed himself. I slid on my pants, ignoring the pain in my body. There's got to be some Med-X in my Lunchbox.

"You are not well enough to go now, Dez."

"I'm going. You don't have to come with me if you don't want to."

"No. I will come."

I nodded and reached for my pack. Pulling out my Lunchbox I found a single shot of Med-X. Thank god. Shooting it in my forearm, I felt the numbness, and absence of pain and aching. Charon strapped on his boots, and stood from sitting on the bed.

"You must be extra careful then, Dez."

I nodded, looking back at my broken gun. Charon stood over me while I sat on the floor, looking over my stuff. He helped me stand up, and I looked at him. With all that's happened, I still feel empty inside. I still don't…know how to fix it.

"You said I was born with the verse of something Micah. What about you? You got to have some verse tied to you, too."

Charon stared intently at me, motioning for me to get my things. I strapped my pack to my back, and held my gun in my hand. With the Med-X numbing me, I didn't feel any pain from the weight.

"I was born on February third. The last digit of the year of my birth is four. Psalm 23:4: Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of Death, I will fear no evil. For you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me."

I looked back at him, he's so smart. I've never met someone who knows so much about everything, and I feel kind of intimidated.

"Sounds like that should be mine."

"Possibly."

I stared at the marble floor a bit longer before walking. Charon followed me, obedient and without argue. We pushed through the doors of the Ninth Circle, walking down the marble stairs.

"Where's your contract?"

"I have it. Would you like it?"

"No. Keep it."

I led him through the main doors, and into the foyer. The gathering of ghouls were still there, still listening to the ghoul with the bad wig. He talked about how his hair grew back from drinking 'Aqua Pura'. What a crock of shit.

"People will believe anything, huh?"

I asked Charon, elbowing him while we walked by them. He kept a watchful eye on the group, scanning them over.

"Yes. In desperate times, people will seek hope and comfort from the most unusual of places."

I swallowed hard, opening the doors to the Mall. The sun was going to rise soon, I could tell by the glow the sky had. Charon scanned the area for Super Mutants, and when he didn't find any he led me down to the tunnels.

"Like me?"

I asked him while he fumbled with the lock. He didn't look up at me.

"Yes. Like you."

It's kind of painful to hear that I was desperate, that I am desperate. But at least I didn't follow some ass like Butch or the Enclave. I got lucky with Charon. Luck can only run so far before it's gone though, and I hung my head low as we walked through the gates and into the underground. I am desperate, I need comfort and attention. I've been so alone my entire life that…that now I think I'll die without it. I don't see how I can manage my own life without Charon's two cents in everything I do. He's got morality, compassion and sympathy. Things I lack in a bad way. He's got the voice of reason that I was just never born with.

It saddens me whenever I find out something about myself. Everyone I know goes away in the end. Amata, Butch, mom and dad. I never knew mom, but I'm angry as fuck for her leaving me. Her only daughter, alone in the Capital Wasteland. I'm angry at dad for being so fucking selfish. If he told the Enclave what they wanted to hear, he could have survived. He could have lived and been here with me. Instead he decided that the 'good fight' was more important. Again, work comes before his only daughter. Now, I can only ask what I've become. What have I become? Who am I and why am I still feeling so lost and empty? I did what I needed to do but…I still haven't done anything…

Looking up at Charon, I figured maybe I had done something. In a way, I saved his entire life. From now on, it seems he's really going to try and separate himself from his contract. If someone grabs it now though, I still don't know if he'd follow suit. He might, he might not. Something tells me he's still dependent on it, like I'm dependent on him. It still feels like he's a total stranger to me.

"Do you think the Slavers are the ones following us?"

Charon looked around the dark room, I hadn't turned on my Pip-Boy light. I didn't think there was a need to. The tunnels wouldn't take more than an hour to navigate through, and soon we'd be out in broad daylight.

"I do not know. It would be wise to sleep with one eye open, if we are going to camp."

"I just want to go home…"

"Yes."

There's something about me and Charon that makes this life bearable. There always has been. From the first night we spent together, till now, there's always been some unknown, underlying thing keeping us together. I'm not sure if he feels it, but I do. He saved my life twice in the same day, the first day we met. Since then it feels like he's become a part of my life. Like he's always been there, in the background of everything, watching me and waiting for his time to come.

"Charon?"

"Yes?"

"You…and me, we're kind of dependent on each other now, aren't we?"

"Yes."

He hasn't changed. He still gives me one-worded answers. It's kind of funny, and I like it, but it can get aggravating. I follow him up the stairs to the platform, feeling the Med-X beginning to wear off. My legs feel like an extra ten pounds has been added to them, and each time my feet touch the ground it hurts like a bitch. I don't want to stop moving, though. I've lived pretty fast-paced since I've been out here, stopping is going to be hard.

Pulling up my Pip-Boy map while Charon works another lock, I notice we're back at Dukov's Place. I just came from here a few short hours ago. We could cross the river and keep heading West, stopping in Megaton to see Gob and Nova. Charon won't mind. He gets the gate open and I walk through, the sun instantly warming me, making me feel a bit better. Maybe all I need to get better is some hours in the warm, warm sun.

Charon follows me across the river, and to the other side. We walk in silence, I don't know what to say to him now. This is new. This whole thing is new. I have nothing I need to do, and I don't know how to enjoy this newfound freedom and release from my responsibilities. The voice still talks in the back of my head, telling me to kill Charon, telling me to go back and kill the Brotherhood. I don't know where it comes from, and frankly, I don't like it.

"Dez!"

I look up at Charon. He's looking at me, but he didn't say my name.

"Who said that?"

I asked him, looking around. Charon takes the shotgun from his back and keeps walking while I follow.

"I do not know, but keep moving."

Move. Move. Walk. Walk. I hear the wind and see the dust swirl. It's early, and the sun is rising behind me. The desert is vacant, dirt and decrepit homes, broken freeways and vehicles. It's all dead. But at the same time, the world deserved it. We were told about the Great War, and frankly, we had it coming. Everyone did. What I saw with the Brotherhood when we were going back to the memorial just proved it all to me. No one can bitch about this place, when everyone's ancestors brought it upon themselves.

I keep an eye on Charon. He looks around cautiously, and I wonder who called my name. Shaking my head, I run my fingers through my hair, forcing the pain and the ache from my head. I feel someone's hand grab my shoulder from behind me, and I jump.

"Dez…"

Butch. I pull away from him and lose my balance. My ass hits the dirt, and the sun is blocked from me. Charon stands in front of me, his gun raised. I pick myself up, standing behind him. Charon cocks his gun, waiting for the next move.

"Butch?"

He's alive? Damn. I didn't know that he'd make it out here. Looks like he can. Fuck.

"Yeah girl it's me. I've been lookin' everywhere for you, heard you left Megaton."

He steps forward, and I hear a hint of…mischief in his voice. Charon grabs the front of his vault suit under his unzipped leather jacket. He holds Butch tight, glaring at him. Butch is scared, and I smile. I feel at home, at peace, finally, in the middle of confrontation.

"What are you doing here?"

The old wound of what he did to me rises up inside. My anger makes everything else completely unimportant.

"Charon, it's okay, let him go."

Charon growls something animalistic, and lets Butch go with a push. He looks at me, and I sigh.

"Dez, you cannot let him go."

"Killing him won't make what he did okay. He's got to live out here, that's punishment enough."

I can see Charon itching to fight Butch, his muscles twitching. I know I'm right, he knows I'm right, and we turn to keep walking. We get a yard or so away when I regret what I'd done.

"You enjoyed every part of it, girl."

That's it. I drop my pack and force my body to move. With each step towards Butch I take, the adrenaline and anger fuels me. I ball my hand into a fist, and lay a punch right on his face. My knuckles scream in pain at me, but I don't care. It feels _good_.

"Fuck you! Fuck you for _everything_! I hate you!"

Butch looks at me, rubbing his cheek.

"You shouldn't have done that girl."

He hits me back, and I should have known better. In the vault, if I argued with him, he'd argue back. If I hit him, he'd hit me back. Out here made no difference. I feel his fist on my jaw, and feel the momentum throw me to the ground. For a minute, it's all hazy and dizzying. I can hear Charon running, and the thud of Butch as he hits the ground. Looking over, I see Charon raising his hand on the air over and over again.

"Charon!"

I yell, picking myself up. Butch is a bloody mess by the time I get Charon off of him. He squirms on the ground, wailing and covering his face with his hands. I can see his head swelling, and I know Charon's strength crushed every bone.

"I will not allow this to go on any longer."

Charon takes his gun and aims it. My heart beats faster as I look into Butch's eyes and see the fear. He reaches up for me to help, but I don't.

"Don't do this Dez! I'm sorry!"

I don't do anything. It's all on Charon. He squeezes the trigger, and the familiar sound of his shotgun echoes in my mind. Butch's head isn't connected to his body. Blood pools into the dirt, and Charon puts the gun on his back. I feel at home now, at ease.

"He deserved it."

I hear myself say as I dig into my pocket for my cigarettes. I light one and lead Charon back on course. I am not happy being the 'good guy'. I am not a 'good guy'. I am happy when I see the blood of battle, and know I played part in brining someone's life to an end. This place isn't good, it eats you from the inside out, and makes you realize that good isn't the best road to travel.

Charon walks beside me, looking around every now and again. My body hurts when I move, hurts when I stand still, hurts in general. Goddamn the Brotherhood. I hate them, I hope they…fail.

"Do you still have the FEV?"

He never told me if he gave it to Elder Lyons.

"Yes."

I can still drop it in the water. I can still end this world as everyone knows it. The thought of that gives me power, and makes me smile sadistically.

"It would be wise to keep walking."

I realized I stopped. I got lost in my thought about the FEV virus. Whoops. I jogged up to Charon, wiping the smile off of my face. He leered down at me. Why did it always seem he was so damned pissed?

"Sorry. You think it's the Slavers who were following us way back when?"

Two weeks ago seems like forever. In the distance I saw a caravan of mercenaries, Brahmin, and traders.

"I do not know. I suspect we are still being followed, however. It would be wise for us to keep moving."

"What are those guys doing?"

I pointed to the caravan in the distance while we started walking. Charon looked over, then back straight ahead.

"They are bringing water to Megaton I suspect. Since you started the Purifier, pure water has been being delivered to all the major settlements in the Capital Wasteland."

"Huh. You think we could stop in and say hello to Gob? I'm sure he's gonna shit a brick at seeing me."

Charon nodded.

"Yes. But we cannot stay. If we are being followed it will be easier for them to follow us home to Rockopolis when we leave."

"So we can stay the night. There's a common room. Then we can slink out in the morning."

"I do not think that is a good idea. We should travel by night, it will make us harder to follow."

I sighed loudly, my body screaming at me for the forced movements I was making it do.

"Charon, they're going to follow us regardless."

He nodded at me, but wasn't happy. I mean, I'm not happy either about being followed, but what can you do?

"Why did you let Autumn go?"

I looked at Charon, shocked.

"What?"

"Colonel Autumn. You allowed him to leave back at the Jefferson Memorial. I am curious as to why."

Looking at the ground, I sighed loudly. Yeah, everyone was kind of pissed at me for that, I could tell.

"Killing him…wouldn't have brought dad back. I did what my father wanted me to do, I started the Purifier. Killing Autumn wouldn't have made me feel any different, or brought my dad back."

"I was just curious."

"I…wish it did bring him back though."

Charon met my eyes with his, and I saw he was trying to forge the expression of 'sympathy' on his face. It didn't work out so well, though. Charon looked away from me, and I looked back at the ground.

"He used to be so…stupid when I was little. He never really spent time with me, he was always working. Nothing ever stopped me from going into his lab, though. I guess relationships are two-way streets. I always figured he'd be here, be around and there'd be time later to patch things up. Now he's not. Now there's no time."

"You must come to terms with his death, Dez. It is not good for you to dwell on the past."

"I know but…I just could have _fixed_ it. I could have gotten him _out_…"

"You almost met the same fate he had. He died because of the radiation levels in the chamber. If you had gone in, you would have died also. You would not have been able to finish the work he started."

I looked up at Charon. He's right but, being an orphan is no fun. I guess he's the wrong person to bitch to about that. _Daddy never loved you._ No, you're wrong. He did love me. Somewhere deep down inside, he did. I know he did.

"Still…"

I said, setting my eyes forward. All of a sudden, I wanted to cry. My body hurt all over, I have a dead dad, and the people responsible for it all show no gratitude or compassion for the sacrifices I've made…the sacrifices my father made. Megaton loomed ahead, in the distance, it's giant metal walls and all the shit its held together with. I don't have ambition anymore. Looking over at Charon, I started to worry. With nothing to do, and everything at my dispense…what's going to happen to me?

As we walked, Megaton came closer and closer into view. Red tick marks came on my compass, but I couldn't see anything when I looked around. Charon was getting nervous, too, he kept looking and searching.

"We're being followed."

I told him, taking out my gun.

"Yes. I do not see where they are."

"How did you know?"

"I can sense it."

My perception isn't that great. Charon always knows when someone's too close or lurking somewhere. I blame his training for that. It usually takes me a look at my Pip-Boy or until they're on top of me to find out if there's a threat. He walked with his shotgun at his side, muscles twitching to pull it out. Whoever was following us made good use of hiding. Even Charon couldn't keep his eyes in one set direction.

"We should hurry into Megaton."

Charon told me, and I nodded. Running is probably going to be near impossible with the lead bricks I have as legs, but it's that or fight five people. At least in Megaton we can lose them for a bit, and be safe. He began to jog, and when he saw I could keep up, he jogged faster. Fuck. My body can't handle this kind of pressure. I feel like it's going to fall apart from under me, collapse right here in the dirt. I groaned, feeling the weight of my pack.

"Are you alright?"

Charon called from ahead of me. I kept jogging with him, forcing my mind to ignore the pain.

"Yeah…"

He didn't believe me, but he didn't stop running. I was elated when I heard the Protectron Deputy Weld welcoming people to Megaton. Charon slowed down, and I fell on the dirt in front of him.

"It hurts!"

I screamed, closing my eyes. My muscles convulsed and twitched inside me. The pain was unbearable. I felt the sun hide from me as Charon bent down. He laid a hand on my collarbone while I twitched on the ground.

"Dez, please, we must continue."

"It fucking _hurts_! I can't _move_!"

My body was burning from the inside, just like it had when I was in the Purifier. Burning and sizzling. I felt my skin turn extra hot, tears of pain sliding down my face. I'd rather be shot ten times than endure this ever again. It hurts and aches, my muscles working on their own. I felt my skin tear as I arched my back, flopping myself onto my hands and knees. My back tore, and I felt blood coming out of the rips.

"Charon it _hurts_! Make it stop!"

I moaned and screamed, it felt like I was on fire. I felt Charon pick me up from the ground, pack, gun and all. I kicked and flailed in his arms, his grip tightening with each fit I had.

"Arrrg!"

I yelled, getting angry with my body. Acid. It felt like acid was being poured all over me. Like the radiation in the Purifier never left my body. I held back from throwing up, and closed my eyes tight while Charon worked the gate to Megaton.

"Make it stop!"

I screamed, alerting everyone within earshot. Opening my eyes, I saw a glimpse of Lucas Simms, and some other Megaton settlers. They looked at me like a freak, and I hit myself in the thigh to stop the pain. It didn't work.

"We are almost at the clinic."

Charon said, a hint of worry in his voice.

"What's happening to me?"

I yelled, hearing Charon's feet touch metal as he walked up to the clinic.

"I do not know."

Angry tears, tears of pain, and agonizing screams filled the clinic. Dr. Church came out, looking at me like I was some…freak.

"What's goin' on here?"

He asked, but Charon push past him and into the back of the clinic. He laid me down on a medical bed, taking away my gun and pack. I looked at my hands, tried to look at my body. I could see my muscles when they tightened, feel them convulsing. I looked up at Charon, scared. I'm terrified right now. Dr. Church came in, medical tools in his hand. He looked at me like a dumbass, watching me writher in pain.

"Do something!"

I yelled, feeling the burning again. My body began to sweat, probably because I was on fire inside. Charon looked at me, then at Dr. Church. He grabbed a bag of Rad-Away and shoved the IV into my arm. I didn't feel it go in, I was concentrating on not screaming. He hung the bag up and left the room. I looked at Charon, feeling the medicine in my veins, but it wasn't helping. It made my muscles stop, but I was still on fire.

"What's…what's wrong with me?"

Charon shook his head.

"I do not know."

"It fucking _burns_!"

I hissed, and saw his face drop. Dr. Church came back in with more Rad-Away, and hooked it into my other arm. I feel like a fucking lab Molerat. He handed me a bottle of clean, pure water. The water I helped create.

"You have to drink this."

"Tell me what's wrong!"

Dr. Church sighed and opened the bottle in my hand. I drank it all down, and the coolness of it soothed my burning throat.

"After-effects of being exposed to an extreme amount of radiation."

"Why am I burning on the inside? Why does it hurt?"

I handed him the empty bottle, feeling the burning sensations slowly subsiding. He looked at Charon, and they made eye-contact. Dr. Church got up and left the room. I screamed at him.

"You get back here right now and tell me what's wrong! I swear to god I'll fucking kill you! I'll kill you and everyone you know!"

"Dez, calm down."

"No! No! That filthy rotten bastard!"

I went to move, get out of the bed, but Charon's powerful hands pushed me back down on the bed. He stared at me with one of those 'looks' so I knew I had to stay put. I looked up at him, my heart racing as I felt my body returning to normal.

"Charon, what's wrong with me?"

He let his hands slide off of me and sat on the side of the bed.

"The burning sensation you described…is something that happened shortly after to many ghouls after they were exposed to the radiation…while they were humans."

I sat up, the IVs tugging at my arms. The Rad-Away dripped slowly into my veins, and I pulled my now-still legs to my chin.

"So…I'm going to be a ghoul?"

"No. There is medicine now to prevent that."

"Why did it burn so bad then? I was at the Citadel, they took care of me."

"I do not know."

Dr. Church came back in and Charon stood quickly. Church looked at me cautiously, but with some comfort.

"Thought you died ages ago girl."

"What?"

"With the Brotherhood of Steel there."

Oh. Whoops. Momentary lapse of mind memory.

"What's wrong with me?"

Dr. Church took out a needle and stabbed me in the arm. He injected me with some sort of fluid, and I cringed.

"Have you been exposed to radiation lately?"

"No…I mean two weeks ago, I was exposed to a whole lot. We swam the river earlier today."

Dr. Church nodded and grabbed a clipboard. Scribbling something down he looked at me.

"Well girl, you'll be fine. You got here in time. Would have had another ghoul running around if you were any farther away from here."

"But ghoul stuff takes _years_. It happened…so fast…"

Charon looked at the doctor.

"It was sped up by the events that took place at the Rotunda."

I nodded at Charon, and he kept a keen eye on Dr. Church. When the Rad-Away was emptied, he handed me two bottles of Rad-X, but didn't charge me anything because of my 'recent efforts' to the people of the Capital Wasteland. He told me that the whole ghoul gene laid dormant from my actions from The Pitt and from what I told him what happened at the Jefferson Memorial. Swimming in the river triggered it to come alive I guess.

Walking out the doors to the clinic, I realized my bones and muscles didn't hurt anymore. Dr. Church told me I'd be fine, but would probably feel some side-effects from it all. Looking around Megaton, I noticed everyone staring at me in my Raider Throwdown Armor. They didn't glare, but they didn't seem too thrilled, either.

"Let's go see Gob."

Charon nodded at me, and I led him down to another ramp. We walked up the roads, out feet clanking. I touched one of the banisters, but pulled my hand away. Steel heats up in the sun, and it burnt me a bit.

"Fuck."

I muttered, and Charon looked at me.

"Hot steel."

He nodded and we kept walking. People passed me and averted eye-contact. What a bunch of cocks. I should have poisoned that water so they'd all be retching in pain. Shaking my head, I realized we were close to Gob's. I looked down at the city, at my old house. Wadsworth was in there, putting and jetting around without a master. I sighed, actually missing that fuckin' robot. Charon stood next to me, peering down at the city.

Why do people live like this? Following suit when they have the ultimate freedom. Sure, you need someone to keep the peace in situations, but Simms walks around like he owns the fucking place. He reminds me of a human Eden. If I pull a gun in this world, I want my enemy to pull one back. I don't want some third party do-gooder shoving nose into my business. I feel bad for these people. They're so stuck in their convoluted way of living, they have no idea what kind of _true_ freedom they have at their dispense. No responsibilities, no law, no president, no _nothing_. Just the world.

"Why do we live like this, Charon?"

He noticed I was mentioning the people of Megaton as they walked by us, ignoring us, chatting and gossiping.

"Ignorance is bliss, Dez. They choose not to see how they are being constrained. They are safe here, free to go about their normal lives as they please. Yet they cannot act out. It is not this way in all civilizations, however."

"I know. I can have a gun fight in Underworld or Rivet City, but not here. Bullshit."

I pushed off the railing and finished walking up to Gob's. A girl walked by me, glaring. I glared back.

"We don't like you here."

She said in my ear as she passed. I put my hand on her stomach, stopping her from going.

"Don't fuck with me. I have a gun, bitch. You don't."

I let my arm fall and she looked at me with fear in her eyes. I gave her a look, and she scampered off. I will not hesitate to shoot someone here now, even if Simms butts his self-righteous ass in. Hell if he didn't have a kid, I would have shot him already. Charon followed behind me, walking up to the saloon. I took one last look at the city of pitiful people, and opened the door to the only two people in the world I can stand to be around in this place.

It's always so dark in here. It's like walking into a smoke-filled tunnel or something. People lumbered around the bar, giving me looks and talking amongst one another. I ignored them, taking a seat at the bar. Gob had his back to me, and Nova was nowhere to be seen.

"I'd like to have a free shot, my good sir."

Gob stiffened his back, and slowly turned around. I tossed him a smile, and waved my hand.

"Hey."

I said to him, and he practically leapt over the bar to hug me. I returned his hug, feeling his squishy body. Man it's good to see a face that's happy to see you, too.

"Kid…I've been worried about you!"

Gob told me, releasing me from his hug. Charon sat beside me, but didn't put his head down. He and Gob nodded at one another, but that was the extend of their interaction.

"I'm okay, Gob."

"Three Dog wasn't sure for a while how you were. No one was. I thought you died out there, kid."

"Me? Die? Practically impossible."

Gob laughed and handed me a bottle of Scotch. I opened it and took a quick sip. The liquor burned my throat, but damn, it's a good feeling.

"I sure am glad to see you, kid."

"Carol says 'hi' by the way. She misses you. If you and Nova ever want to visit, Charon and I would be happy to escort you."

Gob's face practically lit up at the thought of that. He gave me a broad smile, nodding.

"Yes…yes we'd like that very much. Nova…has been wanting to meet Carol and see Underworld."

I smiled at Gob. I wanted to tell him everything I'd done, I'd done for him and Nova. But I didn't. I decided to just sit back and watch them enjoy their life together. Charon and I would never be able to be so domesticated as they were, but hey, it's a nice view of the spectrum.

"Where is Nova anyways?"

"She's resting upstairs…she's uh…not feeling well."

"Baby bothering her?"

I took another sip of Scotch, rocking in my barstool. Gob's face was priceless, and I smiled at him.

"Keep your goddamned voice down kid! People round here figure it's Jericho's bastard child."

My eyes widened, and hope fluttered in my chest.

"So…it is yours? Like, totally a hundred percent?"

Gob nodded, nervously looking around and cleaning a glass.

"Dr. Barrows sent the test results just last week. Nova and I didn't trust Dr. Church to keep it closed, so we did it ourselves."

"Gob, that's…_amazing_! Do you know what that means for all of…well _everyone_? A hybrid wow…imagine the powers that kid can have…"

"I said _keep it down_, kid. We don't want no one knowin' this. We got enough issues right now."

"Like what? People fuckin' with you? I'll shoot em Gob don't think I won't."

Gob smiled at me, setting the glass under the counter. Even with Colin gone, he was still so damn skittish. It's cute, in an abused puppy kid of way.

"No. But we can't live here with Nova…people are going to find out, and you know how they are."

"Move to Underworld."

"Yes that is what we planned but we cannot travel the Wasteland."

I held up three fingers.

"Give me three weeks vacation. I'll be back at the end of the third week. Pack lightly, and bring all your money. Carol's going to be thrilled to see you."

Gob stared at me, awestruck.

"You mean you'll really do it, kid?"

"I ain't no taxi service or mercenary. Charon's the only one here better with a gun than me, but there's just two of us. We got our own shit, too. People following, so learn to shoot, and learn _fast_. If we're ganged up on, I wouldn't want anything happening to you or Nova."

Even if she is a dirty whore, she's Gob's woman. She's the mother of his child, and that earns her more respect than I have to offer. I wish people would be more receptive of this, but I know they won't be. The medical breakthrough this holds is immense, and hell if they're lucky, might be the cure to ghouls as we know it. Maybe it'll cure them, maybe it'll make them not-sterile. So then they can create themselves like _normal_ people. I smiled at this, taking another quick sip of Scotch. Damn. Gob and Nova have no idea.

"I understand kid. I just wish I could do something in return. You've done so much for me as it is…"

The first person in the whole world to be happy with me. The first person to appreciate what I've done, is a ghoul one slave. Is Gob. Is all I really need to keep myself going I think.

"Gob, just do me one thing."

"Sure kid, anything."

"Don't leave Nova. Don't leave your kid, either. Ever. Just…tough it out, okay?"

Gob gave me a smile I rarely see these days.

"Kid, even if I wanted to leave, I wouldn't be able to. Love them too much already."

"Good. I gotta head out now, can't stay, we got people hot on our trail."

I pocketed the Scotch, but I don't think Gob minded. He began wiping the counters down, smiling at me.

"Where you two living anyways?"

Charon put his arm around my shoulders, and I smiled up at him. I think this is his own way of telling Gob he's got himself a Nova. Only, without the whore part.

"Gob, I want to tell you, but I can't. Charon and I have some…followers. It's better to just know we have a good place, and we're doing well."

"I understand kid. You do me something though, will ya?"

"What is it?"

He suddenly got serious, his face set.

"You be _safe_. I can't say much now, but here."

He handed me a folded piece of paper.

"Watch yourself, I will inform Nova of everything tonight. I won't tell anyone else, either. See you in three weeks, kid."

"Bye Gob."

Charon led me out of the bar, his arm still securely set over my shoulders. Man if you could see the looks on everyone's faces! They were all…shocked. Like they hadn't _really_ expected Charon and I to _not_ hook up. Lord knows they fucking gossiped about it enough. We walked out of the saloon, the sun bright and warm and inviting. I wished I could have spent more time with Gob, but there's time for that later. When I see him again. Right now I have to keep moving to throw the fuckers who keep following me, and who won't _piss off_.


	24. Chapter 24

We were at the gates, and I was itching to see what Gob wrote in the paper he handed to me. Charon was busy working the gate, something was wrong with it, and he was trying to open it manually.

"Hey there sweet cheeks."

I turned around to see Jericho standing behind me, smoking a cigarette. He offered me one, and I took it. Better use his stash than mine.

"What's up?"

I asked him, ignoring Charon's cursing while he worked the gate. I told him we could spend the night, but he's not having that.

"Nothing. Noticed you slinked back in town."

"Yup. Sure did."

"Leaving so soon?"

I folded my arm over my chest. Jericho was admiring my Raider Throwdown Armor, a hit of nostalgia in his eye.

"Got nothin' else to do here."

"Why don't you spend the night? Come on, spend the night with someone other than that…_thing_."

He put his arm around my waist, pulling me into him. Charon saw this and came over, sweat on top of his head.

"You will not touch her."

He put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me away from Jericho, standing protectively in front of me.

"Hey ease up zombie man, just trying to show the lady a good time."

I could see Charon was pissed, but he didn't say anything. He simply led me away from Jericho, his arm gripping my shoulder tightly.

"You don't have to be so brash, Charon."

He pushed open the gate just enough for us to slide through. I walked through it, and he followed. Gob's paper rubbed against my cleavage where I stuffed it.

"Coming from you, Dez."

Charon snapped at me. I ignored him, reaching into my shirt to get the paper. When I pulled it out, I laughed at Charon's expression.

"Hey, my pockets are filled with cigarettes. Sue me."

Unfolding the piece of paper, I read over Gob's messy handwriting.

"Shit."

I said, ripping it up. Charon stood beside me, looking at the pieces as the wind took them away.

"What did it say?"

"Someone was asking about me. They interrogated Gob, kicked everyone out of the bar. Someone is definitely following us. Gob said he only know what Three Dog reported, and apparently they…took well advantage of Nova."

"How long ago was this?"

"Not even a week."

I looked at the ground, feeling angry. Everyone around me, everyone associated with me, is in trouble. Fuck shit fuck.

"Did he say what kind of questions they asked?"

"No. Just that I needed to be very careful. Apparently, they're looking for me, and any weakness I might have."

Charon nodded and I tossed my cigarette to the dirt, stepping on it.

"Good thing I have none. Come on, we can make it home in a few hours if we hurry."

Gob has nothing to do with this. That's the real reason Nova is on bed rest. Fucking prick used her to get Gob to talk, but Gob knew _nothing_. He knows _nothing_. Obviously their tracking skills are fucked. If Gob knew anything, I wouldn't blame him for ratting me out. I'd do the same if I was in his shoes. But he didn't deserve it. Nova didn't deserve it. I'll kill every last fucker I see behind me, I swear to god.

I should be scared, I don't know why, but I should be. I'm not, though. Charon's walking in front of me, his gun in his hand, looking out for followers. I wonder what kind of extremes the people looking for us will go to. Will they go back to Gob again? Send a note asking for me for ransom? No, that'd be too easy. Even if I showed up without guns, Charon and I aren't bad unarmed. In fact, I kind of think Charon prefers it that way. Well, either way I can rest easy knowing that…for now…Gob and his family are safe. At least, I hope so.

Jogging up to Charon I stood beside him. If I have any chance in hell on having what Gob and Nova share, I have to at least know about Charon.

"What were you like before you became a ghoul?"

"I was human."

Well no shit, thanks for clarifying that one.

"No, I mean what did you look like?"

Charon looked down at me, his jaw set. Sure this isn't the right time at all to ask, but hell, I know nothing about him. I even forgot his stupid birthday. And I mean, what else are we going to talk about?

"I looked as I do now, except with my features and hair."

"Is there a picture? Your words aren't exactly drawing a good one for me."

"We will discuss this at home."

Its like he's a parent to me. Like he dictates everything and scolds me. He kind of does, but I think it works that way.

"There is someone up ahead."

Charon said and I looked ahead. Sure enough, there was. Not too far, a couple of long yards away. The heat of the sun makes it hard to see very far, it makes everything wavy. Checking my Pip-Boy, the person came up green. Not a threat.

"It's okay, Charon."

He nodded but didn't holster his weapon. The last thing we needed right now was some scared Wastelander throwing a fit and giving our position away. I'm sure Charon would fix that, though. We continued to walk to the person, they were in our path anyways. As we came closer, I saw it was a girl with blonde hair. She had this kind of unkempt hairstyle, like mine except she sore it better. I noticed she was wearing something like ripped up Brahmin Skin Outfit. Even in the scorching sun, I notice she's pale. Most people out here should be tan, like me. Well, I'm more of a Charon-skin color. Dark but still pale, because of my genes.

The girl looked at us when we approached, and she seemed terrified of something.

"Oh please! You have to help me!"

She limped over to us. I noticed she had blue eyes and blood running down her leg.

"What happened?"

I asked, noticing Charon scanning the area cautiously.

"They…they…they shot me!"

"Who shot you?"

"Raiders! They shot me and…and took my stuff…and then a Deathclaw came and…and they ran away!"

Okay, Raiders and Deathclaw. That's probably not a good thing in combination. Charon kept looking around, his gun banging against his thigh. Fine. I'll help this person. But just because I need a few good deeds before I start blasting everyone's head off.

"Okay come here, let me see."

We sat down, and I took out my Lunchbox. She had a slight bullet graze on her leg, nothing some gauze can't fix. She watched me as I wrapped her leg up, and I noticed she kept a keen eye on Charon, too.

"What…what's your name?"

She asked me, looking at her leg.

"Dez. That's Charon."

"I'm…my name is Nikki."

I put my Lunchbox in my pack and stood up. Nikki stood up with me, and I towered over her by a good half-foot.

"Thank you for…helping me."

"Yeah whatever."

I ran my fingers through my hair. This girl is pretty, I noticed, and she's kind of pathetic. If I was wounded in the desert, I'd find shelter. Not ask random strangers for help. I don't trust her. Maybe it's because I have to be extra-paranoid, but I don't know. Something about her rubs me the wrong way.

"Come on, Charon."

Charon nods and we start to walk away. I left Nikki there, hoping she wouldn't ask anything else but my name.

"Wait!"

Curse me for being wrong. I turned around, crossing my arms and looking at her.

"What?"

"Can…let me come with you, please. I don't have anyone out here, nothing. Please."

"That's not my problem."

"But I'll die."

"Again, that's not my problem."

She walked up to me, tears in her eyes. Oh give me a fucking break.

"My family was killed by Slavers. Whoever survived was taken to Paradise Falls, I was the only one who got away."

"That's nice, but we have to go now. Get yourself a gun, and learn how to shoot it. Or else you will die."

I went to turn away again, but she grabbed my Pip-Boy.

"You're that girl from the vault, aren't you? The one Three Dog talks about?"

"Let go."

I took my arm from her and glared. She pouted at me. Her looks might work on some sexually frustrated guy, but not me.

"Please, I'm begging you. I won't stay long I promise…"

I looked over my shoulder at Charon. He shrugged, giving notion he didn't care what the hell I did, he just wanted to move.

"Fine. But you aren't staying more than a week. After that I don't give a fuck where you go but you can't stay here."

She smiled at me, her sob story act played well.

"Oh _thank you_!"

I bet you ten bucks she would have hugged me if I didn't move fast enough. I jogged over to Charon's side, and he handed me a cigarette. How does he know me so well?

"I can't fucking believe this…"

I said, smoke emitting from my mouth. Charon shrugged, Nikki appearing at his other side. Charon, you be a big ladies man now.

"We will be home shortly, Dez."

"I know…"

"Oh where do you live?"

Charon and I looked at Nikki. This was going to be hell for me, I can feel it.

"West. We live out West."

I told her, grunting. I don't like the company of other females. I don't like anyone's company, really. I'm a loner. Always have been, always will be.

"Oh wow that's cool. A house?"

"No. You'll see."

She shut up after that, thank god. Her cute little voice pissed me off. I don't like it. Charon didn't seem to have an opinion on the matter, he just wanted to keep walking and get home. I related to him on that one. I looked forward to the lumpy couch that is now my bed.

"Charon, you think you can take apart that couch and make it into a bed?"

"Yes. I will do that once we get there."

"Do you have a bed for me, too?"

Nikki, may god have fucking mercy on your soul. I will kill you.

"No. We have a couch. Charon is going to make us a bed."

"Us? Oh it's like a sleepover! We're going to be best friends, aren't we?"

She walked over to me and tried to link my arm with hers. I pulled away, smirking.

"Yeah…no. By 'us' I meant Charon and I. You can sleep on the floor."

"That's not polite."

"Since when does anyone have manners?"

That shut her up, but the silence was short-lived.

"Wait, you two sleep in the same bed?"

I sighed loudly, crossing my arms. I held my cigarette between my teeth, not enjoying this at all.

"Yes."

Her mouth dropped and I'm not sure if it was because she's excited or horrified.

"Oh that's so _cute_!"

Excited. Damnit. I need to stop guessing, I'm always wrong.

"Yup. Cute. Can we play the 'quiet' game now?"

"What's that?"

"Whoever stays quiet the longest wins. Ready? Go."

I looked away from her, narrowing my eyebrows. Charon looked down at me, as if to say 'don't be mean' but he couldn't, because we were playing the 'quiet game'. I'm going to have a lot of fun with this game in the future, I can tell. In fact, it is quickly becoming my most favorite game of all time. All I can hear is the wind, and the occasional bomb going off in the distance. How nice, how lovely.

We've been walking for hours. The silence was nice, after all, I don't want to hear Nikki's babbling. Pulling up my Pip-Boy map, I wanted to check how close we were. The sun is going to start setting, and I don't want to be stuck out here at night with her.

"We need to go South a bit more, or else we'll have trouble at Evergreen Mills."

I told Charon, dropping my arm.

"You lose!"

Nikki blurted out, smiling. I looked up at Charon, ignoring her.

"That okay with you?"

He nodded, not looking at me. I shrugged and kept walking, ignoring my hunger and the soreness of my feet. In a few weeks I'm going to have to make this same trip again. Somehow, it didn't bother me. I'm kind of happy to lend a helping hand to Gob. Hell I'm always happy to help him, he's Gob. Nikki walked next to me, and I kind of regret helping her. See I do a good deed, and I either get shit on or punished for it. Having another woman in my usual group of Charon and I is not fun, nor do I find it fun. All it does is stress me out and give me a craving for Jet.

"What's Evergreen Mills?"

Nikki asked. She's the kind of person whose voice just picks and grinds at you, it pisses me off.

"Raider hideout. Unless you want to go in as a decoy?"

"No…no I'm all set."

Good then shut up, bitch. I never realized how much I hate people until I have to spend time with them. My recent encounter with the Brotherhood and other such beings didn't help with my discovery of that, either.

"When we get home, I will find food. Then I will make the couch into a bed."

"Suits me."

I told Charon. He doesn't _have_ to find food, I can go another day without, but hey, my stomach is growling rather loudly.

"I could sure use some food."

Nikki…

"Yeah well, I hope you like Molerat meat."

My fantasy of hanging out with Charon and pushing our romantic relationship further just threw itself out the window. Well, Nikki is only here for a week, and I have two more after that, but still. After not seeing him for two weeks and being hurt when I did see him, kind of makes me want to make up for missed time. Plus, I have no idea if he's become more comfortable with the idea of me and him, and now I have to wait to find out.

I lit another cigarette and stuck it in my mouth, making it known to everyone that I was not in a good mood. Not at all, actually.

"Smoking is bad for you."

I looked at Nikki like she had six heads. Although if she had, I wouldn't be surprised. Radiation does things to people out here, so nothing is out of the question, really.

"Yup."

Ignoring this girl was going to be hard. Why the hell is she following us anyways? She's just going to leave in a week, what's the real point? There's no real difference. Man I make dumb choices.

"What happened to your neck?"

She pointed to the muscle and slight bone that was exposed. I rubbed it absentmindedly, feeling the toughness of my own muscle.

"Uhh…long story."

"Does it hurt?"

"No."

She leaned in close to me, whispering.

"What happened to him?"

"Charon? He's a ghoul."

"What's that?"

I stared at her, stupefied. Did she spend her time under a rock, or did she crawl out of a vault like me?

"You're kidding me, right? You live out here and you've never heard of a ghoul?"

She bit her bottom lip, looking down at the ground.

"No…my family…I'm from the Republic of Dave…kind of. My family was born and bred there, before Dave proclaimed himself the new…president. We never traveled out of the settlement, so I've been kind of sheltered. I know there's things out here, but I've never seen them."

Republic of Dave? I looked at Charon for some help. He caught my eye and sighed.

"The Republic of Dave is a small settlement Northeast of here. It is at the farthest point of the map, closed off to the Wasteland. I have heard of it, they keep their people very closed off."

I nodded. I never heard of this place, but pulling up my Pip-Boy map, sure enough I saw it.

"What's that?"

Nikki pointed to my Pip-Boy, her eyes wide.

"Pip-Boy."

I told her, putting my arm down.

"Does everyone out here have them?"

"No. Just the people from the vaults."

I didn't know it was possible, but her eyes grew wider. She cupped her hands over her mouth, staring at me.

"You _are_ the girl from Vault 101! The one Three Dog talks about!"

"Yup."

She stopped walking. Charon and I turned to look at her. I took a haul from my cigarette, not happy with stopping.

"You're not nice…I've heard about you, you're mean. You kill innocent people and…and…"

She backed slowly away from us.

"And you're a _whore_!"

I burst out laughing. Oh what fun some people can be.

"Are you kidding me? Wow. You really are stupid."

"I don't think I can go with you, you're going to kill me."

"If I wanted to kill you, I would have. Come or stay I don't give two shits, but I'm not standing out here like this. Last thing I need is some dumb girl giving me a hard time. Crawl back home to Dave, I'm sure he'll take you back."

I turned around and started walking. Charon caught up to me, and walked beside me.

"I do not trust her."

He said, and I looked back. Nikki was standing there, staring at us.

"All the reason to ditch her now."

Charon nodded, and we quickened our pace. The last thing we need is another run-in with someone. I don't know how much more my gun can take before it breaks for good, and I need it to help Gob and Nova. We kept walking, and didn't look back again. The sun was setting in the distance, and I sighed loudly. I want to get home, and eat. I want to get there and relax.

"You should not have allowed her to come."

"I know, I know. She isn't here now, though. No way she'll follow us home."

Charon glanced behind him, and nodded. I tossed my cigarette down, staring up ahead. The sun was setting, and I could see the silhouette of Smith Casey's Garage on the horizon. It was only a small matter of time, now. Soon I'd be home, safe, in my dark little cave. Charon and I could relax, and feel free.

"You're okay with this, right?"

I asked, looking up at him.

"With what?"

"With me and you, ya know?"

He nodded, blinking slowly.

"Yes. I would not prefer it any other way."

Good. We're on the same page then. I didn't want to be like Greta and have him all…uncomfortable and not enjoying it. Hell I enjoy it, he should too.

"Did Greta hangout with you? I mean when I was gone and shit."

"Yes."

I looked at him, resting my head on his arm for a second. Closing my eyes I yawned.

"Did you say anything about me?"

"No."

"Did she?"

"No."

So…what then?

"What did you two talk about then?"

"She simply asked if I was going to remain in Underworld. When I told her I was unsure, she left the Ninth Circle. I have not seen her since."

I drop it. Charon doesn't like talking about Greta. At least I don't think so, anyways. Looking up, I watch the sky change pretty colors. Orange, blue, black…all at once. The moon is always full out here, full, round and glowing. It's like there's just daytime, and kind of daytime. When the moon is really high in the sky, it lights up the entire desert. You can see silhouettes of houses and trees, and a lot of other stuff depending where you are at the time. The dirt glows silver, almost, and it feels like a different world. It's one of those sights that really makes me appreciate it out here. It reminds me that…even things that are destroyed and crippled can really be pretty. You just have to look in the right places.

My neck starts to hurt from looking upwards, so I look at my gun. There's a big crack in the side of it, and I know it'll be a matter of time before it breaks. I'm become pretty partial to using automatic weapons, but all I have left are shotguns and my Fatboy. When this breaks, I'll have no real way of defending myself. Unless my shotgun is nearby. But shotguns have shit range, and we're going to need range when we help Gob and Nova.

"You need to teach me everything you know about fighting."

I told Charon, looking at him with a serious face so he knew I was being for-real about it. He looked at me, his eyes wincing almost.

"That will take years."

"I need to know as much as you can teach me in three weeks."

He thinks over my request, mulling it over in his mind.

"If you insist."

"I do."

"I must warn you in advance, Dez. I only know how to show you in the way it was taught to me."

How was Charon taught, anyways?

"How was that?"

His back straightened. It was like talking about his training brought back horrible memories, which I'm sure it did. He told me what they did to them, but never how they were trained.

"Discipline. Obedience. Direction. I will not take compassion if you get hurt. I will force you to work through that pain, and show you how to direct it at your opponent. If you wish to learn, then you must understand the dangers involved."

"What…what dangers?"

Charon was making me nervous. His training seemed hard, but hey I could do it. It's just, the way he talks about it kind of makes me queasy. Like he's not Charon. Like he's someone else.

"You may be seriously injured. The type of favor you are requesting of me is not one I will take lightly."

"I can take a hit."

He looked at me, his eyes narrowed. I could tell he was dead serious.

"You will engage in hand-to-hand combat with me, and I will not hesitate to disarm you in any way possible."

"But you're bigger than me."

"It does not matter, your opponent will also be bigger than you. They will often stand taller and outweigh you."

"But, you're bigger and taller than anyone else out here. Except Super Mutants."

"Then you will be trained against someone stronger than your opponent, therefore knowing more, disarming them easier."

I didn't know it would be that hard. The way Charon was talking it was like I was training to be a soldier or some shit. Oh, yeah, he's a mercenary. They're kind of like soldiers. But…if it helps me out here, then I have to do it. If I'm ever caught without a gun then…well I'm fucked.

"Alright. I want to do it. I won't cry either."

He nodded. He wasn't the Charon I know anymore, he's…the Charon before I met him.

"Then we start now."

I watched as he ventured off a few feet. Standing in my place, I saw him pick up a big rock. It looked like it weighed about thirty pounds, give or take.

"What you gonna do? Hit me in the head with that?"

"Turn around."

I did as he told me to do, and felt him open my pack. He dropped the rock inside and I felt my weight crumple under me. I didn't fall, but I came damn near close to it.

"What the fuck?"

I yelled, struggling to walk. Charon walked ahead of me, not even looking back.

"You will walk the remainder of the way as you are."

"You couldn't let me rest first? We couldn't start like _tomorrow_?"

"You had time to rest! Go!"

He barked orders, and I obeyed. I struggled behind him, my back screaming at me. I stared at the back of his head, wondering what the fuck I've gotten myself into. _He's going to kill you. You should have killed him when you had the chance. I told you, he hates you_. Charon is training me. He wouldn't put me in harms way. Well, now I don't really know that for sure. I was told I might get hurt pretty badly.

We walked past Smith Casey's and I was relieved. It was only a few more yards from here, and Charon hasn't even looked at me. I could have taken this fuckin' rock out for all he knows. But I didn't. I know if I quit this soon he'll probably think I'm weak. I'm not weak. I can do this.

"Charon, this is fucking heavy."

He didn't say anything to me. I knew I couldn't play the 'poor me' card with him now. He's not the same Charon I was with at Underworld. He's different now, in a different mindset. I just hope I can get him back when all this is done. I don't want to be stuck with someone I don't even know again. The rock shifted on my back, a point of it digging into my spine. I groaned in pain, closing my eyes for a second.

"No complaints! You asked for this now you will endure it. One more sound out of you and I will make you run laps."

There's a power in his voice that's never been there. Like an abused dog I put my head down and obeyed him. I'm kind of scared of him now. The lights that bounced off the rocks ahead brought me comfort in knowing home was so close. I followed behind him, the rock poking me and digging in with every step. Damn. Rockopolis can't come soon enough, I tell you that.

Finally, we got home. I took my pack off just outside the crack. It hit the ground with a heavy thud, and Charon was on me before I could even open it.

"I did not say you could take it off. Run between these trees, ten laps. Go!"

"But…"

"Go!"

I got my pack back on right quick. I ran the laps, back and forth, back and forth. My legs felt like they were going to break off, and my back felt like it was going to collapse. When I finally got to ten, I stopped and stood in front of Charon.

"Good. You may take your pack off now."

Thank you. I took it off and sat down. The rock was too bulbous for me to grip and lift, so I rolled it out of my pack and off of my shit. Charon loomed over me, and I looked up at him.

"Stand."

I stood, crossing my arms.

"I am going to train you first in disarming your opponent."

He tossed me a combat knife. It wasn't his, he held his in his hand. He walked into the shadows, somehow vanishing from my sight. He's a total ninja sometimes.

"Try to sneak up on me."

He called. I smirked. Charon, come on now. I ran into the darkness, and saw his outline. I was ready to pounce, knife in hand, but then he wasn't there. The next thing I knew, I was face-first in the dirt, his heavy knee on my back. He took my hand, the one with the knife in it, and twisted my wrist up. My fingers opened, pain shot up my arm, and he put the tip of his blade on the back of my neck.

"I can kill you now, Dez. I said _sneak_. Not run like a Vicious Dog at me. Again."

"Charon I'm _hungry_!"

I didn't even get to get off the ground before I felt a jolt of pain. Charon's hand was squeezing a pressure point where my neck and shoulder met. It crippled me, making me cry out.

"Ahh!"

"Quiet!"

He barked. He made me lay there as he held, pressing down harder. I felt the tears in my eyes, but I held them back. Soon I felt his weight lift off of me, the pain vanishing the instant he let go.

"Again."

I got up and glared at him, but didn't say anything. The last thing I need is for him to pull another trick like that. I turned around, and walked back into the light of Rockopolis. By the time I got there, Charon was already hiding again. I scanned the area, turning off my Pip-Boy altogether. Quietly, I crept back into the darkness, trying to see him, hear him, fuck even smelling him would be good. I saw his silhouette again, and crept up behind him.

Wrapping my arm around his neck, I jumped on his back. I thought I had him at that one, my knife was against his neck and everything. Before I could even enjoy the moment of me having caught him, I felt his hand on the back of my right side. His fingers dug in right above my shoulder blade, and I felt my body just drop. The sky swirled in my head as I felt him bend forward, my body leaving his. I stared upwards at the sky for a whole split second before Charon had his knee at the base of my ribcage where the ribs meet, and his thumb inside the indent on my neck and collarbone. I didn't feel pain per say, but I sure as fuck can't move. Damn, Charon's fast.

After a few minutes of me not moving, he let me up. I think he keeps me on the ground to teach me a lesson. I gripped the knife I had dropped and stood in front of him.

"Any points you want to share I'll listen."

I said, angry. My body was sore where he had touched, I guess the human body is still a mystery to a brain whiz like me.

"You are too loud. I can hear you like a Yao Guai in heat."

He turned me around, trying to demonstrate.

"When you approach someone in a _stealthy_ manner, disarm them like so."

I felt his arm around my neck, and the blade of his own knife against my throat. He kicked out my knee and I crumpled like a fuckin teddy bear. He wiped the blade across my neck, just barely grazing my skin.

"It is quick, and moreover, it is silent."

He didn't help me up. I got up, my knee throbbing a bit. He crossed his arms in front of him.

"Again."

I nodded. Now that I knew something, I could do it. I walked back, and turned around. Quiet. Quiet. Be quiet. There! He's standing in a different spot, but his back is to me. I moved up to him, doing exactly what he showed me. Sure, bringing down someone heavier and taller than you isn't as easy as Charon made it seem, but I did it. Charon was on the ground and I wasn't. Point for me.

"I could still hear you."

"But…"

"No. You will do this exercise until I cannot hear you. When you have done so, I will find food and build a fire inside."

I listened to him. For hours, we trained like that. Each time I got close, I made a noise, or he knew I was coming beforehand. He would pin me, each time grabbing a different pressure point and crippling me instantly. He really didn't take pity, even when I knocked my head on a rock. He just challenged me, forcing me to continue on even if I felt I couldn't. I have to do this, though. I have to fucking to do this.


	25. Chapter 25

The moon was high in the sky by the time Charon deemed me well enough to deserve food.

"You may go inside now, and start the fire."

He didn't even say 'good job' or some dumb shit like that. All he did was get himself off the ground and go off to find a Molerat. I scowled at him, fucking prick. Turning, I walked back inside. Grabbing my pack, I slid through the crack. Rockopolis…my home. The cave was cool, and damn if I'm not happy.

"Sofa!"

I yelled, flopping myself on it. It was lumpy, but fuck if I care anymore. My body ached all over from Charon and his stupid pressure points. It felt like someone dropped a ten-ton weight on my back. Pushing off the sofa, I figured I should start the fire. I got some twigs and branches from outside, and brought them back in. Putting them together, I lit a fire in time for Charon to come through the crack with a dead Molerat.

"I made a fire."

I pointed, but he didn't even blink at me. He laid the dead thing down and began carving at it. He peeled away strips of meat, sticking them on a stick he brought in. I watched as he stuck them over the fire, and walked over to the couch.

"You will not learn everything I have. I am only teaching you what I can in the time allotted."

"Yeah…I know."

"Then I expect you to endure and perform as I say. Tonight took far too long. You would have been severely punished."

I cocked an eyebrow while I watched him take apart the sofa. He knows so much, I wonder how long it took him.

"How? I mean punished how?"

"It would have depended on your superior."

"How long did it take you to learn?"

"Seventeen years from the age of five."

Twenty-two. Charon was twenty-two when he finished his training.

"What year was that?"

He didn't answer me. He just kept taking apart the sofa. I dropped it, knowing tonight wasn't going to be a tender and loving night for us. I fucked that up once I suggested the whole training thing. Charon finished making a bed, and came to sit beside me.

"Can you go back to my Charon when training is done?"

I glared at him, trying to find out where _my_ Charon went to.

"No. You must learn."

So be it. I have to learn. But my survival depends on it. After a bit of sitting in silence, the meat began to hiss and sizzle, some of it dripped onto the flames. Charon reached for the stick, pulling it out. We let the food cool a bit before eating. Man, I ravaged that food. I tore at it like I was some sort of animal who was starved to death. Well, I kind of fucking am. Charon made me work after walking clear across the Capital Wasteland for hours. I hadn't eaten in forever, and I'm starved for it.

"I will wake you at dawn. We will start again then."

"All day?"

"Yes."

There's no turning back. I sighed, chewing the rest of my food. This is going to come in handy for me one day, I just know it. I just hate having to work so fucking hard for it. Looking at Charon, I wished that he'd show me something. Maybe a flash of comfort in his eyes, a warm touch, _something_. But there was nothing. For the first time in my life, I saw him as a cold-blooded killer. I don't like that very much, really.

"Charon?"

He looked at me, cold.

"What were you like…after you got out of training? What did you look like?"

Charon shook his head, averting my eyes.

"I will tell you when you have finished training."

"No, now. Tell me now."

Charon ignored me. He got up and unstrapped his armor. He let it slide off of his body, clanking to the floor. He kept his pants on, though, and I noted at this. Charon's so totally different. I don't know him at all. It's like someone else is in the room with me right now, and I don't know what to do about it. Will this training make me like him? Will I be able to kill someone with my bare hands and not blink twice about it? I've killed plenty of people, but never with my own two hands. Never like Charon.

It makes me wonder, what he's seen and done. He's like a giant jigsaw puzzle, and I don't even have the edges. I stared at him while he smoked a cigarette, leaning against the rock. I'm like a puzzle, too. There's things in my past, in my own closet, that I'll never tell him. Feelings and events, things that I pretend never happened. Those quiet demons are the ones that really make me who I am. They're the ones that make sure I have no mercy for anyone or anything. Charon can think he's got me figured out, but right now, it feels like neither one of us knows the other.

It doesn't matter now, though. All that matters is I get another piece of food digested and that I can get some rest. I know I'm going to be sore in the morning, that's inevitable. Charon doesn't even look at me, he just leans and smokes his cigarette. I look down and eat the last piece of meat.

"You don't have to be so cold, you know. I'm not training now, you can be nice."

He ignores me. What else can I expect? I look at him all sorts of hurt and confused. He's supposed to save me, not put me in bad places. I don't like where my mind goes when there's nothing, when there's no one. It doesn't go anywhere good, it doesn't make me feel good. I hate it so fucking much. Memories and thoughts play and trace out of order and all jumbled up like some sort of radiated freak show. Except in my head, there's no sound. Things play and people speak, but nothing comes out. It's like a silent picture show almost.

In my head everyone is upset with me. I remember the faces of the people in Megaton when I first arrived. I remember when I first left the vault, and all the years before that. The Megaton people…they glared at me. They looked at my Vault 101 jumpsuit and turned their noses up. Someone said '_She's_ from Vault 101' with all the snotty puns and everything. I didn't even know her, but I killed her. I killed her the second she stepped out of Megaton. I never told anyone the truth, never told them I was born in the Jefferson Memorial. Only Charon knows, and those involved.

They treated me like…like I thought I was better than them. After a time I began to believe it because, hell if I'm getting blamed for something might as well do it. They looked at me, and it was like they wanted to hurl. When I'd leave and come back, they'd scowl that I'd survived. Only Gob was ever happy to see me, and fuck knows why. When I first saw him I freaked out and almost shot him. No one reacted to it. I think that's what made me like him.

When I fired that bullet from my shaking hand at Gob, it missed. I can't shoot a pistol, and even more I was terrified. I had just left home, I had no clue where I was, what I was doing, or anything like that. I just saw this rotting person in front of me, I've never seen anything like that, and fired. It missed him, thank god. But still, no one reacted. No one even asked if he was okay. They just kind of looked at me, then at him, and went back to what they were doing. Like it never mattered to them. Like…he didn't matter to them.

He yelled at me after that, of course. But then he saw me, and I think he could see the fear in my eyes. He saw how terrified I actually was way deep down inside. I didn't know what to do when he offered me a drink, free, so I accepted. After that he was my friend. We'd talk in code, and he'd know what I was saying without me having to say it.

I get to repay him for that now. I don't really feel that anything I do can actually fully repay Gob for his kindness. But hey, every small thing counts. He was the only one to be nice to me, really. The first. He seems like the last now, as I sit here staring into the fire. I'm worried. I'm worried that because I asked for this training, it'll ruin what Charon and I have. That maybe it was a bad idea, and I should have just taken my luck with unarmed combat. Hell, I have Charon. I never really need to learn, but it's good to know.

Sighing, I shook my head and stood. Walking over to the bed, I flopped down, curling myself in a ball.

"You are not taking off your armor?"

I kept my eyes closed, hearing Charon's heavy footsteps.

"No. If we need an early start, it's better I sleep with it on."

It feels like a dead-end and empty conversation. Like we met on the street, knew each other from way back, and decided to stop and chat. I hope it'll pass soon, I really miss Charon. My mind scares me, it makes me do bad things, and the only time it doesn't is when he's here. When he's with me, talking to me, being Charon. The one I know. Not this one. I think it's pretty pathetic I've come to depend on him for my own mental health, but you try living out here. Try doing the shit I've done and still be sane about it all. After a while, you'd go crazy too. You'd lose your mind, and need someone like I needed Charon.


	26. Chapter 26

For two weeks I trained my ass off. Two long, grueling, agonizing weeks. Each time he thought I was giving up, I surprised him and pulled some half-assed shit out and show him up. Well not really, he still kicks the holy piss out of me. Gave me a good black eye, and now I don't have very good depth perception. I'm still healing. He didn't say sorry about it, though. It was an accident, I think, but he didn't say sorry. All he did was yell at me to get back up and stop 'crying like a spanked newborn'. Charon scared me, I've been sleeping with one eye open lately. He hasn't been sleeping in the same bed as me, either. He stays near the fire, he hardly even looks at me.

Now, it's just straight up anger I'm working on. I'm pissed at him for what he's doing, and I'm taking it out on everything he has to teach me. Every time he says we're going to spend the day fighting, I hit him harder than the day before. My body hurts every fuckin' morning, but fuck it feels good. Except, one night he came up to me with a gun to the back of my head. I freaked out until what he was teaching me ran through my head and I got the gun away.

"You may rest for the rest of our time here."

Thank the fuckin' soul. He's been having me do laps with the stupid rock all fucking day and I was getting sick of that. Throwing my pack down, I pulled out a bottle of Purified Water and gulped it down like I was going to die. Out of my good eye, I watched Charon. The sun was going to set, I told you I was running all day, and he was staring off into it.

"You gonna still be an asshole to me?"

Charon didn't answer right away. He jammed his hands in his pockets, his back to me. I picked my pack up after I pushed the rock out, and slunk inside.

"Fine, be a dick."

I muttered when I passed him. There's nothing here anymore. He's acting as if…nothing mattered. Like everything and anything that happened was bullshit and didn't exist. At night, I'd wake up because I would hear him move. Every time, every night, I thought he was coming to lie with me. Hold me and make the voices stop. But he didn't. He just left, and came back before dawn. I don't know where he went and frankly I don't care to ask. If he can be a dick, I can be a bitch. It's how things work now, I guess.

Lighting a smoke, I sat down in front of the fire I made. Charon came in a few minutes later, carrying meat from a dead Molerat. He stuck it on a stick and put it over the fire. I watched him through the flames while he sat across from me, waiting for him to cut the tension.

"You must understand I did not mean to harm you."

I rolled my eyes, taking a long and well-needed drag from my cigarette.

"I have only been acting that way so you would understand the means of real combat."

"I know real combat!"

I spat at him, glaring. He looked at me. For the first time in two weeks, he looked at me.

"You do not, Dez. You have had a gun in your hands throughout the duration of your time out here. You have not witnessed combat."

"Fuck you! Just because I have a gun doesn't mean shit!"

"It makes a difference."

I felt tears in my eyes. Why did it mean so much to me that he's looking at me now? Why now does it make an impact? Does he really have that much power over me?

"You…you've been a cock this whole time! Leaving me in the middle of the night, not even coming near me unless we've been fighting! It's bullshit. If you didn't want to fuck me you should have told me."

I think I shocked him a bit with my vulgar but screw him. I took another drag out of my smoke and turned away from him.

"I did not say that."

"You acted like it."

"I acted that way so you would learn. I gave you warning, Dez."

"Not about ignoring me. Not about any of that."

"You do not need my constant affection."

I glared at him from the corner of my eye. He looked blurry, because of the water that was pooling up.

"Yes I do. You…just don't get it."

"I am sorry, Dez. I did not mean to emotionally harm you."

Emotions. What the fuck does he know about emotions?

"Whatever, Charon."

I got up and stubbed out my cigarette. I'm tired. I've been working all day, running, really. Walking over to the makeshift bed, I laid down, not bothering to take off my armor.

"You are not eating?"

"No. I'm not hungry."

I rolled on my side, away from him. I don't want to look at him now. I'm too angry and pissed. The tears come out of my eyes, and fall down my face. I don't give a shit anymore. I just want to sleep for another week and then go back to Gob. Go help him like I promised I would. Maybe then I'd feel like I'd done some good for someone in this stupid world. Fuck this world man, fuck it all.

I heard Charon put out the fire. I guess he's not hungry, either. His heavy footsteps dig into the dirt, and I notice they're coming closer to me. But I won't turn around, because then that'll show I was waiting for him, and I don't want him to think I was. The bed shifts, and I feel his hand on my side.

"I did not mean to hurt you, Dez."

"You did. And I'm not talking about my eye."

Charon pulls me, and I roll over. I look up at him, he's kneeling on the bed and he actually has an expression in his eyes. It looks like he's sad, like he's really concerned with my well-being.

"I wish to have…relations with you. I did not…enjoy the two weeks we have spent without sharing a bed."

Relations? I guess terms like 'sex' and 'kissing' or 'make out' make him feel funny. I smiled up at him, and he wiped some hair out of my face.

"You still acted like an asshole."

He nods at me, and I see he's looking at my body. I feel his hand stiffen against my waist, and I sit up. Charon has no idea what to do, but at least he knows what he wants to do. He just won't do it.

"When you haven't been training me, or any of that, what were you thinking about?"

His eyes meet mine. I smile at him, kind of, trying to reassure him of whatever it is that's wrong. He takes his hand off of my waist and starts to play with my hair. I like when he does that, I've missed when he does that.

"I have been thinking about…many things."

My Raider Throwdown Armor digs into my skin. So I take it off, unzipping, unbuckling, unclasping. Charon takes his off too, but leaves his pants on. He's always more dressed than me, all the time, somehow. That's the humor though. I'm half-naked all the time, and he is head to toe clothed. People who see us together probably don't realize that, though. He lays down with me, my head in the crook of his arm. I've really missed this. I'll admit.

"What kind of things?"

I feel him run his fingers through my hair. He sighs, and I close my eyes.

"About you."

"That's one thing."

"It is many things, Dez. You are not a simple being."

Got that right. I pushed my head into Charon's chest, squishing my face. I didn't care. I've missed him, a lot more than I'd like to admit, too.

"Thanks for showing me how to do stuff. I know better, now."

"Yes."

I reached up and kissed him. We've only kissed once or twice in this whole month, since I got back from the Citadel. Has it really been that long? It has…time doesn't seem conceivable. But right now, right now is pretty good. I don't care about anything else, really. Just that Charon and I are okay, that we're kissing and that…everything is okay right now.

I like how his ghoul lips feel. I like how his tongue feels. I like his taste and his smell and everything about him. The way he runs his hands through my hair and keeps me safe. How he can be far away, looking for something in the desert, and I still know he's going to be right beside me.

He does something totally different. I feel his hands slide from my hair. One hand rests on my cheek, and the other wanders down my side. Up and down, like he's actually going to do something. He pulls away from me, and I open my eyes.

"I have…never felt the curves a woman has."

I give him a genuine smile, the first I've had in a long time.

"It's okay, if that's what you're asking."

Charon doesn't smile, but the corners of his mouth twitch. He brings me really close and kisses me again. I feel his hand on my side, and realize he took off his gloves. I can feel his entire palm against my skin, and it gives me goose bumps. I'm expecting him to push things further, and slip a hand down my panties or up my bra, but he doesn't. He lets his hand rest on the small of my back, and pulls away again.

"I…do not feel…ready."

If Charon could blush, I bet he would be.

"Then we don't have to."

Although right now is perfect. Us getting over a rough patch, the warm cave, the nighttime. It's all set and ready, but if he doesn't want to, that's okay with me too. There's no rush. We have a week left here.

"I am unsure of what I should do still. I am worried your patience will run out."

Charon-speak: I don't know what I'm doing and I don't want you to leave me for a smoothskin guy.

"Don't worry, let's just have a good sleep, okay?"

He nods, and kisses me one last time. I roll away from him, putting my head back in the crook of his arm. He rubs my back, half-comforting, and half-feeling. His fingers trace the scar I got from the Hole, and I don't mind. It's healed now, it doesn't hurt. My Trog is almost gone, too. All that's left from that is a few dark splotches of skin, and two areas of muscles showing.

I wonder where my life would be without Charon. He's sleeping now, and I'm resting, but the thought bothers me. I don't think I would have ever gone for my father. He'd still be alive, stuck in Vault 112. It doesn't matter, though. He would have died either way. I wouldn't be where I am now without Charon. I'd be merciless, no different than those Slavers who are after me. Really, the Capital Wasteland owes everything to him. If it weren't for him and his voice of reason, his companionship, his kindness towards me, I wouldn't have done anything. I would have stayed in Megaton, drinking myself into oblivion.

I hear something outside. It sounds like muffled talking. Opening my eyes I look at the crack. Lights from outside bounce around the rocks inside, and I feel my heart thudding in my chest.

"Charon…Charon…"

I whisper, shaking him. He opens his eyes, but doesn't move. He glances at me, seeing the expression on my face.

"Stay."

He whispers and gets up. He walks over to his things, grabbing his shotgun. My heart feels like it's going to jump right into my throat its beating so fast. The lights get brighter, illuminating the room. I shield them from my eyes, and try to see Charon in the glare.

"Get outta here!"

I hear the blast of his shotgun. Its magnified in the small room and nearly deafens me. Goddamn him. The lights vanish and I see him standing at the crack, cocking his gun again.

"That'll teach you to mess with me!"

I get up from the bed and run to my things. He looks at me, his attention not where it should be.

"Dez get back!"

The second my hand touches my rifle, I hear the sound of bones cracking. Looking up, I see Charon in the floor, blood coming from his head.

"Charon! Shit!"

I forgot about my rifle. I ran over to him, grabbing his head.

"Fuck!"

He groans, his eyes rolling around in his head. His legs kick, and I hear something outside. A bright light is shone in my eyes, and I block it, looking up at a black figure.

"Move! Move!"

Their voice is muffled, softened by something. They push their way past, a green gun aimed at me. Another one steps in, and finally the lights cease. I can see them. Enclave.

"We got 'em boss!"

One of them yells. What the _fuck_ is going on? I'm kind of disoriented, and I don't know what's up or down. Two more Enclave soldiers come in, followed by Colonel Autumn. Fuck.

"Good work men."

He takes out a Laser Pistol, and puts it between my eyes.

"His contract, where is it?"

"I…I don't…I don't know."

I stutter, my hands still clutching Charon's head.

"Search him!"

Autumn yells, and his men begin to tear at Charon.

"No! Leave him alone!"

I go to fight them, but Autumn presses his gun to the back of my head.

"We do not need you alive. It would be wise to cooperate."

My entire body freezes. The Enclave soldiers search Charon until they retrieve his contract from his pocket. I hear him moan, his arm reaching up for it. They kick his arm away, and I squeal.

"Hand it here."

Autumn takes his contract, and looks at me. He lets out a laugh, holstering his gun.

"Stand down, men. She is of no threat to us."

The Enclave men lower their weapons. I eye Charon's contract as Autumn reads it over. I can't take on all of them, they'll kill me. They'll fucking kill me.

"We're doing you a favor. You spared my life, and now I will give you the chance to spare yours, and the ghoul's."

"I wish I fucking didn't."

I spit at Autumn. I'm half-naked, sitting next to Charon in the dirt, whose pretty much useless now. Aside from the concussion, someone has his contract. Autumn lets out a chuckle, pocketing Charon's contract.

"Charon, I am your new employer. I order you to stand."

I jerk my head towards Charon. Slowly, he stands up. He looks at Autumn, as if I don't even exist. Oh Charon…the contract still owns you…why? I look at Autumn, biting my lip. I'm really scared now.

"Charon, I order you to dress."

"Yes, Master."

Charon stumbles over to his armor and buckles it back into place. Blood is coming from his head, but not as much as before. I stand up, opening and closing my fists.

"Charon, stop it. Stop it. That stupid contract is _shit_. It means _nothing_."

He ignores me, not even looking at me. I hear Autumn laugh behind me and I spin around.

"You should be lucky, girl. I'm sparing your life."

"What do you want?"

He smirks at me, pacing around my small home.

"It's simple really. I request your presence at Girdershade. A small settlement just an hour's walk South of here."

"I know where it is! There's people there!"

"Not anymore."

I glare at him. My anger thriving.

"What do you want?"

I repeat through clenched teeth.

"Arrive at Girdershade before morning, and we will inform you then. Come unarmed. Any later than sunrise, and this ghoul will pay."

I spin around to face Charon.

"Don't do this, _please_ don't do this."

He stares at me, a robot. He's a robot again, mechanically listening.

"Men, move out! Charon, come with me now."

"Yes, Master."

I watch Charon as he follows them out. He doesn't look back, he doesn't turn around. I'm so angry, I can't react. My heart is racing in my chest, and I check the time on my Pip-Boy. It's only…it's nine. Nine at night. I hear the sound of a Vertibird and know they left. Fuck.

I hope they're shaking in their fucking Enclave Power Armor. I hope they're scared, and shitting their pants. Putting on my armor, I go through my weapons. I find a Scoped .44 Magnum, and pocket it. They said come unarmed, and I will. I am packing to never fucking come back here. I'll show up before sunrise, hell I'll show up there before they know it. I just hope whatever they want from me is plausible.

They better run. I hope they run scared. Once I get Charon's contract back they're going to be dead. Dead like all their other little friends. Dead like Eden, dead like my father. I step out into the moonlight, my pack strapped on my back, gun on my waist. I think I'm more angry at Charon. He can't disobey. He can't tear himself away from his contract, and that…that will kill us.

I'm dangerous. I have people after me. People from all around want to kill me, and with Charon's contract, it's not safe. It's not fucking safe. They use him to get to me, just like they did Gob. If they're even the same people. Probably not, the Enclave wouldn't step foot in Megaton. But now I know. Whatever people are around me, they're in danger. I bring them that danger. There's no real reason for…for anything, really. These people will do anything to get to me, and I can't risk that.

I can't risk Charon's life. After all he's done for me I can't put him in that position. Lighting myself a cigarette, I make a hard choice. Tonight I will rescue him. Whatever the Enclave wants, I'll give them. Nothing is more important to me than his safety, and they know that. If he wasn't, they wouldn't have known to take him. If we…were careful they wouldn't have known. I should have told him to wait in fucking Underworld. I never should have brought him around here.

New home. I need a new home now. I don't even know how they found me. I can see Girdershade down the hill I'm on. It's close, scary close. But I have a feeling they're just staying there for this purpose.

"I hope you all fucking die."

I mutter, walking down the hill. Charon, how can he be so stupid? He can't listen to that contract anymore. I'm going to rip it once I get it, watch. But then…what would happen to him? I don't know, nothing probably. His mind would freak out but that's about it. No one would go after him, and if they did they'd be screwed. It's safer for everyone if he lets me rip it. Fuck it I'm doing it anyways. I'll tear it to shreds right in front of him.

I come to the gates of Girdershade. There's two Enclave officers outside a nearby house, and they aim their guns at me.

"Chill out, I'm dropping my gear."

My pack falls to the ground and I take the gun from my waist. They watch me as I walk in, and I hear one of them laugh from under their helmet.

"You have something you want to say?"

I glare at his glowing green eyes, watching electricity sparking over his shoulders.

"Just wondering how much the ghoul paid you to get naked. Must have been cheap."

I want to hit him. I want to tear out his throat and feed it to the Yao Guai. But I don't. I have a lot at stake right now. I have Charon's life at stake. All I do is glare at him, and push open the door to the house. If not for me, Charon, you'd be dead. You better fucking repay me for this. People…people are shit.

Autumn stands behind a desk, and I see Charon behind him. Good, he's safe. Thank god they haven't hurt him. I almost smile at his safety, but I don't. Autumn motions to a chair in front of me, and I sit down.

"What do you want?"

He paces around, taking his sweet time. I dig my nails into the chair, holding in my anger.

"You know what amazes me? Is how a single person, a single _girl_, can infiltrate a military base and seal it's doom. A base of fully trained and operational soldiers, you took down single handedly. You must have some training, girl."

I say nothing, I just stare at him.

"I suppose you're wondering why I brought you here?"

I nod, baring my teeth. I've never felt so _angry_ before.

"It seems the Brotherhood Outcasts have found a unique simulation. This simulation replays the events of Anchorage, Alaska some two-hundred years ago."

Who are the Brotherhood Outcasts?

"What does this have to do with me?"

I don't open my mouth when I talk. I move my lips, baring my teeth still.

"Upon completion of the simulation, a large stock of valuable ammunition is granted. Ammunition and armor that my remaining men need."

"You didn't answer my question."

"Problem is, it takes a unique set of technology to access the simulation. You have that technology."

I look down at my wrist. My Pip-Boy.

"My Pip-Boy will give you this shit? So you need me to do the simulation?"

Autumn shakes his head, still pacing. He's making me dizzy.

"No, no. What I need is just your Pip-Boy."

"What if I refuse?"

Autumn doesn't speak. He waves his hand and an Enclave soldier comes in. He walks over to Charon, and hits him hard in the stomach with the butt of his gun. Charon falls over, gasping for air. Autumn is smart. If he were to hit Charon, the contract wouldn't be valid. Having someone else do it does shit.

"You can't take it off short of cutting off my arm."

I tell him, holding back from running to Charon's help. It wouldn't do any good. None at all. He doesn't even know I exist right now.

"Oh on the contrary."

I hear a door to my left open. Looking over I see two Enclave solders escorting Stanley Armstrong. I haven't seen him since I left the vault. I didn't even see him when I returned to the vault. He looks sick, pale and weak.

"Why not take his Pip-Boy?"

I notice Stanley still has his on. They can use his. Why me?

"Because you have a different model. His will not work, we have tried. He told us that you are the only one with a Pip-Boy that would open the simulation to us."

I look over at Autumn, my eyes avoiding Charon.

"Stanley will take it off for you, and then you may have the ghoul's contract."

"I don't believe you."

Autumn takes out Charon's contract and places it on the desk. They bring out tools, and place them beside the contract.

"You may take it once he finishes removing the Pip-Boy."

Stupid. Fucking stupid. I'll kill every one of them before that happens. They won't get out of here alive, I promise.

"Fine. Take it."

I put my arm on the desk. Stanley is brought over a chair, and he begins his work in silence. The only thing that has kept me alive this long is my Pip-Boy. Without it, I have no map, I have no compass. It holds all my important notes, holodisks from my father, my mother's bible passage. Now I have to part with it. No. I'll get it back. I have to. I feel Stanley working, he doesn't look at me. He _can't_ look at me. The tools slide under my skin, loosening the Pip-Boy. I feel the gears turning, moving.

I've never felt it this loose before. I've forgotten how it feels to be without this thing. It'll be short lived. I eye the contract, my right hand itching to reach for it. I want it. I want to take it, but there are armed guards all around me. There's no way I can take it and live. My eyes find Charon. He doesn't look at me, but rather _through_ me. I don't know why I fight for him so much anymore.

A sharp hissing sound causes me to look at my arm. I feel the lack of pressure, my Pip-Boy opening up. Stanley slides it from my arm, looking at me with sad eyes. He takes it, and I lift my arm. It feels light, lighter than air. I don't like it. I don't like it at all. Autumn takes the Pip-Boy from him, and smiles.

"Very nice…"

I glare at him. Before anyone can say anything, I grab Charon's contract. I glance over at Charon, his eyes are wide, he's back. My Charon. As if I know what is about to happen, I get down on the floor, pulling Stanley with me. Charon reaches for his gun, pulling it out faster than I've ever seen before. I hear the shots go off, hear the blasts of his gun, hear the snarl in his throat. The thud of dead bodies surrounds me, and when Autumn falls, his open-eyes meet mine. My Pip-Boy falls from his grip, and rolls over to me.

Obviously he didn't think plans through. That's why his base got destroyed by a little girl. The Enclave are fucking stupid. I slide my Pip-Boy back, and instantly it reboots. It recognizes my DNA, and I feel it squeeze against my arm. It tightens and loosens, finding the perfect fit for me, just for me. I smile at it.

"I'm getting out of here!"

Stanley yells, running out the door, past the dead men on the floor. I grip Charon's contract in my right hand, my blood pumping. I hear his heavy footsteps, and he helps me from the ground. I look at him, pulling myself away.

"Dez…"

He says, but I ignore him. I hand him his contract back, anger behind my motives.

"You almost got me killed."

He looks to the ground, nodding.

"Yes. I know."

"Because you're fucking _weak_. You can't disobey that shit."

He doesn't say anything, but he puts the contract in his pocket.

"I need you to leave me. You need to go, and never fucking find me again."

His head snaps up. He looks into my eyes, but I won't look at him. I head towards the door, hearing him following behind me.

"Dez, I do not understand."

"What's not to get? Go! Get the fuck out of here! I never want to see you again!"

I scream at him, my voice echoing in the darkness. He looks pained, hurt. I don't care.

"If that is what you wish."

I walk over to my stuff and pick it up. He follows me to the gate, and we look at one another again. We aren't going to travel the same way, not now. I head back down to the house, making camp in the opposite one. Just for a little bit, then I'll head home, I'll head back to Megaton.

I stare at the dead Enclave soldiers, not processing anything, not feeling anything. Charon listened and left. He didn't argue, he didn't do anything. I sat down on the floor, running my fingers through my hair. I made him leave because it's dangerous. Around me, people will get hurt. Since he's been with me it's just been one thing after another, one life-threatening event after a night of peace. It's not the life I want him to see. Even Gob and Nova aren't safe with me. That's why they have to go to Underworld. They have to go there and they'll be safe there.

Unlike Megaton, Underworld won't hesitate to kill someone. They will kill if they feel threatened, and not just anyone can waltz in there. It's the safest place for them, for anyone whose around me. Charon…I can't risk his life anymore. I can't ask him to come with me when I know eventually he's going to get hurt, that someone will take him to get to me. I don't know if I can do it alone, I haven't thought about it. I just know that what I did was for his best interest. If I told him that, though, he wouldn't have listened. He would have argued, said he could handle it. But I can't handle it.

I can't handle waking up every day, knowing that the cause of his harm was because of me in a way. That kind of burden is too much. I'm meant to do this alone, live this life by myself. I don't think I'll ever find peace, and if I do it won't be for very long. It seems the only thing I can rely on now is the pain I feel, when I get shot or hurt. It's an old, familiar pain. I can depend on that to keep me going, I guess. It's the only time I ever really feel alive. Charon has to leave because he'll die out here. He'll die fighting or die because of me. I don't care what happens to me, but I care about what happens to him.

I took what I could from the dead soldiers. I stuffed more medical supplies and ammo in my pack, and strapped it on my back. By now, Charon would be a few paces away from me. I'd be able to walk and go to Megaton without having to worry about seeing him. I know if I see him I'll take back what I said. I'll take it all back and beg him to come with me. I can't, though. He has to stay away from me, for his own good. Gob and Nova…they have to stay away from me, too.

Heading out the front door, a light breeze blows against my skin. It's unusually warm for the night, but it's okay with me. Pulling up my Pip-Boy map, I notice it has a lag to it, a delay that wasn't there before. I have to head Northeast, to get to Megaton. It'll take me a bit, I'm a slow walker, and without Charon I won't feel the need to move very quickly. Looking around the desert while I walk, it suddenly all looks so sad, so depressing.

The moon is full, as usual. It doesn't hold the beauty I saw in it before, though. Now it all seems bleak, like I can see this place for what it really is for the first time. Slowly, like a time bomb, my emotions catch up with my actions. I realize that I left Charon, that I just witnessed the death of the man who killed my father, that the Enclave in fact, took me once again. It all happened so fast, I didn't have time to process it. Now I do. I can feel it all, the anger, the grief, the sadness and worry. What the hell kind of place is this?

It's hell. It's the aftermath of all our ancestors fighting a war that ultimately destroyed humanity. This isn't a happy place, no. Happiness can be found out here, but it's hard, and you have to really work for it. I see a pack of stray Brahmin in the distance, hear them calling to one another. At least the animals are nice, they can live in peace. Until someone shows up to kill them for food. I don't want to live in this place anymore.

After I help Gob and Nova, I don't know what I'll do. Maybe I'll leave this place, and look for somewhere I can live in peace. Somewhere that no one knows me, that has no idea who I am or where I come from. I'll create a new identity, a new persona. I'll give myself a new name. But…what about Charon? Would he opt to come with me if I asked? Run away into the great beyond with no direction or reason?

No. I can't ask Charon to do that. I don't even want to risk seeing him again. I can't put anyone else's life in harm's way. I can't be responsible for the death of the people who've cared about me. All I can do is help them, and say a painful goodbye, and hope they know I did it all for their best interest. I hope Charon knows that. I hope he knows I don't hate him, and that it's not his fault. That I didn't make him leave because of his contract, but because he was going to die if he stuck with me. He wouldn't have listened if I told him the truth. He would have protested. I know that much.

Looking up at the sky, I keep walking. The entire sky is full of bright, twinkling stars. When I first got here and saw all of this, I remembered that by the time we can see the light of them, it's old light. That's how far away we are from them. But it doesn't take away the fact that it's beautiful. With no lights, the sky is full and bright and twinkling. It doesn't help the ache that starts to form inside me, though. I look at the stars, and I realize how sad I am. How I know Charon is really gone, and I made him go.

If I fall down, he's not going to be here to grab my arm and pick me up. If I get stuck in battle, there's no one yelling they have my back. If I die, there's no one here who would know about it. Looking at the sky without Charon makes me want to cry. It makes me want to fall to the ground and sob like a baby. The Capital Wasteland has taken everything from me. It took my mother, my father, any chance of friends I had. It took Gob and Nova, it took Charon. No one can be with me, they're going to die. I have to protect them, though. I have to keep them safe no matter how much it hurts.

I don't know anymore. I don't know anything. I look at my compass, there's no green or red ticks. For some reason, this makes me sad. Maybe if I found something to fight, someone to talk to, I wouldn't be so sad. I'd be able to forget it all. It's easier for me to run from my pain than face it. It's easier to mask it behind a veil of murder, mayhem and blood spray, than it is to actually deal with it head on. I don't care if someone takes me now. I don't care if more Enclave or Slavers decide to follow me. It doesn't matter what happens to me anymore, as long as everyone else is safe.

If I let go, there'd be no problem. If I just let myself leave this place and never look back, no one would have a care in the world. There'd be free water, clean water, and Gob could have a family. Charon could meet a nice ghoul lady and settle down with her. Nova would be happy, too, and they'd all think of me and smile. That's what I want from it all. I want them to smile when they think of me, and remember me as someone they could talk to, someone who was good. I don't want them to remember me as…as I am now.

Leaving Charon is hard. I have to fight finding him with each step I take. But out here, it'd be near impossible. I have no idea where he could have gone, or even if he'd speak to me. You and me Charon…we could have had something. We could have…written that tragic romance. But we can't. I'm too dangerous to be around. If whomever is after me went to Gob and Nova, I can only imagine what they'd do to Charon. If he just didn't have that contract. Even then I'd have a hard time letting him come with me. It's someone they can use against me. A weakness. I can't show weakness.

The sun rose in front of my face. It's warm rays blinded me for a minute, and I wished I knew where I left my glasses. But it doesn't matter now. A few miles off, I can see Megaton. Only because it's on a hill, and I'm on a hill under a big freeway. Stopping, I light a cigarette and take in the sights. I can see the Washington Monument, it's really far away, but I can see it. I feel my body churning inside, wanting to break down and cry. But I won't do that. I refuse to do that.

I start walking and rub sweat off my forehead. My mind starts to go back to the old ways, and I force it not to. I don't want to be that person anymore. Hell I'm not sure what I want to be. I don't know anything anymore. I want to hear my dad, telling me he's proud of me. I want to hear words of wisdom and comfort. I can't hear it, I know I won't hear it. He's dead. I pass a dead Wastelander and look down. I think I've become immune to the smell of decay these bodies have, just like I've become immune to the sight of blood. It just doesn't bother me anymore. I wonder if I'll ever see Charon again. Maybe this time apart will help ease my mind, help me figure out who I am and what I want. Maybe then I can find Charon again, and we can begin something anew. Maybe. Maybe.


	27. Chapter 27

(Charon)

I did not argue. I looked into Dez's eyes, searching for something I knew she was hiding so well from me. She stares at me, intent and focused as she always is when she makes up her mind.

"If that is what you wish."

No sooner had the words fallen from my tongue when she turned and walked away from me. I know better than to chase her and fight this out. There is nothing more that I am able to do, so I simply leave. I turn my back, I had known she would do this. In the Vertibird on the way here, I realized that Dez would make this kind of choice. I did not let it show on my face, the sadness of the sudden realization I had. I could simply obey orders, wait until my moment came.

The contract had no hold over me. No strength or bearings or restrictions. It formulated in my mind as I lay on the ground, that Dez and I were greatly outnumbered. Had I not been caught off guard, I would have easily been able to take care of the soldiers, just as I had inside the house. However, I found playing stupid and obedient would be the best option. It would further ensure Dez's safety, if I obeyed. It would give her a chance to do as they said, and make a plan of her own.

I did not foresee this. I did not realize what my actions had done until it was too late. I am alone now. I have returned to the Museum of History, but not to Underworld. I cannot return there anymore. Dez's face is fresh in my mind. It has been, since she said goodbye to me. I am worried about her, about her safety and well-being. Not knowing where she is, what she is doing, if she is safe, drives me crazy inside. Somehow, I have been able to force myself away from my contract.

While I was training Dez, I had a lot of time to truly think things over. As I stood, watching her run laps or perform various workout tasks, I began to mull over my life. My existence over the past two-hundred years or so. I came to the realization that nothing has ever meant so much to me. I have never encountered someone who was able to break my own mindset, and send me into a whirlwind and fury. It was then that I understood what she had been trying to tell me all along. That it holds no ground. It is simply a piece of paper, nothing more, nothing less. I understand now, that it is meaningless.

She, I realized, is the only thing that has any ties to me. She is what I would die for, kill for, and obey with every last breath and tissue in my body. My contract means nothing to me, if it means I can keep her safe. I have never felt this way, nor have I ever been in such a difficult situation. My training forbids me to chase her, forbids me to show emotion or weakness of the same. I cannot even express emotion on my face. Yet those same emotions I cannot show or express drive me to chase her. They scream at me to find her, to seek her out and show her my contract means nothing.

I do not listen to that side of me. I do not seek her out or find her. Rather, I take solace inside the Museum of History, working out what all of this is supposed to mean. I have not felt real emotions before, and I do not know the proper way to express them. Chasing after Dez could prove illogical and cause her to be angry with me. It is better if I carefully analyze and think over each and every one of my choices before I act.

Yet I cannot analyze what it is I feel inside. It is painful, but a different pain than when one gets harmed or injured. It is a type of pain that aches when my heart beats, and that does not sit well within my stomach. No amount of smoking or pacing can soothe it. I can only puzzle about it, wondering what may have caused it. Could it be the absence of Dez? I do not feel as I did when she was at the Citadel, when I believed her to be dead. It is stronger than that. It pulls at me, tearing me up, driving me mad at times.

Dez hates being alone. It angers me, knowing that she is. She always had such faith in things like love, and often spoke of how she envied Gob and Nova. I do not understand what she envied about them, but now I feel I do. The other night, Dez smiled at me. A wide, toothy smile directly at me. It was beautiful, and I had wished I knew how to smile back at her. Dez is beautiful, wild, each time she looks at me or says my name, my body feels as if it could fly. I think that emotion is one called 'joy'.

What I admire most about her, is her hope. She does not speak much of it, but has let it slip in some small talk. She has such hope in love. I feel she truly believes that it can fix everything. She used to tell me she needed me. I have never felt needed before, or known that I was so valuable. My entire life I have done things for people, obeyed without a second thought or a thank you. It has never occurred to me, that one day I may come across an employer that grows close and fond towards me. Now that is has happened, I do not know how to act. I do not know how to respond or reciprocate those feelings. Yet I feel them at the same time.

If I ever cross paths with her again, I hope I will know what to say. I hope that I can show or tell her how much she means to me, and how that I need her as well. In this dark world we have found ourselves in, I have found a light that drives me and pushes me to keep going. I have lost that light now. I have allowed myself to take an order and obey without argument. It is a regret. I regret not following her, trying to explain my motives and intentions.

I finger my contract in my hands while I smoke. Fawks stalks around the foyer, reading a book and grumbling in my direction once in a while. I have been here twelve long hours, and do not know how long I intend to stay. He has not tried to speak to me, which I am grateful for. The light from my cigarette reflects off of the old, yellowed paper of my contract. Gently, I press the flame into the paper, burning a hole into it.

I do not know what it is I expect from doing this. Perhaps I expect it to soothe the hurt I feel inside. It does not, but it does create a feeling much different inside of me. I burn another hole, and another, waiting for the paper to catch fire. It is as if a burden has been lifted from me, and I know I am truly free. For the first time in my life, I am my own person, I am free. Free of the contract, of the ties and constraints that it has held over my person for my entire life. I watch as the flames devour it, turning it into ash. The light from it allows me to see the room a bit clearer. I sit atop the rounded desk closest to the entrance, watching my contract burn and disintegrate before my eyes. None of this would have been possible, had it not been for my chance meeting with Dez.

This moment, these feelings, this change I have undergone, it is all because of her. I would not have had the chance, the privilege, to feel as I do or feel life in such a different manner, if she had not given me the chance. I have never loved before, but I love her. I know it is love, because I have read of it. In books filled with stories of such a strong emotion that no one can explain or rationalize with. An emotion so powerful, it blinds the person, forcing them to do things they did not wish to do before. It creates wars, stops wars, it unifies people, breaks people, and yet through all the hardships it causes, people revere it. I am lucky enough to just feel it.

My contract falls to the floor, ash now. I have nothing in my life anymore. I have no possessions outside of my shotgun, and without Dez I have no purpose to live. I know that I will find a purpose one day, that I will be able to seek out the fruits of life, but not now. It feels as if I need time. Time to figure myself out, sort and analyze these emotions and feelings so that I may come to a conclusion.

Voices from outside take me from my thoughts. I look over at the door, feeling 'curious'. I hear laughter, there are many people in the party, and they are getting closer. Slowly, gently, I move from the old wooden desk. Silently, I creep into the shadows, my training aiding me well. I stand, concentrating on my breathing, making sure my limbs are well hidden. I cannot be seen now, even when the doors open, I will not be seen. I have hidden myself well.

I hear the turn of the knob, the click of the lock, and the creak of the door as it is pushed opened. Sun leaks through, it is orange, signifying that night will be upon me soon. It bounces off of the yellow marble flooring, making it seem brighter than it is. I press my back to the wall, my shotgun carefully hidden in my hand, behind my leg.

"Well I'll be girl, you got them here in record time. Congrats."

I recognize the voice as Jericho's. He appears as the arm holding the door open, and steps inside the atrium. He does not notice my presence, and I am glad. I do not wish for him to notice me.

"Don't boost her ego, Jer. She doesn't need it."

"Oh don't go telling me _you're_ calling me that now too?"

Nova. The second voice is Nova, I am positive of this. Carefully, I watch as she enters through the doors. She is wearing a Brahmin Skin Outfit that was once Gob's. I can tell because of the way it fits around her, only he has a body shape similar to that. I notice her stomach is rounded, verifying that she is in fact, with child. I can only expect Gob is behind her, if not then somewhere very close by. If they are here, with Jericho, then I can only conclude that Dez is accompanying them. My muscles tighten as if I am preparing for combat. They constrict and wait for my signal to move. I do nothing, I am watching, waiting for the scene to unfold in front of me.

As I had suspected, Gob enters shortly after Nova. He wraps her in his arms, they both smile and turn towards the door. Dez is the last to step through. Dez, my Dez, it is her. She stands away from the door, allowing Jericho to close it.

"We can't thank you enough for this, kid. You sure you don't want to come in? We can do drinks at the bar."

"Naw I'm good Gob. Besides you and Nova are going to have your hands full. Carol really misses you and I don't think she knows you're here. Plus Dr. Barrows will wanna check out Nova, make sure she's alright."

"You'll come visit then, won't you hon?"

"Of course I will. I can't say when, but I'll drop by."

They smile at one another, while Jericho watches and smokes a cigarette from the background. He looks at Dez in a way that causes my blood to speed up, my heart to race, and my mind to flood with anger.

"If I see Charon, want me to…tell him anything?"

Gob asks Dez, giving her a look of comfort. A look I cannot often give to her. I notice she bites her lip, a trait she has recently developed doing when she is nervous or unsure. She looks at Gob, and I notice she has tears in her eyes. I also notice she forces them back, her hands finding a cigarette in her pocket.

"No…don't. There's…nothing I can think of to tell him."

Her voice has a particular tone, one I have not heard before. It is saddening, yet enticing. It causes me to want to rush from the shadows and hold her. I wish to comfort her, and take that sadness away. Yet I remain, still, in the darkness, watching.

"Well kid, thank you. You have no idea how much this means to us."

"Don't mention it. Just get your ass inside and say hi to everyone."

Gob nods at her, and they all share in an embrace. Jericho does not, however. He watches them, leaning against the door as if he does not belong. He does not belong, in fact. It should be me, standing there, bidding them farewell. The fact that he is there drives me mad, angers me in a way I have not felt before. Am I possibly feeling the emotion of 'jealousy'?

Gob takes Nova's hand, and they begin to walk towards Underworld. They stop for a minute, staring up at Fawks.

"It's okay guys, he's nice."

Dez calls to them, and I notice a sad smile is on her face. Nova and Gob continue walking, while Jericho and Dez watch them depart. I hear the doors to Underworld open, and soon I hear them close. That is it. There is nothing for them here now. I watch, anticipating what they will do next.

"Why does every smokin' girl in my life leave me for a rotten zombie?"

Jericho slips his arm around Dez's waist. She does not move to remove it, and I feel the anger rising. It is supposed to be me standing there, me holding her in my arm, me bidding friends goodbye. Not him. Not fucking him.

"I dunno, Jer. You just have that ability to turn women into zombie-fuckers."

I narrow my eyes, wondering what she may mean by that statement. Her and I have never had such relations, but Jericho does not know that. Unless she told him.

"You ever fuck that rotten stink?"

"Gob? No that's Nova's man. I'd never go near him."

"Naw not him, the other one. Tall guy with the shotgun, Charon."

My heart is so loud, I fear they may be able to hear it. I pay close attention to the expression that lies on Dez's face. It is one I cannot read, one I have not seen before. She bites her lip, looking towards the ground.

"…No."

Jericho lets out a laugh that echoes loudly through the atrium and in my head. I watch as he smiles at her, a gleam in his eye. Dez does not look at him, nor does she smile back. She stands still and motionless, watching the doors of Underworld. I am contemplating moving, showing that I am in the room, and putting my shotgun right up Jericho's ass. I do not. I remain calm, my training arguing with my emotions.

"I'll show you a real man, Dezbe."

He steps in front of her, blocking the view she has of Underworld. His arms wrap around her frail, small body. The body that only I have been touching. I watch as his mouth finds the side of her neck, and he gently kisses it. My eyes dart to her face. I see pleasure, and uncertainty wash over her. The shotgun in my hand shakes with nerves, as my finger finds the trigger all too easy.

"No, Jericho. Stop it."

She pushes him from her, or tries to. He does not move, and it is all my mind and body needs to force it from the shadows. I step out, my shotgun aimed at his head. I have no control now, no rational control over what I am doing, and I find I do not give a damn. He has crossed a line, and touched what I see as mine. He did not listen to her, obey her request, and for that he must pay.

"Get the fuck away from her."

My voice is guttural, growling as if I am an animal. I feel as one. I feel such anger and rage towards him, that I do not know what is stopping me from killing him on the spot.

"Holy shit!"

His cry is blocked by the sound of my shotgun cocking. I advance towards him, walking so close that I can feel the push of my gun against my arm as the barrel connects with his forehead.

"Charon…"

Dez. It is her. Her voice runs through my body, making my spine twinge and shake. I do not look at her, but rather I take my shotgun from Jericho's head. I strap it to my back, and carefully curl my fingers to make a fist. Before I am able to realize what has taken place, Jericho is on the floor, screaming and withering in pain, and my hand throbs with rage and anticipation.

"You will not touch her."

I hear myself say to him. The anger is too much for me to handle, and I truly fear for his life. I will kill him, if I am allowed to take it that far, if nothing intercedes.

"Charon…stop."

Her voice brings me back to my mind. I lower my hand, and slowly turn my head. Facing her, I am able to see her clearly. Her eyes shine in the dim light we have from the burning barrel behind us, her body shakes noticeably. I feel a power overtaking me, a strong urge I cannot fight to ignore. My hands find her body, and I pull her into me. I feel her body fit against mine, my hands wandering along her curves, and finding where they fit best. I squeeze her tightly, burying my head in her hair. She returns my embrace, gently at first, then I feel her squeeze in turn.

"Charon…"

She says, her face pressed up against me. I wrap my hand in her thick, orange and red hair, pressing my lips to the top of her head.

"I am here Dez, I am here."

"You can't be! You can't be here! You have to leave!"

For the first time, I question an order.

"Why?"

"Your contract! You can't be around me, it's not safe!"

I am not being driven by my rational side. It is my emotions that take over me now, my instincts that I did not know existed before. Pulling away, I stare into her eyes, she is crying. She cries for me.

"It is gone. I rid myself of it."

The words are delicate to me still. I have not yet had time to absorb my action of burning it. It does not matter now. Dez takes in my statement, her eyes widening, the tears falling from her face. She is beautiful, even when she is hurting.

"You…you can't come still."

"Tell me why."

I feel as if I am in control. For the first time, it is I who has control over something.

"You're…you're going to _die_ if you stay, I can't let that happen…I can't…"

That is the true reason she sent me away. I will not accept it. I cannot accept it at this moment. When she is in my arms, I feel no pain inside. The hurt and sorry that so engulfed me before is absent. I do not wish to feel it again.

"I will not die, Dez. You are utterly foolish in thinking that."

I find I am slightly angry with her as well. It is so strange to me, feeling all this joy and anger at the same time. I do not know what to do with myself.

"But you _might_."

"I have not been wrong in the past. I will _not_ die. Trust me on this, Dez."

"If the girl don't want you around, listen to her."

Jericho. He rouses my anger, bringing it to levels I did not know existed. I tear myself from Dez, and lunge towards him. I knock him to the ground with another well-aimed punch. He slides against the floor, blood seeping from his mouth. I have never felt such raw energy as this.

"I did not ask you!"

I spit at him. Who am I? Who have I become? Has this one person, this lone female, brought so much up inside of me that I have lost track of who I am? No. I have never known who I was in the past. I am still who I was, yet now I am with feeling, with emotion. I have become no different person, simply a more advanced version of my former self. Anger feels as if it is seething from every orifice in my body. I have become an enigma, of what I am not sure. I glance over at Dez, she is looking from Jericho to me, and I am unsure of what her face reads.

"Charon…you…"

"I what?"

My statement is full of rage. I do not intent to lash out on Dez, but I cannot control what has overcome me.

"You hit Jericho…"

"And I would gladly tear him limb from limb with my bare hands if given the opportunity."

"Why?"

I see the look in her eyes. The look behind the tears tells me it is one of wonder, of hope at what I will say next. She is anticipating my next sentence, and I feel it will determine if I am allowed to return by her side. I can sense she feels the anger that seeps out of me, yet she does not stray away or cower from it. Rather she stands, sadness in her eyes yet courage in her stance. She is no longer fearful of me, she would rather confront me.

"Because he laid his hands on you."

I wish to shake her. Shake her and make her understand the emotions I feel for her. Understand that I do not fear death, and would not let the tortures of the Wastes take me from her. It would take more of an army than the Wastes have to offer, to tear me from her. This girl came dancing into my life, full of ignorance and confidence, and I will not forget that. I will not let anyone take from me the one being who has taught me so much, who has learned to care for me as I am. A monster.

"Charon…you'd…you'd do anything for me, wouldn't you?"

"Yes. Without any hesitation."

I see she is thinking, mulling over the thought of her and I. I understand now, and accept, she is as much a part of me as my contract had been.

"I have to know something, Charon."

She takes a step towards me, the fire from the barrel dancing on the walls behind her. Jericho does not pick himself from the floor, he remains where he had fallen, watching the scene unfold. I cannot predict what it is Dez will soon say to me.

"Times…times are different now. Very different. Everything is changing, even as we stand here talking, it's different. If you come with me, you have to understand that."

There is a hidden meaning to her words, but I cannot figure out what that meaning is. Flashes of our times together replay in my mind, as I remember them clearly. She has changed since our first encounter, she has changed since we first set food out for Rivet City. I have changed, as well. Is this what she is trying to tell me? That neither her nor I are the same people we started out as? That the world as we once knew it is not going to be the same world anymore? Possibly, yes. It does not matter, I still love her, regardless.

"I understand."

"Do you care about me Charon?"

"Yes. It hurts me knowing you would even question that at this point."

Dez. She reaches up and touches the side of my mutated face. Her smooth and gentle fingers trace the veins that expose themselves. I cannot let this girl be alone anymore. I cannot see how she will survive, knowing her as I do. She cannot continue on with the life she leads, alone. It will kill her. I must protect her from this, by any means possible. Her presence reminds me of a song I once heard. I cannot recall exactly what song, simply the notes behind the lyrics. I have never been in this position, never felt these emotions, but I embrace them. It is her fault, but I am not angry with her.

She smiles at me, and I feel as if she could kill me with that smile. This strange female, this young woman, who has spent her entire life inside the safety and security of Vault 101, chooses me to be with her. She chooses me to stand by her, protect her, and share in all her experiences. I feel as her hand rests at the base of my neck, her fingers are cold, I do not know why. She is beautiful, and wild. Beautiful.

"I don't have a home anymore."

She tells me, chocking back her tears.

"It does not matter to me."

"We have nowhere to go, people are following me."

"I do not care. We will manage."

I stare at her, trying to force her to understand it does not matter. I do not care if we have a home to go to, I do not care if she is being followed, as long as I am with her. There is no such thing as 'companionship' in this world. There is simply the survival of the fittest. Yet I have found companionship. I have found something worth risking it all for, and have found that I can feel like a normal person. I can experience emotions, thoughts, drives and comforts I could not before. It is because of Dez, and I wish to share it all with her.

"Then…we should get going. We have to find a new place to live, and try to lose the dumbfuck following me."

She is all business. She does not wish to divulge into what she is feeling, and I understand. I will respect that, and will not pry. I will simply be grateful she is allowing me back into her life.

"Dez?"

I call her name, hearing it echo in the empty foyer. She glances up at me, her hand still resting on my neck.

"Yeah what?"

I do not say anything. I pull her body into mine, embracing her, feeling washed in emotions. We have seen too much together, learned too much from one another, to simply give it all up. I will continue to fight for her, with her, against whatever comes at us. I entangle my hands into her hair, kissing the top of her head. I feel her body sigh, her muscles relaxing. I do not know who I am anymore, or what I may become due to these new emotions, but I do know that I wish Dez to be present for it all.


	28. Chapter 28

Charon…he's insisting to come with me again. I don't know why, but he is. He doesn't care I have no home, no shelter or anything to offer him. What shocks me the most is that he got rid of his contract. I never thought that day was possible. It's changing, everything. Him, me, the world. It's going to be different now, I can feel it, and it scares me. But if Charon's here with me, then I think I'll be okay. I don't think I'll be so scared if he's standing with me during it all.

Pulling away from him, I wipe my face off. It's been a bittersweet reunion, but I'm glad he wants me. I'm glad he wants me to come back with him. I lead him over to the burning barrel, waving to Fawks as he walks by, reading a book.

"We have to figure out where we're going to go."

I don't want to leave this place without direction. I have no home, so it's my priority that we find a new place to live. Charon stands beside me, looking at me.

"Yes."

Pulling up my Pip-Boy map, I scan over the locations. Everything I look at is either too decrepit, or too dangerous.

"Paradise Falls…"

I mumble, my marker on the map hanging over it. There are red tick marks on my compass, showing that the people following me are close.

"What about it?"

Charon asks, and I sigh.

"We…it would be the safest place."

She stares at me, dumbfounded.

"Charon, if we can infiltrate it, we can own it. We can live there, our own town."

"That is suicide."

Charon doesn't get it. If I can free all of The Pitt, why not a small area like Paradise Falls? It can't be that hard, and we'd be able to get away from the people following us. It's crazy enough to work, it has to be.

"Charon, if I turn myself in to them, you can sneak in after and help me get them from the inside out."

Charon stared at me, he obviously hates my idea.

"Dez, that is unlikely to work. The slaves there have collars. One step out of bound and you will die. The collars explode when the person leaves the area."

I didn't know that. Shit. But with Paradise Falls' location, and the fact it's completely barricaded off from the Capital Wasteland, there's no safer place. I know it sounds crazy, but isn't everything I've done crazy? I stared at Charon, hoping he'd agree to this.

"Charon it has to work. If you just sneak on in, we can get them. We can."

I can't read his face. That's what kind of irks me. I can never tell what he's thinking and it drives me insane.

"Dez, you are risking your life for a place to live. It is insanity. We can find other places."

"You don't get it, Charon. If I do this it'll end slavery in the Capital Wasteland for good, forever. Imagine what everyone would think then."

"Do you really believe simply rescuing a few captive slaves will ensure that people here will then accept you? You have given them fresh water and still, they do not agree with your presence."

I bit my lip, sighing and looking at the barrel. I don't have any other ideas. I don't have any other places I could live. Sure, the abandoned vaults have more security than I could ever need, but I just came from one. I don't want to go back there.

"We have to try, Charon."

"I do not agree with this plan of action."

"Hey let the kid run to her death. If she wants to do it, who are you to stop her?"

I looked over to see Jericho walking into the foyer. He had a large bruise forming where Charon had hit him, and I tried not to laugh at it. Charon stiffened, standing next to me.

"Thank you, Jer."

Charon glared at me. He must suspect something happened between Jericho and I, and you know I'm not going to tell him otherwise.

"But kid, what's gonna be your plan on actually getting _in_? The entrance is guarded by like, four men."

"I'll turn myself in to them. Then, Charon can come that night and take the collar off."

"Collars explode if tampered with."

Shit. Even if that wasn't the case, I'm pretty sure Charon isn't great with de-wiring explosives.

"I would appreciate it if you would not encourage her on this."

Charon growled, crossing his arms.

"Hey if she wants to do it, let her."

Jericho lit a cigarette, standing a safe distance away from Charon. Hell I would too if he just knocked me twice in the jaw. Charon is a force not to be reckoned with, except with me. I can fight his force and win most of the time.

"Charon, this will work."

"You do not even have a working plan. I refuse to listen to this nonsense. You are _not_ going."

I crossed my arms, glaring.

"You're gonna regret it, Charon. I'm going, and you can't stop me. You can help me, and make it a little easier, or you can stay here and let them take me. It's your life, you pick."

We stared at one another. Charon will come, I know that. He's going to follow me regardless of what shit I get myself into. Uncrossing my arms, I push past him and started walking out. There's precious little daylight, and I want to go as fast and as far as I can before I sleep. Turning back, I saw Jericho and Charon staring at me. I saw Charon sigh as he began to follow me, obviously angry. Jericho looked at Charon and began to follow him. What? Are they both coming with me?

"Jericho, you coming too?"

"Yes."

"No."

Charon and Jericho glared at one another. I chuckled, playing with the straps of my pack. Glancing down at my Pip-Boy, I saw the red tick marks moving around, coming a bit closer. Problem with my compass is I don't know exactly how close or far these ticks are. They could be right on top of me and I wouldn't know.

"Look guys, if we're going we have to move. We're sitting Brahmin out here, and I think the Yao Guai are fuckin' hungry."

"Are you going to allow Jericho to follow us?"

I looked up at Charon as he stood over me.

"If he wants to. We need as much manpower as we can find."

"I do not agree with that choice, either."

I ignored him. I don't want to fight right now. I want to go and do this as quickly as possible. Without a safe place to rest, I'm going to be found. I'm going to be kidnapped and taken away to Slaver Land anyways. I might as well do it before they get me, that way Charon and Jericho have a shot to save me.

Stepping out into the setting sun, I shielded my eyes for a minute. The Museum of History is always so dim and dark, I forget how bright the outside world is. Jericho and Charon stood behind me, and I could hear Charon's heavy breathing.

"We'll stay above ground this time."

I told them, heading down the stairs. I could climb over the rubble, getting to Dukov's place and throwing off the people following me. They'd have to stick to the tunnels, and hopefully I'd gain some time.

"Why?"

Charon asked, following me and keeping a close eye out for Super Mutants. They have a camp here, and they pop out at random times.

"Because the people following me are close. I can see them on my compass. If we stick to climbing over the rubble, we can save time and see them if they expose themselves."

"Or we can become easy targets if they have a Sniper."

Charon is really not getting it. He's disagreeing with every plan I pull out of my ass, and that's not the reason I wanted him to come with me. He's supposed to protect me and care about me, not toss away all my ideas like garbage.  
"I agree with the kid, she's smart."

"You only think that because you want to fuck her."

Did Charon just say something vulgar? I stared at him, a bit dumbfounded. Jericho scoffed and tossed away his cigarette. We walked over to a pile of rubble that seemed easy to climb, and stared up at it.

"You two need to stop bickering for two fuckin' seconds and help me with this."

I went to start climbing, but Charon grabbed my pants and pulled me back down.

"I will go first. You follow."

Smirking, I let Charon start the climb. When he got far enough up, I began to follow him, stepping where he stepped. The pile isn't steep, but doing this is pretty dangerous compared to simply walking in the tunnels. I like doing it, I feel it makes me a bit stronger. Jericho started climbing below me, grumbling about the 'extra exercise'.

"I guess I can't complain, the view from down here is great."

"I will not hesitate to climb back down there, Jericho."

"Can we climb and not fight? This isn't really a good time to be fighting."

Okay, it's hilarious. I'll admit that. I'll also admit that I'm having a hard time not laughing my ass off. Maybe letting Jericho tag along isn't all bad. Hell it'll provide me with some humor. Who knew a ghoul and an old man would be trying to fight over me? This is rich.

"I'm not fighting with anyone kid, just stating facts is all. Shift over to the left a bit more…"

"That's it! That's it!"

I had to duck as a rock was tossed down from above me. I looked down in time to see Jericho cringing as the rock hit in him on top of his head. I started laughing, trying to climb up to meet Charon at the top.

"I do not see what you find so humorous."

I looked up at Charon, giving him a toothy grin. Jericho has been a bit of a comic relief on my trip to the Museum of History, and I've kind of let it slide he tried to bone me. I like laughing, and Jericho makes me laugh. It's nice to forget the world is over, and just smile. I never knew that was possible.

"You and Jericho are funny."

"We are not."

"Ghouls don't have a sense of humor. The only time they make me laugh is when I'm blasting their fuckin' heads off."

Charon tossed an evil glare down at Jericho and I sighed. After a while, I know this is going to be annoying, but for now it's fun. Charon stood up at the top of the rubble, patiently waiting for me to catch up.

"Shit!"

He yelled, and I saw him stumble. He caught his balance, but it was too late. I felt the shift he had felt, and looked up at him scared.

"Charon…"

I said, nervous. The entire pile began to shake and shift, slowly at first. I looked down at Jericho and we had the same expression on our faces. Oh shit.

"Dez!"

Looking up at Charon, he was on his stomach, his arm outstretched towards me. I stepped up on the moving pile, and grabbed his wrist. Without any effort, he hoisted me to the top. I felt another violent wave of movement and almost fell down the other side.

"Jericho!"

To my utter amazement, Charon was trying to help Jericho. But with each passing second, the rubble began to shift more and more, making it unsteady and unsafe.

"I don't need your help!"

"Jericho fucking _come on_!"

I yelled down at him, holding on to a piece of steel rod to keep myself from falling. There was another strong shift, and I think Jericho realized the severity of the situation. I saw him grab Charon's hand, and Charon pulled him up.

"Jesus _fuck_!"

Yes, Jericho, we are in trouble. I looked at Charon, and then down at the pile. It was a big drop, but we didn't have time to strategically climb down. So much for my great ideas, huh? Charon grabbed me, pulling me into his chest.

"Hold on."

He said to me calmly. I nodded, closing my eyes and wrapping my arms around his torso. The rubble shifted again, and then, I didn't feel anything. There was nothing under my feat, and I felt the cool breeze coming at me so fast. I clung to Charon, tight as I could. I'm too scared to open my eyes and figure out what he's doing. I'm too scared to see if Jericho is okay. Shit. Shit. Shit.

My arms stung. They dragged across the pavement, hitting it hard. I kept my eyes closed, feeling Charon's heavy breathing stop beneath my body. We had bounced, I didn't know people could bounce. Charon's body was wrapped over mine, and I finally opened my eyes. He laid on the pavement, eyes wide, but he's okay. I felt him take in a big breath of air, and pulled my arms and body off of him.

"What the fuck did you do?"

I screamed, shaking. Charon looked at me, trying to catch his breath.

"I jumped, Dez. It was the only way we could have escaped."

"You _jumped_? Are you _insane_?"

He glared at me, wincing while he picked himself off the ground.

"No. I calculated that the fall would not kill us, simply injure us if we fell the wrong way. I used my body to soften your own fall."

He's crazy. He's fucking lost his mind I swear to god. I stared at him, mouth agape as he stood, checking himself for cuts and bruises. Blood trickled from my forearms down, but I didn't care.

"You're insane."

I said, still in shock. I heard the pile of rubble crash behind me, the concrete shifting and settling. Charon looked at me, dusting off his armor.

"No. There was no other way of escaped. I have been trained to act accordingly in such events."

"They train you on how to jump from falling piles of shit?"

"No. Simply how to land if one should be placed in a position as we have such been."

I stared at him, blank and in awe. Every second I spend with Charon, I realize just how extensive his training is. I realize how dangerous of a weapon he can be, and how great of an asset he is to have. No one else would have done that without a second thought. Even if they did, I'm sure they wouldn't have used their own body to protect me. I would have smashed my head if he didn't do that.

"You are bleeding."

He said, pointing to my arms. I rubbed the debris off of them, just a few cuts.

"It doesn't matter, I'm okay. How…how come you can stand? You landed on your back?"

"It takes a great amount of applied force to break a bone, Dez. The spine is more delicate, thus does not need as much force. However, when people fall such as we just have, they often stiffen their bodies in an attempt to 'brace' themselves for the impact. That is not what I did. I have been trained to remain limp, lessening the chances I will break a bone. When I knew we were going to connect with the ground, I simply let my body fall limp. Most of the force was applied to my shoulder, which as you can see, has a plate over it. By allowing my body to go with the force of gravity, and bouncing without tightening my limbs, I have ensure both of us can walk away with simple, minor scratches."

Surprisingly, I understood exactly what he was saying. Having a doctor as a father paid off for me. His explanation made perfect sense, and didn't seem as impossible as I thought it would be. I stared at him, dumbfounded.

"Right…glad to see you knew that."

Charon is not only a merciless killer, he is a tactical survivalist. I really need to realize this and have him show me more.

"I could use some fucking help!"

I looked over to the pile of the rubble. Face-palming myself, I realized I'd forgotten all about Jericho.

"Shit! Charon we have to help Jericho!"

I ran over to the pile, looking for where Jericho might be.

"Must we, Dez?"

Glaring at Charon, I frowned.

"Yes."

He sighed and nodded. Without a second thought, he walked over and lifted a slab of concrete like it was nothing. Jericho was under it, being only protected by a few flimsy steel rods. I stared at Charon, I'd never seen exactly how strong he was. When he held me, it felt like some average guy was holding me. Not someone who can easily lift a slab of solid concrete. Jericho was able to slide himself from under the rods, and started checking himself for wounds. Charon looked back at me, catching the sight on my face.

"I have—"

"Don't tell me, been trained to lift heavy objects and know the best way to?"

He nodded, and I rolled my eyes.

"Is there something you haven't been trained to do?"

He didn't answer me, but looked away. I felt I hit something sensitive to him, but didn't pry. The sun was going to disappear soon, and we didn't have much time.

"You okay Jer?"

I asked, and he lit a cigarette looking at me.

"You're fucking crazy kid. Goin' over that was the dumbest idea ever."

"Yes. It has happened before."

At least they could agree on _something_. Even if that was my issue on making irrational choices. Oh, but they have no idea. I can be irrational to the point of endangering them. Just wait, they're going to piss me off enough one of these days.

Checking my Pip-Boy, I was happy to see the red ticks weren't there. This gave us a bit more leeway. Looking back at Charon and Jericho, I saw they were standing next to one another, but not speaking. I guess in his own way, Charon's accepted Jericho, and Jericho forgives Charon for the massive bruise on his face. Ah, the art of harmony in the Capital Wasteland. Turning away from them, I began to walk towards the river. We'd have to cross it to get to Paradise Falls, and it'll take a day or two to get in the general area, and another day or two to figure out a good plan that won't get us killed. Charon jogged up and stared ahead, walking next to me. Jericho lingered back, but still followed.

It's odd, travelling with another person. Usually it's just me and Charon, and we can do and talk as we want. With Jericho in our party, I don't think that'll be possible. Even more important, I have to worry about them fighting while I'm trying to rest. This could be either very good, or very bad.

"We must find a place to make camp."

Charon said, and I yawned. Yeah, sleep would probably be good. I haven't gotten much of that. Plus when I was escorting Gob and Nova, I had to sleep with one eye open. I'm just glad I got them there safe.  
"Okay, after we cross the river."

Charon nodded, and I pulled up my Pip-Boy.

"We're not that far from Grayditch. We could try there."

"Hah! Nice try kid, but that place is infested with Giant Ants."

Great. I don't like the sound of that. Adding 'giant' in front of any insect makes my stomach churn.

"Well, I'm out of ideas and camping in the desert will only make us easier to find for whoever is looking for me."

"There is an old diner in Grayditch. We can barricade the Giant Ants out."

I nodded, sounds good to me. Charon's the smart one here, he's got the training I lack and the common sense Jericho drinks away. Looking up at Charon, I noticed he seemed distracted. Almost like I get when I start to think. _You are stupid, and he will be the death of you. Take off with Jericho, he's much more fun._ The voice is wrong. Charon won't risk my life for his, not even for a second. I know this about him, I do.

We came to the river and slid ourselves in. In the distance I could see some Mirelurks swimming around. It doesn't matter, they won't attack when they're swimming. Holding my gun above my head, I copied Charon. He never got his gun wet, maybe that's why it always seemed to be in good condition.

"This shit stinks!"

Jericho called from behind me. Yes, I agree, swimming in the river does stink. But it has to be done, the bridge is too much of a risk. Plus, Charon enjoys the radiation. If he had any injuries from the fall, then they'd surely be gone by now. He's lucky. I need stimpacks and other such stupid things to keep myself healthy, he doesn't.

Charon was the first to reach the other side. He watched me while I swam, and when I got across he tossed Jericho an evil look.

"You have to try to like him, Charon."

"It is hard to do that, Dez."

I smiled at him, trying to give him some hope. Reaching up, I patted his arm.

"I appreciate you for trying."

He nodded, then stopped and looked at my arm. I pulled it away, thinking I did something wrong.

"Let me see your arm."

I gave it to him, and heard Jericho climb out of the water.

"What is it?"

I asked, trying to see.

"You…are no longer injured."

I took my arm from him. Looking at it, I saw he was right. The scraps that were bleeding just a few minutes ago were gone, as if they had never been there before.

"What the hell…?"

I looked at my hands, over and over, trying to see and figure out what was going on. There was nothing there, no blood, no lines, nothing. Jericho stood behind me, confused about why I was looking at my arms. I looked up at Charon, my eyes wide. He didn't seem like he was as concerned as he should be.

"Charon, what's going on?"

He glanced down at my arms, shrugging.

"The Purifier. You were exposed to so much radiation, perhaps you have adapted the same resistance to radiation as ghouls have."

Maybe. It sounded right. But then why now? Why was it showing up now?

"Does this mean I'm gonna…be a ghoul?"

Charon shook his head.

"No. Dr. Church treated you for that already."

Radiation resistance. Hm. I could get really use to this. Looking at my arms, I smirked. I'm probably the only human in the world who has this trait. That makes me special. That means if I get injured, I won't need medical attention, I can just stand in radiation. This is fucking awesome. I looked up at Charon, smiling wide. He glanced down at me, stiff.

"We must keep moving."

I nodded, and we all started walking again. Wow. I don't have to worry about medical supplies anymore. This is really good, or this can be really bad. Knowing me, I'm going to start being more reckless. If all I need to do is stand in some radiation, then I might just not care if I get hurt.

"You got some Whiskey kid?"

I looked over at Jericho, and shook my head.

"No, sorry."

He cursed under his breath, and I caught Charon glaring at me from the corner of my eye. I ignored him, this is way too exciting for me to be angry. I can be healed by _radiation_. No more Stimpacks, no more Med-X, no more anything. I can just sit and soak in the radiated areas of the Capital Wasteland and call it a day. Man…wouldn't Dr. Barrows love this? Maybe if we stop back in Underworld again, I'll go and tell him. Maybe this combined with Gob's miracle baby can cure ghouls for good…or at least make a strong antidote to radiation. I am so thoughtful of other people sometimes, you know that?

I let my thoughts take me deep inside my mind. Walking with Jericho gave a new rhythm to our order of steps. Usually it was just me and Charon, the rhythm of our feet gave me a way to create new notes in my head. But with Jericho, it tossed everything off. It made it…difficult, and it wasn't in any particular order. For some reason, this was really pissing me off. There's supposed to be rhythm and order to our steps, not unorganized noise. Jericho messes it all up. I glared at him.

"What's your problem girl?"

"Nothing."

He wouldn't get it. Looking up at the sky, I saw it was darker than it was just a few short minutes ago. Time was wearing thin. Checking my Pip-Boy, I didn't see any red ticks, but that didn't mean they weren't there. It just meant we lost whoever was following us for a few minutes. I bit my lip, a little nervous.

"Girl you're buggin me out. Stop twitchin' so damn much."

I glanced over at Jericho. I noticed I was fumbling with my hands, and jammed them in my pockets.

"What is wrong, Dez?"

Looking up at Charon, I sighed, kicking up some dirt.

"Nothing."

Nothing. Right. Something is bothering me, but I can't place what. Shifting my pack on my back, I looked ahead. Grayditch was in the near distance, the ruins shining in the dim light. The sun is going to be gone soon, and we have to make shelter for the night. Charon's diner idea was smart. We'd be concealed, hidden away from wandering eyes. If we kept quiet and low. I don't like being followed like this, it makes me feel like a caged Brahmin. Eventually, I know my owners are going to kill and harvest me for food.

You know what really wonders me though? Charon. He didn't argue about leaving me, but he practically begged me to come back to him. I wonder if there's a method to his madness. Looking up at him, he stared ahead with a set, intent glare. He never seemed to be happy. Always the same feature, the same state of mind, the same everything. Reaching down, I grabbed his hand in mine and stared up. His expression didn't change. Even when I squeezed and felt him squeeze back, he was still set. I kept holding his fingers, my hand wrapped around them like my life depended on it. We continued to walk, Jericho coughing every now and then. I sighed, wondering what would happen in the near-future.

I can't help but ask…if I go crazy, if I lose my mind and fall victim to the Capital Wasteland…will Charon still like me? Will he still hold my hand? Will I one day be his Superhuman Dez? Probably not, but I'd like to think that maybe one day, he'll rely on me just as much as I rely on him.

"We're here guys."

Jericho said, and I let go of Charon's hand. Pulling out my gun, I squinted to see in the darkness. Reaching down, I went to turn on my Pip-Boy light, but Charon stopped me.

"No. No light."

I nodded and looked around. I could hear ticking noises, like things talking and crawling, but I couldn't see them.

"They are not near us, come."

Charon, he has such wonderful hearing. He led us to the old diner, next to it was one of those preservation things. Pulling open the old door, Charon walked inside and checked out the area. Jericho and I followed, our guns ready to shoot at anything that moved. It seemed Charon was the only calm one in our newfound group. I envied that. I always envy what he has.

"It is safe."

Good to hear. Setting my gun on the old counter, I looked around. There isn't much to see without any light, but I could make out that the place was pretty much shot to shit. I sat on an old, worn barstool and rested my elbows on the counter. Damn. Radiation resistance. Haven't quite wrapped my head around that one yet. I saw Jericho light up a cigarette, and I motioned to him. He tossed one to me, and I lit it for myself. He stood over in a corner, looking out of a blown-out window. Charon was off to my left, looking around and smoking, too. Why so quiet? Is there something I don't know? No, everyone's probably just tired. Even so, it makes me sad. Sitting here in the dark with two quiet people makes me think of sad things. After all, what's there to distract me?

Sighing, I thought of my father. I thought about how this was all his dream, and how I've done his dream. Now what? I still felt empty. Lost and empty out here. I started the Purifier, and gave everyone water, but still, no one liked me. They still scowled at me, cursed my name and spit in my path. It makes me wonder why I saved everyone in the first place. For my father, maybe. I miss him. As much as I don't want to, I do. I miss his voice, his appearance, the way he just _was_. I know he tried to be a good dad, but when he couldn't he gave up. What can you expect from someone who has no idea how to raise a child, anyways?

The sound of Charon's shotgun made me jump a mile in the air and jerked me from my head. Looking over at him, I realized my hand had wrapped around my gun without me even knowing. Talk about reflexes.

"What the fuck was that for?"

I asked him, my heart racing. Charon looked at me, like nothing ever happened.

"Giant Ant."

"Oh…"

Jericho coughed behind me, and I let go of my gun.

"I don't know about you two, but I'm callin' it a night. Wake me if you're about to die."

I looked at Jericho, smirking.

"Will do."

He let his body slide against the wall he was leaning against, and rested his head on his shoulder. I guess it's easy for him to sleep out here. After his years as a Raider, he doesn't fear anything. I wished I was like him, like Charon. Neither one of them seemed to be scared of anything. They both had pasts out here, knowledge and whatnot of what to expect. Me? I'm just some dumb kid from Vault 101 who doesn't know her ass from her elbow.

Taking a long drag of my cigarette, I blew smoke rings. They floated up in the air for a bit, then dissipated into nothing. Charon didn't say anything, I didn't really expect him to. He seemed like he was pretty pissed since the whole pile of rubble incident, but fuck if I know why. Maybe he's sick of me? No, he's probably just…well I don't know. Glancing over at him, I gave him a sad smile. He was looking out a broken window, the moonlight shining in on him. He looked like something out of a black and white picture. One of those old comic books where ghouls didn't really exist and the world was still in tact.

"Hey."

I said, getting up and walking over to him. He looked at me, nodding.

"Yes?"

Throwing my cigarette out the broken window, I leaned against his chest. He didn't wrap his arms around me, and I frowned but didn't bother to move. I could head his breathing, and his chest moved up and down against my face.

"What's wrong? You okay?"

I stared out the window, leaning against him, hoping that maybe we could have a moment of personal peace.

"You asked me earlier if there was something I was not trained to do."

"Yeah I did. What of it?"

Charon sighed, but didn't look at me.

"I was not trained on how to care or treat a woman."

I smirked, pressing my face into him.

"Is that why you've been such a dick today?"

"Yes."

"Well don't worry about that."

Charon put his hands on my arms and pulled me away from him. He looked at me, serious.

"Now that we are traveling with Jericho, I cannot help but wonder if you would be happier with someone like him."

"What? No, Jericho's like…_old_. Not my thing."

"I am older than Jericho."

"Yeah but I don't look at it that way."

"I am not only talking of Jericho, either. I am speaking of the men in the Wastes as a whole."

He was really worried about this. Wow. Charon never really seemed to worry or be scared of anything, but this…this worried him. I gave him a comforting smile, and reached up to rub his cheek.

"I'm happy with you."

"But there are men out there far better suited for you."

"And I'm sure there is, but it doesn't mean I want them."

Charon analyzed my face. His eyes darted from place to place, trying to decide if I was telling him the truth. I am. Just because he's a ghoul doesn't make him any less of a man in my eyes. Sure, sex might not be an option now, or ever, but I don't care. If I do care about that one day, well I'll burn that bridge when I get to it.

"I am simply looking out for your best interest."

"Well don't. I can look out for myself."

He nodded, not noting the playfulness in my voice. Oh whatever. You can't have your cake and eat it too, trust me I know that from my tenth birthday party. Finally, he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me back into his chest. I smiled, closing my eyes. I feel like I've accomplished something when Charon gets close with me. Like for some reason this is a bigger accomplishment than starting the Purifier. When his arms wrap all around me, nothing can hurt me. Even if he does it in the heat of a battle, I don't think I'd get hurt, if his arms held me like this.

"I'm yours, you know."

I said, smiling up at him. He looked down at me, nodding. Charon's emotionless on his face, I can never tell what he's thinking, what he's feeling, or if he's feeling anything. I think he does it as a defense mechanism. Outside, I could hear what sounded like Giant Ants walking around. I shuddered, cringing at the sounds.

"What is wrong?"

Charon asked, and I sighed.

"I don't like the bugs. I don't like any bugs. Creepy things."

He rubbed my back and stared out the window.

"They will not come in here. They will get close, but they will not enter."

"That's good to know. You sure you're okay with Jericho following?"

Charon sighed, and rested his chin on my head.

"No, I am not. I do not like the idea, but I will tolerate it. We may need the manpower once we get to Paradise Falls."

"You don't like that idea, either."

"It is suicidal and foolish. You will realize that once we arrive. Maybe then you will rethink your plan."

I shook my head.

"You know me Charon, once I want to do something I do it."

"Yes and sometimes it seems as if that will do you in."

I smiled, Charon does know me best sometimes. I moved my head to look up at him, and he took his chin from me. Smiling, I stood on my tip-toes, and gave him the most passionate kiss I think I've ever given anyone. Times are changing now, ghoul love will soon be the social norm. Girls like me and Nova won't be looked down upon, and ghouls like Gob and Charon will be the happiest pricks in the Capital Wasteland. What better ego boot to a ghoul than to be able to bang a smoothskin girl? None, I think.

I felt Charon's hands move to my sides as I pressed my body into him. He wasn't objecting to this, but he wasn't being very responsive, either. It feels like I'm forcing myself on him, but I don't care. One of these days he's going to have to learn how to handle a woman. I stumbled forward, losing my balance, and made Charon stumble, too. He fell against the wall, but we didn't stop kissing.

"Come here."

I said, smirking at him. Grabbing him by the collar of his leather armor, I pulled him down on the floor, on top of me. I'll be damned if I don't get some nice, kissing action at least. He didn't object to my pulling him, and he balanced over me on his knees and palms. I wrapped my arms around his neck, hearing his heavy breathing coming from his nose. Ghoul lips are like leather. Not that I've ever kissed leather before, but you know what I mean.

"I do not feel comfortable doing this here."

He said, pulling away from me. I laid down, putting my arms under my head.

"Why?"

"Jericho being so close makes me uncomfortable."

I looked over in Jericho's general direction. I couldn't see him, and I shrugged.

"He's sleeping, what's it matter?"

Charon stared at me, his eyes narrowed. I sighed, angry and moving from underneath him.

"Everything makes you uncomfortable, Charon."

Standing up, I fixed my hair and crossed my arms. Charon stood up too, fixing his armor and avoiding eye-contact. I stared at him, angry at I don't know what. Maybe he was right. Maybe I do need someone…capable of giving me what I want. With him it's like I have to teach him everything, like he's not even really a man. Hell if Gob can do the act why can't he? Finally he looked up at me, and I tapped my foot impatiently.

"You should have known that beforehand, Dez."

"What do you mean by that?"

"You knew that I was simply a trained mercenary. I am meant to kill, not to…feel as a normal human."

"Ghoul."

"Right."

I glared at him, angry.

"You're a bastard, Charon."

"It is not my fault. You must understand that I cannot simply erase who I have been and who I have been trained to be overnight for the desires of a foolish girl."

Foolish? _I'm_ foolish? Well that that makes him doubly foolish then, doesn't it?

"You're more foolish than me, you fell for it."

He didn't say anything. He had nothing to say, I was right and he was wrong.

"What? Nothing to say?"

I mocked him, pressing his buttons and challenging him. Lighting up a cigarette, I glared at him.

"I regret succumbing to the pitiful emotions that you humans seem to cherish. They are nothing more than an obstacle within my training and have gotten in the way."

"You got rid of your contract because of emotions, Charon."

The realization flashed across his face, then vanished. I smirked, knowing that I had a valid point.

"I am a free man, it has nothing to do with emotions. Nor does it have anything to do with what we are discussing."

"You're not a man anymore, you're a ghoul. I don't think you could be a man even if you wanted to. Hell Gob managed to land and fuck Nova, and you have an issue with just kissing me. What does that make you then?"

"Gob and I are two very different people."

"No, not really. You were both slaves."

"I was not a slave."

"You were, though. Honor-bound to obey whomever holds your contract my ass! You were a slave, a well-trained and brainwashed slave. Nothing more, nothing less. If it weren't for me, you'd still be up at the Ninth Circle killing girls after Ahzrukhal raped them."

"If it were not for me, you would be dead by now."

"Something I'd like a lot better than fighting with you for some sexual attention!"

"Maybe if you were not such an insatiable being I would be more prone to learn how to give in to the sexual urges."

We glared at one another, sparks flying from our eyes. I inhaled deeply, angry. Storming over to the counter, I grabbed my rifle and held it in my free hand.

"Where are you going?"

"Away from you!"

I spat at him, kicking open the diner door. I'm too angry to really give two fucks about the Giant Ants. I'm sure they won't bother me once they realize I'm more of a giant. Storming away from the diner, I inhaled my cigarette nervously and angrily. I heard Charon following behind me, his footsteps faster than mine.

"It is foolish for you to wander off like this. This is exactly what I am talking about. You cannot just stop for a day and not find trouble. Everything with you is a fight, a challenge, a war."

I glared back at him, still walking.

"Then _leave_! Nothing's stopping you now smart one. _You_ wanted to come back to me, remember?"

"Because you will die out here if not for me."

At that moment, he grabbed his shotgun and shot the head off of a Giant Ant I was about to walk into. Talk about proving a goddamned point. But whatever, it doesn't matter to me. Fuck him, fuck him over and over again. I kept walking, hotheaded and angry. It doesn't matter where I go, I just want to go and get away from him.

"I'd rather die than be stuck here with you for any longer!"

I called back to him, walking into a decrepit and abandoned house. Kicking the door open I slammed it behind me, only to have it re-opened just a few seconds later. Turning on my Pip-Boy light, I glared at him. The green glow showed me I was in a pre-war house, pretty in tact for it's state, and I was standing in the living room.

"You are acting like a child."

I glared at him, and threw my gun on the floor. Lucky for me it didn't accidentally fire.

"You're _always_ acting like a child! You walk around in this fucking…I can't even _describe_ it! Are emotions _that_ confusing to you that you can't even _talk_ about them? It's not that hard! Ow this hurts, oh I am angry, oh wow this feels good. How the fuck is that difficult?"

"You do not understand, Dez. I do not expect you to, either."

"The only emotion you ever seem to understand is anger! That's all you ever are is angry! Hell I don't think you've even popped a hard one in all of our half-naked escapades!"

He stared at me, blinking slowly.

"No, I have not. Maybe that is your fault."

The anger vanished from my face. I stared up at him, in shock. Did he really just mention that?

"What do you mean by that?"

I seethed, throwing my cigarette on the old carpet and stomping it out with my foot.

"Perhaps if you were kinder, gentler, nicer and not so corrupt, I would be more sexually attracted to you."

"You're fucking spoiled! You should be kissing my ass that I give you the fucking time of day! Outside of Nova, I don't know any other girl who'd lower their standers to the likes of _you_!"

"The only reason you came to me is because no one else will have you."

"I can have anyone I want."

"So you enjoy thinking."

I opened and closed my fists, shooting bolts of lightening at him from my eye sockets. He makes me so fucking _mad_! Turning around, I kicked over an old pre-war table, and let out a groan of anger.

"You're a fucking cold-hearted bastard! You're trained to kill, then _kill_! Don't be wasting your amazing fucking talents following my ass around. Go off and kill something worthwhile!"

As angry as I am at him, I don't want him to really leave. I'm terrified of being alone. Even more terrified of being alone with Jericho. I can't do this by myself, I need him. Even if he is a complete and utter clueless jerk, I need him. Turning around, we glared at one another.

"Well? Aren't you going to say something?"

"What do you wish me to say?"

I groaned, stomping my foot.

"Just go away or something. I'm sick of your attitude."

"I simply cannot just _go away_."

"Why? Oh hey, was that _emotion_ I heard in your voice? Wow, I'm impressed, you're learning how to vocalize it!"

"I cannot simply just leave you here, you will die by the Giant Ants before sunrise."

"Oh what do you care?"

"I care. I care a lot, actually."

It didn't make me less angry hearing that. For some reason, it made me angrier.

"Well you could have fucking fooled me. One minute you hate me, and I'm all these horrible things, and the next you fucking care about me. Make up your goddamned mind!"

"Keep your voice down, we will be found."

"I don't _care_! I don't give a shit what happens to me out here!"

I kicked a pre-war chair and it flew into the wall. Charon didn't move, didn't even flinch. He just stood there, staring at me.

"What is it you want from me exactly, Dez?"

"I want you to be _normal_! I want you to be man and fuck me if I want you to fuck me! Stop acting like everything is a fucking job and _smile_ for once! Being out here with you used to be fun but lately it's a goddamned chore. You're always so fucking serious."

Charon walked towards me and grabbed my arms. He held me tightly in his arms in front of me, glaring.

"I cannot erase over two-hundred years of training in a few mere months. I cannot _act_ out sexual desires as if I have any idea what to do. It is frustrating that you do not understand this."

"It's _instinct_! You take it out, slide it in, and fucking move until shit comes out! How hard it that? People millions of years before the war were doing it, why can't you?"

You and me Charon, we're one fucking insane couple.

"Because I _can't_."

He let me go and punched a pretty deep hole in the wall. I stared at it, kind of amazed more than anything. He didn't even flinch when his hand when through it, just kind of…well did it again. I watched him punch holes in the wall until blood started to drip from his fists. Staring at him, I realized something. I shouldn't be mad at him. Charon's angry, he's lonely, no one in the world can relate to anything he's seen before. I wonder how hard that's got to be. To have no one to share experiences or memories with, to have no one who truly understand how you're feeling inside, to have all these new emotions throwing themselves at you with no feasible way to stop them. Suddenly, I didn't feel so angry any more. I felt more like a big steaming pile of Brahmin shit.

"Charon, come here."

I walked over to him, grabbing his arm in mid-swing. He looked at me, and I thought he was about to hit me, but he didn't. I could feel his muscle tensing under his armor, his breathing heavy and rapid. He stared at me, and I pulled him down to sit on the floor next to me. Taking off the top of my Raider Throwdown Armor, I got to the white tank top under it. Pulling it over my head, I crumpled it in my hand, and took Charon's hands. They were bleeding something bad, and I sighed. Pulling off his fingerless gloves, I ripped my tank top in two, and began to bandage his hands for him.

He simply sat there, staring at me while I worked by the light of my Pip-Boy. I dabbed at the blood, cleaning it before tying it over one of his hands. He was bleeding on my pants, but I don't care. It makes me feel useful, to take care of him like this. In some small way, I think it shows him how much I care about him. I'd never do this for anyone else. Taking his other hand, I began to do the same thing.

"You are not angry with me anymore."

He said, but I didn't look up from working.

"No, not really."

"Why?"

I sighed, wiping away a piece of skin that had come off.

"Because I realized how hard you must have it. There's no one here who can truly understand you, it must be lonesome. All of a sudden having to feel things that people are born with, you've just received. I just got mad because it's tiring is all."

"I am glad that you understand now."

I nodded, tying up his last hand in my torn shirt. When I finished, he took my hands in his bloody, bandaged ones, and ran his thumbs over the back of my hands.

"It's just hard. I guess I take what you've gone through pretty lightly. I just don't know it all through and through."

"I do not expect you to be able to understand completely. I am thankful that you are trying."

"Gob probably was just as scared when he and Nova did it, too. I shouldn't have compared you like that."

"We have both said things we should not have. It is alright."

I smirked, looking at him. He can look scary sometimes, frightening even, with his features as they are and all. But tonight, right now, he doesn't. He just looks like a cold-hearted man who has no one, who's angry and lonely, and just trying to figure out who he is now. I can relate to that more than he thinks.

"Think Jericho will be mad if we stay here instead? There's probably a bed up there, and I'd rather take that then the floor of some old diner."

Charon shook his head, helping me stand.

"I do not think he will mind too much. He will be curious as to where we have gone, though."

"Then we'll just have to get back before he wakes up."

I smirked at Charon, and he nodded. Gently, I took him by his ruined hands and led him up the stairs. Even if we don't have sex for forever, I think I'll just have to learn to be okay with that. I have to learn to be more patient with him, and understand all he's ever known is to kill and obey orders. This must be new and scary to him, all of this shit that's happening. I'm sure he thinks so.

"People lived pretty good before the war."

I said when we reached the top of the stairs. I looked inside each of the rooms until I found the bedroom. Two skeletons laid on top of it, and I frowned.

"That's kind of sad…"

I said, and felt Charon drop my hand.

"It is more common than you think, Dez."

I looked at him, watching as he walked over to the bed and tossed the skeletons away without a second thought. He started to shake out the blanket, getting rid of whatever may be in it.

"Really?"

He nodded.

"The East Cost had a short time to react since the first thing to be bombed was the West Coast. Many people ran to their loved ones, hoping to find comfort and survive."

"Did they?"

Charon shook his head.

"No. If they did survive, they turned into ghouls and went feral."

"That's…really sad."

"The war was a very dark and sad thing, yes. Very few people were able to survive it, and the whole D.C. area burned for months.

"D.C.?"

"Before it was the Capital Wasteland, this was Washington D.C., the Capital of the United States of America."

"So it was a pretty important place…"

"Yes."

Charon stopped shaking the blanket and put it back on the bed. I turned off my Pip-Boy light, it was starting to annoy me. In the moonlight, Charon started to unbuckle his armor. I walked over to him, knowing that it hurt his hands.

"Let me do it."

I said, and he stopped. I unbuckled, unzipped, and fumbled with everything there was to mess with. When it was loose enough, Charon slid it over his head, and let it fall to the floor. I left my top downstairs, there's no point in bringing it up. I can just grab it on the way out in the morning. I smiled up at Charon, feeling slightly awkward. His black tee clung to him in some areas, and hung loose in others. I found myself tugging at it, curious.

"Take it off."

I said, and he did. Under his shirt, an array of muscles lined with skin showed. He's tone, in shape, just like I remember. I think I've only seen him without his shirt once, and that was in the water at night. Now, he's closer. I touched his chest, tracing the skin and muscle. He's firm, strong. His arms and torso well-toned. I wonder how he keeps his shape out here, when he never works out.

"You have skin…more skin than I thought."

A good sixty percent of his torso was skin, the rest muscle and veins. I felt him stiffen every time my fingers traced the edge between muscle and skin, and I looked up at him.

"It's kind of cool, like a strange sculpture or something."

"I am surprised you do not find it…disgusting, for lack of a better term."

I shook my head at him, still staring at his figure.

"No, I find it intriguing. It doesn't hurt, does it?"

"No."

I smiled. Sitting on the bed, I stopped touching him, and began to take my shoes off. Charon walked around to the other side, and started doing the same thing. I listened to the noises we made, the noises the bed made under our weight. Creaks, groans, the slither of laces through loopholes. It's all quiet up here, quiet and peaceful. It's a lukewarm night, comfortable to sleep with a blanket. Glancing out the window in front of me, the moon was off in the sky, far away from me. But the rays of it still seeped into the old house, and flushed the bed with a cold glow.

Charon caught me looking at the bed, and caught the expression on my face. He reached over to me, pulling me on the bed, pulling me into his bare-chested body. I could hear his heart thudding inside, it went lub-dub-dub, lub-dub-dub…an extra beat.

"What is wrong, Dez?"

I sighed, blocking the sound of his heart out.

"I just…imagine being alone out here again, and I don't know if I'd be able to do it."

"You will never be alone out here, as long as you allow me to stay."

I took one of his hands in mine, and kissed his knuckles.

"I really need you, Charon."

"Yes. I know."

I put his hand on my side, right next to my breast, on top of my bra. Looking up at him, I traced his skin with my eyes, carefully analyzing every inch of him. If anything ever happens, I don't want to forget any minuet detail of him. I don't want to have to try and remember what he looked like. I want to just know.

"Sometimes I think you actually forget, though. That I need you."

"No. I do not forget. I remember."

I smirked, and reached up to his face. Wrapping my hands around his neck, I kissed him again, trying to pick off where we left off in the diner. It's sad out here, sad and lonely. You can go crazy without someone to talk to, I almost did. Even when you do find someone though, it's still sad. It's still lonely, because you're the only one who understand what you're going through, no one else can relate. Charon and I live in two completely different worlds, I don't think we'll ever really know what it's like to be the other.

I felt his lips leave mine, his weight shift, and I found myself on my back rather than on my side. He began to kiss my chin, and I closed my eyes, my body tingling all over. I could feel his hands beside my head, balancing him over me so he wouldn't crush me under his weight. His lips traced down my neck, kissing my collarbone and sending snippets of pleasure all over.

"Charon…"

I whispered, and wrapped my arms around his back, feeling skin, feeling muscle. He didn't respond, but he heard me, I know he did because I felt his body stiffen under my arms. I could feel his hand pick up, disrupting the weight on the bed, and he started to touch my body all over. Slowly, like he was in shock, like he was examining it closely, and taking it all he felt. I wanted to slide my bra off, but I didn't want to disturb his movement. This was probably the first time he's ever felt a woman, I didn't want to ruin it for him.

"I do not wish to make you feel uncomfortable."

He told me, taking his lips away from my skin just so he could speak. I could feel his hot breath against my skin, and it made the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

"You're not. It's okay."

I bet you a billion caps, you'll never understand how you make me feel inside, Charon. A billion and one caps, even. That's a lot of caps, I'm sure. Charon's fingers traced the underside of my bra, and I knew he was contemplating if he should touch or not. Taking my hands from his back, I arched myself and reached for the clasp to my bra. I found it, and unhinged it with ease, letting it slide off my shoulders. Tossing it to the floor, I felt my cheek grow hot. Shit. I'm blushing. I looked at Charon as he stared, making the situation awkward.

"I'll put it back on, sorry…"

I said, and went to retrieve my bra. I felt Charon's hand pull me back down, a bit more forceful than intended I think.

"No. Don't."

He said, and I smiled at him.

"Well, I don't want to make _you_ uncomfortable."

Charon shook his head, his hand tracing the underside of my breast. He took his time with everything, I didn't want to rush him. When he finally applied force coupled with kissing the side of my neck, I moaned, and it made him jump.

"Did I do something wrong?"

I smiled at him, opening my eyes a bit.

"No, it felt good."

He mumbled something under his breath, but I didn't catch it. I didn't really care to ask, either. I just closed my eyes, and he started doing it all over again. My hands fumbled with his buckle, while he was busy exploring the world of breasts with his mouth and hands. He only stopped to slide his pants off, and held me with mine. I guess this is the night that it all changes for us, the point of no return. The night where Charon finally overcomes his sexual barriers and I can finally experience sex with someone I actually care about. I guess this is where I can finally lose myself, and quiet the demons and voices in my head, and see what it feels like, to have someone truly care and show it to you.


	29. Chapter 29

Nova's right. In everything she's ever told me about love and sex, she's right. I've never felt this way before. I've never gotten so much pleasure from a simple act, from an act that used to torment and drive me insane. Now, it drove me insane in a different way. Charon's sweaty body, my own sweaty body, and our heavy breathing just seemed to fit together.

He closed his eyes, kissing me on the lips. I've never felt so…so exhilarated. Like this could very well kill me it feels so good. Sometimes, his name would slip from my mouth, but it would come out soft, and full of something I'd never heard before. Is that what it sounds like, when you call someone's name out of love and lust? I don't know, probably. Every time I called to him, he'd kiss me a bit harder, run his fingers through my hair a bit rougher, and I'd feel a bit more pleasure.

Our thighs rubbed, and it didn't feel like I was doing something wrong. I didn't have the pit in the bottom of my stomach I had felt with Butch, instead all I felt was something so warm, so comforting. I felt my entire body stiffen under him, my nails digging into his back. His arms slid under me, holding me against his chest. I guess this is what Nova talked about, when she said it's like the world stops. When she said it's different, when it's with someone you truly love.

My entire body felt numb, but a good kind of numb. Tingles traveled up and down my spine, and I felt my heart beat faster and faster. I've never felt this way. I don't want it to go away. Charon's body stiffened, too, and he pulled his lips from mine. Opening my eyes, I saw his milky white ones staring back at me, filled with an emotion that wasn't there before. It was like everything was on pause, the world froze in its tracks, and everyone around the world celebrated with me. I could hear the wind outside, as if I was congratulating me on finding something so rare, as if I was the only one in the world who ever felt this way.

Charon kissed the top of my head, his heavy breathing offering me comfort somehow. He slid away from me, and I didn't try to stop him. I felt his entire body shift, leaving. He rolled over me, onto his side, and instantly pulled me into him, like having no contact for a few seconds would kill him. I didn't mind, I felt the same way. Sweat dripped from his forehead, and I buried my face in his chest. His arms wrapped around my naked body, and I could hear his heart beating faster than it ever has before. That's okay though, because mine's beating faster, too.

With a free hand, I pulled the blanket from the foot of the bed, and brought it over us, like a big shield of comfort. For tonight, we don't have to worry about anything. For tonight, we're safe here, in this home, in this old town. It's the first night I've ever felt so quiet, so full of peace. Did Nova ever feel a fraction of this when she was with Gob? I don't know. I don't know if anyone's ever felt like this. Like nothing in the world could ever matter as much as he does to me right now.

His hands entwined in my hair, and he kissed the top of my head gently. I tried to press myself further into him, trying to dissolve and make us become one solid person. But that can't happen, but I can try. I'd give anything to feel this way all the time, to have it all quiet, to have it all silent inside, and feel nothing but pure ecstasy and quiet joy.

"Charon…"

I said, sighing. I felt his hands trace down my back, his fingers running along the scar. He pulled me in closer, his arms are like a big comfort blanket to me. He didn't say anything back, I'm sure he doesn't know what to say. Neither do I, but I just want to hear his voice, and know this happened. Know that it's really him.

"Charon?"

I asked, closing my eyes. I felt so tired, so warm, so comfortable.

"Yes?"

It is him. His voice is soft, but it's his.

"Don't…don't leave me."

"I will not."

I feel warm inside, warm and quiet. It's like nothing is going on, like we're the only two people in the world. Is this what normalcy feels like? To have it all quiet and peaceful? I think so, I do. There's no noise other than the wind, and Charon's raspy breathing. I don't feel cold like I usually do at night, I feel warm, comfortably warm. Outside is filled with chaos, death, destruction and mayhem. But in here, in this old house, with Charon under these covers, it's peaceful. It's tranquil, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

"I don't want to go to sleep…"

I mumble, sighing and trying to stay awake.

"Why? You need rest."

"Because it'll be over when I wake up."

"What will be over?"

"This feeling, the quiet. If I go to sleep, I'll wake up and have to do everything tomorrow all over again."

"Tomorrow will bring another night."

"Promise?"

"Yes."

He stroked my hair, rubbing my back. I shifted my weight, feeling his naked body against mine.

"We've seen everything, Charon…"

Conversation seemed like the only thing I could do to keep myself awake.

"Yes, we have seen a lot."

"People won't like this, if they find out about us."

"It does not matter, what people may think."

"I don't want us to get hurt over it."

"We will not."

"Charon, let's run away. Let's just skip out of town right now and run."

"Run where?"

"I don't know. North, South, East, West, it doesn't matter. Let's go somewhere no one knows us. We can take on the world, and be together forever and ever."

Charon sighed deeply, his lips kissing my head.

"Not every place in the world has ghouls, Dez. The Pitt is not far, yet they have never seen someone like me."

"So?"

"It can create danger. People may be more likely to shoot at me."

"They won't, they'll see me, and I'm human."

Charon pulled away from me just enough so he could see my face. I blinked, and he stroked my cheek with his hand. I kissed his thumb, and sighed.

"You are not human, Dez."

I looked at him, a bit worried.

"What? Am I turning into a ghoul? Did the Trog come back?"

Charon shook his head, calm.

"No. You are resistant to radiation now, you are no longer human."

"People won't know that. They won't know until I show them, and I won't show them."

"If you went somewhere as irradiated as The Pitt, people would notice. You would not be affected, and after time, they will soon catch on."

"It's a _good_ thing, I'm a hybrid. My DNA is better now."

"People may not think so. They may fear you, attack you, suspect you are part of an unknown experiment."

Charon makes sense. He always makes perfect sense, but I don't want to listen. I want to run away, I want to see the world with him.

"I don't care. They won't know, we won't stay in one place too long. Please? We can go right now, and just not tell anyone."

"And what of Gob and Nova? What if they need you? People here need you."

"I don't _care_ about anyone here. Gob and Nova are safe in Underworld, they won't need me."

Charon sighed, kissing my forehead. I closed my eyes, sniffing away the tears building up. I wish he knew how much running away meant to me. I wish he understood how badly I wanted to run away from this godforsaken place, and make a new life.

"Dez…this is not a choice to be made irrationally."

"I'm not being irrational. If we leave now, right now, we don't have to go to Paradise Falls. We can just go, off and run far away."

"We do not have to go to Paradise Falls now."

"I just want to go away. I just want to live in peace, without being followed…"

"You will not find peace in this world, Dez. It is not that kind of world. No matter where you go, there will be others who will scorn you. There will be people who disagree, and monsters who chase you."

I wiped my eyes and looked at him, smirking.

"Why do you always have to be right?"

He kissed my cheek, and wrapped me back in his arms.

"For now, we may find peace in doing this. We do not need to run away to search for it. It may be temporary, but it is peace."

"Yeah…you're right. Again."

"Mhm."

I still want to run. I don't want to stay here, in this place where everyone hates me. Even with Charon's logic, I still think there's a place out there where I can live in peace. Where people won't hate me and turn their noses up at me. Where maybe my actions can change, and people will congratulate me on what I've done. I've given this world water, clean, fresh water, and still they hate me.

Resting my head against a pillow and Charon, I sighed loudly.

"You are not trying to sleep."

Charon said, his eyes closed.

"No, I guess not."

"You should."

"Charon? What were you like back before the war?"

He sighed, playfully. Charon's learning how to be 'playful'. It's so cute, it makes me want to hurl chunks.

"Must we discuss this now? I am tired."

"And I'm naked."

He opened his eyes.

"That has nothing to do with anything."

"Neither does you being tired."

Charon rubbed his eyes, and rolled on to his back. I separated myself from him, and reached down to grab my pants. Pulling out my cigarettes and lighter, I handed one to him. We lit them, and I prepared myself for a story.

"What would you like to know?"

He asked, smoke filtering out of his mouth. He stared up at the ceiling, the blanket covering his waist. Looking at his torso, I smiled, and laid down.

"What did you look like?"

Charon's hand traced his face, his nose, his lips and neck. I think that's how he was remembering.

"I had…medium beige skin, a shade lighter than you I believe, if you were not tanned from the sun. I had dark red hair, thick, and it was long when the war happened."

"Long? Like how long?"

I had my eyes closed, trying to get an image of pre-ghoul Charon.

"Long in the sense no one bothered to order me to cut it after I had it short. The back came to my neckline, where the front was similar to bangs."

"Like Wernher?"

"Yes. Very similar to Wernher. I had the same body as I do now, it was simply a human body. My eyes did not have a film over them, they were simply blue."

Charon really didn't give me a good picture, but I tried. I came up with Charon, in human skin, with hair and blue eyes. Not much difference, there.

"What about your family?"

"I am an orphan. I was taken from an orphanage."

"So…you never knew them?"

He sighed, closing his eyes. He'd tell me if he didn't want to talk about it.

"I once had a picture of them, but it was soon confiscated and destroyed as 'punishment' for not following through with certain orders. But no, I did not know them."

"That's sad…I never knew my mom."

"I know."

"What about anyone else? Don't you have brothers or sisters?"

"I do not know. If I had, they would be long dead by now."

"Or ghouls. We could try to find them. Try to find information from where you were trained at."

"Dez, do not try to dig up things that have no meaning or value now."

"No meaning? Charon you could have a big family out there, just waiting to meet you. For all you know they could have survived, and then had kids, and then your name could be carried on down to now."

"You must understand, the name I have is not the name I was given by my parents."

"I'm sure there's records where you were trained. Terminals, or something. Maybe even medical."

He looked at me, smoke coming from his nose.

"Why does this sound so important to you?"

I turned my head, and our eyes met. I blinked, trying to force down the lump growing inside.

"Because…I don't have anybody. Besides you. There's no chance of me having any more family unless I make one. But you…you have a shot. It's a small shot, but it's something."

Charon nodded, and looked away. He's good for understanding what I can't say. It's just like the love thing. It's really hard to find, and it's really improbable out here, but if you try hard you might get lucky. If one of us has a family, then…then maybe we wouldn't feel so lonely.

"So…where were you trained?"

"At the Citadel. It was once called the Pentagon, a main building of operations for the government before the war."

"No shit!"

Talk about a small world.

"Yes."

"Then there's records, files, something. There's _got_ to be."

Charon sighed.

"Perhaps in the basement, where the Brotherhood has not yet breached."

"How do you know?"

"You may only access the room with a high-security code. Hacking is not an option. If you fail with the code, it is likely the turrets will kill you. The Brotherhood does not have that code."

"Do you?"

"Yes."

"So…can we go? Please?"

If he wouldn't let me run away, then maybe he'd let me help him. Maybe somewhere deep down inside, he wants to see if he had a family, if any of them survived.

"If it pleases you, yes, we may go. But in the morning. I do not wish to travel to Paradise Falls and back."

"Okay, deal. What about Jericho? Do you want him coming?"

Charon sighed, taking another drag from his smoke.

"It is…a personal matter. If there is anything about me that has survived the war, then I only wish to share it with you."

"Point taken. I'll ditch him in the morning."

I let the smoke from my cigarette dance in the air in front of me. Charon might have family. I mean, it's a small chance, but at least he'd know. I'm sure he's never wondered before, but now he is. I planted the seed in his head, he's got to be somewhat curious. I mean, what if his family survived? What if they're out there somewhere just living happy? I'd be able to get them back together, and then we wouldn't be alone. Then we'd have people who care about us, that's something that hasn't happened in a while.

"I would like to give you something, if you do not mind."

I heard him say, and I sat up, looking at him. He looked at me, his eyes trying hard to focus on my face. I guess he's still not use to seeing ta-tas.

"What is it?"

Charon sat up and reached down. He began sifting through his armor, and leaned forward enough so I could see his bare backside. Scars knotted everywhere on his back, some even deep enough to grove his muscle. I almost gasped at the sight of it, but I didn't.

"Your back…"

I said, and he turned to look at me.

"Yes. I have scars."

One of them is from me, but the rest…no.

"From…your training?"

He turned back around and continued looking.

"Yes."

Finally, he stopped and looked over at the other side of the bed. His pants were over there. Crawling over me, he reached down and brought them on top of the bed. Cigarette between his lips, he leaned back, and started digging in his pockets. I never knew he had so many scars…

"You are aware of what a 'holotag' is, correct?"

"Yeah. Why?"

He pulled two holotags from his pants pocket. Only they weren't holotags, they were different, straight metal.

"Before the Brotherhood of Steel created holotags, we were issued what one would call 'dog tags'. They are generally the same thing, except without the annoying lighting."

He handed them to me. The were hung on a metal beaded chain, and were cold to the touch. I looked at them, they were in great condition considering how old they are. My fingers traced the words, the numbers, the lettering.

"Those contain my name, my identification number, blood type, and gasmask size."

I read it closely. He's A positive. The numbers mean nothing to me, but I was curious about them.

"Identification number?"

"The people that trained us viewed us as numbers, similar to the social security number. However, if a person from our area was found dead, the identification number would show their identity. If one stole the tags, and used the identification number as a social security number, it would come up invalid."

"So…then the only people who could report you dead, were the people who trained you."

"Yes."

"Why are you giving me this? Isn't it important?"

"Yes. That is why I am giving them to you."

I examined them, his name popped up in the metal, Charon. There's no middle name, no last name, simply Charon. I held them out in front of me, holding the top of the chain.

"Here."

He took them from me. I heard a small snap, and felt his hands at either side of my shoulder. The cold steel grazed my skin, and I heard another small snap. They hung loosely between my breasts, the cold metal making me shudder a bit.

"I like them."

I told him. Wearing them makes me feel a bit more important to him. Looking back at him, I grinned.

"I want my own dog tags, then you can have mine."

Charon looked at me, trying to show emotion on his face, but failing.

"They are simple to make. When we find time, I will make some for you."

"Did you ever need someone to read yours?"

Charon shook his head and took my almost-gone cigarette. He leaned over and crushed both of them on the floor, and laid back down. I sat up, staring at him. He put his hands behind his head, looking at the ceiling.

"It would only have been read if I had died. Unless that happened, we kept them concealed beneath our armor."

"Did you always wear leather?"

"No. I wore what I was ordered to wear. My last employer before the war ordered me to wear it. Over the years, it has changed to fit the environment."

"You've seen a lot, it seems."

"Yes. I have."

"Will you tell me one day?"

Charon reached up and pulled me down onto him. I closed my eyes, feeling his body under my head. My arm wrapped around his torso, and I hugged him. Maybe with all the changes in the world, people will accept people like Nova and me.

"One day, yes. For now, you need to rest."

I closed my eyes, kissing his chest.

"Okay."

He's told me enough for tonight. I've felt enough for one night. As much as I want to keep this feeling, this moment, I know it has to end. I have to go to bed, so then in the morning I'll be well rested. I'll be able to perform better, and help Charon find out something about himself. Sure, it's a wrench in my plans, but finding a home isn't as important as finding out who Charon was.

While I'm trying to fall asleep, I can't help but let myself think. Here I am, in bed, naked with a ghoul. He's my bodyguard, my boyfriend, my voice of reason, and the only person who cares in the world. He's more than just a few numbers and a name to me. I feel his body move up and down really slow, and I know he's asleep. I wonder what tomorrow will be like, if we'll find anything. I wonder where I'll be in the near future, and if everything will turn out okay. It's hard, not knowing, but I guess that's what makes it exciting, too. Charon moved past his barrier of sex, and I didn't see that coming. So I guess not knowing really is fun. The only thing I don't know, that I want to know, is…are my parents proud of me?


	30. Chapter 30

I woke up to the feeling of Charon's kisses against my neck. Without opening my eyes, I wrapped my arms around him. I felt the fabric of his shirt, and frowned.

"You should have just kept it off if you were going to do this…"

I tugged at it, kissing his lips. They felt different, unfamiliar, but I blamed it on my body just waking up. I ran my hands under his shirt, along his back. He pressed harder into me, something he didn't do last night. Usually his kisses were soft, with just a little bit of rough to them. Now it seemed that softness was gone, and I wasn't enjoying it. I moved my hands to his shoulders, and took my mouth away. I tried to slide him off of me.

"Stop it, Charon. You're being weird."

"Shh…"

He hissed, like he didn't even hear me. I tried pushing him off of me, angry now.

"I said _stop it_!"

I opened my eyes and went to throw him off, but what I saw wasn't Charon. It was a ghoul, but it wasn't Charon. I stopped in my tracks, shocked.

"What the fuck?"

I said, and they clasped their hand around my throat, pinning me down.

"You like ghouls…you do I've seen it…"

I stared at this guy, wide-eyed but not terrified. I felt the air pressing from my throat, and looked beside me, no Charon. Where the _fuck_ did he go? Balling my hand into a fist, I punched the ghoul in his face. The grip on my neck loosened, and I shoved him off of me, grabbing the blanket for cover.

"Who the fuck are you? Charon! Charon!"

I screamed, just like I had in Underworld after I saw him kissing Greta. The ghoul toppled over, rubbing his cheek. There was crazy in his eyes, I could see it. My heart pounded, and I reached down for my gun.

"Don't you fucking move or I'll shoot!"

"You like ghouls! I saw! I saw!"

Then it clicked. It all clicked in my head. It was him who Charon and I saw staring at us inside the power station. He's been the one following us since then, him. My gun shook in my hands, and I held the blanket up with my underarms, trying to steady my shaking nerves.

"You've been following me…"

I seethed at him, angry.

"No, no, observing, not following! Observing! You like ghouls, you'll like me!"

I aimed my gun at him, clicking the safety off.

"Don't move I said!"

He held his hands up, showing me he had no weapons.

"Where is Charon?"

I asked him, my racing heart calming a little.

"He left you this morning, he did I saw, before the sun came up. He left you and he dressed and he went outside."

"How…how the hell…you've been _watching_ us?"

"No, no, not watching, _observing_. I observes last night, you love ghouls, you do you like us."

My jaw dropped, and I felt pretty violated. My personal life, my sex life, is _not_ for the world to see. Not him, not the world, only for me and Charon. The ghoul on the bed shook with fear, and damn right he should be! I don't know why I haven't shot him yet, but trying to explain this whole thing to Charon without him seems kind of crazy. I want Charon to see this firsthand, so then I can just skip around all the bullshit.

"When Charon gets back…you're dead guy, you're dead."

"No, no I'm leaving I'll leave now."

I glared. All I have to do is squeeze my trigger.

"If you move, I will shoot you."

"No! No! Please you love us! I'm a ghoul you love me!"

"Oh shut _up_ already!"

"Dez loves ghouls…she does I've seen it. You kiss Charon all the time, you and him have…_sex_. It's been so long, ghoul girls don't have sex…please just a little."

He reached for me, and even though I'm against the wall, I still backed away.

"No!"

I yelled at him. Goddamnit Charon, where are you? Looking out the window, I didn't see him.

"Tell me where Charon went right now or I'll fucking kill you on the spot!"

I stepped towards the cowering ghoul. Having a blanket wrapped around me didn't help, but the last thing I want is for him to see me naked.

"You kissed me! You like me!"

"_No_! Where is Charon?"

Before the ghoul could say anything else, I heard the downstairs door slam. I slick grin spread across my face, and even more fear showed on the ghoul's.

"Oh, now you're really fucked."

"No! No please!"

I didn't pay attention to his pleas. Sucking in a big breath of air, I smirked.

"Charon! Charon get up here!"

I screamed like my life depended on it. Charon's heavy footsteps ran up the stairs, thudding out of rhythm. I listened as he ran down the hall, and opened the door, shotgun in hand. He took one look at me, then one look at the ghoul, and cocked his gun.

"Who are you?"

He demanded. The ghoul hid his head, and Charon stood in front of me, protective as always.

"He's the guy whose been following us! The one you saw at the power station!"

Charon uttered a small growl and advanced towards the ghoul. He cowered on the bed, like a pathetic dog.

"Why have you been following us?"

Charon growled, angry. Well, I'd expect him to be angry.

"No! No she likes ghouls! Don't shoot me!"

"Give me one good reason not to."

The ghoul looked at me, scared, his eyes begging for mercy. I showed none.

"He tried to fuck me."

That was all it took for Charon to squeeze the trigger, and for the ghoul's head to explode against the wall and ceiling. Neither one of us flinched at the sight, we've seen worse. Charon turned around, holstering his gun on his back.

"You let him in here?"

"No! I was sleeping! I thought he was you and didn't open my eyes!"

"How could you mistake him for me?"

"I had my eyes _closed_. He woke me up."

Charon growled, and crossed his arms.

"Don't be mad at me for this one, it's not my fault."

"I know."

Walking past him, I grabbed my pants and slid them on. Pushing the dead body aside, I reached for my shoes. Charon turned around to face me, arms still crossed.

"Did he say why he was following us?"

"No. Just kept going on babbling like a fuckin' loony. He saw us last night."

"How?"

"Dunno, didn't say."

"That means he was here…in this house."

I sighed, pulling on my shoe.

"Don't get angry, he's dead. It's over."

Charon nodded, and sat beside me while I worked on my other foot. The body shifted at our added weight, and I felt it touch me. I don't think it's normal that I can easily brush away a dead body touching me like I can a fly. But I can, so I might as well accept that as something good and not bitch about it. Tying my laces, I stood up, and motioned towards the door.

"Let's go find Jericho."

"Jericho is gone."

I looked at Charon, a bit confused.

"What?"

"I went earlier this morning to speak with him. He was not in the diner."

"Must've went back to Megaton, then. Alright. Citadel."

I let Charon go ahead of me, he had murmured something about Giant Ants and me being a poor headshot. I don't care who goes first, really, I just want to get the hell out of this town. It's creepy, how it's all abandoned and there's nothing but the once-was of civilization. I don't like it. I prefer the desert, where there's nothing for miles. I'm not a city sewer rat, not by a long shot.

Before we left the house, I looked up at the bedroom we had just come from. Something inside of me didn't fit right. It twisted my insides, churning them and making them hurt almost. _You killed him, doesn't it feel good?_ No, Charon killed him. I didn't do anything. _Oh no, oh no…Charon wouldn't have pulled the trigger if you didn't say anything. You knew what you were doing. You killed him._ Charon killed him. It was all Charon's fault. Not mine. Not mine. _Think again girl. Isn't it nice, to be so powerful again? Isn't it wonderful, to kill and show the world you're so much stronger than they could ever want to be?_

The look he had. The ghoul's eyes …they flashed with…crazy. He was crazy, I had every justifiable reason to urge Charon to pull the trigger. He was going to have sex with me, ambushed me when Charon left, followed us for god knows how long. That's how he was able to sneak into Underworld so easily…he's a ghoul. I never thought of it before. He deserved to die.

But there was something…there was. He looked sad, like a child. Like he didn't know any better. The way he spoke and screamed, the way he cowered on the bed. I should have seen it. He was scared, he was stupid. Lame. His mind was probably degraded and on it's way to feral, but he shouldn't have died. He probably didn't know what he was doing…why is this bothering me? Why do I feel so guilty? I've killed people before, urged Charon to kill people, why now does it bring guilt? Looking at the back of Charon's head as we walked, I frowned. _Embrace it, work with it, use it. Kill._

I can't. I can't. The ghoul he…died without a name. _How many people have you killed without knowing their name? It's what makes it fun! You can call them whatever you want_. He was so scared…he shook, I saw him shaking there. He was looking for comfort, he had to have been. _He was looking to get a quick lay and you know that. Stop being difficult and laugh about it. Laugh about the brains and the blood and the way the gun sent shudders up and down your backside._ Laugh? How can I laugh, I just…killed a lame ghoul. A ghoul who didn't know any better and couldn't even formulate sentences. _You've killed children, why do you share such softness with a ghoul_. Because I'm fucking one. Because I almost became one. Because ghouls have been the only nice and kind thing to me out here, and I repay that with murder. If it wasn't for Gob when I first got out here, I wouldn't have been able to go on. I would have killed myself under the pretense no one gave a shit about me. If it wasn't for Charon, I would have died by his own hand. If they hadn't reached deep down inside somewhere, and seen something in me that I didn't, I would have been dead.

I killed him. He's gone. He didn't even have a burial. We just left him there, to rot and decay further. Why isn't Charon as upset over this as I am? _Because he enjoys killing. It's what he's programmed to do, he loves it._ Even his own kind? _You've killed your own kind, what's the difference? Ghoul, human, Super Mutant, they're all the same._ No they're not. No. Super Mutants want to kill me, humans hate me, ghouls are the only kind that are nice to me. And I killed one. I said the words that send Charon into a flurry all the time. I'm sorry, so sorry. I showed no mercy, and now I know what it's like to feel regret. _You're pathetic. Here you stand, Dezbe, stronger than most, resistant to radiation, with abilities normal humans can't comprehend, and yet you deny this? Why?_ Because…because he didn't deserve to die. Because I'm no better than the dirt I'm walking on. Because every one here hates me, and I know why. I understand now. _Since when do you care?_ I don't know…I honestly don't. _Dezbe…what has happened to you? To us? We used to be such close pals…_ I grew up, I guess. I realized the truth about this place, and realized me going around killing everyone doesn't make it better. _So? It was destined to be so. This place is the aftermath of war, you cannot change that. You must survive. You used to love the thrill of killing, the way a gun brought you more pleasure than sex._ No…not anymore.

Charon doesn't speak to me. I don't want to talk, anyways. I can't seem to come to terms with what I did. Sure, the ghoul…was mean, but he was stupid. The way he talked, I can't shake it. It was like he was following me for more than 'observation'. Like he was seeking help and protection. _You didn't protect those kids, so don't act like one ghoul is more meaningful._ I'm not acting. I'm just feeling bad about what I've done. _If you weren't who you are, you wouldn't have gotten Charon, and you wouldn't have lived this long. Only the strongest must survive._

"Charon?"

I asked, sadness filling my eyes. He looked back at me, his shadow blocking the sun.

"Yes?"

"Who am I?"

My voice wavered and quaked. It cracked and moved with emotion.

"You are Dez."

"No…I mean…I don't know."

He stopped walking and let me catch up to him so we could walk side-by-side.

"Is something wrong, Dez?"

I looked up into his milky eyes. They have the same film over them as all the other ghouls. Looking around, I saw decrepit buildings. I saw caravans in the distance, I saw the city in ruins. Everyone's crying, I can hear it. They're crying over this life. There's no tomorrow, it's never promised. It's a mad world, a crazy world. The places are worn out, the faces are old and familiar, they're not going anywhere fast. The world will never be as it was. Everyone's crying, I can feel it. Charon has no expression in his face…why do I feel like this?

I tore my eyes away from the silhouette of the city, tore them away from the sad people and their sad lives. I tore them away from all the pain and suffering in this world, and looked at the only thing that's ever brought me comfort. Charon.

"I…I don't know…"

I tried to imagine Charon sitting at a desk, learning everything he knows. I tried to imagine his life as it was. Somehow, those images merged with my own memories. I saw him sitting in front of me at the vault, in the vault classroom. His back to me, as scrawny little kids. A saw someone walk past me, not my teacher, someone cruel and mean. Someone from Charon's tales of his own world. I felt like I knew him, probably because the memories have merged. His face is worn, and I can't see it. He yells at Charon, and hits him hard in the face. I start to cry, scared, small. The man sounds like my father while he yells at me, scolding me for showing weakness, but I don't stop crying. I look at him, with tears in my eyes. I can't tell him why I'm crying, I can just point to Charon. He hits Charon again, asking if I like it.

Again and again, as if I've been there, seen it. I haven't I'm just imagining it. He tells me to sit and listen, sit and listen like I'm being trained. It's my school, my room in the vault, Amata is across from me. She acts like she doesn't know me. Everyone looks right through me.

"Charon?"

"Yes?"

I hear concern in his voice, I've never heard it so strongly before.

"Never mind."

I look around again. Dirt swirls in the air, picked up by the wind. We walk by Mama Dolce's, the factory standing strong so many years later. The city is ruined, the sun is warm, the trees are dead, and there's no such thing as nature. It's like cancer, it's all dead and there's no chance of it ever coming back alive. The radiation is like cancer. The earth is starved for water, but I've given it water. But I'm not a cure.

"I'm sad."

I say, the worlds coming out without me thinking.

"Why?"

"Because…it's…destroyed. It's all gone. And…I can't fix it. I can't fix what everyone thinks of me, I can't fix…_anything_…"

I look up at him, hoping he'd comfort me. He wraps an arm around my shoulders and pulls me into him, squeezing. I hold back tears, trying to force it all away.

"You have done many things, Dez. You cannot fix it all, but you have given these people a new life. Do not be sad."

"I know…but…I am. And because of you."

"Me?"

"I can't fix how you grew up, and I want to."

Charon sighs, and squeezes me again.

"I do not wish it to be fixed. Had it not been for my upbringing, I would not have survived as long as I have. I would never have met you, and would have perished with everyone else in the Great War."

I flick a stray tear off of my cheek. Charon notices.

"We are traveling to the Citadel now, because you want to. Because you find it important to help me discover things about myself I do not know. That is a trait many people do not possess."

"It's important because you're important."

"Then it makes all the difference in who you are. If you were what these people think of you, you would not care for me. You would not care for anyone, and would not have given them the gift of life by water."

"I guess…"

"One day, you will understand."

"You're talking to me like I'm a kid."

Charon didn't say anything. He just squeezed me a bit tighter and kept walking with me. I've done some pretty bad things, even recently. But it doesn't make me a bad person. It just…is what it is out here I guess. I just wish I didn't feel so crummy. I wish I hadn't killed that ghoul. It really bothered me, that I'd done it. I'm sorry for it, too. There's gotta be something I can do to make up for it. Maybe I can repent by giving some of my spare caps to the Church of Atom. When I find caps, that is. I don't really have any, I haven't been looking or selling my stuff. They worship ghoulification, maybe it can be my own little way of saying sorry.

Charon didn't take his arm from my shoulders while we walked. He let it rest there, and I didn't mind. I could feel his dog tags under my top as we walked, bouncing off of my bare skin. Not sure why, but I like them there. It kind of makes me feel safe, if we got separated. I'd always have something of him with me, so then I'd know I'd find him again one day.

"The Citadel isn't that far from us, is it?"

I asked him, looking up. Charon shook his head, his eyes closing for a second.

"No, it is not."

"I can see it, kind of."

"Yes, as can I."

It's true, you can see it from here. It's this massive building with steel rods all around it. We'd be there very soon, and hell it isn't even noon. It takes what, an hour to get from Grayditch to the Citadel? Yeah, about that, give or take. Charon didn't shift when I put my arm around his waist. He just adjusted his walking so that he was in tune with me.

"Are you nervous?"

I asked him, squeezing his side.

"About what?"

"Finding out about your past."

"To be honest, I am not expecting to find much. It would puzzle me as to why they would keep records of our former lives, when we initially had no families. I have told you before, all of us were orphans."

"Maybe because they wanted to know, in case families came back looking."

"Perhaps, but I do not expect anything."

Least his hopes wouldn't get smashed. That's one real way of looking at it, I guess. Still, I hope there's something in there for him. If he can't hope than I will. People here are too careless, too depressing, I should know, I'm the worst of them. But someone, _someone_ out here has got to hope. If no one does, what was the point of the Purifier? What was the point of my father's death? It would be meaningless. I found myself getting angry at it. I squeezed Charon's side, not really realizing I could be pinching him.

"Dez, you are making me uncomfortable. Stop squeezing."

"Oh, sorry."

I instantly unclasped my fist from his side.

"There is something on your mind."

It wasn't a question, its him knowing.

"Yeah…"

"What is it?"

I sighed, letting the anger submerse itself in the back of my mind.

"People…they don't appreciate what my father did. They walk around out here depressed, acting like they're going to die. They don't see what I've sacrificed so they can live."

"You are just realizing this now?"

"No, I'm just letting it bother me now."

"Don't."

Okay, simple as that I guess. I sighed, dropping the subject altogether. It's pointless for me to be angry about things I can't change. But still, _someone's_ got to appreciate my efforts. Hell I blew up the fuckin' Enclave base. All I'm asking for is some goddamned recognition.

We come to the gates of the Citadel, but Charon had let his arm drop before we even spied a Brotherhood member. I guess he just wanted to keep it a secret. Not likely, when Three Dog reports everything about me. No one gave a second glace to me as Charon and I walked through the gate, and into the center of the Citadel. Sure, some of them glared and whispered, but it was nothing big. I was used to shit like this.

"Where do we need to go?"

I asked him, looking around at all the Brotherhood members who were watching us carefully. I guess it's not every day someone like me can wander in like she owns the damn world. Hell I fucking helped them, they should treat me like a god or some shit. Bastards. All of them. Being here does not bring back any happy memories. Glancing up at Charon as I followed him, I realized his memories of this place must be far worse than I could ever imagine. He didn't answer me, he just kept walking. Mechanically, as if he was on a mission, a mission only he knows about.

When we heard a noise, I saw his body stiffen. When a shadow moved across the ground, he stepped a bit lighter. I noted this, and figured it was because of all the training here. Hell I'd be jumpy too if I had to revisit the place I once considered hell. Oh wait, that's called the Capital Wasteland. My bad.

"In here."

He faced a blocked off door, and I crossed my arms.

"In _where_? It's blocked."

Without hesitation, he wrapped his hands around one of the boards and tore it from the wall.

"No it is not."

Well Charon, I guess you are hopeful about something because no one else would do that. Brotherhood members watched from a distance as Charon tore the boards from the wall, revealing a steel door. One of them came up to us, angry.

"Hey! You can't go in there!"

I glared at him, daring him to challenge me with my eyes.

"Yes I can."

He looked back at me, like I had just broken some secret cardinal rule or some shit.

"Elder Lyons won't like this!"

He yelled before running off in the opposite direction, towards the A Ring. Fuck Lyons. Fuck him and all of his goddamned members of this shithole. He's a worthless piece of shit, if you ask me.

"Can you open the door already?"

I asked Charon, a bit impatient. Lighting a cigarette, I watched as Charon ran his hand over the door, and stopped at the lock.

"Yes."

He said, and pressed down. The door came alive almost. It whirred and buzzed, hissing and clicking. Charon took a step back and waited, while I looked at the door in amazement. Whoever ran this place in the past, really made sure no one could get in, or get out. Charon crossed his arms as the door slid open on either side, the center piece falling into a crack. He stepped forward and I followed him inside.

"Door close."

He said, once he knew I was a few feet away. I was about to ask why he said that, when I heard the door whirring closed behind me.

"Wow. Talk about high-end security."

"Be careful where you step, Dez."

I looked down, and noticed old sensor modules against the walls. There's a slim chance they'd still be working, but Charon wasn't about to take that chance. Hell neither am I. After seeing how that door works, I can only imagine how well-secured everything else in here is.

"How far away are the terminals?"

"The records are kept at the end of this hall. This space was designed specifically for that."

"So there must be some top-secret stuff in here?"

"I suspect, yes."

"Maybe about you."

Charon sighed, and reached behind him to move me to the right a bit, just narrowly missing a sensor eye.

"I was not one they would keep records on, Dez."

"Why?"

"I was not hired to anyone worth recording. Very few of my associates were hired by people of that ranking."

"Like…what do you mean?"

"One of my classmates was eventually hired by Jingwei. That is something that would be stored here."

Whosawhatsa?

"Sorry, who the _fuck_ is Jingwei and why does he have a fucked up name?"

Charon waited until we were in an open room to tell me anything. Fine with me, I didn't want to get distracted by his story and set off one of those old ass sensors. That'd be fucked.

"Jingwei was the commanding general of the Chinese Special Forces in Anchorage, Alaska."

"So…how did one of your classmates get recruited to him? I thought this whole training bit was strictly American."

Charon sighed heavily, crossing his arms. I could tell he didn't want to tell me, but I could also tell he was going to tell me. Curiosity killed the what? Mirelurk? No Radroach, that was it.

"I was up in Anchorage at the time of this…incident. My classmate was also employed with me. Our employers were of same rank, and were positioned in the same barracks. Our paths crossed often, a simple nod here and there, but no communication."

"Why?"

"We were not allowed."

"Oh. Okay, go on."

Charon sighed, opening his eyes. He focused on the floor, staring at nothing, but thinking really hard.

"One night, while I was sleeping in my cot, the Chinese invaded. They hit us from all sides, there was hardly any time to react. They came with Chinese Snipers, Chinese Special Ops, Chinese Soldiers, they were everywhere, surrounding us. It was the first time I realized that we were in the middle of a war, that this was not a game."

Charon talked like he was seeing it happen all over again right in front of his face. I wouldn't doubt that.

"My employer and I grabbed what we could for weapons, and put on our armor as quickly as time allotted, but it was not quick enough. They swarmed the barrack. It is my sole job to protect and serve my employer, my own person is not in such high regard. They would have killed him, had I not intervened."

"What…happened?"

"I grabbed my shotgun, stood in front of my employer and picked them off one by one, as they filed in the tent. Before I could finish, someone, one of _them_ had tossed in a grenade. I was knocked out on impact."

I can't compare, or hold any candle to what Charon's describing. He's telling me about war, real war, history and world changing war. I bitch about following a giant robot into an infested base. To him, this must all be such child's play. I stared at him, anticipating what came next.

"When I came to, my employer and I were in the medical tent. We were being treated for third-degree burns, and severe lacerations of the muscles. It pained me to move, but I stood and checked on my employer. He was safe, and ordered me to rest. I did. It was not long after that when I received the order that changed everything."

He's seen it all. He's been places even my darkest nightmares wouldn't dare go.

"My employer had received a message from our post back in the states. My classmate had been taken as a POW, but the Chinese soon discovered his contract, and was able to manipulate him into telling them all about the training, all about the classes, everything we had ever been though and raised as."

"So…so what did you do?"

Charon didn't take his eyes off the floor. It was like he was stuck in some parallel universe where he can relive that day, where he sees it happening in third person or something.

"I solved the problem. The team gave me an array of weapons, each specific to a certain skill. I was given a Sniper Rifle for a quick, quiet entry, grenades to disarm any tank that may interfere with my objective, a small health dispenser to heal me if I became wounded, and my shotgun, for all other purposes. They sent me in wearing standard winterized armor, white, so that I blended in with the snow. By now, however, Jingwei had taken hold of my classmate, and was arranging a strike team to invade. It was an easy enough entry, I managed past the Chinese bastards like they were nothing. It was the end that was the hard part."

He blinked, but didn't look up at me.

"I had positioned myself on the top of a hill, well hidden by trees and snow. I saw my target, my classmate, through the scope of my Sniper Rifle. I regulated my breathing, took aim in the crosshairs, and hesitated. I hesitated, because he looked right at me, he _knew_ I was there. We stared at one another, a moment of silence where I could hear my own thoughts echoing out into the vastness of the snowy desert. I do not know how long we stared at one another, time standing still. It must have been a while, because I felt the wetness of the snow creeping in through my armor. After what seemed like an eternity, he nodded at me, and I killed him."

Charon blinked again, and looked up at me. I could see in his eyes how he was feeling, and it wasn't anything good. I stepped close to him, wrapping my arms around him, hugging him. He hugged me back, and rested his chin on my head.

"I'm sorry, Charon."

He didn't say anything, but he squeezed me a bit tighter.

"I was able to infiltrate the base and retrieve his contract ad his dog tags. By then, it was too late. Jingwei had found out our plans, our positioning, and our team had to kill him."

"But he's bad…you had to kill him."

"It was not I who killed him, but I was present. We ambushed them that same day, killing everyone on base. It was soon after that, the bombs fell."

I felt like Charon was telling me the history of his life. Which he was, but I mean differently. I felt like I could see it all in my head. I've never seen snow, and I only know what it looks like from pictures. I've never seen what the armor looked like, what Charon had seen, but I felt I was there with him. I felt I was in those old memories, and could see it all happening from a bad bird's eye view. I can only wonder how hard that must have been for him. Not then, he didn't feel anything then, but now…now he must be feeling a lot worse than I've ever felt.

"You did what you had to do, though. It was for the greater good."

He sighed, and kissed the top of my head.

"Yes. You are right. Come, let us finish what we have come here to do."

I buried my face in his chest for a real quick minute. I didn't want to separate from him right now, I felt he needed me. But I felt him pulling away, his arms leaving my body. I can't erase what he's seen, but I can try to comfort him. I can try to…help I guess. Ease the pain in my own way. He looked down at me, and I looked up at him.

"How do you turn the lights on?"

I asked, giving him a small smile. He sighed, and ran his fingers through my hair before he walked over to a wall. I watched as he hit an electrical switch, and the entire room lit up around me. I nearly shit my pants. There was a single terminal, but rows and rows of filing cabinets filled the room. Their labels were worn off and old, but they were there. How many people had they trained? Had all of them died?

"The terminal will not open until I punch in the keypad code. One I begin, do _not_ move, or the turrets will shoot you."

I looked around the room and sure enough, there were turrets. Three on the ceiling, and two in every corner. I shuddered, a tingle going down my spine.

"Okay…"

I said to him, a bit nervous. He walked over to a large digital pad on the far left wall, and looked back at me.

"Do not move, Dez."

"Okay."

I said again, stronger this time. I watched him, my body frozen. How much war had he seen? How much time had he spent in Anchorage and what was it like? I wanted to ask him so many questions, but I know it's not the right time to. Maybe tonight, when we find camp, when we're done here, he'll tell me another story, and I'll feel like I know him a little bit better. I let my eyes scan the room, careful not to move. Whatever is in these filing cabinets and terminal must be very important. I don't know why else they would go to such extremes to keep them safe. I wonder what we're going to find. It's kind of fun, exciting, knowing I might discover some top-secret government plans. Of course they wouldn't matter now, but still.

I heard Charon's fingers against the keys. They made a 'beep boop beep beep' sound, and I found myself memorizing the rhythm. Each key had a different tone, each one let out a different signal. For some reason, I wanted to memorize it. Just in case. In case of what I don't know, but still.

"Alright, you are safe."

I sighed and stretched. It was a grueling two minutes of standing still, and I don't want to do that again. Charon walked over to me, seemingly distracted. I tried not to make eye-contact with him. Seeing him like this is strange, I don't like it. He's supposed to protect me, not the other way around.

"Let's get to this before the Brotherhood have a fit we're here, let alone in this room."

I went to open a filing cabinet, but it wouldn't open. Hell the damn think wouldn't even _budge_. I fought with it, fucking with the handle.

"They are locked through the terminal. There is a system of wires that connects to them below the floor."

I grinned, cracking my knucles.

"Well let's unlock them."

Seating myself in front of the terminal, I powered it on. It made a hissing sound, and I was afraid it might blow up like some of them did. Thankfully it didn't. It whirred to life, hissing and making the normal terminal sounds.

"You will have four chances before you are locked out indefinitely."

I looked at Charon standing behind me.

"You're underestimating me. I'm the daughter of a doctor, a scientist. A computer is shit to me."

"I did not know science fell under 'terminal hacking' qualities."

I sighed, looking at the green letters, symbols, and words that presented themselves on the screen in front of me.

"When you live in a world where everything is run by computers, your best bet is to know how to overpower them."

"I take it there were many mishaps with you as a child."

"Yup. I fucked with our Mr. Handy robot Andy when I was six. The Overseer did _not_ like that."

"What did you program him to do?"

"Sing 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star' to everyone who walked by and follow them until the song was done."

I smiled, remembering that incident. I heard Charon light a cigarette, and he handed it to me. I guess he figured I was under stress. There's tons of words to choose from, and with only four chances the odds are against me. But, he doesn't know how smart with these things I actually am. A few keystrokes and a couple of selections later, the familiar ping of the terminal unlocking echoed in the silent room. I grinned, leaning back in my chair.

"This deserves a congratulatory drink, don't you think?"

I looked at Charon, grinning. Sure, I hadn't expected him to be smiling back or doing a dance of joy but I wasn't expecting him to look _angry_. Or at least determined.

"Not now."

I shrugged, holding my cigarette in my teeth, I went through the terminal files.

"Unlocking now."

I said, and hit a key. Instantly, the sound of rusty locks unlocking echoed from the cabinets. It sounded like some sort of orchestrated…symphony almost. It's so quiet down here though, you can hear a shell casing drop and think it's another end of the world bomb. I shuddered. I don't like quiet too often.

"Why don't you figure out the files in the cabinets, and I'll fuck with the ones on here?"

Charon nodded at me, and went towards the rows. He opened a single drawer, glanced in, and then closed it.

"They are in numerical order. I must find my number."

He must be talking about that ten-digit identification number on his dog tags. I sighed, looking back at the terminal in front of me. Dropping some ash off of the tip of my cigarette, I began accessing the files. Numbers and names flowed on the screen in no particular order, and I groaned. I'm not sifting through all this shit. Hitting a few more key codes, I typed in Charon's name and waited. The terminal seemed frozen at first, but I didn't want to risk hitting the side of it. I could hear Charon opening and closing drawers behind me, but I didn't bother to look.

After a few minutes of waiting, the terminal clicked. The entire screen went black, and then a few seconds later four pictures came up on the screen. Below was a bunch of information, but I wasn't paying attention to that. I was staring at the pictures, awestruck. It was Charon. Charon as a baby, Charon at the age of five, Charon at the end of his training, and a side shot of him. God_damn_. The pictures aren't in color, it's a green and black type computer thing, but it was impressive. His hair was short, buzzed like a military sergeant. He wore his dog tags, and a tight-fitting black tank top. Military pants and combat boots, along with a rifle, adorned his body. He looked at the camera with all seriousness, with no emotion in his eyes, nothing. He was damn good-looking, and I think that's a slight understatement. I glanced back at him really quick, he wasn't looking, his back was to me. Feeling like a sneaky dog, I hooked my Pip-Boy up to the terminal and downloaded the pictures into my 'notes' section. He had no teeth in his baby picture, the front two gone. He was slightly smiling, but not. He looked at the camera, still having that childish innocence in his eyes. No one has that look now, and I want to keep it.

My Pip-Boy made a loud bleep to signify the files were done.

"What was that?"

Charon called, and I tore the wires connecting the terminal to my Pip-Boy. I don't want him to know yet.

"Nothing. Just uh…the computer doing stuff."

"Have you found anything?"

"I'll tell you when I do."

I don't want him to know yet. I want to look for myself, first. Scrolling down, I began reading.

_ID Number: 0001284936_

_Subject 'Name': Charon_

_Reference: Ferryman of the dead in Greek Mythology/Largest moon of said 'planet' Pluto_

_Date of Birth: February 3, 2054_

_Birth Name: Morten Fossum_

_Race: Caucasian/Norwegian_

_Status of Birth Family: Living_

_Subject 0001284936 was brought to MTF at the age of one year. 0001284936 successfully passed all fields of medical required for children of his age. Birth certificate was destroyed upon adoption. Further medical testing is required before full admittance is possible. Child is compliant, and listens well for the age of one year. 0001284936 is able to distinguish between colors and certain words if matched with pictures. Further education is also required._

_ After exceeding in all fields, subject 0001284936 was given special permission to being training in lethal combat. 0001284936 was able to complete said training, however there was an issue. 0001284936 had been 'thinking' of how he came to be. Questions resulted in the strictest form of punishment, but only after losing three of our trained men, and after 0001284936 sent two others to critical care. It is noted that 0001284936 be approached with extreme caution henceforth. His ability to blend in and mask with his surroundings is unmatched, he is by far the best marksmen in the facility and seems to take orders well, adapting into the environment. Surely we have made no mistake in allowing him to train alongside the best soldiers we have to offer._

_ 0001284936 relapsed. A physician came to do a routine physical after 0001284936 experienced pain during simulated combat. 0001284936 dismembered said physician and when asked why he did so, he simply replied 'Because he was a dirty bastard'. Further investigation proved said physician was attempting to gain information to 'free' our 'captives'. 0001284936 was awarded with a specialized Combat Drum Shotgun in compensation for his actions._

_ Family of 0001284936 has returned to the orphanage requesting information on 0001284936. The 'adoptive family' has refused to allow contact. Subject 0001284936 is of sixteen years of age, and is learning quickly of things called 'morals'. His first supervised mission outside of Pentagon Training Facilities was to kill all existing members of his 'family'. He did so, to quite an amazing and stealthy extent, but is not aware of the true identities of the marked people. His order was to 'kill quickly and efficiently'. No reason was given on the targets, 0001284936 did not ask or argue. We do not expect issues to arise from this again._

_ 0001284936 completed all training today. His contract has been sent out; information regarding his first employer is not disclosed. He is now twenty-two and has been in present in all of our training classes since the age of five. His abilities and accomplishments in his training are unmatched so far, and we fear he may be too well-trained. We have issued him to a strong employer, in hopes they will be able to control him in ways we have failed. His deployment to Anchorage will help American forces, yet I am fearful. I fear subject 0001284936 now named 'Charon' is far too intelligent and far too strong to be held down long. It is our hopes he complies, and does not discover his true purpose._

Wow. I leaned back in the chair, and dropped my now-gone cigarette to the steel floor. Charon…is more dangerous than I thought. He didn't tell me an of this, I mean sure this is useless babble but _fuck_. They had him kill his own family? His own mother? Father? I can't let him know that, but how can I hide it? Even more terrifying is that the very people who trained him are scared of him. Charon…who are you?

"I have found my file."

I spun the chair around, my eyes wide. Charon held an old, yellowed folder in his hand, looking at me. I have to read it first.

"I found your thing on the computer. Here come read it, give me that."

He didn't object. He walked over and handed the file to me and sat down in the chair. I lit another cigarette, and fingered the file in my hand. Charon was staring at the screen, carefully reading. Half of me wanted to break it, so then he'd never know, but I didn't. I knew he had to find out, I just didn't want him to know about his family. Shit. Shaking my head, opened the file and set it in front of me, my eyes scanning over the pages. At first it was just some medical records, useless pieces of information, really. I kept flipping through, until I found a document.

_Subject 0001284936 has excelled so in all courses so quickly we have deemed him as a weapon, no longer human status. If all goes well, we plan to have him deployed to China at first chance to help with the war that rages on. 0001284936 is not of typical human standards, he seems smarter than most. Records of his genes and family tree shows he is descended from highly intelligent Norwegian immigrants who have recently arrived in America. They could no keep subject 0001284936 and gain citizenship, and agreed adoption the best method. His background is exquisite, to say the least. Intelligence and military rankings are scattered throughout his history. We do not know the extent of subject 0001284936 abilities, but we do know we are dealing with someone very, very dangerous. Mental stability is above normal, showing that even under dire circumstances and times of severe stress, 0001284936 is able to keep calm and maintain his prime objective. Further testing is needed._

_ 0001284936 will be codename 'Charon' and upon arrival in China will be used to ferry American soldiers in POW positions back to safety. He will be the first and only mercenary from our training to be released on non-American soil. It will be a reconnaissance mission, but one we hope will put such fear in the Reds that they will secede from our soil, and end this war. 'Charon' 0001284936 will then be kept in a highly secured facility, becoming a 'hitman' per say for those enemies of America. His skills as a marksmen far exceed anything we have ever recorded, and his ability to learn and know the human body is amazing. He killed two men in two, well-aimed hits. We have never seen someone move so quickly before, these men had guns, armed weapons and the newest armor available by US Military. His main objective is to serve the US Government in any times called upon. We disclose this to the buyer of his contract, and they understand we can take back what is rightfully ours at any given moment. We do not encourage them to treat 0001284936 as a person, we must maintain strict control over his mind. Someone of his statures free in this world is not something we can imagine as 'good'._

Charon's a deadly ass, motherfucking weapon. That's it. He can kill like it's nothing, and I just thought what I've seen while with him was impressive. What these files talk about is someone who…is so good at what they're at they're considered a weapon, not a human. Hell it says it right there, too. His hands have seen the blood of so many people…I wonder how this is all going to sink in for him.

Looking over at him, I inhaled my cigarette, shaking inside. Now that I know how…_strong_ he is, I'm scared of him. He's never hurt me, he never will, but still. I can see he's pissed at what he's reading. I pick up the files, putting them back in the folder. Standing up I walk over to the desk and drop it on his lap.

"There's nothing in there that isn't on the computer. But read it anyways."

I cross my arms, mentally preparing myself for his outburst.

"I have finished reading."

That's it? No emotion? No remorse?

"And…?"

He sighed and lit a cigarette for himself.

"I am too angry to express with words."

Calmly, he stood up. I watched him, taking a step back. In one fluid motion, with the cigarette resting between his lips, his hands wrapped around the terminal. He pulled it up from it's secured place on the desk, and hurled it angrily at the wall. It made contact, bursting into a million pieces, and I covered my eyes. Last thing I want is glass in the face. He seethed, breathing heavy, and took out more anger on the desk in front of him. He kicked it over, smashing it with his foot and stomping the old wood to splinters.

"Charon!"

I yelled, backing away from him. He stopped beating on the desk, and went over to knock down an entire row of filing cabinets. Drawers and papers spilled open, flying everywhere. I stood, watching him, a bit too scared to move. It was like he didn't even hear me, like it didn't register. I watched as he tore drawers from their casings, and tossed them in all directions. I had to duck as one flew right at me, and bounced off of the wall. He didn't care what he was doing, or if it hurt me, he just wanted to let it out.

"Charon stop it right now!"

I screamed, ducking as folders flew at me. Papers floated everywhere, like snow. They fluttered to the ground, and I saw a red blinking light out of the corner of my eye. Turning, I saw the keypad Charon had fucked with earlier glowing and blinking an angry red.

"Charon…Charon the thingy turned red…Charon…"

I froze on the spot, staring at the red keypad. It was like I was staring down my mortal enemy, looking them right in the face. God knows what this meant, but Charon didn't stop from his fit of rage. I heard more bangs and crashes as he continued on, but my eyes stayed focused on the keypad. He's lost his fucking mind. He really has. I heard something turn on, like the startup of some machine. Charon still hadn't stopped throwing a fit, I heard his angry growls loud and clear. But right now I wished he did stop, I have no idea what is going on, or what that sound is, or even what the red light meant. All I know is red usually means bad, or danger, or 'get the fuck out right now'.

Slowly, I brought my gun off of my back. Charon heard me loading another clip in, and it seemed that small click is what caused him to stop. We stood, silent, listening to the noises of the room.

"Do not move."

He said, and I glanced over at him. I saw him slowly, very slowly, take out his shotgun. He didn't cock it. I felt like I was staring down a Vicious Dog, waiting to see who'd make the first move and pounce. I noticed he had blood on his hands, the hands I had bandaged the night before. Blood on his face, god knows how it got there. When I saw it, I felt something rise up inside me. Like a mother who sees her child hurt, almost. I turned towards him, taking a step.

"Charon…you're bleeding."

"Dez! Don't move!"

The second my foot hit the floor, Charon's face fell. He transformed, and become something I didn't recognize. He cocked his shotgun while he jumped over the knocked down cabinets towards me. I stared at him, confused.

"You're _bleeding_."

I wanted to take care of him, wipe off the blood and make it all okay. It's all my fault we're here. Why did I have to make such a big deal about it? Why? Now he knows his family is dead, he knows. He knows he's the one who killed them. But it doesn't seem like that matters to him right now. He grabs my arm, and pulls me down to the floor. I fall down, my face almost smashing against the steel. Charon wraps his body over mine, like he's this big safety net that's going to protect me from everything bad. I hear him fire off his shotgun, and then it all hits me.

Bullets bounce off the floor, ricocheting off the walls. I feel one graze my arm and I aim for a turret facing me.

"Plasma grenades!"

Charon screams, and I squeeze my trigger, taking out the hub.

"I don't have any!"

I hear him fire off his shotgun at random areas, different directions.

"Keep your head down!"

"My gun jammed!"

True, my gun did jam. It's an old piece of shit, but hell it's been working this good for so long. I can't reach into my pack to get my other guns out, Charon's blocking me. My gun breaks, in two pieces, and I drop it. It's useless.

"Down! Get _down_!"

Charon presses his hand on my back, near my neck, forcing my body down. I cover my head with my arms and feel my body tense up. I hear one of the turrets break down, fizzing and hissing angrily. I let out a scream of anger and pain as I felt a bullet find it's way into my arm.

"Shit!"

I heard Charon yell, as bullets sprayed down on us. I picked my head up, and saw he was angrily shooting, blood coming from under his armor, his skin exposed through the holes. He turned to shoot the turret I almost got, finishing it off.

"Dez! What are you doing? Stay down!"

I didn't listen. I felt scared, horrified, terrified. Three turrets kept shooting at us, and I could hear the bullets hitting the steel around us. I looked at him, knowing what he already knew.


	31. Chapter 31

_I know the ending sucks, but I didn't want to give too much away. There's a last part of this, but it would be to long to include in this single story, so I'm making a third and last installment. There's probably some grammar/spelling errors and I'll have to re-read it to edit but until then, sorry :(. Hope you like it still.

* * *

_

(Gob)

I heard it on the radio. Nova and I were sitting in Carol's Place, talking about our time in Megaton. She's really happy to have me back, and damn near cried when she met Nova and saw she was pregnant. Cried when she found out the kid was mine, too. Damn near broke my heart I was so fuckin' happy. Dez dropped us off and we've been here a couple of weeks, Dr. Barrows says Nova's gonna be givin' birth in the next few months. A healthy baby boy. A boy, can you believe that shit? A baby boy and a damn good woman, what more could a ghoul ask for?

But I wasn't able to rejoice like I wanted. We were planning what Carol described as a 'baby shower'. I have no idea what the fuck that woman's talking about, but Nova does, so I let them sit and talk it out. I walked over to the radio to hear what Three Dog was reporting on Dez. It's been a few days since he's said much of anything, and I'm curious.

"Wastelanders…Three Dog's got some news on 101. Her and that ghoul friend broke into the Citadel…it looks pretty bleak. My sources tell me they gained access to an old, blocked off room. God knows what they were looking for, the room was trashed. By the time the Brotherhood Knights were able to get in, there was…horror and mayhem kiddies."

It's been a bit since then. Not sure how long, really. Nova took what happened real hard and has been locked up in our small room for a while now, I can hear her crying. She won't let me in. Carol is pretty upset, too. I'm upset, but I have to be strong for them. Three Dog didn't give much detail, so I ended up going out and off to the Washington Memorial, they told me what Three Dog didn't.

Apparently Charon and Dez went into the room looking for information. They have no idea for what or why, but somehow they set off the security system. They didn't tell me anything much after that, simply they took care of the 'ghoul' and Dez. I ain't never seen nobody guard something so strongly, like they did that damn story. It was like a fuckin' war just tryna get them to speak to me about it. I walked away from them, with nothing good to report home to.

All I know, is that whatever happened in there wasn't an 'accident'. I know Charon, and I know Dez. They don't have 'accidents' like that. The Brotherhood is keeping shit from me, and they ain't about to sell it out for a handful of caps let me tell you. Still, I wish I knew what the fuck was going on. Nova's crying, Carol's crying, and I can't do a damn thing about it. I owe my life to that kid, I owe everything to that kid, and I can't even find out where she is or if she's okay. I feel pretty fuckin' useless right now, let me tell you.


End file.
